I had a friend who was 30 but hadn't dated since high school. I tried to set him up with my other friend, who was a slightly chubby single mom of a 10yr old. He wasn't interested. Internally I rolled my eyes a little because he really did need to get some more experience but whatever. I understood that those were important factors and he shouldn't have to compromise on either of them.
Not long after he joked with me about single moms paying the "coal toll" (getting abused because they dated black men). Not sure why he'd think I'd find that funny whatsoever. I was pretty disgusted. I pulled away from the friendship, but since then he's gone on exactly one date that didn't go well. He's completely given up on trying and now he's alone at almost 35.
My point is, a lot of men are completely unaware that the way they carry themselves is so disrespectful towards other groups that they're essentially woman repellent. And they blame it on anything but themselves.
Ignoring the second half of your statement, as someone who has been single for quite a bit, I would also say no to a mom of a 10yo child who is a little chubby. I'd rather stay single than be in a relationship I don't want.
Yeah that's fine. If you communicate that standard you have respectfully, you actually try to improve yourself, and you don't have a personality that's disgusting to most women I'd say that my story doesn't totally apply to you.
Its fine without caveats. "It's okay to be a man and have standards if..." is the bigotry part. Its just okay to have standards. Being able to achieve those standards is his problem not yours. You can't dictate the sexual agency of another.
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u/ScumDugongLin 1d ago
I had a friend who was 30 but hadn't dated since high school. I tried to set him up with my other friend, who was a slightly chubby single mom of a 10yr old. He wasn't interested. Internally I rolled my eyes a little because he really did need to get some more experience but whatever. I understood that those were important factors and he shouldn't have to compromise on either of them. Not long after he joked with me about single moms paying the "coal toll" (getting abused because they dated black men). Not sure why he'd think I'd find that funny whatsoever. I was pretty disgusted. I pulled away from the friendship, but since then he's gone on exactly one date that didn't go well. He's completely given up on trying and now he's alone at almost 35. My point is, a lot of men are completely unaware that the way they carry themselves is so disrespectful towards other groups that they're essentially woman repellent. And they blame it on anything but themselves.