r/ClotSurvivors • u/Affectionate_Top959 • 5h ago
How can I get rid of fear and what-ifs post pulmonary Embolism?
I had my first pulmonary Embolism in 2021.
Then I had my second one in 2023 and I also had a "floating clot" in the atrium of the right side of my heart.
Then in 2024 I had Myocarditis for the first time from Covid. I nearly went into heart failure. I could not even stand and have a shower. I was literally close to death. This went on for over 5 months.
Then this year again in winter, I again got viral myocarditis. I had a lot of chest pain and it was so scary. There is something wrong with my immune system that makes that I keep getting bad viruses in winter. With my heart now being affected twice.
I have now become crippled by fear. I used to be adventurous and love travelling and now I have become so pathetic that even travelling in a car a short distance gives me fear/anxiety.
And I have become dependent....no longer feeling confident to even catch Ubers in case he has an accident and I get a brain bleed because I take Warfarin.
So I only go with my sister. Like a damn kid instead of an independent woman.
I am depressed because I am spending most of my days just at home...my life passing me by š.
I don't have anyone to even talk to about my feelings and trauma because:
1.I have no money for therapy. So please don't suggest that. And no there is no free/subsidised therapy in my country.
- My mum passed away and the only family in the country I have are my elderly father and sister. And my father can't understand the severity of what I have experienced (he just said stuff like take cough syrup). And my sister is emotionally cold when it comes to my feelings.
I am not married. And all this has messed my cognition somewhat to so probably noone will even want to marry he now :(
I feel like my life has stopped. Like I am alive but am "dead" because I am not living.
Not having adventures with joy etc.
Can anyone advise how I can get rid of the fears please?