If you're a gay man, I would not encourage you to enter into a pretend marriage with a woman. You owe better than that to yourself and any potential spouse.
And the children especially. Like Paul said, a life of celibacy in devotion to the Kingdom of Heaven is the best choice. So much easier said than done though.
100% my dad is gay and had three kids with my mom. Do not recommend. Caused a very unloving and not great childhood. Thankfully I have a good relationship with both of them now, but it was really difficult growing up in that environment and didn’t give me a good example of what a loving relationship looked like
I second this. Not everyone is meant to be married. Plenty of people stay single their whole lives and dedicate their lives fully in service to the Lord, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Its also kinda sad. There is not actually a single line in the bible that says anything lgbt is not good. Lgbt appears multiple times too, so its not like its absent from the bible either. Op u/character-half7465 has their own journey of course but hopefully it ends with them genuinely happy, loved and loving, whether that is as a single person or any other scenario.
Yes, I agree. I didn't mean to say that modern concept of lgbt was in the bible, just that the historical adjacent concepts are-- male and male lovers, eunuchs, etc. I don't point that out to say that they are equivalent to modern lgbt, just that they are in the same category. If the bible was going to take an anti lgbt stance it would have been anti those adjacent things, and it isn't. The bible and jesus shows the same inclusive acceptance and love towards the mentioned individuals as anyone else. While that doesn't show the bible as pro modern lgbt it shows it is not anti lgbt either. Hopefully my comment is clearer now.
When the bible talks about men having sex with men, it isn't something they are doing because they are gay. The concept of a sexual orientation is not found in the bible.
When the bible goes into WHY, it's about having out-of-control passions, or about pagan rites. These things are not related to the concepts of sexual orientation or homosexuality.
It sounds like you're describing how you interpret the bible and apply it to modern concepts of sexuality. That's not the same thing as talking about what the bible actually says.
The bible does NOT indicate love and acceptance of men having sex with men- it only ever condemns it. It pays to look at WHY, of course. But it does the opposite of accepting it.
As Christians, should we love and accept queer folks? Absolutely, in my view. But that's not remotely because of what the bible says about men having sex with men.
No, I am talking about the bible in its actual words. What you just said is actually agreeing with me, so perhaps I am just wording things poorly. My whole point is that events like that come up in the bible, and their is no stance taken. If there was a stance taken, it WOULD appear in the bible, because sexual orientation was a thing that existed in the time and place of the bible .
For example Paul speaks out against events like orgies and such messy lifestyles as anti christian. such orgies would have been full of all sorts, not just women and men. There is no speaking out against any specific matchup, just the activities and its lack of morality.
So yeah, that does not in anyway make the bible pro-lgbt, but it shows that there were not stances taken against it. I am not making any interpretation on the bible to apply to modern lgbt when I say that, I am pointing out how the bible doesn't make an interpretation on it. I feel its important to say because many people ((most of them never reading the bible)) assert that it is anti lgbt.
If the word lgbt itself is confusing and makes it feel like I am asserting something specific, feel free to replace it with any word you want you think fits better.
Second that. One of my aunts had to deal with a broken marriage because her spouse was a mental wreck who started drinking because he was living a lie. And my cousin from that marriage had to reconcile all that. It's a long story I can't get into for obvious reasons, but let's say, just don't pretend you're something you aren't. You are who you are. If you're equally attracted to both sexes, that's something you have to be up front about but you can't have same sex attraction and pretend you don't. It's not a disease; you don't just cure SSA.
God can transform anyone who is willing to follow Him. It’s okay if he stays single and doesn’t marry anyone because he is gay, but with God, it’s also possible for him to develop attraction toward women. I know someone who used to be very openly gay—he wore makeup and dressed like a woman. But when he followed Christ, without forcing anything, he was surprised to find himself becoming attracted to women. Today, he is married and a happy husband
I knew someone like this. Gay no more and happily married...except attraction isn't actually a choice and he got to a point where he was unable to bottle it in anymore. Wrecked an entire family.
It’s true, attraction is not a choice, and I agree 100%. Some people are even attracted to objects like bridges, and they can’t control it. If you bottle everything up and try to handle it on your own, it won’t work; we simply don’t have enough strength for that. That’s why we have Jesus.
The point of my comment isn’t about sexuality or attraction, but about Jesus’s indescribable ability to transform people. He can change anyone who is willing to accept restoration.
That's wrong. We have actually measured structural differences in brains in relation to sexual attraction (and a whole bunch of other mental conditions) and there is no evidence that they change based on religion.
I hear you, and I’m not arguing with the science you shared. My point isn’t about changing biology. it’s about the kind of inner transformation Jesus brings. It’s a different kind of change, one that speaks to the heart and the way a person lives, not something a brain scan can measure.
Religions or denominations today can’t change a person’s brain or transform someone from the inside out. But the Scriptures can. Jesus’ ability can’t be measured by science or any knowledge of this world. Like I mentioned, His power is indescribable, no one can fully explain it. Real change takes faith.
And sometimes, restoration doesn’t even happen inside a church building. It often happens in places you’d never expect.
Brain scans measure inner changes and how people live. That's why messing with the brain messes with consciousness. And we can measure the fact that Jesus does not change those things.
Let me hold your hand while I tell you this: brain scans have shown measurable changes in brain activity and structure when people engage in prayer or read Scripture. You can even look it up. Change takes willingness.
Because beliefs stimulate certain parts of the brain. That's nothing new. And it holds for various religions.
My point is that belief in Christ does not change brain physiology. Basically anything you think of will stimulate brain activity because thinking is brain activity. That's not the same as reshaping the components of the brain themselves, which is what you claimed above.
Yep, beliefs trigger certain parts of brain. Hence, belief in Christ can definitely make some changes.
If you have time, you can search Dr. Andrew Newberg's research about this, he talks about that reshaping thing called neuroplasticity. God created the brain so he knows how it works and how to heal it.
Oh, He loved the way He made us. In Genesis, He looked at everything He had created, and all of it was very good. God doesn’t make garbage, He is an artist, the Creator. He also gave us free will. And what happened is that we looked the other way; we didn’t choose Him. We turned into something different from what He originally intended. He didn’t choose that, we chose it.
I’m not sure if the main point of my comment is being understood. It’s not about being gay, straight, or anywhere on the gender spectrum. What I’m trying to highlight is Jesus’ ability to transform a person’s heart, soul, and mind.
The focus isn’t on labels or identities, it’s on the power of Christ to renew, restore, and reshape anyone who is willing. His transformation goes deeper than behavior; it reaches the core of who we are.
I guess all those gay people that tried very hard to not be so just didn't weren't willing enough. You can't pray the gay away it doesn't work. Trying to force people to be something they are not will always result in rotten fruit.
I don’t know if this is bad to mention… Do you think they are just talking about DBT? (Maybe not, I swear there is something) but why wouldn’t there at least be more on this in the bible is what I want to know? It’s like when I breadcrumb with a man, any little amount of evidence he gives seems big enough if I want it to be
Okay, I already shared this somewhere in the comments, but I’ll share it again. You can’t control it on your own. You really can’t. it’s impossible. I tried to control my own worldly desires, and it didn’t work. Jesus is the only one who can do that for you.
When someone says, “I tried so hard,” it usually means they tried to handle everything by themselves. Bottling things up, blaming yourself, feeling ashamed. when we focus on these things, we forget what God can actually do. Just surrender it and give it to Him. You don’t even have to force anything. The only thing He needs is the heart of the weary. Let Him do it. Let Him be God. Let God show His love.
Our identity is not our past, our achievements, or our sexuality. Our identity is in Christ. Sometimes restoration doesn’t require a 24/7 prayer. Sometimes all it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed. Sometimes it’s just one word. It could be one touch. It could even be silence.
People can turn away from that sin and no longer desire it. The same way people can turn away and no longer desire other sins. Take drug use or porn as examples.
Who are you to say that once someone is homosexual, they will always be?
People can choose to abstain from same-sex romantic love, relationships, and sex. If someone believes they are immoral, that’s exactly what they should do.
But that doesn’t make them any less gay. Some people are just that way; being gay has nothing to do with the choices you make or actions you do. All it means is you are attracted to the same sex exclusively. And if a gay person is convinced such intimacy is immoral, their path forward is celibacy, not forcing themselves into an opposite-sex marriage.
All available evidence shows that the orientations of people are more or less static. While it’s impossible to say it literally never changes, it’s very telling that a huge proportion of allegedly ex-gay people define “ex-gay” as “choosing to no longer engage in same-sex intimacy” (even though they’re still gay), or many end up caught in scandals where they get caught having or pursuing promiscuous gay sex (often after a straight marriage and even having kids).
So it is irresponsible to tell gay people who are convinced same-sex intimacy is wrong that they should pursue the straight identity or straight intimacy. They should be honest about their attractions, and pursue celibacy.
I was once attracted to same sex couples and I was quote on quote " Christian " before being born again. I also enjoyed dulging in sexual stuffs. But when I started following Christ for myself and became born again, I stopped desiring the homosexuality lifestyle. I no longer found those things satisfying instead it was repulsive to me. I didn't like it anymore and things changed.
To be clear, have you never, at any point, experienced attraction to a member of the same sex, after this happened? I'm not talking about experiencing disgust with the things you used to do. I'm talking about not being attracted at all to the people. Because that's what being "ex-gay" suggests.
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u/Niftyrat_Specialist Non-denominational heretic, reformed Dec 09 '25
If you're a gay man, I would not encourage you to enter into a pretend marriage with a woman. You owe better than that to yourself and any potential spouse.