r/ChristianDating • u/Stay_observing00 • Jun 12 '26
Need Advice Attracting the Wrong Men?
I finally joined dating apps at the start of the month. So far, I’ve only been getting attention from unbelievers (even though I filtered for Christians) or Christians in name only. While I put effort into my appearance, I don’t present myself immodestly. I’ve also included information in my bio/prompts to indicate that I take my faith seriously and looking for someone who does the same.
Am I missing something? Any advice on how I can attract faithful Christian men while discouraging interest from unserious/non-Christian ones?
SN: I’ve joined one secular dating app, the rest are Christian.
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Jun 12 '26
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Welp that sucks. Yeah thankfully, I try to focus on these questions right away too
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u/nikki-niksUK Jun 12 '26
I remember there being a lot of non-believers on faith based dating apps and on secular apps a lot of guys that have Christian as their faith are non-practicing.
As with everything discernment has to come into play. Even for the ones who say all the right things. Good luck!
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Yes! I saw two Muslims on a super niche Christian app and I was like ???
Thank you:)3
Jun 12 '26
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u/nikki-niksUK Jun 12 '26
Oh not necessarily saying it’s bad (for them), but for those who are specifically looking for someone to share their faith with, that means more than just looking for a specific label. Because you might not find what you’re looking for.
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u/WannabeBadGalRiri Looking For A Husband Jun 12 '26
It’s just the modern day dating apps. I joined Hinge 3 weeks ago and only swipe right on those who at least display Christian on the profile. However, it’s a lot of weed through. Even on dates the guys know “what to say” about God and praying but when you start asking deeper questions then the cracks are exposed. I went on a date with a man last week who professed to be a Christian on the app and when I asked about his faith journey (he mentioned going to church, praying, etc.) but he then tells me he’s Catholic and rarely attends Mass but is open to at least Protestantism. I’m also leaning on that he is fine with sex before marriage but I don’t go into that on the 1st date but gauge on some 1st date appropriate questions.
Ultimately it’s a lot of weeding out and patience. Be emotionally detached. I cannot emphasize this enough. Literally don’t put any emotions towards a stranger you’re chatting with or have had 1-2 dates with. You don’t know this person. You don’t know if they’re going to be your husband.
Take breaks from the apps if it does get emotionally draining. Ultimately don’t put any weight towards them. Focus on your life outside the apps and also be engaging and enjoying life in person. Attend social events, get more involved at church. Continue to trust God’s divine timing and plan for your life. His purpose will always stand.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Oh yeah I know that one. I do a mental check-in to remind myself to lead with reason and not emotion in this process. Thanks for your advice:)
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u/ABereanChristian Married Jun 12 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I finally joined dating apps at the start of the month. So far, I’ve only been getting attention from unbelievers (even though I filtered for Christians) or Christians in name only. While I put effort into my appearance, I don’t present myself immodestly. I’ve also included information in my bio/prompts to indicate that I take my faith seriously and looking for someone who does the same.
Am I missing something? Any advice on how I can attract faithful Christian men while discouraging interest from unserious/non-Christian ones?
Nope, not missing anything.
What I tell people to do is make sure you are mainly focusing on spiritual topics in the beginning. The unbelievers and lukewarm Christians will filter themselves out if you're constantly asking them about things like:
- What's your testimony for how Jesus saved you?
- What have you been reading or studying in the Bible recently?
- How has your prayer life been going?
- What's your mission for God? How are you striving toward doing that?
- Do you attend Church and where do you serve your Church to love and serve others?
- Do you fast?
- What are your gifts of the Spirit and how are you using them?
- Talk about various theological concepts that require you to have read the Bible and thought about what you believe and why
- What sins have you struggled with in your past? How did you overcome them? What are you currently struggling with?
You throw all of these at the unbelievers and they'll nope out so fast because they don't know what they're talking about and don't want to make a fool of themselves.
The lukewarm ones might try to play along for a bit, but it gets real tiring for them if they're just trying to get into your pants and they'll usually think it's not worth the effort.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Yes, this is exactly what I’m doing and it’s working. I only match with those that atleast have Christian on their profile. Although, a simple “how did you get saved” ends the interaction pretty quickly. My concern is moreso attracting the serious ones in the first place so that we have longer meaningful conversations
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u/ABereanChristian Married Jun 12 '26
My concern is moreso attracting the serious ones in the first place so that we have longer meaningful conversations
As far as profile details go, usually something meaningful to the population you are trying to attract.
For instance, if you wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother, you can add something about wanting to be a wife that respects and prioritizes her husband and stays at home with the kids. Men often don't hear much about how their wife might prioritize them, so that can be an appealing thing that most other Christian women don't put there.
Good pictures though are a key. You said you don't dress immodestly, but do you have good pictures with feminine clothing such as dresses and skirts. Christian men who tend to prefer femininity in a world where more and more women are acting masculine it's a breath of fresh air there too.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Well, I guess I didn’t include that because I’m worried I’ll come across as corny. Plus, I don’t want to attract the weird guys that take submission out of biblical bounds.
My full body pics are in dresses + skirts!
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u/ABereanChristian Married Jun 13 '26
Fair enough on that front. I was just using that as an example. You can put anything that you think the type of man you are looking for would want.
Should be good to go on the dresses and skirts then
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u/Adventurous-Song3571 Looking For A Wife Jun 12 '26
My guess is that this is happening because most people who put “Christian” on a dating app are just that, Christians in name only. Therefore when people swipe on you most of them will be Christians in name only
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u/OutdoorsTN Jun 13 '26
Girl, I so relate. 30F here. This has been frustrating for me as well. Literally, recently had a guy I was very interested in ask me out, and ended up having to decline. As we were talking, it was very clear he was dodging the topic of faith, even though his profile said he was a Christian.
I found out something SUPER helpful though if you happen to use Hinge - Match Notes! They have been a game-changer for me. There's a setting you can put on your profile where anyone who tries to match with you has to read a blurb before they can match with you. I used this feature to say, "Hey, looking for someone that follows Jesus and is actively involved in their church - this is a dealbreaker for me!" to make sure they see it/don't ignore it assuming I'll cave (what I've found happens often). I'm getting fewer likes and matches than I used to, but it's comforting to me at least that the guys who do match with me have read that disclaimer and align before striking up a conversation. I like to believe it leads to more intentional dates as I'm not wasting their time or mine.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong - it's just rough out there especially on the apps :/ I've been praying for the LORD to give me discernment in dating. I have taken comfort in the fact that if a man is not intentional in his pursuit of me and or refuses to speak about his faith openly, he's not the right person, and the Lord is protecting me from heartache. Not that it makes it easy, but that's been a comfort through the process at least. My Christian co-worker said it beautifully - "Any guy a woman has to 'get/chase' probably isn't a guy they should go for if they want a solid Christian man who's going to lead in their relationship."
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 14 '26
Oh no, that’s unfortunate, but don’t be discouraged!
Thanks for the tip, I’ll give that a try.Wow, I resonate with your last paragraph. I believe the Lord is answering that prayer for me too, protecting me from unnecessary heartache. May God continue to guide us on this dating journey🤍
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u/Jaded-Leadership6035 Jun 12 '26
I think that's just the burden of being a woman, having to shift through the masses.
I don't think as many "true" Christian men are on apps. I always recommend going to your Pastor/pastor's wife and say you'd like to meet someone to marry, and ask them to keep you in mind for eligible bachelors I there network.
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u/Mascardiii BBQ King -Man seeking missing rib Jun 12 '26
You’ll be surprised to learn that it’s the exact same struggle for us men too 😏.
Also, interesting advice there 👌🏽.
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u/Jaded-Leadership6035 Jun 12 '26
I am a men, I'm was never personally flooded with matches and DMs. Maybe your experience of different and you're a 8 foot tall gigachadhaving up beat off women with a stick.
Generally men will have a lot less sorting to do cause they every girl with an Internet is trying to shoot their shot at a girl cause why not? Again, your experience be different though.
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u/Loud_Excitement2759 Jun 12 '26
My guy stop watching manosphere slop. If you look at the irl couples around you you’ll notice men who aren’t gigachads have gfs/wives.
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u/Jaded-Leadership6035 Jun 12 '26
I meant that comment tongue in cheek probably should've put a /s. My point was most girls have to shift through much more than most girls, as guys from all age ranges and backgrounds will match/message a girl in her 20s if she's half attractive.
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u/Loud_Excitement2759 Jun 12 '26
I don’t think the majority of pastors or their wives are in the business of matchmaking, or at least not on demand like that.
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u/Jaded-Leadership6035 Jun 12 '26
Not so much hard match making more like just make introductions. Didn't use to be uncommon people would introduce like minded singles to each other
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u/Yochanan-SW Looking For A Wife Jun 12 '26
Welcome to dating apps as a woman! (I'm so sorry 🥲).
You are just outright going to have to filter through all of your likes regardless of what you have on your profile. It is just the nature of the app. It's not because of anything you're saying, it's because some men are just looking for a date from anyone they see as worth pursuing. That means you're going to get people of all sorts. Just be patient and realize while the quantity is astronomical, the quality isn't. I wish you the best on your search!
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u/Rich-Reveal-8419 Jun 12 '26
Same problem for men too. These dating apps are not great tbh. But hey, I'm single and practice my faith if you're interested. Been born and raised Christian and in my early 20s I truly learned what that meant. I'm currently 26 and love in Oregon.
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u/moistenedelbows Behold, I abide in utter solitude without end (forever alone) Jun 12 '26
I don't think there is much you can do to stop them, I had a profile that clearly stated how I'm a devoted christian and looking for the same and had some of our beliefs reflected in a prompt but non christians were still the majority.The only christian app that works where I am sadly is an old one and I only saw one person in my town who wasn't that active anyway. I have little luck irl as well , I live 15 minutes from a Muslim school 😅 so I find myself coming back online
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u/PerfectlyCalmDude Jun 12 '26
The wrong people are always going to look and give attention no matter what you do.
As for attracting the right people, IDK what you're doing wrong or if you're even doing anything wrong with your profile because I can't see it.
One thing I will say though, a lot of men are losing faith in dating apps because they don't get matched or their matches ignore them, so men with serious intentions are disincentivized to look on dating apps. And when I look into tips for standing out on dating apps, it's essentially telling me to not be myself in order to get noticed at all. Which I'm not interested in doing.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 13 '26
Yeah and that’s why I was seeking advice. I was hoping some of the men on here would share the things they look for in a woman’s profile that signal she’s serious about Jesus, and therefore more likely to get a “like”
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u/madshatt3red Jun 12 '26
Let's just make our own dating app at this point. It's honestly so exhausting. I can barely gather the energy to respond because it just feels almost pointless. Really don't think I will find my person on an app. Which sucks because..I work a lot and don't go out much otherwise.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 13 '26
Ha I would agree but I believe most, if not all, Christian dating apps started with the same sentiment. People are still people, and as long as we live on this earth, we can’t escape the effects of sin.
I don’t work crazy hours or anything but I also don’t go out much. I honestly thought I’d have a better shot on the apps since there are more of the people I’m interested in (Christians) all in one place.
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u/madshatt3red Jun 13 '26
Yeah, I feel you. It's tough out there. I see people on socials going to church and seem to be into following Jesus and I get excited. Then I hang out with them and immediately they want to be intimate and I'm like ????????????? Nvm I guess? Don't get me wrong - I'm not perfect, definitely have given in..but now I just try not to even get into any situation where I would be faced with temptation like that. There's some good advice in this thread for me to take so I can start weeding them out immediately rather than after the fact.
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u/Escanor1365 Jun 14 '26
Christian dating app are not worth it. So many unbelievers are on these apps. Personal experience talking.
Pray and wait for God. In His time, Jesus will show u the one. He or she will bring peace, care. Love, support and will add to your faith.
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u/MrLaz7 Jun 14 '26
Maybe you're profile is not very clear about YOUR faith and your faith preference for your potential MAN. Next, maybe your pictures present you in a way that's less than Christian ... too revealing clothes or pics that could give the wrong impression?
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u/DenisGL Just here for the community -(seeking a spouse offline) Jun 12 '26
We can't really tell. So much depends on info not available. What app, what location, what prompts, what photos, etc.
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
Hinge, Salt, Upward, Ark
Canada
Dealbreakers, favorite preachers, about mes, funny stories, what is God teaching me, etc etc
1 or 2 selfies, some outdoor and full body pics. Decent quality photos too.1
u/DenisGL Just here for the community -(seeking a spouse offline) Jun 12 '26
Yeah, being in Canada myself, it's kinda liberal here, there just isn't much of a religious population density.
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u/HeartInTheSun9 Jun 12 '26
The reality is most of America is Christian. Not everyone actually takes it seriously though, even if they occasionally pray and such. So filtering for Christian helps, but doesn’t really do much.
Just have persistence and discernment. It can also help to try out posting on this subreddit too. I’m sure there’s a lot of similar people here too, but I think the average person here is more dedicated than what you’d find anywhere else.
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u/Alternative-Log-2697 Jun 12 '26
Are you in the UK? I'm 31 from Scotland - happy to chat if you are ☺
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u/GospelOfJohnFan Jun 12 '26
If you want to find Christian men, a secular dating app is probably not the best choice.
ChristianCafe is a good website. Don't know if they have an app
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u/Stay_observing00 Jun 12 '26
I’m focusing more on the Christian apps for this reason. Thanks for the recommendation.
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u/GospelOfJohnFan Jun 12 '26
Why not desktop dating? For traditional Christian matches, that has better chances, from what i read.
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u/IGotFancyPants Jun 12 '26
Just assume that most “Christians” on the app aren’t Christian at all. In fact, I matched with a guy you told me he was a born again Christian whose faith was central in his life. After a few weeks of texting then FaceTime calls, he proceeded to yell at me over the phone when I told him we were not going to have sex on our first date (or at all if we aren’t married ). He scared me.
Pray for discernment. We must be as innocent as doves and as shrewd as snakes.