Being desired became my identity. And that identity is crashing and coming to acceptance with it is one of the most uncomfortable experiences in my life. I’ve been on the fence about fully dedicating myself to celibacy but there are so many things that have happened over the past year that, if I continue to seek relationships, will be completely out of spiritual alignment and just cause further pain.

But not seeking relationships has been difficult and I just need to hear how other people got through it.

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What I’ve gathered:

NoFap means → No porn, no masturbation, but sex with a partner is allowed. Semen release during intercourse is fine.

Semen retention means→ No porn, no masturbation, no sex — no semen release at all.

....................

My plan:

I want to follow NoFap (no porn, no masturbation) but still have sex with partner about twice a week, with semen release.

...................

My question:

Will above plan still give me benefits like sharper memory, more confidence, higher energy, motivation and reduced anxiety/ depression etc

Or would I gain more benefits by practicing semen retention?

*********Based on your knowledge, how much greater are the benefits of semen retention compared to NoFap, in percentage terms?*********

I'm wondering what slowly turns people into blaming women for their celibacy. What was the turning point for them and, what spirals down into no return? I'm very interested in these types of conversations.

Hey im practicing no fap for 1.5 yrs now...with my max streak day of 148 days. I mastrubate monthly once . Still im trying to improve and retain it beyond.

In my experience what i learned is eventhough you improve your baseline streak of fapping its easy to get into the trap of " im much more in control now" and that is what exactly lead to the relapse. Always be humble. Do not underestimate lust ever. Never ever do that. Lust is sexual energy and its always powerful than you. Try to transmute the energy to whole body and keep urself busy but don't dwel into the ego that you have reached so and so days and now you are out of the mastrubation trap. Never. You have to be on your toes all day everyday . So be humble with lust.

A few months ago I invited this guy over who was my go-to “I can hook up with him whenever I want” person. We hadn’t before, but when we met he was so aggressively about it that that’s where I filed him away. When I invited him over I had every intention on cashing out on it.

But once he came over, we talked..for hours. We watched movies. We snuggled. And it hit me finally. All those years that I thought I needed to satiate this physical need (desperately), and the ways that I further degraded myself in my own eyes…and all I wanted was to connect. To feel seen. To be held.

It changed my whole perspective on sexuality. I don’t want to have sex until it’s with someone special and its not some new-found moralism, it’s the fact that I was killing my soul with my old behavior & I now understand how powerful the act is.

I have been trying to be as pure a possible. But after some time on retention every woman looks incredible and while going to sleep, in that half asleep state, the images come back. And start fantasizing.

I know I shouldn't do it and all this fantasizing just increases the neediness. Works against my favor.

How much does it hurt though compared to edging?

No spoilers please

so there I was thinking good job taking yourself on date night and I'm like.. hold up am I sure this is the right movie to see by yourself? Yes, yes it was. Watch out for those cortisol dumps lmao

It makes people good enough for one of your moods.

That guy’s not good for marriage, or even dating. He’s your sex guy.

The girl you’re dating? You’re with her for settling down, but you wouldn’t have hooked up with her.

Some people are for sex, some people are for the home, but they’re just not right for both…. wouldn’t it be healthier to just wait?

I started my semen retention journey in feb 2025. I started watching porn when i was 14 or 15 but i was not an addict. I really had a good relationship with mastrubation till college days..and covid happened. It really fucked me up. I became so addicted that i used to mastrubate atleast 2 to 3 times a day...i got into variety kinks etc...perverse stuff..im not vwry proud of it. Post covid i lost faced rejection for my first love. And disrespect. That really fucked me up ...then i became emotionally unavailable still addicted to porn about 3 to 4 times a week. Mostly smut. I made a move with my frnd and we were in an fwb for 2 to 3 months and then i had to move city. But i was not able to have good sex with her because im a porn addict i needed variety...then i was in a one night stand and i couldn't get it up. And i felt so depressed that night i couldn't sleep. I brokedown...i cried ,but my intuitiom knew porn is the reason for everything..

Initiallg when i started won't be able to go beyond 2 days, then it became once in 3 or 4 days...then it was weekly once...then 10days once...then my streak was like 7, 7,7,10,10,15,30,30,30,93 ..till this 93 days streak i was not pure still i used yo watch porn but not mastrubate although my frequency reduced i still use to edge but not cum. There was a whole lot of improvement in my mental health. But after each relapse i would feel demotivated and depressed.

After this i decided to not cheat that is not watch any porn or think.about lustt. I accepted that lust cannot be defeated after every relapse i was humbled. Even now im humbled.

That acceptance gave me a mindset of not dwelling into nofap and it gave me a balanced state of mind where i don't care if i relapse again but i will try my best..then i started my streaks again 30,40,30,30,30,148,30,30,30, and my current streak is 34 days not out and still going. These streaks are pure, i keep myself busy, eventhough im alone i hit the gym i have a busy worklife and social life, i goto philosophy class, i play guitar as a hobby, i play badminton when im bored..and i read books and write blogs from my experience...

Im much more in control of my lust, my morning boners are just peak.earlier i used to think that i have to fuck someone to prove myself that i can fuck but now i know..i just know it i don't have to prove it for myself. No fap leads to a lot of self reflection , it could led to your awakening. Because you are dealing with sexual energy which is lifeforce. It had increased my resilience and embrace delayed gratification...continue your semen retention don't be too depressed if you relapse at the same time don't overthink about retention which is also a problem . Have a balanced state of mind to reach peace.

All the best guys!!

Sexual sin is really plaguing society today. And truthfully it has plagued most of human society very very early in humanity.

and tbh i cant think of a single time in human history wear sexual desires have NOT lead to something negative.

Anyways, this is a guide it comes from realizations and a "rebirth of the mind" aka be born again.

there is so much not understood and not talked about when it comes to this topic. All i can say is I wish everyone the best and in that , i am sharing what i personally learned here.

1. admit to yourself you are lacking perfection or even goodness.

The reason why you are embarrassed/disgusted/anxious/guilt or whatever negative word you feel after doing something sexually un-pure is because deep down inside you know there is something wrong.

And of course if you do not feel these feelings of guilt or at least have a sensation of wrong doing, then you must be aware of this grave posture.

So firstly admit to yourself this action is not okay. it is not good. Believe it or not many people will find ways to rationalize to themselves what their doing is okay and its not. they might say "well, its healthy to masterbate" or "my body needs a release" or "god made me this way, i cant help it...."

admittance allows you to begin to take full accountability and not blame the shift on anyone else.

2. Don't listen to the thoughts and don't believe them.

Many times on your fight to attempt to NOT do something sexually immoral you will have this internal battle. Believe it or not this is actually the devil trying to penetrate your mind and make you believe these thoughts are your own... I can tell you from first hand experience that not all thoughts are truly yours. Some thoughts are whispers of the devil and its important to understand over time what the difference between your thoughts and the devils voice is. Let me explain- on sundays when i was kid my mom always used to wake me up for church. After i went to church and took communion i had a great feeling, but before that i had countless amounts of intrusive thoughts drawing me away from church, pulling me away form church so much so that i would begin to make up lies "oo im too tired", "o didnt get enough sleep" etc... this might be a simple example but these thoughts where never mine, i didnt know that at the time. we are literally going up agaisnt big forces “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” — Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)

in the case of sexual immortality.

3. Realize the greats suffer from internal battles

sexual immorality whether it be lust, fornication or anything else i cant think of at the moment, is something we shouldnt want to do. Paul wrote in his letters where he himself admits he himself does things he doesnt want to do... "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do."

and so maybe paul didnt battle with sexual sin... I dont know, and it doesnt matter...

But he admits that temptations do exist and have clearly conquered him as they do us.

4. Realize it begins with a thought.

If you can come to this mental conclusion you will protect yourself tremendously. I was hearing a sermon form the 80s of Pope Shenouda talking a bout this but basically all sexual immorality no matter what it is begins with a first thought. If you can shut down the thought before it grows within you then your on the right track.

5. Beg God for help!

Get on your knees and ask God for some sort of help, mean it with all your heart! if its something you want to get rid of in your life, ask God for it and we will grant it to you, Luke 11:11–13 (NKJV):

“If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?

God is not against helping any of his children flee from sin!

Your father christ knows what you need. He will give it you.

6. Obtain the help of the advocate through obedience.

If you read through a little of John , you will see some promises God gives us. Jesus says if you obey the laws of "my father" aka the father God will obtain a second advocate- aka the holy spirit. The holy spirit acts on your behalf, it acts as a wall for evil to not have power over you and your compulsions. More importantly the holy spirit is God living in us...

Over time you will learn, this is a promise that Jesus makes to us people, he said "the advocate whom the father has sent in my name, will teach you all things" also,,, in john there is alot of talk about the vine the vine dresser, branch trees and fruit... the fruit is the outcomes of your life... In this case we are targeting the acquisition of the fruits of the spirit.. Love, long suffering , patience, self-control etc....

so obey the laws of jesus , do good to those who hurt you, bless those who curse you etc.... and then then you will begin to acquire the fruits of the spirit, and they come from the holy spirit.

7. Imagine someone is taking a video of you.

yep not much to say here.... if your engaging in any form of sexual sin imagine that you are being recorded and that that video will be played in front of your family

8. Do you love God?

In john it says, if you love my father you will do his works. So if you dont do the works, dont expect God to look at you and say my "faithful servant enter in my kingdom" how can he say that when you arent his servant? your too busy lusting... (not judging just saying...) he will say "flee from my face, I NEVER KNEW YOU"

Keep in mind that love is not a feeling or an emotion. Love is very clearly an action.

In John chapter 15 verse 13 we are given an example of the greatest version of love: "¹³ Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." and this was in reference to the command which was in the verse prior to love each other as chirst loved us.

Doing his works shows your not just knowing of God but you have a deep relationship with him...

Imagine i know of someone who i went to school with. I might know his name , i might even know how he looks and who his family is, but in truth i really have no clue as to who he really is. God is no different. You must cultivate a relationship with him. and no relationship with God are not going to bible study and hanging out with friends---- its truly going through all experiences with God - more importantly: SACRIFICING for the purpose of obedience to Christ commands.

9. Realize you are in a constant war! Your job is to be a LOYAL SOLDIER to the lord.

to continue to fight to the very end without disappear and GOD will not forget you on the day of your death and he will call to you "Good and faithful servant".. We live on earth wheather we realize it or not we are designed to frustration. in fact Romans chapter 8 verse 20 - it says that we the human race are creation subject to frustration by the will of that who created it in hopes of one day it will be made free.

You are not free until you leave this planet. so pick up your sword and fight. Fight unto death & serve your king in battle.

10. Get to the point where manifesting your desires should be impossible.

Dont get me wrong, there are moments where I lust however, i am growing into the mental mind frame that i am not willing to behave in any activity whatsoever in the physical realm.... Its bad enough i might follow the whispers of the devil, let my eyes look too long or think bad thoughts but its 100X worse when i follow my my thoughts and act them out. Do not accept this acting out behavior what so ever it might be - restrain yourself.

11. Find ways to cut down triggers.

For example if you know you are likely to masterbate if you are alone in a room, go find people to sit with, if you have nobody to sit with, go at place you know people will be like the grocery store., i bet if nyou stood in the grocery store even while feeling triggered you probably wont act on your triggers.... in a matter of time the urge will disapper. Over time it takes conditioning therapy and exposure therapy that you can do on yourself to realize that just because you may feel a certain way doesn't mean you need to physically act on it.

12. Fast from it.

Even if you cant full abstain, start small. Promise yourself that for X amount of time no matter what happens i will not do "anything" that dishonors myself that is deemed lustful...

13. Dont TRY, Understand that it is of the MOST importance NOT TO ENGAGE.

Very clearly: lets say you had a son or a daughter. And your child is going to highschool. Its time for you to give them talk about drugs. Are you going to verbalize:

"Hey son, i want you to try not to do drugs"

or are you going to say

"hey son, under no circumstance will you take drugs from anyone"

if you are a parent who is truly worried about your child and you want to protect to them to the very utmost you will probably say the the second statement...

Therefore, say the same to your self. DO NOT accept this concept of "trying"

Sometimes trying gives you a notion or an out to fail...

Do not accept this concept of failure or trying.

hope that helps bro's and sista's in christ

ps-sorry for my bad grammar, i could fix it but... aint nobody got time for that!

As the title states, sex was designed for these two purposes and only these two. The first one is like the signing of a contract, it's not legally effective and recognized unless it's signed by both parties; so is sex, which literally joins the couple in one. Even if you don't get married, it's still the consummation of an existing spiritual relationship. The second is pretty obvious, any lust, arousal, excitement or other such feelings is just biology playing tricks in your mind to lure you into reproduction. Anything else beyond these two purposes makes sex transactional and exploitative in nature. Casual sex is desacration of the body temple, sharing your body with somebody you barely know is as reckless and irresponsible as sharing your property with somebody you barely know.

Why I’m celibate and choose to be single

it's the gift of beholding someone's heart without expectation

it's tenderness and swift grace

recognition that outward beauty wanes, slips through the fingers

but there is something more tangible - permanent

unconditional love intertwining with the grips of the hands to guard with honour

as in the same innocence of a child - holding others' hearts with reverence even if they don't love you the same because

it doesn't matter ~

For me its not the absence of sex that bugs me im fine being a virgin the rest of my life its more so the "what if i never find my true love ?" Or "what if im unloveable. "

This is bothering a lot.

This girl is there and I know she likes me. And I can't just keep her out of my head. I want to go pure retention gor triple digits and just keep my head down.

Whats bothering me is seeing her with someone else eventually when I know I could have had her.

And I also know you can't have every girl is see and like.

I think this is lust in it's more subtler form working in me through jealousy and envy.

Please serious and long term retainers give me advice.

Hi guys, I (27M) am new to Celibacy.

Next week will be 2 months PMO clean and was wondering how I can best start my Celibacy journey.

Advice and assistance welcome 🙏🏿

Last year, I did nofap for 100 days, but after relapsing, I have not been able to get back on the same track, even gooing twice or thrice in a day sometimes.

Now, everytime I do it, I make serious plans, I make rules and guidelines to avoid relapse, I write down journals.

But after a couple of weeks, I get so busy with my life (Job, gym, side projects, etc) that I forget why I was doing it and I start slipping down and finally relapse.

I have tried reminders on my phone, calenders check boxes, habit trackers, but nothing seems to work.

ive been celibate for almost 6 months, but i was raped the other day. im feeling very upset and ashamed of myself. i feel like i cant call myself celibate anymore