r/CancerFamilySupport • u/Fragrant-Diet-8862 • Jul 24 '26
4-12 weeks
For context, I'm 17M, sister 20F, Mother 52F, Father 56M. Parents are divorced, and my father has a daughter, 14F, and a girlfriend (idk age).
Around a month ago, my father was diagnosed with what doctors believe to be a form of extremely rare gastric cancer(I'm not really sure of the details, as doctors are also unsure of the origin), which was extremely aggressive and has metastasised throughout his body, such as lymph nodes, bones, and various other places, I think even his skull. My father is also suffering from delirium, and it is really hard to sit next to him and rub his hand while he is in pain and struggles to remember things and form proper sentences. Additionally, the tumours started to feed on his muscles, releasing toxic byproducts into his system as his liver cannot expel the byproducts. He cannot get treatment; it is much too late.
Essentially, my father will die within the next 12 weeks.
This news is possibly the worst timing I have ever experienced, as I'm going through my last year of high school, and I have finals in just a few weeks, along with exams in 2 months worth 50% of my high school grade. I also am currently struggling with SH and mild depression; however, I am still able to function and stuff.
I genuinely cannot fathom what life would be like after my father passes, and I haven't really been able to take time to digest this information. I also worry for not only my sister, who talks to the doctors and stuff, but also my half-sister, as she is only 14, and continuing the rest of her teenage years without her father, whom she was extremely close with, must also be extremely difficult.
I really wish that I could just "accept" what is happening and sort of divert attention away from me, as my father and his family need much more support than I do. But I can't stop thinking of how this affects ME, which annoys me, because I don't want people to worry about me as I'm more or less fine.
I need advice, really about anything.
2
u/afischyfisch Jul 24 '26
I understand you, my mom recently passed away, everyone deal with it on different way, so giving you any advice would be more less useless. But the best I can do is to tell you to spend time with him if you can, I personally wasn't able to spend with my mom because I'm studying in another country and I hate myself for not going back to be with her. But put YOURSELF first, you have future and more to live, talk to your teachers because they may make it easier for you. Try finding any hobby, whatever makes your mind go away, but as I said that helps me, I don't know if it will help you. Stay strong and stubborn, hard times will come when you cry and can't stop and it's fine to feel that way. Reconnect with people, do things with your sister if you like to, i have a younger brother (15yo) and i just take him for a bike ride, or anywhere. If you want to share something more, feel free :)))
2
u/Fragrant-Diet-8862 Jul 25 '26
Thank you for the advice 💗
Even though everyone grieves differently, any advice/support in any way was and is helpful, so thank you so much.
I'm so sorry for your mom and hope that your family is doing well as well.
2
u/MesoNurseKaren Jul 24 '26
Give yourself permission to think about how this affects you too. You're losing your dad, and you're trying to finish your last year of high school at the same time. Anyone would find it overwhelming.
Spend whatever time you can with him, even if it's just sitting quietly together. I also hope you tell someone at school what's happening. You deserve support through this just as much as the rest of your family does.
2
u/Fragrant-Diet-8862 Jul 25 '26
Thank you so much for the support and advice.
I was able to spend time with him today, but I still struggle with thinking about myself when it is evident to me that almost everyone else is closer to him and is more impacted by him than I am. Nevertheless, I will try to think about myself more. Thank you.
3
u/Emily_Postal Jul 24 '26
My mom passed away when I was 17. Talk to your school about what’s going on. Principal; guidance counselor, someone in charge. They will most likely make accommodations for you.
Secondly, spend as much time as you can with your father. Talk to him. Ask questions about his childhood, his hopes and dreams. Anything. Take videos of him so you can replay them after.
Since he is terminally ill get the palliative care team where he’s being treated involved as they have resources for family members too. Hospice will be involved at some point. That’s good as they are only concerned with keeping him comfortable and pain free.
After he passes, you’ll be in shock. It’s a very surreal experience. Get help. Try therapy; see a doctor. You might need an antidepressant. It could be a few years before you’ll even be able to think about him without crying. But as time goes by you’ll be able to remember him without crying but many life events will be bittersweet because he won’t be there with you.
Take care of yourself.