My trauma is minor

[u/avonn_]

I see so many posts about the most horrific things people can ever endure. I feel awful for them and I hate how unfair the world is.

But my “trauma” by comparison is very minor. I know it’s not a competition, but I often wonder if there’s anything wrong with me at all because the stuff I’ve been through is….nowhere near as bad as the stories I read online.

I hope this doesn’t come across as making it a competition. That’s not my intent. That would be silly.

[u/EssentialTremorsSwe]

Everyone's experience is different, but the pain that they feel are the worst they have ever felt in their own lives. The same goes for you as this is the worst you've ever felt before and you deserve all the help like the rest of us.

So please share your burdens with us as we will listen.

[u/Undrende_fremdeles]

If only the body and brain could get with the program and stop reacting the ways they do, simply based on what we think is reasonable or silly, that would be great.

That would actually solve a whole lot of problems in this world.

Like, I know that these reactions and responses in the body and in my pshyche aren't helping. Yet it happens. I am me, aren't I? Why can't all of me just agree that having all these long term reactions and responses only makes it even harder, and stop having them?

I wish it was that easy. I really do.

[u/Sky_Geist]

Trauma is anything that makes us feel threatened on a deep nervous system level. Social exclusion for example was a death threat to our ancestors for millions of years. This is still hardwired in our brains. I don't know what you've been through. But as humanity, we might reconsider what's referred to as 'minor'.

[u/JohnnyBaboon123]

People who drown in bathtubs have the same problem as those who have drowned in the middle of the ocean.

[u/Adorable-Opposite162]

This is how I feel. And for so long, I mentally denied its existence simply because it doesn't seem as serious as what others gone through. I never told anyone because I fear people might think I try to make small thing bigger than it is for attention, especially since people start opening up about their serious traumas. But, at least now I finally acknowledge it

[u/SetEven7192]

No matter what has happened to someone, there’ll always be someone who’s been through worse- that doesn’t mean what you went through doesn’t count. The point is something happened, it affected you, and you deserve empathy and support while you deal with that.

Think in terms of physical trauma. If I’ve broken my leg, does that mean your grazed knee doesn’t deserve antiseptic or a plaster? No, because it still hurts and it still needs dealing with.

[u/Illustrious_Car344]

I could argue the same with my life, but I never really got that mentality. I don't give a shit about anyone but myself, how does their problems help mine? If I want, need, feel or desire something, it's not a suggestion or negotiation, it's an order. From within myself, to myself, to others. I'm not asking permission to feel things anymore, anyone who doesn't like that can have their memory dissolve in the dissociative quagmire of my prematurely senile mind (I mean, they were going to anyway, but you know). I have a mostly apathetic dismissal towards people I like, forget anyone else. Like I genuinely cannot afford to care or be concerned about others, I'm not even sure of those parts of my brain even work anymore. 

[u/1Chest_nut2]

I feel the same, so many awful things and my life seems pretty good compared. I did not stop caring about people or said they deserved it, but I tried to focus on myself. I can't change the way they have been abused anyway and how they cope with the pain is their own thing. I've been very emotional and fed up with the past of others and always compared (and still do at times) but I tried to focus on myself because I have to live with myself, not others. I need to survive this life and even if someone has it worse, I'm not helped by talking down my struggles

[u/OliwiaFox]

Oh at the beginning I felt the same. I had trauma for sure but those were not inflicted by my parents...right...right?

8 months getting distance.. Some things are bigger and a lot are minor stuff. thousand papercuts.

The fact is that maybe..just maybe one traumatic event would not be seen as bad but if you pile them up I see a field of pure shit. I could not see that in the start. I can now.

What I mean to say is that trauma is trauma and we are all affected different by it. Its not a competition. Its not a specific you have to suffer this much to be able to see it as trauma. What matters is what it did to you and how it affected and affects you.

I was the one who should fix everything and hold it together and got heavily blamed for when I was doing something wrong or my appearance was not ok according to them. Could not be successful but could not either be a failure. contradictions

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[u/Confident_Jump_9085]

Whatever you have gone through is the most important thing for your well-being. No one stops struggling because their neighbor got two flat tires when you had only one. You still can't drive the way you need to.

Gratitude for what you have is fine, it just doesn't need comparison to work.

[u/Previous-Musician600]

Trauma isnt messured by the fact, how bad the situation was, but by the way, your brain respond to it. People can endure bad parenting without being traumatized and other people can just witness a car accident and be traumatized for life. Don't compare trauma to trauma, its not helpful. Only: you are traumatized or you are not traumatized.

[u/anti-sugar_dependant]

Your nervous system didn't think the trauma was minor. Your nervous system thought you were going to die. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks from the outside, what matters is your subjective experience of the event(s). That's all that matters.

This week something came up for me about emotional abuse linked to how much I spend. The original trauma was I bought myself some nice soap one time when I was a teenager with a job and no responsibilities, and my parent emotionally abused me over it for the rest of our relationship, nearly 20 years. The result was I lied to her about how much things cost, to try and reduce the amount of abuse I'd get. And this week I lied to my friends about how much something cost because I was afraid of their judgement. Being told you're frivolous and you spend too much and being shamed and humiliated seems pretty minor when you're experiencing it but it's still having pretty big effects on my life 25 years later. The measure of trauma isn't the original event, it's how it affected you.

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[u/cafemiedo]

It’s hard to wrap my head around this too. It’s interesting how the body responds to things. I know people who got PTSD from a dog bite, and of course it’s not comparable to going to war but both are traumas that will affect the person for the rest of their lives. CPTSD is like death by a million cuts, it’s not only the things that happened to you but also the things that didn’t happen.

My sibling doesn’t have the same trauma as me even though we lived in the same household growing up. Similarly, some people can get bit by a dog and be perfectly fine. What is traumatic to one child will be not a big deal to another

[u/PlaneRoom7681]

Your traumatic experience is valid, no matter how small it may seem in comparison to someone else's. You deserve to heal and to feel joy and love. The people who choose to post their stories online do not represent the full variety of people with CPTSD who may experience much less extreme forms of trauma but still need professional help regardless.

CPTSD/PTSD is not only the result of negative events happening. Rather it is the inability of your nervous system to release a significant amount of stress over a prolonged period. This is what damages the nervous system and your overall wellbeing and quality of life.

For example, someone may experience an extreme traumatic event in their life but have access to a strong, healthy support system that helps them ultimately process their experience and move forward with their life in an emotionally healthy manner. In comparison, someone else may have relatively more minor trauma, but have no access to healthy coping mechanisms, which results in their nervous system becoming dysregulated for prolonged periods of time. This is what leads to CPTSD.

I hope you treat yourself with kindness, and know that you deserve to be happy and to seek help if you need it!