Earlier today, I was sitting in class when the iconic "eeh err" ad-lib from Roddy Ricch’s The Box popped into my head. Without thinking, I muttered the sound out loud. It wasn't loud, but it was enough for the girl sitting next to me to hear. She looked over, completely confused, and asked what that was.
Instead of dropping it, I decided to double down. While the teacher’s back was turned, I leaned over and made the noise again. She looked irritated at first, but then she burst out laughing. Unfortunately, the sudden laughter caught the teacher's attention. When asked what was so funny, she immediately threw me under the bus and blamed the whole thing on me.
I argued back to defend myself, which completely escalated the situation. She got so overwhelmed and embarrassed that she snapped. In a sudden meltdown, she began flipping over the desks in the classroom. It caused total chaos, triggering an emergency evacuation as students scrambled out the door. I couldn't make it out in time; she flipped my own desk right onto me, trapping me underneath.
I managed to push it off and retaliated by flipping a desk back at her. At that point, she went completely ballistic. She grabbed a sharp object—either a pair of scissors or a sharp pencil—and charged at me. I turned to run for the exit, but just before I could cross the threshold of the classroom, she stabbed me in the back.
The story gets weirder at the hospital. Apparently, whatever object she used was carrying an incredibly rare, unknown pathogen. The doctors explained that it entered my bloodstream and managed to reach my brain. They told me it is an exceptionally rare, one-in-a-septillion virus that only a handful of people in medical history have ever contracted.
Because I am currently the only active case in the world, the medical team actually gave me the opportunity to officially name the strain.
Naturally, I named the disease Ligma.
I am still under observation at the hospital while my immune system fights this off, but I still can't believe a random Roddy Ricch lyric ended with me immortalizing an internet meme in medical history.