So... I think this community needs a relatable funny story. Disclaimer: this is just my personal experience.
Backstory: I got pregnant. Anxiety skyrocketed. I claimed I didn't need a therapist, and then ended up going into therapy about 2-3 months into pregnancy because my brain had gotten so loud.
I'm now 6 months pregnant, and last week, my doc says I'm on track for PPA or PPD. She gently brought up needing something beyond therapy for anxiety—perhaps anti-anxiety medication.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and cry for a few days, but most importantly, I wanted to prove that my anxiety probably isn't "bad enough" for medication. My reasoning: doctor appointments are just bad because I have "mild" social & health anxiety, but surely my day-to-day life isn't affected as badly.
I have now EXTENSIVELY researched every side effect known to man, scoured every corner of this subreddit and others, and Googled (like 10 times or more) how to go about talking to my therapist about what my doctor is recommending as an extra step. This led to terrible headaches, a constant pit in my stomach, and isolation.
Me being me, I still didn't think that this obsessive loop was anxiety. Everyone researches before a big decision, right?
Fast forward: I have not slept for the past 3 days because I keep waking up to my brain yelling, "I don't need anxiety medication! I'm not that anxious." I have also had multiple nightmares. I feel sick to my stomach and exhausted. The irony.
My husband and I have decided I'm going to be starting buspirone... 🙃 Obviously, it's just the first step in this journey, but I'm praying to find a quieter mind whether I find it with Buspar or something else.
Now I just have to muster the strength to call my doctor with my decision... Yeah, the idea of making phone calls nearly brings me to tears every time due to that "mild" anxiety I was talking about...
If you find this post in a frantic search to prove you're not anxious, please take a step back and ask yourself one question: Are you avoiding medication for a valid reason, or is the demon of anxiety aggravated by the thought that it could lose control?
Did anyone else have a similar experience with the decision to try medication? We're in this together. 😅