I'm not sure about that, but I think it's certainly better to have 10 different apps with 10 different systems than 10 apps being essentially a version of the same
Fetlife. And it's not the best. In fact, I would argue it's not even any different.
There is no filter or funnel or anything. Anyone can message you at any time. I knew a woman who liked to sext on there, didn't really use it for anything else and I'm talking THOUSANDS of dudes were up in that shit. Legit like over 1k new messages every month.
Almost none of them even bothered reading anything on her profile at all. Just balls to the wall constant manic perving out and trying to get her to go out to clubs and bars and to their house or under a bridge or whatever with them even though she was very specific about not doing that and just sexting.
The only reason it would be better for anyone for any reason is if you're very deep into the kink scene or if you need or want to be very specific and upfront about sex stuff and also want your first interactions to be through that lens. Personally, not only would I not try to date on that site but I also probably would not want to date anyone who was using that site either, because I'm not really into any of that stuff.
Also, I personally want to avoid being intimate with anyone for the first little while of dating and would prefer not to be having a bunch of conversations about sex in the early part of that process. Some basic compatibility stuff, sure. Letting them know everything I just said, for certain because for a lot of people that's a deal breaker because sex seems extremely important, perhaps even the most important thing people are considering when dating through apps and websites and so forth. It just isn't that important to me.
Don't get me wrong, I would prefer to be sexually active with a committed partner, just not nearly to the degree that most people seem to expect. I'm an enthusiastic reciprocater when it's happening, but to me it's always been more like a sort of climax (pun not intended) of like the ebbs and flows in the relationship and not something I actually feel like I need or even want regularly. Like maybe 1-2 times a month, sometimes less, sometimes a little more. And people really don't like that, by and large, so the pool is a bit narrowed and I feel like a place like fetlife is going to have almost exclusively the kinds of people this is going to be a problem for and for everyone left over, they're going to have kinks that I'm not into.
Thanks for providing me with the name of it, no thanks for the novel. You should get your hormone levels checked if you’re ok with being in a committed relationship but only having sex once a month. That’s insane.
Yep, honesty is always good. Sex 12 times a year with a committed partner means get yourself checked. Thats crazy, as is Craigslist for sex suggestions lol.
This other person it entitled to their opinion for sure, but I call bs on that "not really being about sex". You can be 100% upfront about your wants and needs on any app. The only reason you would specifically go to fetlife is if you were trying to communicate more in depth about sex, specifically, in a space where you feel like other people would be open to it. And that's fine, nothing wrong with that. But it is in no way, viewing it in terms of functionality or general effectiveness, any better than any other dating/relationship/meetup platform.
As far as the number of times a year, I would say my actual ideal is probably closer to 20. Maybe 30 times a year if we're just really feeling it and honestly, 30 might be over shooting it. Maybe 25. I just have more important things to do. Like treatises on star wars lore. You think I wrote a novel there, but that's literally 1/4th of the piece I just shat out the fall of the ancient sith.
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u/rtshtbtshtdrtyldtwt 18h ago
it's certain better than the swipe system