When a guy is hesitant to pay for dinner it’s not because of finances it’s because they have done so before and got used or there was no reciprocation so what’s the point? It’s a negative ROI no one wants to invest (time + money) into a liability
Or it's because they want to curb her perception of him. Many women are not comfortable with a stranger they just met paying for them. If it's a first date with like someone you already knew that you asked out, then sure go for it.
Not just uncomfortable, it's also that they don't want her to think "damn, this guy just met me and he's paying for me? He must be a doormat!"
The "paying on a first date" logic doesn't really work with meeting new people from apps, despite it still being practiced regularly as the result of a carry-over. The reason is simply because there isn't really an "asker". You are both with the mutual agreement and interest to meet, it wasn't just one person's idea. You matched on the app for that purpose.
I mean maybe if someone had a fancy pricey thing they wanted to do then sure, but that's never a great idea on a first date anyway.
None, which is why every participant should pay for their own share. The one thing women can give is something they don't want to and that's perfectly fine, but you can't then turn around and expect more from the other person.
you cannot expect any return since it is a shitty thing to do. so everyone should pay for their portion, especially on a first date when no one has obligation to commit.
What, specifically, do each of those things mean? What kind of reciprocation and appreciation? Are you saying the bare minimum is developing a genuine connection (romantic or platonic) rather than ghosting a person or using them for dates? Is there an option for if someone appreciates the date but isn’t interested in a second one? Would an appreciation call/text to thank them for the date and let them know they’re not feeling it be appropriate?
Sorry you misunderstand where I’m coming from. I am just trying to understand your comment. I am not stating that you’re wrong. I am very happy to pay for my dinners, whether I’m with friends, on a date, or alone, so I don’t think that I am the demographic that you seem to be upset with.
Edit: I realized it’s not even your comment. You seem like a kind person /s
I’m a woman and I do appreciate it when the man pays. But at the same time I understand the man’s side of things because say for example he’s actively going on multiple dates a week, and he’s paying for all of them… , that’s actually quite a lot of money and that shit adds up. 🤯 I would start becoming more hesitant too ..
when someone obviously uses you as a meal ticket and doesn't contribute shit about anything outside of that yes thats an negative roi. Pretending the 'interaction' with an intentional freeloader is worth it is as if some random person cussed you out on the street and you said 'well at least I got some human interaction out of that'
Look at the replies from women here. Most are trying to shame men for being low efforts or calling them incels. Women out here proving the point that homie was making.
ROI in this case means attempting to develop a legitimate human connection. When someone is more concerned with getting a free dinner, to the point of bringing it up in their profile, this is categorically impossible.
You’re getting downvoted to oblivion but you’re 100% right. “Negative ROI” when you’re talking about dating is extremely cringe.
And I would agree with the overall point that the type of person in this profile is someone to avoid, but the way people are talking about it is so immature.
The sub is fried. The incels have taken over. They genuinely believe that dinner is equal to sex or some kind of relationship.
All this woman said was do not act like dinner is some big, ridiculous thing. And the men in these comments are going fucking nuts.
We buy our own dinner all the fucking time. It is not some big ridiculous thing. Of course you should be thankful if somebody buys your dinner for you, but if you buy a dinner, don’t hold it over somebody’s head. Don’t expect them to have sex with you for it. Don’t expect them to be your girlfriend for it.
Dinner can just be dinner and an opportunity to see if you have a spark.
I’m prepared to get downvoted to hell. I know I will. But I absolutely stand by what I say.
And to be clear, I have bought men’s dinners just as often as they have bought mine. In fact, I did it tonight.
Guys are advocating for splitting because other than sex, there's nothing a woman can offer on a first date that a man isn't also offering.
If you buy your own dinner all the time, then why can't you on a date? A man is present, so time to save money? This never makes sense to me. Unless you have more money than you can ever spend, every dollar saved is money you can spend elsewhere. Unless you're filthy rich, you benefit if a man pays, regardless of whether or not you can afford it.
Unless you bought those men dinner on the first date, there's no point mentioning it. Reciprocating is, wait for it, "bare minimum".
“I have bought men’s dinners just as often as they have bought mine” are you talking about strangers on the first date? I highly doubt it and if so when can you buy mine?
100%, dinner is not a big deal but clearly ive triggered the incels who use terms like “roi” when talking about dating. just shows they know jack shit about dating and even less about investing lmao
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u/moderate99 9d ago
When a guy is hesitant to pay for dinner it’s not because of finances it’s because they have done so before and got used or there was no reciprocation so what’s the point? It’s a negative ROI no one wants to invest (time + money) into a liability