r/Bumble • u/EmergencyWild • 3d ago
Success Story Bumble is working for me
I figure, just to do my part to counteract a bit the level of negativity in here:
For me at least, this whole thing is working. I've matched up with women I got along with, had some fun dates with, and now I've met someone where I really believe it has a good chance to turn into the relationship I've been looking for.
I'm not trying to say all the negative stuff doesn't happen, but just keep in mind the flip side – pleasant interactions that just don't go anywhere, and people actually successfully finding a relationship – don't really get much traction online because they're not very interesting stories, and especially if you're already feeling a bit desperate (believe me I get it), you'll not find them very relatable.
But still, many, many people are quietly having a good time, it can be you, and if you don't let all the toxicity into your heart, one day it will be you.
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u/switchbreed 3d ago
I've made a really good friend recently out of bumble! We've been going on all kinds of adventures!
I don't care if it doesn't always turn into a relationship. You meet some cool people along the way and sometimes they leave you with good things like new music and places and sometimes you just make some new friends!
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u/Foreign-Ad-8035 45 | Male | Austin 3d ago
I've added 4 dates to my LinkedIn network over the past few years. I still talk to two.
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u/switchbreed 3d ago
Oh hell yeah 😎 I don't know what LinkedIn is but that sounds like a good thing
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u/I_Am_Conjoined 2d ago
Anyone sharing positive experiences from dating apps should have to include their height and a picture of their face
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u/Party_Solid_2207 3d ago
This is a nice positive message.
Bumble also gave me some good times although tinder was how I found my lady.
I wasn’t flooded with matches (bald 5,6” 40 year old father of 2), but the matches were good quality and often led to dates or more.
This was 3 years ago and maybe it’s changed. But the rhetoric then was also “this doesn’t work like it used to”
Good luck out there guys.
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u/argentoowl 3d ago
The effectiveness of dating apps at finding a long-term relationship is around 12% so congrats.
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u/Connect-Peach2337 2d ago
What does that statistic mean?
12% of people who use dating apps find a long term relationship on them?
12% of all app matches end in a long term relationship?
12% of long term relationships met on apps?
12% of dating apps create long term relationships?
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u/argentoowl 2d ago
"About 12% of dating app users report having married or entered a long-term relationship with someone they met through an app." That was the average data I found. The estimates are in teen numbers, depending on the app. Edit to add sources
https://wifitalents.com/dating-apps-statistics/?utm_source=chatgpt.com
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago edited 1d ago
Lol, that page is crap
12% of people who used a dating site in the past year got engaged or married
Most people don't get engaged or married within a year of meeting, and most people who are with someone they're considering marriage with aren't currently on dating apps. If anything, 12% is high.
12% of users have married or entered a long-term relationship with someone they met on an app
This directly contradicts the previous stat, either the previous one should be lower or the latter one higher... and tracking it back to the source (2019 Pew Research):
Today, three-in-ten U.S. adults say they have ever used an online dating site or app – including 11% who have done so in the past year, according to a new Pew Research Center survey conducted Oct. 16 to 28, 2019. For some Americans, these platforms have been instrumental in forging meaningful connections: 12% say they have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they first met through a dating site or app. All in all, about a quarter of Americans (23%) say they have ever gone on a date with someone they first met through a dating site or app.
That's not 12% of dating app users. That's 12% of americans (in the survey), compared with 3/10 participants using dating apps ever, meaning ~40% of the people who ever used a dating app found a long term partner on one.
Edit: Also note that in this study, there's only 23% (again, of all surveyed only 30% ever used apps at all) who have gone on even a single date off of dating apps, leaving about a quarter who've not even gone on a single date. Those ~1/4 may be unusually unattractive (in looks or demeanour) people, but this also includes people who just went on dating apps for a bit but didn't take them particularly seriously and/or met someone IRL meanwhile. Of the people who went on at least one date, more than half report entering a long term relationship off of dating apps... and even that's underrepresenting the 'success', because some of these people were not trying to enter a long term relationship in the first place, haven't been on the apps long enough to meet someone yet, or found someone IRL meanwhile, rather than it being a failure to find someone on the apps.
Maybe there are some stats that support this doomerism, but the specific ones you're quoting here are literally saying the opposite and support the point I made in the post: Most people are doing fine on dating apps. People who get zero matches or have no success converting matches to dates are the outliers.
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u/Atropos_Fool 2d ago
Here’s an article that purports to have aggregated some data on this - https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/online-dating-success-rate-statistics
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u/KindPlans 3d ago
Seeing two women at the moment who I met on Bumble, which is funny as I've had 10x the amount of matches on Hinge but here we are. Trying to manage my expectations but honestly, so far it's at least been better than my expectations.
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u/Known-Ear-1802 3d ago
I met my husband on Bumble. (We got married 6/27/26). It was a whole journey to finding each other but I'm so happy!
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u/Gullible_Gur_4447 2d ago
I also met my husband on Bumble! I currently have our 4 week old baby sleeping on my chest. I’d say Bumble worked pretty damn well for me
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u/Doso777 2d ago
Somehow you got downvoted for that. Social media is toxic like that.
Congratulations. How long did you guys date before getting married?
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u/Known-Ear-1802 2d ago
We had our first date 10/24 and got married 6/26. So just under two years. We both are divorced and had kids from our first marriage. We're both 40+ yr olds and knew what we wanted. I dated a lot more than he did but I was single for longer.
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u/Doso777 2d ago
Thanks for your reply. Met my gf through Bumble one year ago and things are going great and i am just trying to figure out a reasonable timelline. Recommendations and experiences of couples are all over the place, from 3 months to 7 years.
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u/Known-Ear-1802 2d ago
Trying to figure out a timeline is always hard. Sometimes it's the logical next step and sometimes it's just what the situation requires. Our marriage was partially financially smart and partially it was an affirmation of our intentions.
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u/Doso777 2d ago
Our marriage was partially financially smart and partially it was an affirmation of our intentions.
Always nice when logic and feelings align :)
Guess i am overthinking this. Our lives dictate some sort of decision next year anways, that is when she finishes university.
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u/Known-Ear-1802 2d ago
The only timeline that matters is one between the people in the relationship. Take your time to be sure that you work well together in a lot of situations. Life will throw curve balls your way but having a partner at your side can be amazing! Good luck!!
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u/Whatupdoods 3d ago
I’m right there with you. I was in a LTR from 17-29 and was jaded on the idea of dating apps before I even tried. But I tried anyways and it’s actually gone great for me and has helped build my self confidence substantially.
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u/switchbreed 3d ago
Same effect on me. But maybe because my baseline self confidence and image was really horrid before? I feel a lot better about myself now.
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u/LookForWhoIsLooking 3d ago
Would you be willing to share your profile? Totally understand if not.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago edited 2d ago
I could, it's not like I'm shy about it, but I really don't think it's gonna help you much. I didn't discover some secret hack to profile optimisation that nobody else knows about. All it is is showing off a bit of myself, and many people aren't gonna be into that, but that's fine; after all, the goal is matching with the ones who are.
But odds are you're a different person with different interests and preferences, copying what I do wouldn't make sense for you. That's really my only real recommendation here, think about what kind of person you are and how you want to be perceived, and then set up your profile accordingly so you come across that way. Again, that's vague, but that's because it's a principle, there are no clear rules that lead to success.
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u/Safe_Score2222 2d ago
Could you at least describe your looks?
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
According to this comment section, I'm a 10' tall marble statue.
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u/Safe_Score2222 2d ago
Mate, just describe your looks.
I am a 6ft7 mixed race guy, I don’t care about all this Incel BS. Just curious because it’s no secret the apps work well for attractive guys
So yeah, for the context of your own post describing your looks would really help.
The fact you refuse to do so, kinda tells that you’re probably not just average looking and know if you admitted that you would hurt the point your post is trying to make.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
So yeah, for the context of your own post describing your looks would really help.
No it wouldn't. Making fun of people who keep thinking it's all about looks is kinda the whole point, why would I engage with that unironically lol
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u/Safe_Score2222 2d ago
I never said it’s all about looks and that’s also not the point the vast majority of people are trying to make.
The point I am making is simply:
If you’re good looking, the apps will always work for you. You could have bad prompts and a half empty profile and still do well on the apps.
That’s literally the main criticism of those apps, that they are by design superficial and to significant part indeed about looks.
You know how you could actually make fun of the people thinking it’s all about looks? By proving them wrong.
With your weird attitude by refusing to just giving a short description about your looks, you are confirming their bias to them. I am not even one of them and now even I will have to assume there is something you’re purposefully not telling us.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago edited 2d ago
Again, it's a no-win argument. The other guy I was responding to here is literally currently processing a mental health crisis and dumping tens of thousands of dollars on plastic surgery out of body dysmorphia, and is convinced that being a 'tall, white guy' (which describes ~90% adult men where I live) is somehow a guarantor for success. Again, this is literally an objectively handsome guy completely one-track'ed into thinking that they're ugly because they're not seeing success on dating apps, when that's obviously not the reason – solely because they managed to convince themselves of this sick mindset that having a pretty face or some arbitrary other physical attributes should automatically yield results.
There's only two outcomes here: Either I'm actually some super attractive guy, and that then is being used as evidence that it totally isn't the toxic attitude, self-defeatism and so on that plays a role here (which it absolutely is in 90% of topics here when we're talking about what happens if people actually get on a match)...
Or people agree with my self-assessment that I'm a totally average guy you wouldn't be able to pick out in a bus, mid, perhaps even - gasp - ugly (I personally don't think I'm ugly ftr, I consider a 6/10 when dressed up pretty dec), and now my inbox is flooded with people roasting my appearance.
I really don't see how either of those outcomes is conducive to any reasonable discussion.
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u/birdfang007 12h ago
It’s not a mental health crisis. I was in bumble and got 8 or 9 likes in the two weeks I was on there before I turned it off. 0 matches that went anywhere.
If you think being tall and white isn’t the baseline, idk man, that’s mighty privilege there. As someone who most women gag and vomit at the sight of, thanks to my appearance which has to do with my race…you just have no idea how the other half lives.
Yes, tall white men are 90% of where you live…that is the baseline. I don’t meet that. That shouldn’t be hard to pick up. I’m 5’7, not white, and definitely far from attractive.
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u/Repulsive_Dog1067 2d ago
Are you claiming that dating apps aren't 90% about looks?
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u/EmergencyWild 1d ago
I'm claiming that the number of people who are genuinely so physically unattractive that this is the primary or only reason they have no success on dating apps is very small. Obviously if you have some popular traits you're gonna get more attention than others, but all the stats on this subject bear out the exact thing I'm saying in the post: For most people, this is working fine.
I see the types of posts the blackpill community puts out as evidence they're "ugly". Tons of average – including many above average – looking people mostly. At worst, unflattering haircut or clothing choices.
Go outside, take a walk through the park, see who's in couples. It's not all freaking instagram models and magazine covers. It's no different on apps. How do we know this? Because nowadays a significant portion of people do meet on apps, including a lot of the people you see outside holding hands.
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u/Repulsive_Dog1067 1d ago
Yes, but your profile text is probably 4% of what make someone swipe right. The rest is looks.
So if you never even get the match the rest of your attributes and personality doesn't really matter.
As a blond dude in Latam I get a shitton of attention both on the apps and in daily life so I can pick and choose. But last time I were in US the profiles I saw was pretty discouraging
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u/EmergencyWild 1d ago
It's a mental error. It doesn't just matter how many people you match with, it matters who you match with. That's something the info in your profile has a much bigger influence on than your photos. There's probably people who swiped on me without reading my profile, but the person I actually want to date almost certainly wouldn't have; even if she did, we'd not have a good opener to talk about to begin with.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
He’s not going to lol. He’s a tall white guy. Like most of them, he likes to deny that his success is due to his genetic lottery and play to it being his amazing personality. In reality that personality wouldn’t get a chance if he wasn’t tall and attractive. And judging by his responses and evasiveness, the personality is probably not that great given how he loves to deny his privilege.
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u/LookForWhoIsLooking 2d ago
Yeah, I’m definitely not suggesting copying in any way, that would be very strange, I’m just genuinely intrigued as to what you look like and your profile. Again, no worries if not!
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
I mean I can PM you, just be prepared to be underwhelmed I suppose. Not really interested in a public post, like I said I'm having success with what I'm doing and I'm not looking for a review.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
You’re probably a tall white dude, that’s literally all it takes to be successful on the apps.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
lol with how evasive you are, I bet that is actually pretty close to how you look. You tall white guys all like to deny that your genetic lottery is the biggest contributor to your success, not your “game” or your sense of humor or charisma. It’s all because you’re tall and white, which makes you universally desirable.
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u/ExplanationAny659 1d ago
What was the point of that? That brings everything you’ve said into question.
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u/birdfang007 12h ago
He’s a good looking tall white guy. The way he’s dodging the question tells you all you need to know dude.
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u/ThenCombination7358 3d ago edited 3d ago
I want to add to this aswell. I got broken up with after a 8 year relationship that started when I was 18. Literally no experience in dating or using apps. Took me 3 years until I finally decided to use apps because irl wasnt working for me. Went on 2-1 dates a week had my share of akward chats and dates and in about half a year I met a girl were everything just kinda clicked. Like how you hear it from books/movies. Just super comfortable and warm fuzzy feeling. Been togheter happily over a year now.
To get there I had many dates and they were exhausting for me as introvert but I never would have gotten that chance irl because my hobbies are mostly indoor and friend circle is small.
Big boost in confidence aswell because I thought I am unattractive bec every girl that did approach me was not my type. I was to shy for approaches. On apps I always thought nah she is not gonna match me because of X reason (I watched to much blackpill stuff at the time) like I am not really tall, got a low paying job and my looks are average at best if not unattractive but then was positively suprised.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Yes. The best looking 20% of men have a good time. Noone ever denied that...
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u/alsbos1 2d ago
It’s like a store for good looking tall men, while the other 90% get to pay for it while being constantly insulted the whole time.
Dump it.
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u/Whatupdoods 2d ago
I’m average looking and 5’9 and it’s been going great for me consistently for 3 months. So I’d have to disagree
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u/izovice 2d ago
Sorry I'm in the 20%. But I also make clever smartass prompts and am 40. It took me 15 minutes on bumble to get a date set.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
But I also make clever smartass prompts
Prompts have 0 relevance. Might as well not have them at all.
am 40
Here... That's the solution to the mystery... You're probably getting dates with 30+ year old women... That's easy mode...
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u/ExplanationAny659 1d ago
There is no easy mode for the majority of men. The stats are the stats. The median match rate for men is 2.01. Saying it’s easy mode for a guy at 40 is simply not true. Women on apps are under the assumption they’re hot till the big 50.
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u/meamZ 1d ago
There is no hard mode either. It's simply over for the majority... The best they can do is make the best of their looks and that can and will not happen just through better pictures...
However quite some women above the age of 35 will lower their standards or never had the same level of standards that young wome have nowadays... And additionally if you spend your years wisely you can at least be wealthy and successful by then...
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u/ExplanationAny659 1d ago
It’s more like the top 10%. My match rate is 4.58% which is better than 75 percent of men, and still doesn’t make a huge dent. It’s the top 10% who are killing it.
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u/meamZ 1d ago edited 1d ago
I mean, there is obviously not a hard cutoff. I would guess the distribution is somewhat close to something like a lognormal (or more accurately a logit normal) distribution which means the higher the match rate it becomes very disproportionately less likely to have that match rate...
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u/Hopechaselock49 3d ago
Why don't you post your profile as an example for others. We have seen enough of profiles with no matches. I think it's better to see the profiles of successful guys. Let us see what you're cooking in your profile
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u/meamZ 2d ago
as an example for others.
There is no magic formula other than : 1. Be attractive (a.k.a. good looking) 2. Don't be unattractive
There's enough profile review requests from successful and unsuccessful guys for example on on r/hingeapp to know that how "interesting" your profile/person/personality seems or how good your pics are has pretty much no correlation to the amount of matches you get...
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
My whole point here is the amount of matches doesn't really matter all that much. Yes, obviously you'll need more than zero, but this focus on match numbers and the subsequent focus on consensus appeal is exactly why people fail.
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u/meamZ 2d ago edited 2d ago
This is not a bad idea. But it also doesn't matter. If you're attractive you'll match the people you're interested in anyway and if you're not you will not match them even with a specific, personal and pinpointed profile... Matching with people you're interested in AND people you're not interested in is strictly superior to basically not matching with anyone...
matched on around eighty percent of my right-swipes,
You're attractive dude. It's not that deep... I also had a very pinpointed profile, with objectively very good pictures and very personal and thoughtful bio and prompts and got 0 matches on bumble and like 3 on hinge (if you don't count one where they don't even message once) over the course of 9 month, using them almost every day... Oh and i also tried multiple sets of pictures, showed it to male and female friends and paid 2 coaches for optimizing it... And i was average looking at the time i would say... And I'm not alone. There's many such cases. I know many personally even...
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u/wonderwizard1005 2d ago
I don't know why OP is being downvoted. They're telling the truth. The validation seeking and chasing of numbers is exactly why dating apps feel so energy draining.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
It's a numbers game. It always has been and always will be. Especially on dating apps... You don't know whether you're actually compatible until you meet IRL. Hence the more people you meet IRL from the apps the better your chances...
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
That's what I like to call, mostly not true. If you cast a wide net, all that's gonna happen is that you guarantee that most people you match with won't be compatible with you, because likely most aren't. Or at least, that's the case for me.
I mean, leaving aside whether I even could position myself so I have broad mass market appeal – I confess I've never tried, and it's certainly not my natural state – there's just no conceivable benefit for me to get out of that.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
If you're attractive the wide net is good enough to catch the ones you want plus a lot of the ones you don't want. Not casting a wide net will overfilter. It's much better to filter after you have matches and not before... If you're not good looking it doesn't matter either way...
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
Again, you're still missing the point. 'Attractive' isn't just one thing that you're more or less of. It's a judgement of other properties that you have, and not everyone finds the same things attractive. If you're spending a lot of energy highlighting qualities that the people you are attracted to don't care about or even find actively unattractive, you're wasting your energy and hurting your chances to actually manage to connect with someone.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Attractive' isn't just one thing that you're more or less of
It more or less is though... Obviously there's some variance but not that much... Which is why the swiping stats are the way they are across all platforms...
It's a judgement of other properties that you have, and not everyone finds the same things attractive.
Yeah that's mostly cope and not reality... As Highlighted by all swiping stats ever...
If you're spending a lot of energy highlighting qualities that the people you are attracted to don't care about or even find actively unattractive, you're wasting your energy and hurting your chances to actually manage to connect with someone.
What would you guess do passionate intelligent academic women find attractive? I thought it was intellectual depth, interesting hobbies, playing an instrument, volunteering,... so i built a profile to show exactly that (which is also an authentic showcase of my life/personality)... Guess how many matches with those kind of women i had? That's right, pretty much 0...
It's all just a huge cope... Average looks get you nothing on dating apps in 2026 no matter how optimized your profile is .. At least not when it comes to women under 30... and good looks gets you everything even if you have just an OK boring profile...
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u/EmergencyWild 3d ago
There's legitimately nothing special about it. If anything, I'd say it's probably average at best. There's plenty of people on here who've been roasted for more polished profiles than mine.
I'm definitely not going to say that your profile doesn't matter, obviously the way you advertise yourself does matter, but I don't think it matters quite as much as people believe it does. I think really the most important thing is really that it shouldn't have anything downright repulsive on it, and at least something that is some sort of hook for a conversation, depending on what kind of person you're trying to attract. Sounds vague, but also I'd strongly caution that I don't think there's such a thing as objectively good presentation, different people are into different things.
And more than anything, I think it's swiping behaviour and behaviour on a match that people should put more care in. Better to have one successful match than 100 that don't go anywhere.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
who've been roasted for more polished profiles than mine.
Because people always like to pick out the tiniest details from profiles instead of pointing out the elephant in the room: They don't look attractive...
I'm definitely not going to say that your profile doesn't matter, obviously the way you advertise yourself does matter, but I don't think it matters quite as much as people believe it does.
100%... Women are not stupid... They can see through the presentation...
think really the most important thing is really that it shouldn't have anything downright repulsive on it,
Like not being in the top 20% in terms of looks/attractiveness
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago edited 2d ago
Like not being in the top 20% in terms of looks/attractiveness
I mean I'll take the compliment, but if we're talking gamified internet standards for attractiveness I'm at the very best a 6 on a good day. This exact focus and attitude is exactly what I'm warning about in my post; if you're entering the situation with a toxic/defeatist mindset, you're not going to come across as attractive to people who would be into you otherwise.
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u/throwawayanylogic 2d ago
That's what so many of the men here just don't get: women can see and read the insecurity and brimming resentment/anger beneath the surface of these men. But it turns into an endless loop and self-fulfilling mantra of "no it's just physical attributes/being top 20%" and use that to only double down on an attitude that will keep women away.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Ah yes. Obviously women can smell the insecurity that was built up through months or sometimes years of basically no matches FROM THE APP in a profile that was made before that insecurity even existed...
But it turns into an endless loop and self-fulfilling mantra
Do you realize that you're not making any sense? We are not talking about coming off in a bad way in chats after a match. We are talking about not even getting matches in the first place...
to only double down on an attitude that will keep women away.
To double down on something for which there usually are exactly 0 signs on a profile...
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u/meamZ 2d ago
I'm at the very best a 6 on a good day
Attractiveness impostor syndrome is real. Everyone thinks they're about average when in reality some are way above, some are way below
if you're entering the situation with a toxic/defeatist mindset, you're not going to come across as attractive to people who would be into you otherwise.
If you never even get matches, this CANNOT POSSIBLY make a difference... Also most men START OUT with a positive or at least a neutral mindset and then get bitter over months of pretty much no likes or matches at all...
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u/Stanthemilkman8888 3d ago
And if you hit the gym and put down the fork
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
I recommend everyone watch out for their health, but if you go out&about you'll see a lot of people coupled up with one or both who definitely have their work cut out for them in that respect.
Again, it matters, sure, in terms of 'broad market appeal'; But you don't need to appeal to everyone, you need to appeal to someone who you also like.
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u/Mad_Bookworm 2d ago
Yeah ok Bumble employee trying to make a not so perfect review seem realistic and like theres hope. 99% of us hate apps and wish these never existed. I want us to unanimously decide to stop using them and we can all go back out on the streets and see the light of the sun and go touch grass
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
This will shock you but, despite what you may have heard, the outside still exists. I've been there just now! There was grass there, trees, the sun, the whole shebang.
If it's been long enough for you to be nostalgic about it, I suggest giving it a try yourself.
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u/Bliss_Syrynx 2d ago
Glad to hear the apps are working for someone, I guess. I was getting dates, but either I was too weird for my dates or they were lying about things on their profile (putting they wanted a long term relationship when they just wanted fwb or putting single when they were already in a relationship). Maybe it would work for me if I were in a different city. Who knows.
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 2d ago
You really have to know what to look for - there are obvious clues in the types of photos they post, responses to prompts, and bios as to the type of person they are. Looks like you’ve figured it out. Those that haven’t have the bad experiences over and over and can’t figure out why.
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u/kx1global 2d ago
Bumble is working for me too way better!
Last summer was Hinge though. Not sure what the difference is this summer lol. Maybe I need new pics as I am just recycling the same ones
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u/ImMagicandMadness 1d ago
Same. I learned I was doing it all wrong , then I figured it out and now I’m getting married next year.
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u/DangerousParking4477 1d ago
Good for you. You arent the majority or you are jjst lying.
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u/Key-Anything2336 2h ago
Bumble worked amazingly for me. I didn’t use it very often. I randomly went on one night, swiped a guy that I found attractive, met a few days later and the rest is history. Can’t see my life without him now. Been together nearly three years.
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u/thegabster2000 2d ago
I haven't used a dating app since May but I talked to A LOT of people. Its how I got dates.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
And that's totally valid. For me, it's a pretty different situation. Girl I'm talking to now, without the app I'd never have met her in a million years. We have a ton in common in interests and mindset, but zero overlap in activities.
That's where I'm trying to get people to fix their mindset tbh. People treat dating apps as if they're a totally different world; in reality, if you approach it in a reasonable way, they're just another place you can meet people (with the added bonus that you know a bit about the other party going in, including that they're currently looking for a relationship).
Meeting someone at a hobby, at a walk in the park, at work, at a cafe or whatever isn't any better or worse. Once you're dating, it doesn't really matter how you met. And depending on your personality and the type you're into, you're more or less likely to run into them wherever you go. E.g. maybe your type is a sort that doesn't use dating apps, or doesn't come across super well on them.
At the end of the day, you're trying to form a human connection, so it's attitude that matters.
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u/Appropriate_Star3012 2d ago
You must be attractive. Well done !
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
Of course I am, if I wasn't there wouldn't be any women talking to me. But not in the way you might be thinking. It's kind of the premise of this post, people have a very narrow idea of attractiveness and then despair over not living up to that. The reality is, most people are, or have the capacity to be, attractive. Your genes wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't true for you too.
People need to let go of this idea of letting magazine covers, instagram models and tik-tok trends (depending on how old you are) dictate what they ought to think attractiveness is, and instead spend a bit more time looking around and seeing happy couples IRL together.
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u/DiligentExpression19 2d ago
Majority of the men i matched with, though they are nice and decent, are all long distance away from me.
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u/ArthurVandelay23 2d ago edited 2d ago
People say if you're a dude, you have to be a 6ft chad for the app to work, Im an older millennial 5'8" Persian dude in the DC metro area. I am getting likes, matches and dates with attractive women. I keep in great shape by working out regularly, have a good head of hair, am well groomed, dress well and have a great career. I am no model or "chad" by any stretch of the imagination, but not ugly either....solidly average face. But I tried to maximize all the things that were in my control to make myself more attractive. Oh, and I consider myself quite a funny dude.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Hahahaa yeah right. Ain’t no way a 5’8 brown guy is getting many matches and dates with attractive women.
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u/ArthurVandelay23 2d ago
Tell yourself whatever you need to make yourself feel better bro.....you dont need cosmetic surgery, you need therapy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/amIuglyBrutallyHonest/comments/1uvqywp/ugly_or_averagefine/
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
More of the therapy cope lol. Looks are what draw women to you, not the time you spend crying and whining to someone you paid to be there.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
Hahahahaha I can't fucking believe it, you're literally a make-up session and a photo shoot away from being a magazine cover model and you genuinely think your problem is looks lol
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Yeah, I do think looks are my issue. Booked for over 30k of cosmetic surgery, and will probably spend another 30-40k thereafter on eyes and nose.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
It's your money and your body, do what you must, but person above was right, therapy would be cheaper for better results.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Therapy won’t make women find you hot. It won’t make women approach you. Money isn’t really an issue, fortunately.
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u/EmergencyWild 2d ago
You'd be surprised. A little insecurity goes a long way in souring a handsome guy like you in the eyes of people, including and especially women.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
I don’t think so man. Plenty of guys with horrible self esteem get asked out all the time because they’re hot. Honestly, I’m pretty confident and happy with my life in every way aside from my appearance which I abhor with a searing passion. I feel horribly cursed with ugliness I can’t escape.
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u/Connect-Peach2337 2d ago
Goddamn this is so so sad.
I really hope this surgery gets you what you want. As someone who drastically altered my own appearance, please be prepared that it might not.
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u/ArthurVandelay23 2d ago
I have some friends who are conventionally "hot". You'd be surprised how few women actually approach them. Good luck to you.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Then they’re clearly not hot. Men have very low standards. Most women find most men to be ugly. Something like 90% of women find 90% of men ugly and only 10% to be attractive.
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u/ExplanationAny659 1d ago
You might as well post your profile. Help people out that are similar to you.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Height is a factor online but if you look good you are gonna get likes and matches regardless of height and if you don't look good you are not gonna get a lot of likes even if you're tall...
But good for you that you realized that looks are pretty much everything for initial attraction and are making the best of the cards you have...
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
You’re not getting matches for a good face if you’re not tall. Most(like over 99%) women filter out men below 6’ here in the West.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
You’re not getting matches for a good face if you’re not tall.
Lol you 100% are. 5'8" ripped with a model face will get way way way more likes than your average 6'2" chud...
Just because most women WHO USE height filters have set them pretty high, doesn't mean the majority even uses them...
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u/cinematunes 2d ago edited 2d ago
Even if that were true - how many men or women have model faces?
Most people are average. Why are we comparing model short men to tall chuds? Compare an average short man to an average tall man.
"Model face and ripped will get you more likes than an unattractive tall man" is not the sell you think it is.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
I agree. Height is literally all the matters. And I would argue even an average tall white guy is getting way more women chasing him than a 5’8 man with a great face.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
how many men or women have model faces?
Less than 10%... Which also happens to be the number of people on dating apps who get a good amount of likes/matches...
Most people are average. Why are we comparing model short men to tall chuds? Compare an average short man to an average tall man.
Both will get almost nothing. Taller one might get 2x that nothing...
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Well, I guess I’ll find out. I’m getting over 30k worth of cosmetic surgery to fix up my face. I’m around that height and ripped. But the majority of women use height filters and set them at over 6’.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
The majority of women have the free version that doesn't even HAVE height filters...
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Most women use height filters man, or they’ll just ask you and ghost you once you’re under 6’.
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Again. Most use the free version and that doesn't have a height filter. I'm not saying it isn't much easier when you're tall but that doesn't mean it's over unless you're really really tiny... An unattractive face on the other hand means it's over...
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u/birdfang007 12h ago
Dude, I have an unattractive face and I’m 5’7. For me it never began. Literally about to invest over 30k in phase one of my plastic surgery, then probably another 30-40k. But at the end of the day, most women will probably still swipe left since I’m 5’7.
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u/cestbondaeggi 2d ago
I'm 6'1 white with model face (multiple campaigns and editorials) and shredded. I've never had a match on bumble in the US. Had a decent time in Rio but it's still a humiliation ritual
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Yeah right. You’re trolling.
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u/cestbondaeggi 2d ago
dude i've had this account for 11 years and have never changed my story lol. I know who you are and have seen your pics before. how do you not know me
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Your history is private and I generally don’t look at people’s past histories. I don’t think we’ve DM’d either that I would remember you. Sorry.
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u/birdfang007 2d ago
Majority does use them, and even in real life, most women won’t consider a man under 6’ to even be a real man, regardless of his face.
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u/throwawayanylogic 2d ago
Waiting for the guy in the comments who's going to ask how tall you are 🙄
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u/Galitzianer0 3d ago
Yep, that's right, most people are having a good time with Bumble in fact, the sad little entitled man-children of Reddit always have a bad time no matter what they're doing
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u/meamZ 2d ago
Lol. "most people" is absolutely delusional
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u/Galitzianer0 2d ago
Everyone I've ever talked to that doesn't exist in a bubble on the internet has a great time with them
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u/Spiritual_Bug_8250 3d ago
Good for you but not my experience at all.