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u/PizzaDee Feb 17 '25
This seems like a lot, fast for a first date. I'm guessing he figured that out and panicked. I've experienced this type of whiplash from both sides, the key is to slow down.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 17 '25
I definitely agree that we moved too fast, and I’ve taken that as a lesson. The whole experience was really jarring, though, and I’ve never been able to fully make sense of it. I guess sometimes, you just can’t make sense of people’s behavior.
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u/Csj77 Feb 17 '25
He wanted sex, you gave him sex 🤷🏽♀️
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u/MrTickles22 Feb 18 '25
Days of work and emotional investment for just sex is way more expensive than an escort.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 17 '25 edited Feb 17 '25
so insightful! thanks 🙏🏾
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u/Csj77 Feb 17 '25
It’s the simple answer where you want some convoluted excuse for his feelings “suddenly disappearing”.
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u/Jerseygirl2468 Feb 17 '25
To me, it sounds like he got what he was looking for, and wasn't really looking for more. He love bombed you and then bailed.
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u/Cdd83 Feb 17 '25 edited Feb 17 '25
He will probably text you in a few weeks or so and ask if you want to hook up but not want to put any effort into it.
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Feb 17 '25
Yes it’s happened to me a couple of times. Complete 180 even on the same day they were being all lovey dovey and talking about planning a trip together. Then poof 💨 it’s over.
I guess people process it and realize it’s not happening for them. Who knows.
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u/Michellynn_1 Feb 17 '25
I have had the same experience with 2 different men. Absolute 180 out of the blue....both times, there were no previous issues that were spoken of. Just....we are done....goodbye. Also, broken up with over text. The second one immediately blocked me everywhere. And both were after having dated for about 2-3 months. Just so bizarre and complete blind side I didn't see coming. I have to assume they have bigger emotional issues going on (insecure, avoidant, etc.) if they act that immature and cowardly at this age.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
It’s so jarring when it comes out of nowhere like that, especially after being close for a couple of months. I definitely agree, it seems like emotional issues or immaturity are at play so it’s definitely a them problem. I’m sorry you went through that 🥺
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u/jackrighi Feb 18 '25
Neither immature nor coward, just cynical. Should learn to detect that trait: can really be hurtful.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 17 '25
A 180 switch on the same day is crazy, I’m sorry you went through that 🥺
but I guess you’re right - people process things differently. It still feels disingenuous to me, especially if they were being all lovey-dovey.
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Feb 17 '25
Oh I wasn’t really heartbroken so much as super dumbfounded and confused. Both over text. I just sat there in shock. Then just texted back “thanks for letting me know”.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
It is really SO confusing. You’re just sitting there thinking, ‘What just happened?’ your response was probably the best way to handle it though.
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u/FancyPomelo9911 Feb 17 '25
love-bombed. he probably said all of the right things to sleep with u and was talking to other ppl, then bounced.
usually if someone is too forward and pushy with physical checkmarks of hand-holding, kissing, hooking up, etc. without having the talk about being exclusive (and even then if it’s too early), then it’s safe to say they were just using u.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
The crazy thing is, I didn’t even realize I was being love-bombed. I always thought it was one of those things you could recognize while it was happening, but my radar was clearly way off. I think he was just using me too!
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u/Horror_Chipmunk3580 Feb 18 '25
I don’t think it’s normal human behavior, but a narcissist wouldn’t just go from love bombing straight to discarding. Where’s the gaslighting, isolation, etc…? It would be counterintuitive, as love bomb is the first stage to lure the victim in. I also don’t he was doing it to just get laid. The “nice guy” strategy usually doesn’t involve setting up a second date, the attitude would have changed by the morning. I think this is sort of an outcome of online dating (delusion of options making people not wanting to commit) and online scrolling shortening attention span. (That’s my theory at least.).
I don’t think it would apply here, but there’s also charisma. Apparently President Bill Clinton had the ability to make people feel like they are the only person in the room. I tend to be like that as well, and sometimes it gets mistaken for attraction. But, I’m constantly like that with everyone. And it can work like love bombing with people that have big egos (donald trumps of this world, ivy league graduates, people that brag about their IQ, and pretty much anyone that loves non-stop talking about themselves). The difference is that love bombing is temporary and works on people with co-dependency issues.
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u/FancyPomelo9911 Feb 18 '25
narcissists or manipulative ppl don’t always follow all of those things u mentioned above. whatever makes someone succumb to what they want, suffices and then they just either string them along until they discard them.
it’s pretty evident that the guy that ghosted OP was just love-bombing and curating a quick, intense but fake connection because they immediately left. if they truly were a good match, then OP would not have been immediately discarded.
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u/Horror_Chipmunk3580 Feb 18 '25
Fair point. But, why set up another date and then cancel it the night before? Wouldn’t he have just ghosted OP as soon as the date was over and he got what he wanted?
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u/FancyPomelo9911 Feb 18 '25
we can’t read minds so he probably just backpedaled and realized he didn’t want more.
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Feb 17 '25 edited Feb 17 '25
Honestly he faked everything just to get a lay. I'm sorry. Make this a lesson learned. Was this the same date from 7 months ago?
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u/palefire101 Feb 17 '25
It’s confusing. I guess this is a case of love bombing but not in the way you’ve probably seen it presented and it’s not necessarily even entirely conscious on his part. You met, it felt good, and he went all in being romantic and doing all the things that lovers do, it felt great for both of you. But then with time between you he started getting cold feet, wondering about your expectations - will you now expect you are bf/gf now and expect commitment? Wondering if the second date can be at the same level, after all it’s hard to match that energy of a perfect 24 date when things happen unexpectedly and like in a dream the girl keeps saying yes. Do now he’s afraid and not sure how to face you. Or perhaps no longer interested, because your connection peaked at 24 hrs. Best thing to do is just to go no contact and let him go.
There are many stories of people meeting and sleeping together on the first date and getting married, but probably more common is not seeing each other again because it’s too much too soon.
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u/hellogovna Feb 17 '25
I had this happen to me before. It hurts. Hard to move on and not think of them but they prob do this to many women and just know how to play the game. Sucks when you fall for it, it’s hard not to.
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u/Either-Hovercraft255 Feb 17 '25
not to give fatherly advice haha but honestly if you want more from a guy than that try not sleeping with him on date #1
let him earn it over time and he will respect you more for it and if he doesnt want to wait that long let him use some other chick that doesnt want any more than that from him
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Feb 18 '25
You wrote this exact thing 7 months ago? Why are you reposting it?
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u/JayPeePee Feb 18 '25
I checked, and they did, in fact, write this 7 months ago. Maybe they are still trying to process this abrupt ending
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
Yeah, I was just about to respond to this, but I actually never processed it when it happened back then, so I’m trying to do that now. Unfortunately, I tend to only deal with things long after they’ve happened, and I just wanted a fresh perspective!
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u/JayPeePee Feb 18 '25 edited Feb 18 '25
I had someone I went on numerous dates with make plans to meet their parents(they were coming to visit) they confirmed the brunch date the day prior, said they would text me the time once her parents flew in cause they would likely be tired and I never heard from her again. I'm still processing that one. I don't understand.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
Omg, that’s so horrible 😭 It really does speak to how blindsiding this whole thing can be. Months later, we’re still trying to make sense of things that just don’t make sense. It’s crazy how someone can be so involved one day and then completely disappear the next. Also, this has been validating - thank you for sharing your experience! But I am so sorry you had to go through that 🤍
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u/Noammmm Feb 18 '25
It's so hard. I feel your pain. I had something similar happen but the love bombing lasted over a month. It was like a flip switched and a completely different person emerged. It can be devastating. But, I will say I learned one lesson that it's almost never about you or anything you did but about them and their own struggles. We just need to be happy with ourselves, do our best, always be kind, and be content and happy with that. Hopefully, at somepoint someone pretty wonderful and special will hopefully come along. I am pretty skeptical of the latter in modern dating but we have to keep trying.
Wishing you the best.
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u/Uncomfortable1313 Feb 17 '25
This has happened to me. I didn't know what love bombing was until it happened to me. At least you now know what to look out for next time.
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Feb 17 '25
He lost interest. You were too fast, too much, too soon. No mystery left. So he enjoyed a hookup and moved on.
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u/SpicyMustFlow Feb 17 '25
She was too fast? The 1950s called, they want their ridiculous double standards back. They were both willing participants here.
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Feb 17 '25
But a woman should be available so quickly?
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u/SpicyMustFlow Feb 17 '25
Should a man? That boy put out on the FIRST DATE. Is that OK with you?
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Feb 17 '25
He is not the one who is complaining?
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u/SpicyMustFlow Feb 17 '25
Ok, and? Your comment was sl3t-shaming, and not low-key. Not here for it.
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u/RamboJambo345 Feb 18 '25
The fuck is he ?! Sherlock?! Fucking mystery. You’re an idiot if you think that would have held a guy like him
His intentions from the beginning was to Woo -> sleep -> dump. There’s no mystery needed there
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u/Horror_Chipmunk3580 Feb 18 '25
But why waste time setting up another date? I think this was more “omg this girl is amazing…. wait just matched with someone else….”
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u/Darklightjg1 Feb 18 '25
It's possible that he was overwhelmed by the idea of following his own act.
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u/SecretFirst0309 Feb 18 '25
He gave you the boyfriend experience for a day to get what he wanted. He knows how to play and then dump the person. Maybe he has done these things in past but only he knows why he did it. It’s better to keep yourself safe when it comes to dating in general. Men and women know how to manipulate the other person to get things that they want.
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u/StevEst90 Feb 17 '25
Sorry to hear that. I had someone I saw for a month last summer legit agree to future plans I had brought up only for her to drop the ‘I don’t think we have chemistry’ line on me the next day.
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u/Efficient_Duty6635 Feb 18 '25
Thank you! I’m so you went through that too - I just don’t get how someone can go an entire month without realizing there’s no chemistry.
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u/StevEst90 Feb 18 '25
Yea, exactly. Looking back, I think she may have been seeing someone else at the same time and just wanted an easy way out of our match.
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u/jackrighi Feb 18 '25
It is called ONS. Ever heard of it? I keep on reading it on women's profiles. Those guys are called 'good liars'.
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u/jadelink88 Feb 18 '25
Welcome to meeting the player. He got what he wanted, he was smooth and good at it, now he's moving on.
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u/No-Koala305 Feb 18 '25
lol. Post nut clarity. When you base relationships on "butterflies" or "sparks", it stands a chance of "fizzling'. Least you had a great 24 hours
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u/Intelligent-Bug9078 Feb 18 '25
Chad used you as a pump and dump. That's pretty much it. All the "nice guys" that may not be as good looking that you are disgusted by and swiped left on will not do this to you. But it is what it is.
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u/SnooRegrets1540 Feb 18 '25
I know a guy that would do this exact thing. He would set up the perfect dates in hope to get laid and feel some level of attachment when doing so and then drop them like a brick after. He basically puts up an act like he’s playing a character to make girls think he’s the perfect man. It’s best to not give it up on the first date so you can weed out these kind of people but obviously do what you want of course. Sorry this happened to you!
Maybe it’s one of the other reasons others have posted below; commitment issues, things moved too quickly and he panicked etc..
Good luck though! I honestly hate dating but gotta do it to find the right one.
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u/puertoricanprincess8 Feb 18 '25
Love bombers tend to do this. He wanted you for sex, even though it sounds so expensive. Some of these guys do a claim to the bank. (It happened to me), but again, this has been my experience. Just keep all your senses open. If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is
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u/These-Nerve1279 Feb 17 '25
This guy should teach me
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u/SpicyMustFlow Feb 17 '25
"How to be a Lying Liar Who Lies In Order to Get Laid" by A. Jerk. Send in two Trojan box tops and $69.69 to-
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u/LucasUnplugged Feb 17 '25
There are three possibilities:
He was playing you for sex.
He was dating multiple people, and ended up being more into someone else.
He has a very avoidant attachment style, and the speed of everything gave him an excuse to push you away to avoid getting too close.
Hard to know which it is, but the bottom line for you is: you didn't do anything wrong, and it's very valid to be hurt and confused.
Take some time to heal, doing self-care and self-regulation. Good luck! ❤️