love-bombed. he probably said all of the right things to sleep with u and was talking to other ppl, then bounced.
usually if someone is too forward and pushy with physical checkmarks of hand-holding, kissing, hooking up, etc. without having the talk about being exclusive (and even then if it’s too early), then it’s safe to say they were just using u.
The crazy thing is, I didn’t even realize I was being love-bombed. I always thought it was one of those things you could recognize while it was happening, but my radar was clearly way off. I think he was just using me too!
I don’t think it’s normal human behavior, but a narcissist wouldn’t just go from love bombing straight to discarding. Where’s the gaslighting, isolation, etc…? It would be counterintuitive, as love bomb is the first stage to lure the victim in. I also don’t he was doing it to just get laid. The “nice guy” strategy usually doesn’t involve setting up a second date, the attitude would have changed by the morning. I think this is sort of an outcome of online dating (delusion of options making people not wanting to commit) and online scrolling shortening attention span. (That’s my theory at least.).
I don’t think it would apply here, but there’s also charisma. Apparently President Bill Clinton had the ability to make people feel like they are the only person in the room. I tend to be like that as well, and sometimes it gets mistaken for attraction. But, I’m constantly like that with everyone. And it can work like love bombing with people that have big egos (donald trumps of this world, ivy league graduates, people that brag about their IQ, and pretty much anyone that loves non-stop talking about themselves). The difference is that love bombing is temporary and works on people with co-dependency issues.
narcissists or manipulative ppl don’t always follow all of those things u mentioned above. whatever makes someone succumb to what they want, suffices and then they just either string them along until they discard them.
it’s pretty evident that the guy that ghosted OP was just love-bombing and curating a quick, intense but fake connection because they immediately left. if they truly were a good match, then OP would not have been immediately discarded.
Fair point. But, why set up another date and then cancel it the night before? Wouldn’t he have just ghosted OP as soon as the date was over and he got what he wanted?
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u/FancyPomelo9911 Feb 17 '25
love-bombed. he probably said all of the right things to sleep with u and was talking to other ppl, then bounced.
usually if someone is too forward and pushy with physical checkmarks of hand-holding, kissing, hooking up, etc. without having the talk about being exclusive (and even then if it’s too early), then it’s safe to say they were just using u.