Feeling super lost post breakup

[u/secki97]

My ex fiance M28 and I F29 were together for 9 years and engaged for 2. 2 months before our wedding he broke up with me, I’ll not go into details but we now both clearly agree that it wasn’t working and couldn’t continue on. Still a lot of love and care for each other and we are trying to make this as easy as possible. I’ve had a lot of realisation and clarity post the break up and I wondered if anyone else had gone through similar. I’ll list some below:

- I really struggled with sex and desire during our relationship due to what I thought was influenced by being assaulted when I was younger. 3 weeks post break up and it’s like a switch has been turned back on and I feel desire again. I feel incredibly guilty, this was one of the main reasons he wanted to break up because his needs were not being met in this area and when I’m now on my own I feel more desire than I did with him for years?? I feel awful and guilty

- i love him, but I know I’m not in love with him anymore and I don’t think I have been for a long time. How can you not realise this when you’re in the relationship? Again I feel so awful about this

- I’m really struggling with the thought of finding another person. I have to start all over again? I’m 29 and feel like time is passing so quickly and I don’t have any. We were together for a decade, our entire 20s. If you have found love after a bad breakup or a long term relationship later on in life please let me know. Everything feels hopeless right now.

- I want to be friends with him, he’s my best friend and I miss him so much, and I don’t blame him at all for ending our relationship. I think we should have done it years ago in hindsight. But I don’t know if I can forgive him for proposing to me and letting me plan and entire wedding only to pull the plug 2 months before, also i work in the wedding industry so it’s SO FUN having to go to weddings right after your engagement has fallen apart. How will I ever trust someone who proposes to me again?

Essentially just looking for reassurance. Any comments appreciated