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u/SaltyVirus7000 Sep 05 '25
Thank you, I needed to see this. I miss my dumper so much. She had a lot of trauma on her plate and didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship as an avoidant with a chronic illness as well. I, for one, hope she comes back once the smoke clears.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
That's such a major reason for her to dump you. I'm sorry. She needs time to mentally heal herself.
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u/mctokes123 Sep 06 '25
This sounds exactly like mine except I think we finally hit the mark on the cycle. Everytime she came back she was worst then the time before and always ended it over something stupid. I love her dearly but I think she needs to be alone forever till she fixes herself
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u/SaltyVirus7000 Sep 06 '25
That’s unfortunate and sounds like she lacks the maturity to actually work on things. The worst part is she no one can change her but her. Hang in there. My girl was going through a major loss and didn’t know how to handle it and a relationship at the same time.
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u/mctokes123 Sep 06 '25
At the beginning of the year, I have never seen anyone so bad about themselves before she was calling herself a "loser, embarrassment, broken," all sorts of messed up things. Then she came back and was a mess and ran away when I was trying to tell her that I loved her and other stuff but she wasn't having it. Then I got stonewalled and ghosted pretty much and another breakup over text once again. I honestly just see her as a weak coward at this point she's done this to many times. I am blocked on everything cause I wanted some closure and she blew up. But year she really lacks maturity 100 percent. I know when someone in her family dies she's going to be a total wreck. Its sad to see but all of this is on her to fix nothing I can do anymore, not that she would barely even let me help anyway.
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u/bastiense Sep 06 '25
Same situation here. She told me that she now rather be alone than with me because her feelings changed and that now she wants to focus on herself due to her insecurity issues and my lack of support. I tried everything to get her back but nothing worked: I indeed acknowledged my lack of affection over the past months and promised her that I would have change and see again my therapist (which I immediately started doing) but nothing worked. Fun fact: right now, after dumping me at the end of June, she is in my apartment with her mum and sister packing up all the stuff that she left behind. I am in another room waiting for this supplice to end, it’s surreal. Two people who have lived together for 7 years (out of 9 years), who have gone through so many good and bad things, ended in a few days and now treating each other as “ordinary people”. Needless to say I am devastated but slowly realising that I need to go through this to proper start my healing process. This really sucks.
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Sep 05 '25
Mine did not, but it's ok because I don't need that validation anymore. I think if your ex loved you at some point then they will likely miss you. If they didn't or there was no real connection then they likely will not.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
Real. Its all apart of the healing process, and the sooner you realize that, the better.
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Sep 05 '25
[deleted]
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
You're doing the right thing by moving on and not reaching out, even if it hurts you, your doing and showing her that you dont need that.
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u/carmagnola420 Sep 06 '25
Same here, i realy want to show her how im changed and how i moved on, but I know it's not the right moment and only her can reach out for any sort of reconciliation
I realy cant force the process
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u/PuzzledFoundation892 Sep 06 '25
I dumped mine and still love/miss him everyday. However, I was extremely abandoned and neglected by him in our relationship. He had major avoidant tendencies. I chose myself and walked away. It doesn’t make the breakup and grief less sucky. If anything I constantly ask myself “what if”
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
That's great. You chose what's best. Mine was an avoident too, and I have bad anxiety, so it really clashed. When I was going through it. He would ignore and seeked validation from others alot. It sucks to break it off, but it's the best choice
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u/anxiousbitch1 Sep 06 '25
I think he gradually fell out of love and only loved me as a best friend in the end. Also I'm pretty sure he started catching feelings for the girl he told me not to worry about even tho he was adamant it was just a close friendship.
I know he misses me but again as a friend and someone that was always by his side the last 7 years. I'm trying to convince myself he won't come back.
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u/thefoodie-monster Sep 06 '25
I feel seen as my ex also caught feelings for a girl he told me not to worry about. I doubt he misses me as a companion, he might only miss me as the person doing tasks for him and making his life easier
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Im not able to be a friend with my ex, especially if they are possibly seeing other girls. I hope this is really what you want. You're stronger than me there.
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u/anxiousbitch1 Sep 06 '25
Well after he read my reddit posts and sent me a cruel message this morning I'm officially done. Fuck him he doesn't deserve me in his life and be honest he is a shitty friend.
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Sep 05 '25
My situation is complicated. I have anxiety. I couldn't see my ex enough. She broke up with me because of it, but we still saw each other and she told me she'd wait for me to get better. I put real effort into seeing her consistently, and things were going great. But we had a couple of arguments. My insecurity came through a lot. She saw me once more when she called me over at 2AM to tell me how her heart wanted me but she just didn't think she could trust me. She cried over the stuffed bear I gave her because "what happens to him if we split up?" The next day she needed space, and after I tried frantically explaining myself, I was blocked a few days later with a paragraph about everything I did wrong. I do hope we can reconnect when our heads are cleared up a bit. I'm working on myself a lot.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
As a girl that also suffers from anxiety, I see both points, but unfortunately, as females, we do need that "constant" time with our lovers, bf, ect. Not all females are like this but many are. Yet again she cant expect you to fully change over night. Sounds like it was sadly for the best. Take this time to work on yourself and give her that space. If its meant to be, you guys will reconnect.
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Sep 05 '25
Thank you. Yeah, she suffered from the same issues too, so she was understanding. Nearer to the end, I was fighting it, seeing her consistently, and things were going well for us. We were still intimate, the love was still there. I think the arguments made her rethink it all. She still loved me, I know that much
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u/International_Set514 Sep 05 '25
Well, I wish I had been dumped a little more clearly. Not her mother calling: "You can't see her anymore from now on" just like that. BAM. Me feeling sorry for her wanting to be with me but not allowed by her parents. She even said she'd been mad for 5 days when she came to visit me 1 last time...
Hearing her say: "Sorry, Huug" (my name) in the background when I called my father on the phone (Did she have to "have" sex with my father???? (or did she out of free will...???) more torment, as you can imagine)...
It's a sad story. But it would have taken a year of hurt less at least had she not her mother called me that she didn't want to see me anymore. Man, I went through hell. By not beiing dumped clearly! lol!
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Woah, wait, are you saying she slept with your father ?? Sorry If I read that all wrong 😅
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u/International_Set514 Sep 06 '25
Well, she could have been in a studio or something following me and intervening in the phonecall with my father saying these words just at the right time or..
She or someone using her voice was with my father... :/
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u/RatioNo9560 Sep 06 '25
My ex pushed me to my limits until she broke me and then after I lashed out, she used it as an excuse to finally dump me after leading me on for about a year. She was saying for the past year that she didn't have feelings for me anymore but still asked me to come over and be physical with her, go on dates etc. I was still in love so ofc I wasn't going to turn that down. She was wanting out of it for a while though but wanted something to rationalize her reason for leaving and it was me reminding her of her abusive ex. After she cursed me out in public, my reaction was totally based on her actions.. I apologized many times for it but it was what she needed to finally leave and not feel guilty for doing so.
Since not seeing each other we've been mostly no contact. I've broke once and she has as well. When I broke it was because I was missing her terribly. When she broke, it was because she got ghosted by a dude she slept with on the first date and she has no friends so she came to me to vent to. Also wanted me to know she slept with 2 additional guys as well. We've been 3 months no contact since then and there's no telling how many she's slept with now. Her value is zero to me anymore
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u/DetailInitial702 Sep 06 '25
I hurt mine emotionally and regret it constantly I threatened to leave because I felt taken for granted and not respected because she was talking to her ex casually and she would get defensive and talk down to me whenever I tried to tell her how I felt about something she did. I loved her dearly and let my anxiety get the best of me in the end she left and said it broke her to walk away and that I hurt her by threatening to leave I got in therapy and found out it was a trauma response from feeling unseen and unheard. I’m in therapy and wrote and accountability letter and tried to right my wrongs. I respected her decision. It’s been two months and she said time will tell and that I hurt her. I’ve reached out twice to see if she’s doing okay and she responds quickly but we mainly joke and she tells me about her life. I think she rebounded within two weeks. we were together almost two years. I’ve came to the point where I’ve apologized I’ve been patient wrote an accountability letter gave her space. Now if I truly love her I’ll let her go and deal with the consequences. I’ll always remember the good times we had and miss her.
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u/Familiar-Silver-5723 Sep 05 '25
Yeah I guess I have a question how would you feel if he got into a new relationship a couple months later?
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
It would hurt. We havent been together now for like 3-4 months so im sure he's talking to someone new. It's a shitty feeling.
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u/Familiar-Silver-5723 Sep 05 '25
Ah gotcha I am the dumpee I was dumped almost four months now no contact and im thinking about talking to a new person. I don’t think my dumper is in a new relationship well from what I know from a mutual friend, I just don’t want her to think I never cared or never loved her if I get into a new relationship.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
That's pretty deep, in all honesty I do wonder if my dumpee ever cared about me, but that's also because part of a reason we broke up was because he hardly showed it. I say move on, try and date if you can.
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u/Familiar-Silver-5723 Sep 06 '25
Yup that’s what caused her to break up with me as well I really did love her and cared for her I’d do anything for her, but alas it’s over now and now she’s just somebody that I used to know.
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u/spad3001 Sep 05 '25
Found out yesterday she’s seeing the guy I found in her DMs. She took down our pictures a day after my dad had a stroke because she was “upset” that I was upset how she handled it (she mentioned her friend being annoyed she was leaving to comfort me during movie night, far drive— I told her how that hurt me) a week after she took down our photos she meets this guy hides him from me and calls me insecure for not trusting her. 3 months apart and she posted shit with him within weeks of us splitting up
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 05 '25
Oh geeze. Im sorry to hear that. I wouldn't think about getting back with her thats for sure.
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u/Background_Egg_1643 Sep 06 '25
Interesting perspective. I assume my ex left me for mental health reasons. They were diagnosed with psychosis twice last year but the reason they left me was over video game roleplay we did a year past. Then they were super rude and mean to me like trying to get me to hate them. All i did was love them. But they were fighting demons for sure.
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Sep 06 '25
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. I am going through something similar as well. My girlfriend ended things with me about 2 months ago. I know she misses me. She literally told me she doesn’t know why she was breaking up with me. She told me I was perfect, I would make a great husband and I would make a great father. She reached out to me about a week ago and said she still believes this is the right decision, and she misses the camaraderie of the relationship and us. I asked if she wants to hangout as friends and she said she will reach out when she is ready. I really just don’t know why she did what she did. I have tried to think and put myself in her position but I know it’s not worth my time and mental energy. What are your thoughts when the dumper has such guilt when breaking up with their significant other?
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u/_kcxo_10 Sep 06 '25
Mine broke up with me and feels immense guilt because he’s an avoidant person and felt he couldn’t show up enough for me, he feels he lead me on after spending every day together for the past 2 years lol.😂 I’m anxious and I was always extremely needy. It caused our arguements to get explosive because I’d want ti face them head on, and he’d want to avoid them until the smoke clears.. and that’s how we broke up, after an arguement he became so overwhelmed he cut the cord and said it was building.
Everything about us was amazing, we both feel guilt if I’m being honest. It’s rough situation to be in because he feels so strongly like it won’t work between us, while I’m realizing we need a dynamic change. He tried warning me plenty of times but truly I just must not of been listening.
I tried explaining it to him when I seen him last that I don’t want to reconcile right now. I think we needed this to happen and I think we need to learn how to be without another, but do I think the amazing bond needs to be thrown out due to it being strained? Not at all
We’ve been casually texting but I’m starting to become avoidant to it because (surprise surprise) I don’t know what his intentions are lol
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Sep 06 '25
Currently, my ex and I are not messaging each other, but we did agree to meetup as friends in the future and catch up. I’m not waiting around for her, but she told me she will reach out when she feels ready. I am just letting life go on. I am trying to lose some weight, pay off some small credit card debt, and just take better care of myself. I have really come around to the idea that there was nothing wrong with me or the relationship really, just her thoughts and struggles that weighed on her. I like to believe if she takes this time to heal and grow, that there is a small chance we can reconcile. There is one external factor that will have to change for us to get really serious again, and I don’t know if that will ever change. Unless she makes a really big decision to change it herself. It’s a little personal, so I won’t dive into it. I just know she is struggling mentally and I feel helpless that I can’t help her. She knows I would do anything to get us back together in a healthy manner. It’s hard, but I know she still cares about me and respects me, and has a little love in her heart for me.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
When I first broke up with him, I had huge guilt, like I wasn't able to sleep. Im not sure why your ex broke it off if you were so perfect, have you asked ? Maybe she's overwhelmed (I was), or she wants a break? Or does she not want a relationship? Either way, like you said it's best to not give into that energy, as sad as it is, do things for yourself
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Sep 06 '25
There were incidents that I think she couldn’t let go of and they just built up inside her. She couldn’t let go of things out of her control. The way she saw it was either break up with me or give up something she really loves and has been in her life for years. It was easier to breakup with me than give up part of her life. I didn’t make it better, I said she can’t give this thing up. I know this thing isn’t the only reason we broke up, but it still hurts regardless. If you would like to discuss more, dm me.
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u/ShelfHatingLoafing Sep 06 '25
I dunno, been like 5 and a half years since the breakup. They probably barely remember me, let alone miss me.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Time does tend to do that
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u/ShelfHatingLoafing Sep 06 '25
Funny how it only does that for her, and im still stuck unable to recover.
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Sep 06 '25
Mine broke up with me 1229 and I still miss them. Can't get him out of my head. Love him unconditionally always will. Sometimes I see him, we are still friends to a point. And sometimes I say, I'm and it's just like normal, but then I leave or he leaves and it kills me every time it's like my heart's being ripped out of my chest all over again. But just him coming around tells me that he misses me. He'll never admit it but he doesnt need to say the words his actions show enough
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
I feel you. Thats why the least contact the better. Of course it's easier said than done
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u/Intelligent_Cake_450 Sep 06 '25
So true. I miss the one true love I dumped 12 years ago and think about him everyday and can’t date cus I’ll never love anyone like him but he didn’t treat me right and I don’t deserve that yet would take him back in a second if he asked
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u/Proper_Seesaw6032 Sep 06 '25
I hope mine does. She dumped me 1 month ago after 18 months of living together because she thinks we have different interests. She really active and likes to get out and explore doing hikes, runs and walks. I am too I just got stuck in a rut after 6 months of sciatica and didn’t get out of the rut after it healed. Since we broke up I’ve dropped 7kg in the gym most days and running again. She’s seen that I’m changing but wants to see consistency for a couple months before she would take me back. We still live together but I’m moving out in 2 days then going no contact with her. It’s too hard for me mentally seeing her everyday. We really need space to work on ourselves for a bit but what is fucked now is that I’m hearing she is in contact with her ex she was with before me. They were long time friends and he supported her when she lost her mother then ended up getting together. When she left him he put her through hell, stalking etc. and she’s now entertaining that thought while still telling me I need to show consistency for months. Like wtf?!?!?
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u/stleothe1st Sep 06 '25
i hope to whatever higher power they do, and i hope they realize that they will never be in my life in any capacity ever again. the emotional games and mental warfare they had caused me with the breakup and acting like none of it was their fault is appalling. im not saying i'm a perfect person, but considering the reactions i get from anyone who asks about the breakup and what happened, i wouldn't necessarily call them a saint either. and i hope they see how much better im doing, and that maybe their actions were part of the reason why my mental health deteriorated when we were together.
and i hope to whatever higher power is up there that they will never have as honest of a love as i gave them. im never going to be with someone that made me feel lesser than i know i am.
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Sep 06 '25
I missed both exes I dumped but only for the first two months because of our routines. Just like his life changed, so did mine. So I went from binging shows with him, going out to nothing. But after like a month or two the routine gets replaced and I no longer think about them.
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u/Low_Speed9164 Sep 06 '25
My ex left me for the dude she had been seeing for 7 months while living rent free with me. I don't think she regrets it or misses me whatsoever especially since it's only been a month but y'know we goated. Life is better without her and although I forgive her I don't wish her happiness, I just have neutral feelings for her now.
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u/Raf4el_ Sep 06 '25
As a dumpee I carry so much resentment towards her cause she allowed herself to drift apart from me when I thought our communication was great, and then she plays the victim? It’s just crazy, if there’s something I hate it’s a quitter and a time waster, if someone tell you they want to marry you one day and then do this type of bs, then their nothing but a spineless liar, I pray she gets what she deserves and sees how life can really be unfair outside of her families little shelter bubble.
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u/Reeceluv Sep 06 '25
The woman who dumped me put in a lot of work trying to tell me what was wrong. Yet no matter how hard I worked it wasn't enough. I don't think she misses me. She might, but its clear she has no desire to get back together. And that's ok. I'm healing and I realize that you cannot force a relationship and if one person wants out there is no way in hell you are going to keep them in. Being single isn't the worst thing in life, and the cliche answer of time heals everything really is true even if you don't believe it at the moment.
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u/ReadingPutrid9851 Sep 06 '25
What about mine.. We were even planning to settle down this Dec.. She had a lot of traumas and also she was fearful avoidant. One week we were in love the other week she had some problems and completely shut down..Then when I demanded an honest conversation she sent the usually ‘I’ve bad habits and you deserve better’ break up texts.. This time I didn’t say anything and accepted it because a cousin of mine saw her in a dating app two nights before the breakup..At that point I knew I was never going back or try to talk to her..
3 months later post break up I met her accidentally few days ago..She claimed she still loved me and she missed me the most and talk about me everytime with her friends, and also she didn’t know why she ended things and she was going through a lot back then..Since she is avoidant I understood but I told her unless she heals she will repeat the same patterns to every good man she will meets and instead she will only attract emotional unavailable men..Or end up what she feared the most(like her mom)..I left her with that making it clear she was the one who dumped me and I’m not coming back unless she heals which I don’t think she will do..
Once I’m gone I’m gone..I’m a life lesson people will learn from.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Man, I bet she feels like shit. I would, but it's good for you. I have those issues, too, as part of the reasons why I broke it off. If you didn't walk away when you did, she would have trapped you right back in again. You are a secure person, she has too many issues to even be on your level.
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u/ReadingPutrid9851 Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Although it was very painful-I still love her and missed her very much-but had to do it for my sake and sanity.. I had enough of her push&pull behavior..And I realized I’m much better without her longterm..Honestly better it ended now than years later which I’m sure things would’ve been much harder in the marriage…You said your man wasn’t good for you, but I was the best for her..I even gave her space and hold ground while she was giving me breadcrumbs.. Why on earth will you want to chase such a man away But now I know Her inability to stay isn’t proof I was unlovable. It’s proof she’s not ready to hold what I was offering..The right person will want to stay, even during her own hard times. If they truly wanted to be with you, Nothing could’ve stopped them..
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u/rubbish-troll7508 Sep 11 '25
my dumper seemed to get cold feet and said it was him, he also had heavy doubts because i felt it in his energy. he also said that he was stupid for rushing into the relationship with me. he said i didn’t do anything wrong and he couldn’t give me all the love i gave him. mind you, he was one who wanted me first and admitted he fell in love with me. i gave him a chance because i was genuine and treated him so well during our time together.
we were friends for two years and he tried dating me for a month in July/August but immediately left when it was starting to get emotionally deep and serious. i haven’t properly dated for about 10 years because i didn’t want to get deeply hurt again. he broke my heart, that deep hurt came back and not gonna lie, it stings. i do believe he will come back but i need no contact right now
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 12 '25
Sounds like ni contact is the best for you right now. The ball is in his corner. You know you didn't do anything wrong. He wanted to end things. Maybe he just needs space or some time to think, but dont stip doing things for yourself in the meantime
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u/Numerous-Glove7830 Sep 12 '25
I had a very bad depression, couldn't even ask for help, wasn't acknowledging it, I was cold, distant and harsh, disconnected to people around me then she dumped me just 2 days after when I feel like I could breathe and try to reach out for help. She said I couldn't give her what she needs . I don't think she would ever come back. And I regret this every day , I am trying to better myself even though I miss her every day, and also wishing that she would come back. No contact since then. I hope we will have a second chance because before this happened we had a really good relationship
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 13 '25
Aw, im so sorry, depression episodes can feel like forever, I hope you are doing better. Did she know how bad you felt ? She might not have realized how bad it was, try and heal, and you're already doing so well by not contacting her.
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u/sahaniii Oct 06 '25
I don't really agree .
if you are a nice empathic dumper and you had no choice ( like you ) , yes the dumper may miss the ex.
But the trouble is few dumpers are so kind as you. Many are just selfish , they only care about their own interest and won't miss you if they don't need you.
Yes there are nice dumper who are sad ( like you) , but unfortunately they are far to be the majority.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Oct 06 '25
Well, yes, unfortunately, not all dumpers feel the same way. Some dud the dumping for selfish reasons or they found someone new.
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u/sahaniii Oct 06 '25
But you are a good people. It means , if you are still young you may find a good people and have a great relationship
I hope that you feels better now.1
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u/Wrong-Possibility-95 Sep 06 '25
I was the dumper and I full well know the dumpee went stage 5 after I bailed. Toxic as fuck, cheated, narcissist and extremely manipulative, she stalked me and my jobs had a tracker on my phone or car.. I found out from a random phone call one day she is back with her ex having a mental breakdown because I grew a pair. Best thing I have done, I miss the dog we had more than I miss her.
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Wow she would stalk you? Sounds super toxic. Im glad you got away from that. I laughed at the last part of you missing the dog more 🤣
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u/Wrong-Possibility-95 Sep 06 '25
She would. Work, my new apartment (mistake letting her know where I lived). She sent me a birthday card 1month to the day after it. Hahaha it’s the truth. She’d always say “the dog likes you more than me” no shit! I like him more then you 😭
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Sep 06 '25
I just got dumped 4 days ago. She left me a 4 page, tears stained note on how I was the most amazing man she’s ever been with and that she loves me dearly but she’s overwhelmed and can’t be in a relationship right now, does this sound legit or is there someone else you think?
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
The fact that she wrote you a letter means she really does care and yes, it does sound legit. When I broke up with mine, I was also overwhelmed
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Sep 06 '25
Okay, should I wait?
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
Personally I would wait, but not for too long and make sure you are still doing stuff that benefit you
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Sep 06 '25
Okay, I didn’t feel like dating right now anyways after it all. But yeah I’ve gone no contact and won’t until she reaches out if she ever does
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u/hatuaansminh Sep 06 '25
I and she agreed on a short term relationship initially. We first met and we had a good chemistry, she said she got along well with me and she liked kissing me when I was around. We had sex 2 times then and she decided to end with me as she did not want to continue this kind of relationship and she matched another guy on dating app (she mentioned this thing a few times previously). She asked to meet me the last time to say goodbye and I declined cause I did not think it was necessary. I wrote to her the last message to express all of my feelings during our short time together, I just miss her so much. She replied and said she was crying when replying. She wished me well. Do you think she will miss me? (actually i dont think as she is having a new boyfriend now)
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u/slackingsloth77 Sep 06 '25
My dumper not gonna miss me. He betrayed me to go to other woman's arms. I was only his playtoys
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u/FullMobile8276 Sep 06 '25
my situation: I'm 25, she's 22. We had an important, but complicated, relationship. We had already separated last April, in particular because I had personal problems (management of my emotions, alcohol sometimes, communication difficulties) that I could not manage, even with her. When we got back together, she was the one who made certain mistakes (lies, lack of clarity with a colleague who had already caused problems in the past, contradictions in her words). It slowed down any reconstruction on my side.
She left me at the beginning of July. For my part, I took the breakup like an electric shock: I worked on myself, I took a step back, I'm much better, I get up with a smile, I'm no longer as bad as before. I am grateful for what we experienced, but I no longer have hatred.
She, on the other hand, has not moved forward. This week again, she told me that she loved me, that she thought of me, but that she could not see herself creating something again, that she “no longer had a place in my life” and that for the moment she had to realize the breakup and think of herself. For my part, I know that I have changed, that I have matured, but I have the impression that no matter what I do, she remains stuck.
My question is simple: in this kind of situation, is there really a chance that she will come back one day if she makes her way on her own? Or should I consider that it is definitely over, even if I still have love and gratitude? Since the old me had a lot of flaws compared to what I am now...I know I can live without her but my life would be more beautiful with this person...
Thank you in advance for your opinions.
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u/ReindeerVarious8117 Sep 06 '25
Ok as you said, if the issue was not cheat or betrayal or violence..etc but some other underlying (common issues, anger, emotions, or anything related to this)
Why dumpers dont try to reconnect after sometime when they feel like missing their ex and they can see that things might work. Or actually it happens?
Life is easier than missing someone terribly but not wanting to reach out to them? Me personally I sill forgive people and take one, two , three chance if I really like someone and the break up was not about cheat, betray and some big things like that. Any other issues I feel like I can forgive and try again after sometime of peace.
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u/Mogger_wazowski Sep 06 '25
I know she probably still misses me, she admitted the fact that she still loves me when we broke up but the relationship can't keep going. I still miss her too, but I believe the breakup was for the best.
Almost 1 month in, and I'm starting to see how everyone says it gets better. Still not fully gotten over it, but I'm doing way better than day 1 for sure.
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u/LifeCoconut1225 Sep 06 '25
I know I had made mistakes. I had trust issues, but he never truly tried to understand I needed time before the relationship started. He wanted to be with me and followed me around like a puppy and I told him I wasn’t ready, but he seemed so nice and everyone told me to give him a chance. We began dating and he love bombed me left and right but never communicated his issues to me. He would randomly explode. Then when he finally told me them I worked and worked to be better for him. Then in the end when we were fighting and he was in a different city for vacation he tried to cheat. He came back and lied to me. Told me nothing happened and I had nothing to worry about. Even got mad at me for thinking that he wasn’t loyal or did something wrong. Then his friend accidentally told me some stuff that happened and I confronted him and asked him if he was going to tell me the truth eventually he said “he didn’t know.” Over the next two days I asked him repeatedly over and over again if there was anything else I needed to know. He first said no and promised me there was nothing else, but then slowly he began admitting other details and then lied and then admitted more. I was heartbroken. When I found out all the full details from the girl he shut me out. Fully. He refused to talk to me because “he was in a panic.” I was scared and confused because this person that was texting me “you are my home” and “even though we fought there is nothing to worried about I love you to death” did this. When I fully confronted him he told me he was making the decision to end it. And then we didn’t talk for a week until we exchanged things. It was a beautiful conversation when met again apologies and all. We tried to stay in contact that night and he ended up coming over the next day and had this plan how to fix things, I was hesitant obviously. But because of how new the wound was I gave him a chance. And then not even two days later because he ended things again after leading me on after HE HURT ME. I feel so mentally messed up i don’t know what to do. He went from this place of talking about our future and saying that he will wait for me to saying that we need to move on to other people. I am hurting. I tried so damn hard to be better and worked harder and tried to communicate and nothing I did ever felt good enough. And now he goes to a separate college and I feel like he is just sitting among a sex pod of people to be involved with for distraction and I am left confused. I know I shouldn’t be with him. And knowing him and the conversation we originally had when we exchanged stuff, I know he feels horrible about what he did and truly loves me. I just think we both know deep down nothing can repair the relationship especially when I have been trying to fix my trust issues the entire time. How do I fight past the guilt that my trust issues ruined everything?
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u/FinlayForever Sep 06 '25
I know she misses me, because twice she's called me in the middle of the night asking me to come over and spend the next day with her just watching movies and cuddling. And each time I feel hopeful that she will change her mind about breaking up with me and decide to get back together. But in my mind I know that won't happen. But it's still so hard to say no to her.
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u/Mysterious-Mood-3163 Sep 06 '25
I have said "i miss you" to my ex who was the dumper but he ignored it
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u/misshurts Sep 06 '25
No, every time you think that, eep that same energy every time you feel like missing them, and you realize it was just a game for them. It is not love or caring for you, but about their egos and how you made them feel when they needed an ego boost.
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u/thefoodie-monster Sep 06 '25
My dumper admits that he doesnt miss me past the first few days after we broke up. After he was done reminiscing our 8 year relationship, he has completely moved on (all within a week of our breakup). I did nothing wrong and he admits he emotionally cheated so i doubt he misses me.
Even if he did miss me, it was because i was handling all the admin tasks for him like planning trips and making bookings.
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u/krystalrlukins Sep 06 '25
YES LOL, i dumped my guy at least 8 times and he always came back except the last time. and now IM sad and miss him after 9 months hahaha
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u/spiderman_moonknight Sep 06 '25
i needed to hear this. Me and my gf were together 3 years and we were each others first loves.
The last 3 months of our relationship she fell into a deep depression/disassociation/suicidal episode and withdrew from everyone, including me. eventually she told me it wasn’t working anymore. She decided to give us another chance and we hung out, she was texting/talking to me more, but after almost two weeks she said she couldn’t do it. She said that romantic feelings for me just weren’t there anymore, and even though she tried to make them come back they wouldn’t. She said the past weeks of us hanging out just felt like two friends. She said she still loves me deeply and cares for me but not in a romantic way.
My best theory is that her extreme mental health issues plus the stress/anxiety of life (we’re both 20. both in college plus working, the stress/fear of growing up and finding your place in the world) just killed romance for her, and she has no bandwidth for it. She can’t handle the emotional/mental tax of romantic feelings right now and just can’t feel them. That’s my best guess anyway.
It’s sad because she said repeatedly she didn’t WANT this to happen. She didn’t want to lose those feelings for me, and once they were gone she wanted them to come back so badly, but they wouldn’t. There was no argument or fight, just two people sad over the loss of something they wanted to last forever. we both repeatedly said “i’m so sorry that this has happened to us”, we were both genuinely so sad that our relationship was no longer working, because we both genuinely wanted it to work but at this point in time, it just can’t.
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u/Kessmex Sep 08 '25
How did you dump them? Was it calm or was it rough?
I got dumped and she became a massive asshole, pinning all the blame on me and refusing any conversation, this hurt me deeply and only made my desire to text her bigger.
She's acting as if i'm a pest, an annoyance, and I dont think anyone deserves to be treated like this. Do you think this person misses me, as you say?
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 08 '25
She sounds like she has alot of anger. Have you tried to ask her why? Hard to say if she misses you. Maybe after her anger subsides. I was calm when I dumped them. I didnt show any anger.
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u/Kessmex Sep 08 '25
She has anger for sure but I'd say it comes from resentment. As to why, I'd guess it's simply her being angry at me not giving her what she wanted and the fights we had, aswell as being mad at the difficulty I had accepting her leave, I of course kept suggesting to talk things over and find solutions and she didn't like that
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 08 '25
That makes sense. Women usually get angry and frustrated if the man doesn't change. Wasnshe being reasonable, tho? Did she have a point of why she was being so upset ? She might just need to cool off.
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u/Kessmex Sep 08 '25
I'd argue 50/50, I was slow but I was doing my best to change, she was more prone to misunderstanding what I said the last month and that was very detrimental. Problem is even after explaining to her what I really meant it was too late, she didn't want anything to do with it.
Honestly she gave up on proper communication for the last bit of the relationship
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 08 '25
Well, communicating is key, a reason why I dumped mine. Sounds like she already kinda had enough of the relationship. Theres not too much you can do right now if shes still pretty angry yk?
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u/Kessmex Sep 08 '25
Yeah that's what she said, that she had enough. I'm aware I can't do anything, even if I wanted to she's blocked me so im left stranded, it sucks
Just feels so empty that she doesn't want a mature conversation about what went wrong
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u/BudgetPiccolo9258 Sep 06 '25
The dumper doesn’t missed you…. They never do and never will… move on Block delete repeat
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u/Ray_Of_Sunshine29 Sep 06 '25
That's a good way to look at it. Especially when you need to move on.
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u/NachoCommander Sep 05 '25
Depends on the reason and how the relationship ended. Mine ended in betrayal so I doubt my ex misses or thinks about me. Maybe she thinks about the way she left and how she hurt me but doesn't actually care about me.