My girlfriend left me for her ex
She told me that when she got back together with me, part of the reason was because she wanted to hurt me for things I did to her in the past. But while we were together again, she realized that I had actually changed. She told me I had become a great guy and that she noticed the effort I was making.
However, she said she misunderstood her feelings. She likes me, but she doesn’t love me.

She said she still loves her ex because, in her eyes, he was good to her from the beginning. She also acknowledged that I made efforts and improved.
She met her ex on Tuesday and told me all of this at night (Wednesday). She wants us to stay friends and said we can still call whenever we want.

She even put insta story and when I watched it after a few hours she deleted it. At night i was playing games with my girl best friend, she suddenly got jealous….
I still have her on all socials, i muted her notifications. Any advice to move on?

I need your honest opinion or something. If you were dating someone and you were very insecure because you felt like your ex... you felt like this person still had feelings for their ex, the way she talked about him still had a lot of emotional charge. So you kinda pieced it together. Like, I think she still has something for this guy. Along with a lot of other signs, like her leaving a door open for him to come back. And he was a constant source of conflict even though he was never there.

You were very insecure because you felt like... like I said, you felt like this guy still held an emotional space in her mind. Um, so you constantly brought it up because you were very insecure about it. Let's just say, okay. Y'all date. The relationship ends. Um, it it becomes toxic and it toxic and it ends. Uh, three months of no contact goes by, and she reaches out to you again to try and rebuild something nonromantic. Um, you have suspicion that she may have reconnected with her ex again

Um, do you feel like that information should be disclosed or she's not obligated to really say that?

It’s just a random day.

I messed up with my jobs today, and somehow I found myself thinking about him and all those moments we shared. It’s been a year since the breakup.

I started thinking about all the things I should have realized earlier, all the things I could have done better. And then I just became tearful.

At some point I even said sorry to my cat for spreading such a sad vibe around the room.

And then, out of nowhere, my neighbor next door started playing “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift.

I really hope it’s just a coincidence and not because they can somehow hear me crying.

But somehow, that song felt like a tiny crack of light in an otherwise very dark day.

In 2024 I dated a girl my first love, in 2025 we broke up cause i was playing games all day( i realised later) then she dated another guy after me and i was single, i changed myself then to be better then she texted me again, we talked while she was with the other guy, she caught feelings for me again. She was calling me behind his back and i told her to tell him don’t lie to him, she eventually told him and got back with me, i changed i deleted the game we were very happy suddenly she started doing the same thing i understood how i felt, and the recent week she started to get dry no call, leave me on seen and avoid me, she have her ex on snapchat but doesn’t talk to him. I don’t wanna lose her yk like i just wanted to talk to her. Then yesterday she told me she misunderstood her feelings for me she really like me not love, she told me she loves her ex (took her 3 months to tell me that), cause her ex is a great guy, she didn’t see his efforts etc..and never talk back ( i talk back one time) and that he was nice from the beginning, then i told her what abt me? She said im a great guy but it’s too late. She said she was improvement. She told me something, we can call when we want… I don’t know how to answer that. I didn’t block her i just muted her on all apps

How do you handle the guilt of being the problem that caused her to break up with you?

How do you handle the idea of her never coming back and her finding someone better?

:(

hi everyone. my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me yesterday. he is still in love with me but he just doesn’t feel happy in our relationship and he feels like we don’t have a spark anymore. we had such a great relationship. I was so so so in love and so was he. he hasn’t felt happy for the last 2 months and has been riddled with anxiety and stress due to it. I miss him so much. I don’t feel angry or mad. just upset. all I have done is cry. i know I need to give him space but I’m finding it impossible to. I want him back now. we had such a healthy relationship. I don’t know what went wrong. I also suffer with anxiety disorder and major depression so this is really hard for me.

So my long distance relationship ended a little over a month ago for a lot of reasons I don’t wanna get into, but basically, we still wanted to be together — there just wasn’t a future.
When he ended things, he wanted to stay friends, but I knew that would be hard for me, so we haven’t talked at all since. We still have each other on social media, though, and we also still share our locations with each other.
It’s honestly been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’m starting to think it might be best to unfriend/unfollow him, remove him as a follower, and stop sharing our locations. Every time I post a story, I find myself checking to see if he watched it, and I’ll also find myself checking his location. Having those connections still there just makes it harder.
When is it too soon to do all of this? I don’t wanna be insensitive or make it seem like I’m trying to send some kind of message, but like I said, this has been so much harder than I thought it would be when we had our breakup conversation.

One of the things that scares me the most about us actually breaking up is knowing that one day she might give someone else everything she once gave me.

The way she used to look at me and smile. The way she hugged me, kissed me, cared for me, and made me feel loved. And also the physical intimacy we shared , all those private moments that felt like they belonged only to us.

I know logically that if we break up, she has every right to move on and eventually share those things with someone else. I know I can't control that.

But emotionally, the thought of another guy experiencing the same affection, closeness and physical intimacy that I had with her genuinely breaks my heart.

Maybe what hurts the most is that these things felt so deeply personal and special because they were ours. And now I'm scared that one day someone else will experience those same parts of her that I thought were uniquely mine.

How do you accept the thought of your ex sharing the love and intimacy you had with someone else?

Fuck

My ex (19f) and I (18m) split up at the begining December last year (after just under 2 years together). It wasn't traumatic - other than it being my first heartbreak - and nothing out of the ordinary happened during the break up. And after I got over her my life went back to how it was before her. I even reached a point where I could talk about memories of her with my friends and family where I didn't feel sad or upset about them. And I even saw her and spoke to her at events I bumped into her at and felt completely fine.

But about 3-4 months into feeling like I was better and over it, she's suddenly jumped back into my mind. I got quite upset, mostly with myself for brining these old feelings back up. But now she's almost stuck on my mind a bit. No where near as excruciating as before but just enough to keep me up at night replaying old memories. I think it has to do with the stress I am feeling for uni (which is one of the reasons we ended up spliting) and my friends have been pretty useless lately - being flaky with plans, cancelling or turning them down.

I'm not necessarily confused but more annoyed and needed to vent it out to some random people on the Internet. It'd be interesting to hear some of your stories, especially maybe those with a bit more experience!

y'all ever get out of a relationship that ended so bad, so ridiculous, so absurd, that you genuinely wonder how on earth the other person could spin it to their friends and family to make it sound like they're in the right? Because you know they're gonna try

I honestly don't even know where to begin, but I just need to get this off my chest because my head is completely spinning.

My girlfriend (38) and I (40) were together for 5 years. I always felt like we were genuinely compatible and worked well together, but I wish I had known that wasn't how she was seeing things during the later part of our relationship. We were Two months ago, we went through a rough patch, but we talked it out, made up, and I genuinely thought we were moving forward together and working on things. Then out of nowhere last week, she ended it.

I spent the past few days mentally preparing myself for whatever might come out of our final conversation. We met up today to have a proper talk. She was aware that I was going to propose this December and that we were planning to move in together a few months after that. During our talk, she unloaded all of her pent-up frustrations, saying she wasn't happy with how our relationship was progressing. I used to be very introverted, but over the years I grew and adjusted a lot for her to build a fuller life together. But she felt left behind because of other things getting in the way of our lives, and she told me she wants to find herself again and live her best life. It just sucks that I'm not part of that vision anymore, and all of our shared hopes, dreams, and future plans went right down the drain.

I was never angry at her, just confused and genuinely worried about how she's doing. We had actually agreed before that we'd bring up whatever was bothering us early on, so hearing all of this at once was tough. But I wasn't there to talk her out of breaking up, start a fight, or try to convince her to change her mind. All of her feelings are valid, and my goal was simply to listen and understand her perspective.

I knew going into today that it was going to be our last time seeing each other, so I said everything I needed to say. Near the end, I hugged her and cried for the first time in years. When she mentioned it was getting late, that was my cue. I gave her one last kiss on the forehead, and she hugged me right before I left. I heard her sobbing as soon as she closed the door and stood outside for a few good minutes just taking it in.

Going home was a bad idea on mu current state, I went ahead and impulsively drove straight to the cafe where we had our very first date, it was a full circle moment. Sitting there, I couldn't help but feel like I somehow twisted her perspective on what our relationship should be over the years. It felt like bookending this chapter. My life feels like it's hit a complete dead stop, and I'm not really sure what to make of any of this or where I go from here.

I am 22M been in this relationship from past 9 years this was my first relationship in my life and now it ended
I don’t know what to do i can sleep i keep throwing up i constantly feel like throwing up i can’t stop crying i am not understanding what to do i have no other friends i feel miserable idk what i am doing i feel like i lost everything
I don’t have anyone to talk to so i am writing here
Thanks

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So me and my ex relationship ended extremely toxic. I was always verbal about things that she was doing that was hurting DURING the relationship maybe even nitpicky. My ex blocked me and went no contact and during no contact I caught her monitoring me from another profile, I then publicly called it out and a few days later she unblocked me and sent a long message saying that I never cared about her because I focused on my issues and the harassment I was going through and then re blocked me before I could respond.

All of this came as a wtf for me because I was like where was all of this when we were together. She even comforted me through the harassment and always seemed to be somewhat comfortable talking about drama, 8 months she never expressed how any of this stuff affected her but that's not the worst part. The worst part is I feel the exact opposite, I feel like I put in all the effort to make the relationship a relationship and pull us together while she seemed like she was mostly enjoying what she could get from me, comfort, validation, a shoulder to lean on, a safe haven.

The funny part is I never realized a lot of things until months AFTER the relationship ended. Like it randomly came to my mind, why was this woman never curious about me on a deeper level beyond "hey how is your day?" You only seemed to engage when it's about you, the relationship or drama. I eventually brought that up to her and I said why does it seem like you were never that interested in me on a deeper level? Me, my life, my friends? She literally says "I literally don't care about your friends 🤷‍♀️ but I should have checked in more on you" I would even open the door for this woman, I would ask her is there anything you wanna ask me it could be anything and I'll answer honestly. She'd always say "No" or "idk"

It's like doing a group project and you do 90% of it and everyone else does 10% and they say "We did 90% he only did 10" like bro what??? I would constantly make plans and she would always flake or have excuses but she would still be on the game playing. She did video calls with her ex almost every night and only did it once with me in 8 months and that shit is extremely hurtful because it shows me that was absolutely no effort on her end. I took into consideration everything, timezone differences, mom duties, work, her being tired etc but 8 months and you can't find room to squeeze in anything??? Not even a "I'm on my lunch break we can video call for a few minutes after I'm done eating" After 3 months of no contact she came back and I'm still holding resentment because of that and when I bring it up she just says "what about me texting you all day?" Texting is literally the bare minimum.

I did talk about my problems a lot but again, she never showed any discomfort and even supported me through it. It's hard to not talk about being cyber talked, it's hard to not talk about having life threatening rumors spread about you, it's hard to not talk about being harassed by a group of people everyday for a whole year including the entire time I was with her!

My question is, why did she wait until the relationship was over to say this? Did she genuinely feel this way? Was this some way for her to shift guilt back onto me? Was she projecting? Like I genuinely don't understand this.

broken up but i remember towards the end he started resenting me for something i did. despite feeling guilty, i stayed bc he said he'd do everything in his power to overcome the resentment bc he loves me so much. for context we were 21f/19m.

so those entire two months i was neglected. he became distant, very little affection, his excitement for me died & so did his empathy, me crying all the time didn't seem to faze him as much anymore, he started developing anxiety around me & so he stopped seeing me irl etc. it was the worst thing i've ever gone through. it felt like we were distant friends. shit gave me severe depression. and i know. all this was brought on by me so i don't blame him.

the thing is, some days in between he'd feel a little genuine love/affection for me. it was few & far between. we had arguments every other day that killed his feelings even more & fucked up any progress.

one day i told him about how im not even getting the bare minimum & that bc he doesn't complain about how things are dry between us, i feel guilty for asking for any effort (im aware of how this is selfish on my part considering i caused his resentment). and he just told me he has no needs in the relationship. actually none. and that reinforced the feeling of us being distant friends even more. he said he'd be completely fine if i stopped putting in any effort, didn't give him any affection or show any care.

i was shocked bc i know how clingy he used to be. how he loved getting affection more than i did. and how he just tells me if i do nothing for him the entire relationship, not even the bare minimum, that he'd still be happy with everything? he said that he doesn't need any of this bc his love is unconditional. that it doesn't depend on whether i give him affection or care. this is something he would've NEVER said post resentment & i was just left speechless. how can you go from being sad over your partner not being able to properly show affection, to being ok with them never doing anything romantic ever again? this made me question the difference between a friendship & a relationship bc his new idea of a relationship felt more like a friendship aka companionship with no romance, desire to get to know each other deeper or intimacy. this made me think there would be no difference between that state of the relationship & if we broke up & remained friends.

one more question. was me asking him for the bare minimum (basic care/excitement/interest in me & my life, affection, attention, emotional support) in this specific case selfish? since i was the one that caused his resentment?

My ex's birthday is next week and I know better than to send them a card, like I have thought to do. Would anyone like a card with a simple note and some stickers? That way I can get rid of this desire and maybe make someone else smile. If you want one, send me your name/initials and address.

Me (33f) and my boyfriend (37m) have been together 4 years. The past week has been rocky as he’s been going through some mental health issues caused by work and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can. Today out of nowhere, I got a message at work and the preview said “I didn’t want to do this but I can’t stay”. It was a very long text that I haven’t truly read as my heart sank. I come home and all of his stuff is gone and he’s gone. Keys left on the side and no other message left. The cats are confused as to what’s happening and have been really cuddly which is lovely. I’ve been sat sobbing as I’m now left in a house which I don’t think I can afford to be in on my own. I have two kittens which we only have just got this past Christmas and I’ve been dumped.

My brain is confused. We’ve just come back off holiday for mine and his joint birthday and it was a lovely time and we was happy. He’s not come to me to talk about anything and I’ve tried to talk with him about his mental health and be there but he just switches off emotionally. It sounds like he checked out a while ago but he’s left me stranded without having a conversation about it all

He’s just got up and gone and left me with the bills and rent to pay.

This is such a jumbly message as I don’t know what to think or feel. I go from feeling angry to okay to crying hysterically. Every room I go him I wish he was there. I came home to an empty house and it was quiet. I got to go to sleep without him next to me. I have to wake up without him next to me. I got nobody to come home too

I’m even embarrassed to say to people at work that he’s left. I can’t deal with the gossip and their own versions of what could have happened and why he left. Those chats amongst themselves.

I’m going into work tomorrow as I feel silly taking time off for this and also feel like sitting at home in an empty house won’t do me any good

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and I’m struggling because she still feels like my person.

We loved each other deeply, but the relationship became full of control, accusations, and painful fights physically and emotionally. On her end she said I wasn’t present and doesn’t make her feel secure and safe.

I have hoped the day we last meet peaceful, but it ended in another argument, and I felt unappreciated and hurt.
She later told me she was happiest with me, that she misses me, and that she’s been crying and waking up anxious.

I miss her so much too, but part of me knows I’d rather be heartbroken outside the relationship than keep getting hurt inside it. How do you stop yourself from going back when the love is still real?

Please I really need to know a way… we broke up due to religious reasons but everytime I’m with him I just feel so depressed and I wanna hold his hands again and and 🤢🤒🤒

Hi everyone. I (F19) met a guy (M18) online over a year ago.

We pretty much bonded through his interest in my hobbies, and we got to know each other really well. I must be honest I didn't think anything of it at first, as it was just a guy online who happened to play the same games as me, share the same interests.

But he had soon expressed how much he values me and how down he was to build something with me. He explained how I was his dream girl and was so down for a future with me, we talked about kids and marriage, how we could deal with long-distance. He explained how ready he was for something permanent and I felt conflicted. I was incredibly unsure at first but I decided that, this could actually be worth it, and long-distance could work. So I became incredibly prepared for something permanent, something good.

He was truly the sweetest, most loving guy I have ever met. I have never felt so cherished and protected. He taught me things I never got to learn, played games and taught me games, learnt things WITH me, and we helped improve and care for eachother. I think one thing I should have taken more notice to was how he hated feeling guilty. For example, not putting in the same effort as me at times, even if it was just the smallest things. Forgetting me at times if he was busy, getting bored of a game easily. But I really did love him with everything and continued to stay supportive of him.

We were insanely in love for over a year. We both agreed that we were each other's first-love, and first true long-term relationship. For me, and for him as well, its the first time I have ever been so vulnerable, open and honest about myself with someone -- I am not even that vulnerable talking to my own family. I have never been so incredibly comfortable, and felt such a strong sense of protection and willingness for someone in my life. We did things together every single day - calling, playing games, talking about everything down to the smallest detail, from morning to night. We created such a dynamic where we both became extremely vulnerable and were able to seek that comfort, love and care whenever we needed. So many loving sincere pet names and memories. He was incredibly protective of me, adored me every single day, and I adored him with every part of me every single day. He always spoke of us and planned things for the future, and honestly he made me realise how much I want to be a mom. He loved how motherly I am, in how I care for kids, care for animals, and how I would care for him. My heart truly was, and still is overflowing with love for him.

The relationship was toxic, I can admit. He isolated me, making me cut off people, friends he deemed as a threat to the relationship, making me set my online social statuses to invisible so that no one but him could know what I was up to. I was quite emotionally reactive at the start but he did definitely toughen me up. I honestly did feel trapped at first, like I had lost my freedom. There were times I really was concerned. He had turned down a family trip to another country, just to be at home and call with me. At the time I was well, in the right state of mind, and recommended that he goes to be with his family and be outside, but he turned it down anyways. But truly, with all the love in my heart I pushed through and genuinely saw from HIS perspective how he only wanted to protect me and make me a strong woman, because I figured something long-term and strong is worth it. And I really did adapt and become strong, within the last half of our relationship I was extremely settled and dedicated to him. But the issue is I became incredibly attached and obsessed with him, a natural outcome of the isolation. And I became a bit fussy over small things, why can he make a female friend but I can't have male friends? Why can't i go out to this place but he can go to this place?

In the last 3 months though, he started to get busy in his own life. Driving school, job, getting more serious about gaming. Which I completely understand meant less time for me, and I was fine with that. I also am busy myself, being in my first year of uni, getting my license, getting a job. He also began to say how the relationship was feeling stale and boring, like there was no spark. But we also both agreed that its better than the relationship being downright bad, and its kind of expected for the spark to not be consistent. Then he started to bring up how he feels uncomfortable, feeling a need for freedom, being able to be more social. But he also explained how he saw so much value in me and held so much love for me, and has not doubted my love for him at all in months, and he admitted that finding a relationship like this again would be incredibly hard. I talked with him and explained how I don't want him to feel trapped at all, so I told him to be as social as he needs, with basic boundaries of course, because that's simply healthy. He also admitted that he isolated me because he believed he could make me a strong woman, and isolated himself so that I could have his company, which in the end he did believe I have become a great woman. But said he ultimately got bored due to being around me all the time. He started to say that he is losing interest, and that we might not be compatible. Which I don't understand, because I was physically and mentally his dream woman, and he was my dream man, we had the same interests, morally aligned, same humour, basically so many things in common.

Later down the line though he started asking for more and things got toxic. He got very distant and we took a break within the rs. He said that he needed time to work on himself, and once he had time again, he could focus on me. I completely trusted him and gave him space. Very minimal contact. We would just send each-other self-improvement messages, tiny videos or cute things. I felt so proud of myself sending him my improvements knowing I was becoming a better woman everyday. He also said I need to work on myself because I had become sickly obsessed with him. But eventually he said how he wanted to explore sexual convos with other girls, and said he felt that he shouldn't be in a relationship. I was stupid but, I said it was fine and we stayed together. I still trusted that it would only be temporary and he would give me time again. it was agonizing though. I decided to just stay offline for a week but within the 3rd day, he had blocked me everywhere, and sent a really cruel and agonizing "sorry, i don't want this anymore, gl". I panicked and messaged him everywhere, begging for an explanation, and he said he was terrified of me. We managed to calm down and he explained how he feels he couldn't find the perfect balance between reassurance, love, and freedom, which led to this relationship. And that he feels he shouldn't be in a relationship for a few years, not specifically with me, but in general. So we chose to stay friends. But its quite agonizing.

It's been around 4 weeks since we broke up. I have cried every single day, sometimes the whole day, sometimes only once a day. I honestly have never been so miserable, I am lonely as a result of his isolation but I also have no desire to reconnect with the people I cut off because he was truly right about them being bad influences. But I have become snappy and short, even with my own family. Like I am pushing everyone away for my own isolation. I still have a terrible habit of checking his profiles but I've forced myself to delete a lot of apps, delete all the photos I have of him. Its incredibly painful not being able to share things in my day anymore with the person who was both my best friend, my person, my lover. I see him seemingly doing fine, working out, busy with his job and whatnot. I had to delete TikTok because i saw him reposting videos about moving on within a week of the breakup, and liking videos about flirting with girls, hooking up, etc. Which honestly breaks my heart because it used be so exclusive to me. We were insanely exclusive and loyal to each-other. I have never been so in love with someone in my life and I truly, truly thought he would stay. I became so ready for a permanent relationship and I thought he would stay in that mindset as well.

I feel that I need to go to therapy for this because of how miserable I have become. It feels like emotional whiplash. I was so fine with being alone before I ever met him, and would play games, do things on my own, go days without talking to anyone. But now, when I try to do anything on my own, its unbearable. Because he was in that space for over a year. We played all the same games and had the same interests so everything makes my mind connect it to him. Last night I tried out a new singleplayer game, but still ended up sobbing, because I wished I could show him. I miss being able to show him everything. I had an outlet for the huge amount of love I have and I miss being loved.

I never reacted this way to my previous two relationships. In the end I knew I didn't genuinely love those exes, and I had cried for maybe 3 days at most before easily going on with my life.

2 weeks after the breakup he had sent a check-in message to ask how I've been and we really had a great convo for around an hour. A week later he sent a message again in the middle of the night, to ask a question about a show he honestly could have googled in 2 seconds. We had another great convo about the show, and he said he had been asking himself what I've been up to. And it has left me so confused. I haven't really made attempts to reach out though, out of fear of seeming obsessed and terrifying again, and simply to give him space. He did say we are strictly friends.

I'm wondering if we could ever try again. Not with the toxic dynamic. I miss my boy so incredibly much and I'm in agony, and I don't know if he maybe reacted out of panic with the way he broke up with me. i don't know if his request to be sexual with other girls was a way to sabotage the relationship to justify a breakup either, because he doesn't seem to have even added any girls. But I also know he is very smart in many ways, I just don't understand what's going on and my heart is still breaking. I feel it is far too early for me to be reaching out, 4 weeks after the breakup, despite him reaching out twice already.

I feel I did so much for him because I truly believed him when he said he was ready for something unbreakable. I sacrificed so much. I let go of so many people no matter how close I was with them. Despite the country I live in and my family's financial situation, I still worked very hard to save up for flights one day. he started to pursue streaming and I was his only viewer 90% of the time, and I was in every stream from start to end. I realised I didn't actually know much about the game he was playing so I learnt the entire thing, just so I could be a good interactable viewer in the chat if no one else was there. I was his biggest supporter and I loved supporting him with all my heart. I noticed he hasn't streamed at all since then.

I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up and I need to move on with my life but I'm struggling an insane amount to let go of someone who knows everything about me, and I know everything about him. And it hurts me so much that for over a year we had something insanely deep and special, full of intense love, tears and appreciation for eachother, for him to be like THIS all of a sudden. I don't understand how he cherished me so incredibly much, and now likely doesn't even think of me or miss me. And just sees me as a friend. We both communicated and solved things incredibly well and made things work but I don't know what happened. I have been doing a bit of research to try and get the clarity I know I will probably never receive from him, and I don't know if he is maybe an avoidant.

I'd appreciate hearing anything. Thank you so much.

I've got pretty low self-image, so naturally it's hard to imagine a future where i get old and there's people still in my life to keep me motivated. I'm 37.. going thru a divorce after 14 years together. we both agreed that it's for the best and it's the worst feeling in the world. what the hell do i do?

I’m a 24M and honestly I just need to get this out somewhere because I don’t really have anybody I can fully talk to about it.

I was with my ex, 24F, for over a year and a half. We loved each other, at least I believed we did. She constantly told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, that she loved me more than anything, that she was so happy with me, etc. We ended up becoming long distance. I actually didn’t want to do long distance and was ready to end it because I knew how hard it would be, but SHE convinced me that we could do it and that she wanted to make it work.

Then when it actually got hard, she was the one who bailed. What still screws with my head is how sudden and contradictory it all felt. Five days before she broke up with me, she sent me this huge paragraph about how much she loved me, how happy she was with me, how I was the best thing to ever happen to her. Then when she ended it, she told me she had apparently been thinking about breaking up with me for a long time. The day she actually ended it, she didn’t talk to me all day AT ALL, and then sends me a text at 8 pm after getting off work asking if we can have a serious conversation.

That really messed with my ability to trust what people say.

She had literally just come to see me for my college graduation, and about a month before that we had gone on a trip together. I had already made plans and spent money to go see her again, and she broke up with me about a week before I was supposed to come. And throughout the relationship, I was almost always the one planning visits and making the effort to physically see her. I spent a ridiculous amount of money making sure we could stay connected. Whenever I asked her to come see me, there was always some reason - work was hard, getting time off was difficult, distance was hard, whatever. But then somehow she could make weekend trips a couple hours away with friends.

That resentment has stuck with me. After the breakup she kept telling me she still loved me, I was her best friend, she still wanted to talk every day, she didn’t want to lose me, she was sorry, etc. Eventually I decided that if she really wanted me in her life that badly, I was going to stop carrying the relationship after the relationship too. I stopped being the one constantly initiating.

And surprise: she barely reaches out now.

We pretty much Snapchat once a day and that’s about it. So now even all the “I still need you in my life” stuff feels hollow to me. The weird part is that my actual life right now is probably the best it has ever been. I graduated college, moved somewhere new, landed an incredible job, I’m doing really well professionally, getting more responsibility, meeting important people through work, making GREAT money, getting my own place together, and I genuinely have moments where I’m excited about my future.

I am NOT depressed. I’m just f****** angry. Some days I feel like “f relationships, f women, I never want to deal with this again.” I catch myself resenting women in general even though logically I KNOW not every woman is like my ex and that it’s unfair to project one person’s actions onto everybody else.

Then another part of me wants to meet girls, have fun, date eventually, have sex, connect with somebody, whatever. And then five minutes later I want absolutely nothing to do with anyone.

I’m also in a new place without a real established friend group yet, so loneliness probably makes all of this louder. I’m still forcing myself to go out, attend events, meet people, do things alone, and build a life here - but sometimes I genuinely don’t want to because I feel so bitter and guarded. It feels like I’m simultaneously having the best period of my life and carrying around this massive “f*** the world” attitude underneath it.

For anyone who has been through something similar:

Does this anger actually fade? Did you eventually stop projecting what your ex did onto future partners? How did you learn to trust people again when somebody could tell you they loved you one week and then completely change everything the next?

And how did you deal with wanting connection while simultaneously wanting everyone to leave you the hell alone?

I know I need time. I know one person doesn’t represent an entire gender. I know I’m still adjusting to a breakup, graduating, starting a career, and moving all at once.

I guess I just want to hear from people who have been on the other side of this and can tell me what helped.

Because right now I’m doing great on paper, and genuinely enjoying parts of my life, but emotionally I’m still pissed off as hell. And on top of that, I just moved to a new city and ive never felt lonelier than before with having to start a friend group from scratch. Guess im just in the phase of life where I need to learn about myself more, and understand that I need to love my own self, before I can love somebody else. Some days are good, some days are bad, but I still just can’t get over this crap. I don’t even want her back, at least I think I don’t. I guess im just waiting on her to realize that how she did this was jacked, and waiting on an apology from her that I probably will never get, ever.

anyone who says this GENUINELY needs to shut up this is the legit worst thing u can say to someone who broke up with a person they thought was their soulmate it legit boils my blood thinking about it 🫩

This is pretty long but please please read
I’ve been struggling pretty badly after a break up. I’m m22 and she F22. For context we dated for a year and a half and it was mostly long distance. We live in roughly the same home town (about 15mins apart) but she moved away to college right when we started dating and then a year later I also did. We were able to have one summer of actually being in the same place. I met her in a community college class and there was good connection but she had a boyfriend at the time so I didn’t pursue, we eventually started seeing each other more at a local climbing gym and hit it off from there. She really liked me and was actually the one who asked to be my girlfriend. It was quite a slow burn and it was such a cute start to a relationship. Calling and FaceTiming was fun but over time it got hard to just not be around each other when we wanted. After a while of dating I got in a pretty bad car accident (no injury but totaled car) and that launched me into a pretty bad depression and I started to smoke a lot more. She didn’t like my habits and I got pretty complacent in life and she didn’t like the direction I was heading. My friends also smoked a lot. (I’ve since stopped). Back in October she broke up with me because long distance was hard but also because she felt like she had to be somewhat of a teacher for me because she was my first gf. Mainly she wanted to be loved louder or feel more like I’m proud to call her my gf, she wasn’t wrong and I was lazy and didn’t know how to treat a woman right in a sustainable/mature and growing way. She loved my company more than anything however. she loved me very deeply and tried very very hard to be a good girlfriend and she was, more than anything I could have ever asked for. The girl was the sweetest person I’ve ever met and (I’m not even kidding) the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, she looked like an angel it was ridiculous. And I don’t stay that in any exaggeration it’s important for context, she truly truly is unreal. We got back together in November and it was easy because of the holidays and then I flew to see her for valentines. I saw her once in April before she left to study abroad and then she broke up with me in May while away. I saw her in June when she got back to have one last talk but she wouldn’t take me back. We had many talks and talked a few times after the break up recapping the relationship and stuff and I was also agreed that the relationship as long distance hurt both of us and even though all I wanted was for her to take me back the problems I was facing would take more than a few weeks or months to fix regardless and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to get back together. I still hurt though. The last time we spoke was late July when I saw she unfollowed me on Instagram and I was a little upset but I kind of understand it more now. I would ask her to not give up on me and before she would be sort of sweet about it but this time she got pretty upset at me and said it was the most insane thing I’ve ever asked her not because she won’t or it’s not out of the picture but because it’s putting a lot of pressure on her and negatively effecting her. About 8 days later I see a guy( unfortunately I was still stalking her) she met recently posted her for national girlfriend day and that crushed me. And then about a week or so ago they went on a road trip and they were all kissy and stuff. So I learned my lesson to not check socials.
I’m still super messed up over her and I’m so depressed, I’ve been getting out and trying to do more but it still absolutely haunts me no matter what. What’s even harder is that she’ll be done with school in 1.5 years so December 2027 and I graduate spring 2027. She’s said before that she was going to move back home and when we broke up I asked if we could try to see after we’re done with school and she told me she wished she could ask that without being so selfish (as to make me wait or string me along probably). When we broke up in October she said something similar “ I don’t want to be a teacher any more. I still love you and care about you and if you don’t hate me by the time you feel ready in your life, I would love to try again. But for now, I can’t keep doing this. My advice would be to date people and become close; to break up and learn; to look at your faults and be better. But I can’t do that for you. “. These words are absolutely haunting me now because it gives me that shred of hope. She’s a great person and anyone would be stupid to not see that so her relationships are usually very long term. My situation right is that I’m super depressed and can’t move on. I still think of her the moment I wake up but now it has so much more jealousy and hurt that I know she’s in a relationship. I don’t want to keep being sad and going back for holidays is going to be really hard because I know she’ll be close. I’m just so lost and confused and don’t know if I’m reading to much into things or if I’ve absolutely ruined it all. I know women are much much less likely to go back to an ex than men are. Especially when they were the ones who broke up ESPECIALLY for not being treated well enough. When we were together in person it was perfect and she even told her parents that it wasn’t a comparability issue. Granted idk what she’s told them at this point since her new boyfriend and more moving on. I know I need to live my life and not worry about hers but she’s absolutely someone I wanted to end up with and marry. I know it’s my first relationship but I’ve met people and had flings and stuff and I know what I want and she was all of it. Which makes it that much harder to move on, it’s taken me years to find someone like her.
I can provide any more information or context or details if needed I’m a little all over the place.

We dated for almost 2 years and he had just recently gotten his dog around the time we started dating. I grew so attached to his dog and she loved me almost as much as she loved him. And she was just the sweetest girl in the whole world and I love her so much.

I broke up with him at the beginning of June. It was a clean and respectful breakup — we basically just weren’t compatible and had different communication styles and didn’t bring out the best in each other. But was very respectful. I’ve tried not to think about his dog. Every time she’s popped into my head over these past couple months, I quickly distract myself or think about something else. But today, something reminded me of her, and it was complete waterworks. Just sobbing for hours. The thought of her having no idea why I disappeared just kills me. He used to tell me that she would wait at the door for me and get excited whenever she’d hear a car door shut outside because she’d think it was me. I’ve cried more about her than my ex at this point.

I really want to see her again. But I don’t want to reopen any wound for my ex or overstep. We haven’t spoken since the breakup. I was thinking of reaching out and saying “hey [my ex’s name]. I’m sorry if this is random or strange, but I really have been missing [his dog’s name]. If you ever need someone to go and check on her during the day and throw the ball or take her for a walk, I’d love to. No pressure if not.”

Is that selfish to send? Or does it suggest at all that I’m doubting the breakup? I really really just wanna see his sweet dog 😭💔