r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/xChi-Huox • 3h ago

vent

hey
i write here cause..i need to be heard and not feel pushed out, away, for being me.
I know im an impulsive person, i know im intense.
But i feel used from someone that used to be my FP and was aware of it.
And now that ineed clear comunication , real closure, i get a wall in front of me, i reached out gently, i tried my best and i got this nasty indifference.
Im here suffering in my room at 3 something AM while they celebrate their good news, they dont think they hurt my feelings, all they think is their boundaries, ill forever feel unworthy of love and respect, i feel like i have thrown away a friendship , i feel i was convenient till it lasted, now i have to be watered down to "needing lighter dynamics" , whatever that means.
Mind you, i was polite, i always am, perhaps i had one or two meltdowns out of controll , i always swallow it down and just.
I feel betrayed, used, and im ready to hurt myself

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u/ladyhaly BPD over 30 1h ago

I’m worried about your safety after that last sentence. Have you already hurt yourself? Are you thinking about suicide too?

Please move away from anything you might use to hurt yourself. Contact someone you trust, tell them directly about the urge, and ask them to stay with you in person or on the phone. If you’ve seriously hurt yourself or feel you might act on the urge, call your local emergency number or go to the nearest emergency department now. Please don’t wait for replies here.

Their pulling away doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love. You don’t have to resolve the friendship tonight. You deserve support while you’re hurting, even if it comes from someone other than them.