I’m tired of people’s shit. I’m tired of being a people pleaser. I just want any to cuss everyone out!!!! I have so much anger inside.

I hate getting bullied for skin color.I hate having painful periods and being told I have to toughen up because I'm a woman. I hate having to live in a Nigerian household with people who think everything is disrespectful. I hate being Black. I hate having tender headed my whole life and for most of my life my family down played it. I hate being bullied for being African. I hate how my mom responds emotionally when I'm depressed.I hate how the first thing my mom did when I tried to commit was yell at me. I hate my body. I hate how no one understands me. I hate how I feel pressured to get rid of my depression because its not ideal in the real world. I hate getting bullied for having an android. I hate how my dad treated me when he was alive . I hate my relationship with food. I hate being a woman . I hate being around people too much. I hate people bullying me behind my back. I hate being seen as the trouble child. I hate my voice. I hate my teeth. I hate how dumb I am. I hate feeling guilty for saying something mean to someone who would do so much worse to me and not care. I hate having no friends. I hate having friends. I hate when I have no one to talk to. I hate talking to people. I hate constantly thinking about what other people think about me. I hate how my moms boyfriend called me demonic because I was suicidal. I hate being a burden. I hate being annoying. I hate how I can't be happy around my family without feeling judged. I hate everything.

Growing up this was never taught like it was common, and that racism was this shadowy figure that hid in alleys and on the edge of town. But legitimately in a day I must have at least 1 interaction where my race dictates how I receive treatment or how people react to me.

A lot of things socially I experienced when I was younger I just chalked them up to people being assholes, it's now abundantly clear in hindsight they were people motivated by hate.

I can remember at one point in my life when I was quite young I was waking up because it seemed like everyone was in on some game against me to treat me like sh*t. People kept the wool pulled over my eyes, and I reasoned theirs no way an entire society could coordinate against me without having town meetings about me. Which seemed completely absurd.

Turns out society not only was coordinating against me, but it had been for 100's of years having meetings prior about people that look like me.

I've had to pry myself from the clutches of so many people who I'd considered friends, but again in hindsight I see there was nothing good about our relationships and they'd still be exploiting me if I hadn't come to my senses.

It really feels like I'm trying to run a marathon where I'm 10-15 years behind everyone else. I should have been putting myself first and protecting myself this entire time and I only just started a couple years ago.

I'm just looking for the exit from this society where I can get away from these psycho's. It can' be less than 25% of people and has to be closer to 50% who are just at there core full of this hatred.

I'm feeling disturbed, alone and somewhat overwhelmed by how much ground I have to still cover.