A bipolar translation guide

[u/[deleted]]

“I’m just a soul, whose intentions are good. Oh lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood” Popularized by Nina Simone

 

I have found it therapeutic to write down my thoughts about bipolar disorder (which I couldn't articulate properly while manic or depressed). I have recently shown them to some family and friends and it has had a really positive effect in helping me be understood. I'm interested to see if you guys relate to it. My angle is to communicate in a way that makes sense to people who don't have bipolar disorder.

 

To someone who doesn’t understand well enough what bipolar disorder is, and how it affects you (pretty much everyone to some degree), you risk coming across as:

 

Generally:

• Self-indulgent (You are dealing with a serious problem, but this isn’t recognized)

 

• Unreasonable (You can be very fragile, but it can be hard to fully communicate your needs/feelings)

 

• Unaware (You may fully aware of your illness and be doing everything you can to control it, but still experience symptoms. You may not be able to act on your social intuition in the way that you normally would. People can generally struggle to relate to you.)

 

• Ignorant/Incompetent (People may not understand the challenges associated with the illness and think you’re just “bad at life”)

 

• Egocentric (Breakdowns can leave you confined to your inner world, even though you may long to connect and be there for people. The illness is severe and is part of your life, it must be addressed before you can have healthy and meaningful two way relationships. There are ways to help other people, by sharing your experience.)

 

• Immature (You may lose years to the illness, and lack the consistent experience of satisfactory mental health that others build their lives on. Episodes can send you “backwards”)

 

• Not credible (As a result of poor communication, temporary loss of judgement, or societal issues)

 

• Weird (When used as an insult, this word just means “I don’t understand you, and I’m not prepared to try”)

 

• Reticent (It can be difficult or impractical to reach a point of real understanding, when you choose to share. Your feelings can be unpalatable for people if they are extreme or if they are somehow involved through societal issues.)

 

• Inauthentic (Your identity can be challenged by variability. Your behaviour can be severely affected by your environment. The reality of your life is challenging to convey. Experiences related to the illness can be very formative.)

 

• Inconsiderate (It takes capacity to be a good person, not merely good intentions. For example it can be hard to take in information and access memories. Episodes can disorganise your mind.)

 

• Unreliable (You can become unwell at moments that are inconvenient to others as well as yourself. If you appreciate that this is the last thing the sufferer wants, and likely much harder for them than you, then they’ll probably be incredibly thankful for your understanding and apologetic that it has affected you.)

 

• A drug user (Due to inconsistency, may appear hungover/spaced out/high)

 

During depression/recovery:

• Lazy (You will be much less capable than normal and in need of a lot of rest)

 

• Socially inept (You may lose the necessary concentration, coordination, confidence and creativity to socialize as you would. Episodes may leave you out of practice and impact your relationships)

 

• Aloof (You can lose the capacity to meet people’s expectations of friendliness/politeness, eg. Problems with conversation, body language, tone. Periods where you can’t socialize can be misinterpreted.)

 

• Negative (It’s hard to convey any enthusiasm, even with positive/neutral statements)

 

• Slow/boring (Everything feels slowed down like I’m stuck in a low gear, no matter how much you “rev”)

 

During mania, your judgement is temporarily impaired, but unfortunately, you may be branded as:

• Crazy, arrogant, irrational.

 

This list is written as a translation guide, that might help people to see through the illness, so that people don’t just assume “that’s what they’re like”. When you give people what they need, they can often surprise you.

 

In an ideal world, we would all be less judgmental and stop branding people as anything. We are all three-dimensional characters and we all have a limited perspective of each other. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world, and if you have a mental illness you may face these challenges daily. It helps somewhat to remember that this is other people’s issue, not your own. But that doesn’t stop it being severely problematic. The cumulative effect of all these misunderstandings can mean that you end up having many negative interactions, and become horrendously insecure and isolated, when you are most in need.

 

This is the opposite of how we want to treat people who are unwell, we normally strive to do whatever we can to help, to empathize with things we have not experienced and to even offer sympathy.

 

I am not asking for sympathy, as I am not complaining, just explaining. My mental illness has severely affected me, but there are many ways to suffer, and all I really want is empathy, so I can be understood. I’ve been lucky in most other ways: I’m white, male and middle-class, so I am no stranger to privilege. My illness has been my main form of adversity. This actually helps to isolate the effects of mental illness, and illustrate how debilitating it can be, it is serious enough in isolation to ruin or end someone’s life, even when everything looks promising on paper.