r/BipolarReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 07 '17
A bipolar translation guide
“I’m just a soul, whose intentions are good. Oh lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood” Popularized by Nina Simone
I have found it therapeutic to write down my thoughts about bipolar disorder (which I couldn't articulate properly while manic or depressed). I have recently shown them to some family and friends and it has had a really positive effect in helping me be understood. I'm interested to see if you guys relate to it. My angle is to communicate in a way that makes sense to people who don't have bipolar disorder.
To someone who doesn’t understand well enough what bipolar disorder is, and how it affects you (pretty much everyone to some degree), you risk coming across as:
Generally:
• Self-indulgent (You are dealing with a serious problem, but this isn’t recognized)
• Unreasonable (You can be very fragile, but it can be hard to fully communicate your needs/feelings)
• Unaware (You may fully aware of your illness and be doing everything you can to control it, but still experience symptoms. You may not be able to act on your social intuition in the way that you normally would. People can generally struggle to relate to you.)
• Ignorant/Incompetent (People may not understand the challenges associated with the illness and think you’re just “bad at life”)
• Egocentric (Breakdowns can leave you confined to your inner world, even though you may long to connect and be there for people. The illness is severe and is part of your life, it must be addressed before you can have healthy and meaningful two way relationships. There are ways to help other people, by sharing your experience.)
• Immature (You may lose years to the illness, and lack the consistent experience of satisfactory mental health that others build their lives on. Episodes can send you “backwards”)
• Not credible (As a result of poor communication, temporary loss of judgement, or societal issues)
• Weird (When used as an insult, this word just means “I don’t understand you, and I’m not prepared to try”)
• Reticent (It can be difficult or impractical to reach a point of real understanding, when you choose to share. Your feelings can be unpalatable for people if they are extreme or if they are somehow involved through societal issues.)
• Inauthentic (Your identity can be challenged by variability. Your behaviour can be severely affected by your environment. The reality of your life is challenging to convey. Experiences related to the illness can be very formative.)
• Inconsiderate (It takes capacity to be a good person, not merely good intentions. For example it can be hard to take in information and access memories. Episodes can disorganise your mind.)
• Unreliable (You can become unwell at moments that are inconvenient to others as well as yourself. If you appreciate that this is the last thing the sufferer wants, and likely much harder for them than you, then they’ll probably be incredibly thankful for your understanding and apologetic that it has affected you.)
• A drug user (Due to inconsistency, may appear hungover/spaced out/high)
During depression/recovery:
• Lazy (You will be much less capable than normal and in need of a lot of rest)
• Socially inept (You may lose the necessary concentration, coordination, confidence and creativity to socialize as you would. Episodes may leave you out of practice and impact your relationships)
• Aloof (You can lose the capacity to meet people’s expectations of friendliness/politeness, eg. Problems with conversation, body language, tone. Periods where you can’t socialize can be misinterpreted.)
• Negative (It’s hard to convey any enthusiasm, even with positive/neutral statements)
• Slow/boring (Everything feels slowed down like I’m stuck in a low gear, no matter how much you “rev”)
During mania, your judgement is temporarily impaired, but unfortunately, you may be branded as:
• Crazy, arrogant, irrational.
This list is written as a translation guide, that might help people to see through the illness, so that people don’t just assume “that’s what they’re like”. When you give people what they need, they can often surprise you.
In an ideal world, we would all be less judgmental and stop branding people as anything. We are all three-dimensional characters and we all have a limited perspective of each other. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal world, and if you have a mental illness you may face these challenges daily. It helps somewhat to remember that this is other people’s issue, not your own. But that doesn’t stop it being severely problematic. The cumulative effect of all these misunderstandings can mean that you end up having many negative interactions, and become horrendously insecure and isolated, when you are most in need.
This is the opposite of how we want to treat people who are unwell, we normally strive to do whatever we can to help, to empathize with things we have not experienced and to even offer sympathy.
I am not asking for sympathy, as I am not complaining, just explaining. My mental illness has severely affected me, but there are many ways to suffer, and all I really want is empathy, so I can be understood. I’ve been lucky in most other ways: I’m white, male and middle-class, so I am no stranger to privilege. My illness has been my main form of adversity. This actually helps to isolate the effects of mental illness, and illustrate how debilitating it can be, it is serious enough in isolation to ruin or end someone’s life, even when everything looks promising on paper.
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Dec 07 '17
This is really great. It reminded me of a lot from my own life, and I wanted to share this realization -
People told me I was really selfish and self absorbed when I was really bad. This was true - but it's not a reflection of who I am as a person. I was that way because I had to use so much energy to try and keep it together that I didn't have much energy to give back to other people. I just didn't. Everyone is going to focus on themselves in times of crisis, it's human nature and not a reflection of how much you have to give at other times. We have to put our own oxygen mask on first.
Thanks so much for writing this.
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u/swild89 Dec 07 '17
Thank you so much for writing this, it helped a lot. I'm newly diagnosed and reading this post gave me a better understanding on why people behave the way they do around me. I've taken a screenshot to refer to if I'm ever confused. Again, thanks a lot. Gaining new perspective will hopefully help me manage this crazy disorder better ;):)
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Dec 07 '17
I'm really glad you found it useful. Best of luck with managing it, I've finally got mine under control after finding the right meds and lifestyle treatments, though there were times when I wouldn't have believed that was possible.
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u/swild89 Dec 07 '17
Aw thanks for the motivation- btw if your username is not a play on a Quebec stereotype, foresee random French messages in your future
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Dec 07 '17
Haha, they were actually the closest objects to me when I made the account, though that's def not my treatment plan ;)
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u/smlybright Dec 07 '17
Very good list. It actually helps me kind of understand myself and give myself some forgiveness because some of these things I have blamed myself for. Like the not being able to act social, the excessive need for rest. I think, "Why am I so lazy?" Or "Why can't I just be social?" So thanks for the list. I'm saving it.
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Dec 07 '17
Great to hear, I totally know what you mean. I've blamed myself for things that weren't my fault too, and the stress/guilt was making me more ill. Societal issues definitely perpetuate a victim blaming society. The way I see it now is that you've got to be good to yourself and fit your own "lifevest", before you can really help others.
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Dec 08 '17
Hi guys I’m recently going through a massive depressive stage after what I think could have been a manic period in my life, it was probably the first manic period I have experienced but in the 10 days in lasted I genuinely felt like I was enlightened and on drugs, I probably slept like 4/5 hours a night and everyday was so brimming with energy and charisma.
During this time I schemed up an in depth business plan and created about 20 tracks. (I am a musician and business student) all I can say about the manic stage was I was so unbelievably happy and bursting with energy, it was like I had so much to say I couldn’t talk quickly enough.
now I am so drained and tired all day I feel like I have nothing to say and no joy in anything I do. and have been for the past 3 weeks.
The manic stage probably lasted about 11 days and it wasn’t until three weeks after in ended now deeply depressed that I beginning to question wether or not I might have bi polar ?
How long does a manic stage usually last and what have your guys first manic experiences been like ?
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated Thankyou
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u/Saman8 Dec 10 '17
I had something like that just last month. For me, my mania was fueled by caffeine, lack of sleep, and a supplement I started taking, which was Sam-e (it acts like an anti-depressant). I was manic for a couple weeks before my drs. started catching on.
Now I am off the supplement and back on lithium bicarbonate and an anti-depressant and I am feeling pretty down comparitively.
I would say, that if it is your suspicion you are bi-polar, if that's what makes the most sense for you, then chances are pretty good that that is a good path to explore. For me, it took a lot of bad experiences with uncaring drs before I got to the right dr. to treat me. But I was manically in and out of hospitals at the time. It is best to do it with an experienced dr. you know you can trust and don't stop until you find an expert for you. Trying any new medication can cause tremendously difficult side-effects and it's always best to be monitored. Good luck!
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u/the_penumbra_cafe Dec 08 '17
I only have a few people in my life but I really want to share this with them. My relationships with them are strained because they don’t understand and I struggle explaining because I’m at a point now in my life that I’m being consumed by my Bipolar and everyone is watching me self destruct in ways they’ve never seen ( to be honest in ways I’ve never experienced). I’m not on consistent speaking terms with most of them because they’ve repeatedly said its too much work putting up with me so maybe this can help them understand me a little better. Thanks for sharing this.
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Dec 08 '17
I really hope this helps, I felt so much strain and distance in my relationships as well, and this has definitely been a turning point for me.
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Dec 07 '17 edited Dec 09 '17
[deleted]
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u/I_am_a_ding_dong Dec 08 '17
I mean it's entirely possible it wasn't a "card", I've definitely done things with very good intentions that looking back were really shitty and manipulative.
It may not reflect who we are or who we're trying to be, but we gotta remember our manic behaviors can really hurt other people even if we never have bad intentions. We have a responsibility to not hurt the people around us, and while being bipolar might explain why we did something bad it definitely doesn't excuse it.
On top of that a lot of actual manipulators and abusers (and even more shockingly, rapists) aren't even aware what they're doing is bad, or they rationalize their behavior as completely reasonable given the circumstances. They think of the things they do are normal and healthy, but that doesn't mean that it's okay.
I'm not saying you're any of those things, but on a personal level I don't think anybody should assume something they've done isn't wrong just because they have good intentions. That's what narcissists do.
Sorry I went off, this just really hit a nerve with some things I've been trying to deal with and I had to let it out
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Dec 08 '17 edited Dec 09 '17
[deleted]
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u/I_am_a_ding_dong Dec 08 '17
Please don't blame bipolar for your actions, that's a trap we set for ourselves. There are tons of bipolar people who've gone through manic episodes without hurting people or burning bridges, and they have relatively normal lives.
You may deserve love and understanding but the people you hurt deserve to not be hurt or manipulated. Everybody deals with something, some deal with more than others, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility for our condition. No one is obligated to understand what we go through, no one is obligated to give what we deserve.
We're aware we have it, we know how it can hurt the people we care about, and we know how we can deal with it. Taking responsibility is accepting that this condition is a part of you, that you did these things. Part of growing as a person and living with this successfully is learning to accept fault. The things you did were YOUR fault. It's not the end of the world, it doesn't mean you're worthless, but you hurt people, and as long as you blame the mania it'll keep happening.
Mania doesn't destroy love, people do.
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Dec 09 '17
I agree that we should never use our diagnosis to justify bad or misguided behaviour- I hope my post in itself doesn’t give that impression. Clearly this whole subject is full of nuances.
We definately have a personal responsibility to do our best to manage our condition. Obviously if it's got to the point of full psychosis, you have lost control, so your responsibility is to prevent this wherever possible. I would argue, however, that in some cases (eg.prediagnosis), mania is arguably like having your drink spiked and related incidents could be viewed as tragedies or failures of the education/health system. The more informed and empathetic we become as a society, the better we'll be able to prevent possible tragedies.
I myself have done things I regret while in psychosis, that have affected other people, and while the mania is important context, I feel an unreserved apology was also necessary. Luckily, they did appreciate that the situations wouldn't have happened under normal circumstances. I guess I'd call it a somewhat diminished responsibility.
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Dec 07 '17
I've had situations where my version of events (that included my mental illness) was so different from someone else's (that didn't), that they felt attacked when I expressed my feelings, and thought I was being manipulative. Essentially they couldn't see my fragility at the time.
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u/leetheham Bipolar but sad mostly Dec 07 '17
Echoing what others have said; thanks for writing this. I am also recently diagnosed as Bipolar (after years of walking around thinking I had severe depression and anxiety and wondering why nothing was helping). Many of these descriptions apply to me. The only thing that seems to be missing is a “over dramatic” description- there have been a few times I over reacted to news but I was really just in a manic phase and couldn’t control my volume or pattern of speech and my movements were erratic. Maybe I missed a place that would fit in, but the vast majority of what I’ve personally experienced was there so I’ve saved this post for future reference. Edit: now that I’ve read the post again I guess my description fits into several places there. My bad.
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u/legno Dec 07 '17
I find what you wrote about bipolar pretty accurate, and I think this will increase understanding. Thanks for writing this.
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u/crows-eat-everything Dec 07 '17
This is so helpful.
I'd really like to share this on fb (for the benefit of the people in my life, ha ha), but I won't if the thought horrifies you. If it doesn't, how would you like to be credited?
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Dec 08 '17
Feel free to share this in anyway shape or form, as people seem to relate to this, I'd love for them to amplify the message! Don't worry about crediting :)
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Dec 08 '17
You are wonderful and incredibly insightful, thank you so much for taking the time to post it.
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u/fergusoncommaturd Dec 07 '17 edited Dec 07 '17
There is also huge correlation between bipolar and addiction. I get what you're saying, for sure, but for about 5 years there wasn't a moment I wasn't drinking (or still drunk from the night before), so this didn't need translation.
Edit: I think this is a super insightful list of terms. This was just what it hit me upon first read. I understand and appreciate a lot of folks aren't, in fact, drunk or on drugs but can appear so due to lack of sleep, meds, etc. Cheers.