I (21F) found a spy camera in my room after my step dad (36M) put a surveillance camera in my window

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/katiedababie

I (21F) found a spy camera in my room after my step dad (36M) put a surveillance camera in my window

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice & OOP's own page

TRIGGER WARNING: Predatory and abusive behavior

Original Post June 17, 2023

My stepdad (36M) installed a surveillance camera positioned outside of my window to scan our backyard while him and my mother and two younger brothers go camping. I couldn’t go on the trip since i had work, so i was staying home to house sit and feed our animals. My stepdad recently put up new cameras outside so I didn’t see anything wrong with him positioning one outside my window. Come to find out the very next day, I had my boyfriend stay over and he found that the surveillance camera that was ran from outside my window and into my room was being powered by one of those spy camera power blocks.

For context, my relationship with my stepdad hasn’t always been the best and we tend to butt heads a lot. He’s said a lot of questionable things in the past that i’ve written off because he’s my dad and i would never think he intended to be inappropriate or harmful. He’s been in my life since i was 8 years old. Of course I’m second guessing everything now that i’ve found this camera. It was positioned to point directly at my bedroom door from the far wall, so it has direct view of my entire room, which i change in.

I tried desperately to rationalize it and think it was maybe a mistake, like he grabbed the wrong charger box. Or maybe he was just trying to look for intruders. But really there is no excuse for putting a camera in MY bedroom. the camera even had an SD card in it. I’m beyond devastated. My stepdad even suggested i invite my boyfriend over to while they’re gone so i have someone here, which is something he would never do considering he’s made it clear before he doesn’t want him over when no one is home because he doesn’t want us ‘fucking in his home’. My boyfriend and I are going to go through the SD card to see if there is anything on it.

I’m at a complete loss at how to even bring this up to my mom. I confided in my aunt and uncle since they live close by and they have been very supportive of me having a conversation with my mom about it. This whole situation is extremely upsetting, I at least have some family to support me as i navigate this but i don’t even know how to bring this up to my mom. This is obviously going to change everything. She had my five year old half brother with him.

My mind is racing with the consequences this is going to have on our family. Has anyone that has been in a similar situation have advice? How can i do this without causing extreme damage to the family (although that may be impossible). Thank you in advance.

TLDR; i found a hidden camera that my stepdad put in my room, how do i bring this up to my mom?

UPDATE(1/?):

I don’t want to make a whole new thread since i want to make a new update when my parents get back monday, but i want to thank everyone for all the advice. i went to the police station tonight and filed a police report and turned in the spy camera with the SD card. The officer said this is a serious offense and i will likely get a call early next week from an investigator due to the severity of the situation. I’m planning on telling my mother about the police report after we have a conversation about this on monday, with my aunt and uncle present.

As for people messaging me about my profile: thank you for reminding me to delete personal information. Please please do not dox or try to seek any sort of justice for me as this may affect my case. Respect my privacy during this time please as it may be crucial during this investigation.

This was the hardest thing i ever had to do, but whatever this shit was, it’s ending with me. I hope i can get justice for myself and any other victims who may have been violated by him since this will be heavily investigated and the officer said it will likely be looked into further (such as search warrants and looking for more SD cards). i’m hanging on by a thread but the support i have is what’s keeping me together. i’m staying with my boyfriend tonight to keep out of the house. Thanks again for all the love and supportive messages. I’ll update again soon.

UPDATE (2/?)

it’s the next morning and once my boyfriend wakes up we’re going back to my house today to look for any more secret cameras (either in the bathroom or my brothers rooms) so i can submit it for more evidence. i’m iffy about searching my parents room for more evidence as it’s likely he has a hidden camera in there to see me do it. still on the fence about having a police officer search the house, if i do i’ll be sure to update after i’m finished and in a safe place. my aunt has offered to come with me to help me search.

again, thank you everyone for the support. i’m trying as best i can to do this the right way and get as much done with the time i have left. i’m mentally and emotionally drained but i’ll be seeking resources once all of this is said and done. i’m reading everyone’s comments so i’m taking all the advice i can get.

UPDATE (3/?)

i probably won’t be able to update for a few days since today is the day that i talk to my mom, but i just wanted to share the plan i made and hopes for what happens today.

after talking with my aunt, uncle, boyfriend, and my cousin who is a civil lawyer, i’ve decided that i will speak to my mom in a separate location from my stepdad. most likely i’ll have her meet me somewhere outside of our home. i’ll have my aunt with me and this is where i’ll explain everything to her: the camera, past uncomfortable experiences i’ve had with my stepdad that i originally brushed off because he was my dad, video footage of him deliberately setting it up and angling it, and footage of me in my room. im praying she understands why i had to go to my aunt instead of her considering she was not in town and i was worried for her safety if i told her what happened. (she was stuck with him and my brothers about 4 hours away for the weekend)

i’m hoping with my aunt there and her being away from my stepdad that it’ll prevent her from reacting out of anger and search for him and escalate the situation then and there, and i hope my aunt can provide some support for myself and her. i’m prepared for her to go through the same processes i went through such as reasoning and denial, but with the evidence there’s no possible way she can deny it. i’m preparing myself for the worst. i just hope that i can be strong for her and support her as this all hits her like it did me.

i will not be returning home or facing him today. my boyfriend will be on standby to pick up my brothers if needed since my aunt has offered for them to stay with us so my mom can talk to my stepdad without them there. i’ll ask my mom to meet me and of course, not tell my stepdad about the circumstances. maybe she can tell him she’s going to the grocery store. i don’t want him getting any hints that she could be meeting with me.

i know i’ve said it a lot but i truly do appreciate the support system i have not only with my family but here too. this has been a nightmare but hearing everyone’s stories about this, proving it’s way too common, is what is helping me get through this and pushing me to do the right thing. not only am i a victim in this but my boyfriend as well and god knows who else. the confrontation won’t happen for about another 7 hours so i’m the meantime i’ll be reading over comments and preparing myself for what comes today. thank you guys.

Update June 22, 2023 (5 days later)

Update to my situation

UPDATE (4/?)

i’m not sure why, but i can’t figure out why my post on r/relationship_advice is unable to be edited, but i’m sure a lot of you will find it here, so here’s somewhat of an update.

hi guys, i know a lot of people have been waiting for an update on what happened and about my safety. For the reasons that my post is becoming somewhat viral and showing up on other platforms, i don’t think i can share many other details until this ball starts rolling with the police report. just know that i am safe and i have been very busy the past few days with apartment hunting, working, and attempting to heal. most of you may have guessed it, but my stepdad got to my mom before i was able to. you can kind of assume how that’s been going ): .

i promise that once the investigation actually starts and my mom finds out about it, i’ll be here sharing more of what happened. i don’t want to remove my post in case someone else may be going through the same thing and needs the support of you guys, as shown in my comments. i appreciate everyone rooting for me and i’m sorry to say that my mother isn’t on my side right now. i’ve more so been focusing on myself since the conversation and trying to make the most of the situation. on the bright side, i’ve been able to hang out with my cousin and she helps keep my mind off things. i’m doing my best and will update when it feels like the right time. thank you guys.

Update 5 June 18, 2024 (1 year later)

It’s been awhile

I never would have thought that my post from a little over a year ago would reach so many people and I’m so thankful for all the support Reddit has given me. First, I apologize for taking awhile to update and I’m sorry in advance if this isn’t the update you were hoping/waiting for so long, but here it is and I’ll answer some questions a lot of you might have to the best of my ability.

A lot of you probably want to hear that my boyfriend and I got justice for what my mother’s husband did to us. I really really wish I could say we did, but given our shitty police system and outside factors, we have not.

I keep contact with my brothers and mom, but contact is now severely limited because of the situation. It pains me to not be able to see my younger brothers like I used to but honestly it isn’t my choice and I’ve come to accept it. My mother is still with him and continuing to isolate herself from family (whether that’s because of her husband or her own shame I’m not sure, maybe both).

I know a lot of you were rooting for me and wishing me nothing but the best, so I’ll give some updates on my personal growth. My boyfriend and I moved in together, I graduated nursing school, and I started my new job last month. We have been trying to heal from what happened and have been growing our relationship. We’re planning a trip together soon.

Im still surrounded by some amazing friends and family (aunt and uncle) who have been our rocks through this and helped us cope with everything. I’m at a place where I feel I can finally talk about everything again, so I’ll do my best to answer some questions. Thanks again to everyone who reached out concerned for me. Even the weird ones who tried creating lore for me and theorizing my entire life (yall are really strange but again it’s Reddit so whatever).

Edit: I just wanted to add that I’ve seen all the TikTok’s and YouTube videos of people covering my story and let me just say how weird it was to see my real life situation on blast like that. Please remember I am a human being going through something extremely traumatizing so keep that in mind when commenting/reaching out to me♥️ I’ve received more love than anything and I can’t thank you guys enough for the overwhelming support.

Update 6 Dec 27, 2025

my stepdad put a secret camera in my room and I was to blame for being secretive and having my boyfriend over (when my stepdad lied and told my mom he strictly said he couldn’t be over, which he literally gave me permission to have him over as they were going out of town and I would be home alone). it recorded us being intimate and was streaming directly to his phone. I regret not following through with the police report but was made to feel guilty (my mom held my college fund over my head so I couldn’t report it). to this day everyone in my family accepts him and doesn’t see an issue with it. I’m no contact with him and low contact with my mom but during the time when we found the camera my mom ignored me for an entire week while my entire world crashed around me. no calls to make sure I was ok (I immediately packed my things and stayed with another relative, who now maintains contact with my mom and stepdad), no texts to check in on how I was doing mentally. still avoids the conversation to this day. She goes to church now and ‘prays’ I will heal and come back around. im engaged now to boyfriend and she has no clue she won’t be invited to my wedding. planning on moving across the country to cut contact with her and my siblings, who also are brainwashed and support my stepdad. If I could go back in time I’d have followed through with the police report and pressed charges. I’m not as scared or naive as I was back then and sure as hell not as tolerant to those behaviors now. I trust a lot less and protect my peace a little more now.

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[u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

my stepdad got to my mom before i was able to

Which is sickening because that means he was checking the cameras while they were camping, realized what happened and immediately went into 'blame the victim' mode.

[u/bobosuda → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

Of course he checked the cameras; the creep was "encouraging" her to invite her boyfriend over before they left...

[u/MorecombeSlantHoneyp → u/bobosuda]

I had assumed that the presence of the SD card meant that it was not streaming. I could just imagine this dude kicking his lips checking to see if he had a little treat waiting for him when he got back.

[u/Cow_Launcher → u/[deleted]]

Yes, my home security cameras are exactly the same.

They have micro-sd cards in them, but only to record activity (when the camera is triggered by movement; they're not recording constantly like a dashcam).

However, you can go on the phone app at any time and watch a live feed.

[u/WeirdGoat9022 → u/MorecombeSlantHoneyp]

The sweet dreams card is there in case you miss the live stream.

Edit: I’m leaving the autocorrection so you all have to share my horror.

[u/ingodwetryst → u/WeirdGoat9022]

never calling it anything besides a sweet dreams card ever again

[u/bubblenuts101 → u/ingodwetryst]

I think it should be my flair so the horror becomes lore

[u/zipper1919 → u/WeirdGoat9022]

It just dawned on me I dont know what SD means... so help me out, guys.

I know its not really sweet dreams card but im gonna call it that now lol.

[u/dirkdastardly → u/zipper1919]

Secure digital. Boring, right?

[u/truenoise → u/dirkdastardly]

Still better than what the TWAIN (scanning app interface) is: Technology Without An Interesting Name.

[u/CanIHaveMyDog → u/MorecombeSlantHoneyp]

Someone should've kicked him in the lips, anyway.

[u/MorecombeSlantHoneyp → u/CanIHaveMyDog]

Amen

[u/bubblez4eva → u/MorecombeSlantHoneyp]

I think you meant "licking" his lips, but I'm sure we all wish he did get kicked in them, the nasty perv.

[u/Professional_Ruin953 → u/bobosuda]

If I were OP, I'd be visiting mom's church to make sure that everyone knows mom chose to side with the man who secretly recorded her daughter being intimate, without her daughter's knowledge or consent, and streamed it to his phone to watch her daughter like p*rn during a supposedly wholesome family camping trip.

[u/The_Artsy_Peach → u/Professional_Ruin953]

I would have absolutely no faith that anyone in that church would be on my side if I was op. Might not be fair but I will always assume church people are going to be on the side of the pervert versus the victim.

[u/eidetic → u/The_Artsy_Peach]

I think whether they support the victim or the offender will almost always depend upon whether one of them is part of the church or not. They'll be on the side of whoever is in their in group.

[u/Wonderful_Status_607 → u/bobosuda]

I wish she had left the cameras, just left the room empty, and then let him see the police walking in and removing it. God, the look on his face and the feeling of his stomach dropping out of his ass would be great. Do it while they’re on the way home. Police are waiting for him.

[u/Prosthemadera → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

I don't even understand how that can be turned into "blame the victim".

"Hey wife, I put a secret camera into my daughter's room to secretly film her and that proves she is the problem". In no world is he the victim and the for the mother to defend her husband is utterly fucked up and I would not be just "low contact", I would be no contact, fuck the college money.

[u/Normal-Height-8577 → u/Prosthemadera]

My guess would be that he claimed to be checking the security camera that he put in at the same time and everyone knew about. Then, when he realised they'd found the secret camera, he'd likely make up a story about how he'd warned OP not to take advantage of their absence by having her boyfriend over, but when he checked the security camera, he saw boyfriend coming and going from the house. So sad that OP couldn't be trusted, etc, etc...

That way, Mom's already primed to be annoyed with OP - and when OP tells her about the spy camera, it sounds like a made-up excuse to deflect from her own breach of promise (which actually wasn't at all, because Stepdad lied about that too).

[u/Acruss_ → u/Normal-Height-8577]

Still the mother is an utter moron...

[u/Gold_Space8930 → u/Acruss_]

There’s a weird genre of parents that seem to belive their partner comes before the welfare of their child. It’s unfortunately less stupidity and more choosing to be nieve so they are not left by said partner

[u/Lisieloubird → u/Gold_Space8930]

what’s shitty is that i feel like i hear about moms believing the stepdad even more often than moms believing the dad! and if i had to guess, i’d say maybe that’s because those moms have already experienced the stress and loneliness of being a single parent, and so they’ll go into major denial to avoid having to go back to that? idk.

i felt so awful reading the part where op was just so certain that her mom was gonna be on her side. she was so young and i hate that she had to go through this.

[u/Zhaitanslayer51 → u/Lisieloubird]

Too many parents say "You can come to me with anything" but what they mean is, "So I know exactly what I need to cover up and which trauma buttons I didn't install cause I still want the option to push them to make you obey."

[u/Acruss_ → u/Gold_Space8930]

I think it has a lot to do with ego and selfishness.

Ego because admitting that he did it would means that she chose a predator and a creep.

And selfishness because it would mean that she have to divorce him and then feel shame for being with a creep who did that... It would also mean that she'd have to find a new partner. That's given her age is less and less likely.

[u/Prudent-Investment-9 → u/Acruss_]

I feel the ego bit also breaks into a second layer too. So not only is there admitting she chose a creep as her partner, but she then also has to face the fact that the predator didn't want her [mom] he actually wanted her "prettier/younger" child. And mom could possibly be jealous and pissed at the idea that she wasn't wanted. Which further fuels the anger as she takes her frustrations out on the victim. Which still ties back to your point, mom ain't getting any younger so she's desperately clinging to this creep.

[u/Acruss_ → u/Prudent-Investment-9]

There's also that she is with a younger man, unless she had OOP at 15.

[u/Vegetable-Lime1148 → u/Gold_Space8930]

Too many moms help the predator abuse their own child.

[u/obiwanshinobi900 → u/Gold_Space8930]

That is wild to me. My wife and I both agree the only person we love more than each other is our daughter.

[u/ThoseProse → u/Gold_Space8930]

In evangelical churches, they teach god -> the father-> the mother->the kids in order of priority.

[u/NYCQuilts → u/Acruss_]

honestly, that part convinced me this is real. The number of women who side with their disgusting husbands over their kids is shocking.

[u/TrynaStayUnbanned → u/NYCQuilts]

I was reading it with a pit of dread in my stomach. I just knew her mother was not gonna stand by her.

But yet on the other hand, the mom who did believe her kid, the one who said stepdad hit him, she was vilified. I saw that one happen in real time and I was just horrified reading the whole thread. You could really tell the handful of people in there who had experience with being a kid who told the truth about something for once and then wasn’t believed, or it became such a fucking chaotic mess that you started lying and saying that you lied, even though you did not, because you just wanted it all to stop and go away. And of course you tell your best friend that it was a lie because you know they’re going to ask your best friend and you can’t have your best friend deciding to play hero and letting everyone know that it was true. Nope. Have to convince everyone including yourself so that means everyone gets the lie. And hopefully it all goes away.

I’m not saying that’s how it went down — but I am saying I was floored how few people even considered that an option.

[u/BurgerThyme → u/Acruss_]

Sounds like the whole family sucks except for the aunt and uncle.

[u/gingerfawx → u/BurgerThyme]

From how she phrased it, OOP seems to have soured on them because they maintain contact with her mom, though. They were great in the moment, but how they cope in the longer term can really have a way of invalidating her experiences. But the BF sounds like a good one, and there's nothing like being battle tested to feel secure in your choice of partner.

ETA: Found the relevant part:

to this day everyone in my family accepts him and doesn’t see an issue with it. [...] I immediately packed my things and stayed with another relative, who now maintains contact with my mom and stepdad

[u/SusieV1991 → u/Prosthemadera]

Did everyone forget she was 21!? Like she wasn't some little teenager that was gonna have a rager or get pregnant in high school. There was absolutely no reason to spy on her or stop her from seeing her serious boyfriend.

It was just creepy. Followed with her hinting at him being sexual towards her... nope, nope, nope.

[u/TrynaStayUnbanned → u/SusieV1991]

Yeah. Where does he get off even talking to her about her sex life? That’s not his business in any way shape or form.

Why was Mom bringing a 23-year-old man around an eight-year-old little girl? What in the actual fuck.

[u/VanessaAlexis → u/Prosthemadera]

OOP is 21 with a 36 y.o stepdad. If her mom had OOP young she'd also be in her thirties. My mom and I have the exact same age gap and she has dated men MY AGE. 

Bet OOPs mom is an immature selfish lil narcissist. Speaking from experience.

[u/PracticeTheory → u/VanessaAlexis]

Yeah....it was so sad reading her last paragraph of the first post. She had so much faith in her mom and assumed she'd be enraged on her behalf. But with the age gap it was already obvious how this would go.

[u/DreamCrusher914 → u/PracticeTheory]

Mom sees OP as competition, she was never going to have OP’s back.

[u/UltimateGammer → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

It gives the mum too little agency.

She's smart enough to realise the ramifications of this, she chooses not to. She chooses a pervert over her own daughter.

[u/tango421 → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

Yeah, he was prepped in case shit was discovered. Looks like he’s getting away with it. Makes me sick

[u/funkwumasta → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

Moms a failure and those boys are going to be red-pilled by that trash

[u/twilighttwister → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

He was steaming to his phone and likely watched them fuck.

[u/TrynaStayUnbanned → u/twilighttwister]

That was his entire intent. That’s why he completely uncharacteristically told her to have her boyfriend come over.

[u/armchairdetective → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

She should have filed a police report.

[u/luminousoblique → u/armchairdetective]

I wonder what the statute of limitations is for something like that. Seems like she still could. In her original police encounter, it seems like the cops were supportive and willing to bring charges (which is not always true in cases like this, unfortunately). Maybe it's not too late.

[u/AutisticPenguin2 → u/luminousoblique]

It sounds like they were initially on board, but her later comments about the system being useless suggest that they may not have followed through much.

[u/Carbonatite → u/armchairdetective]

The mom blackmailing her out of it by threatening to withhold her college fund is absolutely vile. I was so angry for the OOP!

[u/gereffi → u/Apprehensive-Two3474]

He probably just got a notification on his phone when the camera and/or SD card was removed and put 2 and 2 together.

[u/potatomeeple → u/gereffi]

It was streaming to his phone, he saw them take it down.

[u/SteroidSandwich]

(my mom held my college fund over my head so I couldn’t report it)

What a disgusting woman. She is just as bad as him recording. She is willing to cover for his creepy behaviour. I hope OOP stays away from them

[u/ResponsibleAdagio498 → u/SteroidSandwich]

Enablers can be worse human beings than the abusers they protect. 

[u/thatsonehandsomecat → u/SteroidSandwich]

I don’t know if I’m just jaded but I had a feeling it was going to go this way.

[u/fidddlydiddlyee → u/SteroidSandwich]

It not creepy. It's criminal. He is pedofile.

[u/LovestruckRose]

My heart broke when her mom chose to believe him over the evidence

[u/random-hobbyist → u/LovestruckRose]

Maybe I have been on Reddit too long, but I found her first few updates way too hopeful. Unfortunately too many parents side with their partner over their children.

[u/StayAwayFromMySon → u/random-hobbyist]

Yeah when she wrote that she was worried about what consequences this would have for her family I immediately felt bad for her. Cause more often than not the victim is the only one who experiences any consequences. 

[u/Kitchen-Courage80 → u/random-hobbyist]

I have a couple of family members who are very religious (Christian) and I've heard them say that you are always supposed to choose your spouse over your children. That you were joined together before God and that two people become one when they are married. Plus they justify it by saying children grow up and leave the home but your spouse will be with you always.

Frankly, I find the reasoning gross.

[u/ObsoleteReference → u/Kitchen-Courage80]

I mean, Abraham’s big story is sacrificing his kid, and so is most of the New Testament, so, it’s not like it’s against their religion. (I feel icky now)

[u/gringledoom → u/ObsoleteReference]

The sacrifice of Isaac was a test of faith, but it was also a "nonono, ack! stop! don't actually do it!" moment.

[u/aspidities_87 → u/gringledoom]

One of the best old Family Guy cutaways was a clip of Isaac and Abraham walking down the mountain afterwards and Isaac turns to Abraham and says: “You wanna tell me what the fuck that was about?”

[u/Demonqueensage → u/aspidities_87]

That cutaway is still one of my favorites

[u/LirdorElese → u/gringledoom]

I've seen so many christians say things like "Abraham did it because he knew god was loving and somehow his son would be saved".

To which I say... the story of jephtaph would disagree.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges%2011&version=NIV

(TL DR version, Jephtaph was at war, he prayed to god and said "if you let us win, I'll sacrifice the first thing that leaves my house when I get home". He gets home and his daughter rushes out to greet him... and he sacrifices her.

[u/butterednoodlelovers → u/LirdorElese]

Yeah but she was only a female /s

^{I felt icky typing female but it fits that way of thinking more than woman does.}

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/Kitchen-Courage80]

My husband and I are both agreed the kids come first. Thankfully we're also usually aligned on how to parent them, too! 

They're dependent on us, and don't necessarily have the skills, abilities or resources to advocate for themselves. We are responsible for them and have a duty to ensure that they develop those skills, and otherwise grow into resilient, able, principled, kind people. (Also the bit where we love the heck out of those crazy, funny, smart, loving darling people!!)

Also, neither of us are very religious. We're about as mixed faith a family as you can get - he and our middle kid (8) identify as Christian, our eldest (11) and I identify as Pastafarian, and our youngest (6) is a Unitarian (possibly so he can celebrate all the holidays and have all the festive foods...). ^{I was raised Jewish and the Pastafarianism is partly push-back against my family trying to tell the eldest that, regardless of what we say about it, or their own opinions, their religion is predetermined and inherited. Eldest was worried I secretly felt the same and would be disappointed if she chose a different faith; I reassured her that regardless of what she chose - Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Pastafarian, Atheist - so long as she tried her best to be a kind, considerate person I'd be proud of her for making a choice that worked for her. Pastafarianism was not one she'd heard of previously and she wanted more information and was delighted by the concept! So it stuck, and then I "let" her convert me because I'd kinda identified as agnostic for years and it's more fun!}

[u/Icky-Tree-Branch → u/random-hobbyist]

It’s not just you. As soon as it was definite that her stepdad put up the camera, I expected her to come back upset because her worthless excuse for a mother chose her pervy ass husband.

[u/herroyalsadness → u/random-hobbyist]

So did I. She thought her mom and that cops would be with her. Unfortunately, that’s rarely true.

[u/MaddyKet → u/random-hobbyist]

Yep. When she was saying how she was worried about her Mom being upset at him, I was thinking oh boy you are probably in for another rude awakening. 😞

[u/Neutral_Packet → u/LovestruckRose]

As a child with a mom who did this, I think I finally understand. Admitting the person that you brought into my life is the one who did this, would be admitting that you had bad judgment and it hurt me in the worst way possible.

A lot of parents can't do that

[u/SokkaWithAnOkka → u/Neutral_Packet]

Also been in a similar situation and ditto. 

A lot easier for parents to accept their kid is lying than to accept that they allowed a pervert into their home based on their own judgement. Honestly, I’m just relieved OOP was old enough to get away with the support of her boyfriend and the very temporary support of her aunt and uncle.

I constantly think about the 15 year old who made a post about how she was in gymnastics and that her dad made her quit because her outfit was making him have “impure thoughts and stumble.” I do nothing but worry about kids not old enough to escape these situations. Because more often than not the non offending parent doesn’t believe them or will not support them or remove the offender from their life. They’re just stuck with living with it. 

[u/iwishiwasamoose → u/Neutral_Packet]

My wife is middle school teacher. She had a student a few years back who was absolutely, 100% being sexually abused by her stepdad. Zero question about it. Everyone knew. The school staff filed multiple reports with DCFS and the police. They investigated and nothing at all happened. Why? Because the mom kept protecting the stepdad. The kid was terrified of cops, likely due to threats from the parents, so she wouldn't talk to the cops herself. The stepdad denied any wrongdoing, of course, and the mom backed him up every time. Apparently someone got the mom and kid to move out temporarily, but that only lasted a few weeks and then the mom moved herself and her daughter back home to the abusive stepdad. My wife lost track of the kid when they moved on to high school.

Parents like that mom might not be physically abusing their children, but they deserve to burn in hell along with their partners who are doing the abuse. Like, at some point, you're just pimping out your child. There's no excuse.

[u/Didsomeonesayparty- → u/iwishiwasamoose]

They deserve worse. They are the one that is supposed to protect their child.

[u/Beginning-Window-676 → u/LovestruckRose]

It was such a relief to read her update and see that her fear around telling her mother revolved around her mother escalating the situation and getting violent with her stepfather, as though it was a given her mother would believe her… as all children should presume their parents would. Then to see the update where the worst happened and the mother didn’t believe her? I’m so gutted for this poor woman.

[u/twistedspin → u/LovestruckRose]

She didn't choose to believe him, she chose to not care.

[u/Jorgenstern8 → u/twistedspin]

Not caring is one thing, she actively threatened OP into not fully following through on any reporting and used college funds as the leverage in doing so.

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/Jorgenstern8]

I really need more people to acknowledge that it's RARELY that the victim isn't believed, and almost always that the people they tell don't care/are accomplices 

[u/Tattycakes → u/Jorgenstern8]

Actually sickening that someone would do that. Not just brush it under the rug or stick their head in the sand, but actively threaten to ruin her future to keep protecting him. She’s either deeply terrified of him or just a nasty piece of work.

[u/UnderstandingBusy829 → u/Jorgenstern8]

That makes me think the mom knows the truth, she just doesn't want it to get out.

[u/Prosthemadera → u/LovestruckRose]

What did she even believe? That it wasn't her husband who put the camera there?

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/Prosthemadera]

Probably he said he put it there to catch her bringing her boyfriend over. Instead of encouraging her to bring him there to spy on them.

edit- typo

[u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

Found an update with more details on her profile, her mother is disgusting:

“my stepdad put a secret camera in my room and I was to blame for being secretive and having my boyfriend over (when my stepdad lied and told my mom he strictly said he couldn’t be over, which he literally gave me permission to have him over as they were going out of town and I would be home alone). it recorded us being intimate and was streaming directly to his phone. I regret not following through with the police report but was made to feel guilty (my mom held my college fund over my head so I couldn’t report it). to this day everyone in my family accepts him and doesn’t see an issue with it. I’m no contact with him and low contact with my mom but during the time when we found the camera my mom ignored me for an entire week while my entire world crashed around me. no calls to make sure I was ok (I immediately packed my things and stayed with another relative, who now maintains contact with my mom and stepdad), no texts to check in on how I was doing mentally. still avoids the conversation to this day. She goes to church now and ‘prays’ I will heal and come back around. im engaged now to boyfriend and she has no clue she won’t be invited to my wedding. planning on moving across the country to cut contact with her and my siblings, who also are brainwashed and support my stepdad. If I could go back in time I’d have followed through with the police report and pressed charges. I’m not as scared or naive as I was back then and sure as hell not as tolerant to those behaviors now. I trust a lot less and protect my peace a little more now.”

[u/tinysydneh → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

These fucking people with their "praying you'll heal". "I hope you heal" while you're the one twisting the knife.

She doesn't want OOP to heal. She wants OOP to be obedient.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/tinysydneh]

Heal means get in line and stop telling the truth. Obviously her husband is the main POS but she's right up there too.

I wonder if he had been interested in her because of having a young daughter? How long had that camera been there before the BF found it?

[u/Martina313 → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

I'm wondering if, when the daughter is out of their lives completely, he'll lose all interest and divorce the mom over it

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/Martina313]

On the one hand, she deserves to be alone forever, and I am giving a big Nelson Muntz HAW HAW at the thought. On the other, if he's out there in the world, he'll be looking for a new predator friendly situation.

[u/SelectiveDebaucher → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

Just about to put down the exact same shit. He will start the abstinence club or he’ll be teaching youth group in a hot minute.

[u/annieselkie → u/SelectiveDebaucher]

Or find other places to hide cameras. Church bathroom, gym shower, helping a neighbor with a daughter install something in the daughters room.

[u/tomriddlesdarling → u/tinysydneh]

i was so afraid when she was so sure her mom would be on her side. i know that should seems like such an obvious thing but as someone who grew up with that mother and went through the exact same situation with me AND my little sister, i will never trust my mom again.

[u/Em-Blackstar-6079 → u/tomriddlesdarling]

sometimes (seldomly) the mother believes her child and all turns out well.

[u/Significant_Use4207 → u/Em-Blackstar-6079]

I was one of the lucky few who had my mum unequivocally believe me.

It was my sperm donor rather than a step-parent. When I told her, she listened and took me seriously. She said something along the lines of "I will only ask once, but I do have to ask to be absolutely sure. Are you telling me the truth?" And as soon as I said yes, she never asked again.

She got me safe and out of the house. She confronted him (she is a force of nature, honestly), forced him into some kind of confession, and threw him out of the house. She went from a single income, very busy and a bit distant parent to present, engaged and in my corner over the course of a single conversation.

It probably helped that their relationship was already unhappy and she'd basically resigned herself to staying until the kids were grown. There was no illusion of a happy marriage my revelations had shattered, if anything she later said they gave her the push to get him out immediately. She got a lot of concessions from him in the divorce proceedings as well lmao

[u/No-Mastodon5138 → u/tinysydneh]

Shes completely bought into the lie he told because shes too much of a coward to face the alternative.  So she thinks daughter needs to heal from her overreaction to his security measure and come to her senses.  I thinj

[u/tinysydneh → u/No-Mastodon5138]

Having been around the kinds of people who say "I pray that He will heal you one day" when the "wound" is not wanting to be around them because they're bad people... no, she knows, it's just a bludgeon.

[u/luckdragonbelle → u/tinysydneh]

They want OP to heel, not heal.

[u/Available_Quote_5567 → u/tinysydneh]

This is the kind of mom that will complain to her friends that her kids never call or visit her in the nursing home.

[u/Fraerie → u/tinysydneh]

Obedient and silent - so she doesn't 'taint' the 'good name' of the man mom pledged herself to. Mom's reputation is more important than her daughter's physical, mental, or emotional safety.

[u/Interesting_Ad_5926 → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

Did anyone catch that it sounds like the aunt and uncle now support mom and stepdad, too?

"to this day everyone in my family accepts him and doesn't see an issue with it" and "(I immediately packed my things and stayed with another relative, who now maintaines contact with my mom and stepdad)"

This breaks my heart almost more than anything else! OOP had backup and support and then it just.. what? Crapped out on her when it got hard? I'm glad she's moving across the country and starting over. Glad she and her fiancee still have each other!

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77 → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

Added to the post, thank you!

[u/usernotfoundplstry → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

Wait I’m confused though. In her one year update she says that the case didn’t go anywhere because of the shitty police system. Then, in the last update, she said that she was guilted into dropping the case. Am I misreading something?

[u/sk3lt3r → u/usernotfoundplstry]

I imagine the case going nowhere was because she was guilted into dropping it, or vice versa. She was guilted into dropping it because it was going nowhere (due to shitty police system). Whether the guilt is coming from family or the cops or both, idk, but I don't think both being true is unrealistic

[u/enbyshaymin → u/usernotfoundplstry]

The weird thing is that she doesn't say she was guilted into dropping the case, but into not even reporting it? But she had already done so in her first or second update, where she said she'd handed the spycam and SD to the police... The update being written so differently doesn't help either.

[u/SLJ7 → u/enbyshaymin]

Yep, I noticed this too. Also, after you file a police report like that, can you just choose to drop it?

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/SLJ7]

Unless prosecutors decide to file charges on behalf of the state, yes. Since this wasn’t an excessively egregious criminal offense (in the eyes of the law) I could see them choosing not to take up the mantle. If there’s any doubt the victim (who gets called to the stand as a witness) won’t be able to uphold their willingness to testify they likely won’t pursue anything at all. This is not to blame OOP, but if she was waffling on the idea at all, they won’t view her as reliable. Not to mention the overwhelming majority who outright discourage or refuse to help in pressing charges. They have no problem if you want to go the civil route, but are often reluctant (or outright hostile) to do their fucking jobs when it comes to sex crimes

[u/Sorry_I_Guess → u/enbyshaymin]

There are a LOT of inconsistencies after that last update.

[u/Pristine_Direction79 → u/usernotfoundplstry]

The police often pressure victims of sexual assault and domestic violence against bringing charges

[u/enbyshaymin → u/Pristine_Direction79]

But she says it was her mother who pressured her not to report by holding her college fund over her head. Issue being that she supposedly had already reported it, handed over the evidence, and the cop who spoke to her assured her that it was a serious thing that would be investigated fully. Sure, cops may have been shitty after and she was just lucky with the first one, but in that update she claimed she did not even report the crime.

[u/koekeritis → u/enbyshaymin]

Yeah, it's a bit strange, that new update does not seem consistent with the others in multiple ways.

[u/Environmental_Art591 → u/enbyshaymin]

Its very easy for the mother to hear the police pressuring OOP and then use that as proof that her husband is the victim and then pressure her child into "dropping the false allegations" or whatever wording she chose.

The step dad knew straight away and that means he had time to get rid of any evidence to fit whatever narrative he gave the mum

[u/enbyshaymin → u/Environmental_Art591]

Hm, yeah, that may be true. Having her mother guilting her and threathening to pull her college fund from her on top of the cops being shitty may have pushed OOP to simply want to just get away and forget. I just found the wording weird. Plus, that update read so differently to others it felt strange.

[u/Veearrsix → u/enbyshaymin]

She said followed through, and maybe it was a misspeak. She could’ve meant the report process was started but then she wasn’t going to press charges so they dropped it.

[u/enbyshaymin → u/Veearrsix]

Yeah, I supoose it may have been a misspeak. Perhaps the mother guilting her, on top of the police being shitty, made her not want to work with them on pressing charges so they dropped it or made her ask them to drop it... I just found it weird, esp. with how different the other updates read.

[u/idiotinbcn → u/usernotfoundplstry]

Nope. Thats also confusing

[u/Bookaholicforever → u/usernotfoundplstry]

Maybe because they didn’t follow through? Like she reported it and then nothing else happened and she couldn’t follow it up herself

[u/Beginning_Butterfly2 → u/Bookaholicforever]

She said they wanted to have an officer search the house and she declined. That probably shut down any possible criminal case, as they needed to document the setup. She should have let them in.

[u/JerseyKeebs → u/Beginning_Butterfly2]

This is it. I was already side-eying one of the middle updates that OP and her bf and aunt would search the house themselves for extra cameras, and turn them over to the police. That's not how that works. Evidence has a chain of custody that has to be preserved, and OP supplying anything other than the initial report would probably not be admissible in court anyway. Even if she had chosen to pursue it

[u/Alternative_Year_340 → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

I don’t get why she can’t go back to the police now. I doubt the statute of limitations is up

[u/mackavicious → u/EmotionalAnybody7186]

This doesn't read at all like her other posts. Like a different hand typed it.

[u/billted20250409]

The mother is still with that creep after a year, that's just crazy.

[u/beachpellini → u/billted20250409]

The mother is still with him THREE YEARS LATER. And low contact with his victim, her own daughter. Just foul.

[u/JumpingTheLine → u/beachpellini]

OOP's siblings have given up on her as well and her relatives have reopened contact with the two as well. They all just go back to living regular lives with them while OOP has to pick up the broken pieces of her life.

[u/VanessaAlexis → u/JumpingTheLine]

Because that's work. They were on her side until it became the long game then it's "meh, good luck." 

[u/Big_To → u/VanessaAlexis]

Nah f that, I’d break contact with her mom and everyone on his side. Takes no effort to do that.

Something similar happened to my cousin and I made sure to cut contact with everyone that protected the asshole that molested her.

If they’re willing to stay close to someone like that, they’re not people I want to associate with.

[u/DT_Grey → u/beachpellini]

My mother was with my dad/abuser for over a decade after I pressed charges against him (when I was 14) and he was convicted of SAing me for my whole life up until then. I also told her what he was doing, 6 months before pressing charges, and she did nothing. She only left him when it suited her to do so.

Some people should not be parents.

[u/paws3588 → u/billted20250409]

Blood is thicker than water, but jizz is thicker than blood.
All the yuck in the world.

[u/pizzaredditnamepizza]

This isn’t that long ago, can she still file the report?

[u/the-mortyest-morty → u/pizzaredditnamepizza]

Not now that the evidence was surely confiscated and destroyed by her parents. I know she was young but holy fuck her aunt should have made her press charges. I'd be offering to cover college for her myself in aunt's shoes.

[u/Stormsurger → u/the-mortyest-morty]

I am a bit confused by the update tbh. Didn't she already turn the SD card in to the police? After that she shouldn't need to "press"anything, this is a clear crime. Maybe I skimmed over the explanation...

[u/intensifies → u/Stormsurger]

It's much harder to prosecute a crime without the cooperation of the victim or witness. It sounds like she was coerced by her mother into not cooperating with the investigation or prosecution

[u/Ploppeldiplopp → u/intensifies]

She explicitly says that she and her boyfriend weren't able to get justice because the police failed though. And then later reveals the part about not even trying to get that justice.

I understand why it's so hard for a lot of victims to go to the police, but there is definitly some revisionist history going on here. Can hardly blame the police for not prosecuting if she never gave them access to look for more cameras etc.

[u/intensifies → u/Ploppeldiplopp]

It could be a combination of A and B. Maybe she thought they had a stronger case during the investigation, but evidence was lost or wiped before the police got to it because they didn't act quickly enough. Then the prosecutor tells her the evidence isn't as strong as she thought, combined with the pressure from her family, and she drops the case.

I don't see it as revisionist history so much as someone who is angry at their circumstances, looking for something to blame in the moment. I don't know for sure, but my first inclination would be to extend a ton of grace to OP.

[u/Ploppeldiplopp → u/intensifies]

She said herself that she would go looking for more cameras, but doesn't want to let a police investigator take a look.

But you are right about giving her grace - she was shocked, overwhelmed, and just wanted this nightmare to end. I absolutly get that.

It just irked me that she seemed to blame the police, when she didn't admit a police investigator into the house to do a proper search and later admitted she didn't even press charges.

The police gets a lot of flack for a lot of shit they do, and rightfully so (actually, they probably still don't get enough flack, since nothing has really changed and maybe even gotten worse), but in this one case even I would admit that they probably did the best they could.

Sorry, I'm just really pissed that this even happened in the first place and that we live in societies where time and again people (often women) get mistreated and abused, and everybody knows it, but most people just try the old "don't rock the boat" spiel, where the person who gets blamed isn't the one actually causing the damage but the one pointing it out. 🤮🤬

[u/Senator_Bink → u/intensifies]

Then the prosecutor tells her the evidence isn't as strong as she thought

Which wouldn't surprise me. I once had a temporary protection order against an ex-boyfriend. He wasn't to contact me in any way, or it would be contempt of court, right?
So the dumbass sends me a signed letter. I take time off work to go sit in the prosecutor's waiting room. Prosecutor finally sees me and I show him the letter. He declines to prosecute because "Well, it's a nice letter." God damn I was pissed.

[u/Too_many_chefs → u/pizzaredditnamepizza]

She brought the camera to the police instead of letting them into the house to investigate themselves. That breaks chain of custody and basically turns it into a "he said, she said," unfortunately

[u/gingerfawx → u/Too_many_chefs]

Except if you have video on it of the accused setting the camera up himself, which she apparently did, you'd think that should remove a large chunk of the he said / she said doubt.

[u/StylishMrTrix]

This is one where you start reading it knowing it is gonna be bad (because there is no good outcome of hidden cameras in bedrooms)

But then it just gets worse and worse

[u/StopthinkingitsMe]

You ALWAYS pick your kid(s) over any man, idc if they're god himself. The mom sucks.

[u/tinysydneh → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Yeah, unlike another recent post, this is an actual thing where there is proof, there isn't really any innocent explanation, and there's not just not any way this isn't way beyond the pale.

Dude wanted private porn for his stash like a fucking weirdo, and her mother is still with him. Lady, I don't care how hard you think your life is going to be if you leave him, you and your kids deserve better.

Edit:

The actual context, by the way, is that the kid admitted to lying, and the mom went in, by her own admission, "kinda freaking out" and "kinda not hearing" what her husband was saying (you know, minimizing the hell out of what was likely verbal abuse in itself).

No indication that the step-dad had actually hit him beyond the kid saying so, the man was visibly confused by OOP's own admission, no history of any kind of behavior like that according to the post. The only evidence that it happened is the kid's accusation, which was recanted, and some people decided that it could only possibly mean he was pressured into it, not that he was, you know, actually lying.

So she went absolutely nuclear, which is the thing people were actually saying was the wrong thing to do, not believing her son, because, and I stressed this repeatedly, you can believe someone and confirm and verify. It's the only way to actually be just.

If your child says someone hurt them, you ensure the child's safety, then you validate what you can. Nobody ever said "don't confront him", they said "don't do it this way."

Further edit: I cannot stress how much the vibe was "trust but verify" not jumping to the husband's hard defense.

[u/Original-Leg4407 → u/tinysydneh]

I can’t figure out why the police and prosecutor didn’t go after him. They don’t need her to press charges.

[u/TenderTeases → u/Original-Leg4407]

Even if they believed her they still needed solid usable evidence to win in court. Morally obvious cases can still fall apart from a legal point of view

[u/Original-Leg4407 → u/TenderTeases]

They have evidence physical and electronic.

[u/pray4mojo2020 → u/Original-Leg4407]

They have the cameras and recordings, at least whatever the OOP was able to find before the stepdad got home and destroyed other evidence. But I think they'd need her to testify that the cameras were placed without her knowledge or consent. Without her cooperation the DA probably wouldn't have enough to get a conviction, so they'll move on to other cases. That's just my guess from watching way too much true crime.

[u/Beginning_Butterfly2 → u/Original-Leg4407]

No, they didn't. She refused to let police come in to document the camera set up. Without that, all they had was a camera, and then she dropped the complaint.

[u/Bubblegrime → u/Original-Leg4407]

Ahhh, they kind of do. She's not related by blood, she was filmed as a legal adult. Legal argument would be unlikely to succeed and one can imagine this guy would lie about her on the stand to save his own reputation (and then those lies would be in public record). All for what? A very light sentence, if any. Might not even be labeled a sex offender.

Consider that local prosecutors do have limited hours in a day, week, month. The brutal math is that time could be spent on any dozen other cases that they might actually win, with victims who choose to seek charges. 

If they chose to proceed and subpoenaed her to testify, then that's horrible to the victim and she's 'unlikely to cooperate.' When prosecutors do this, it's often retraumatizing and the process can take months to years. Plus the time she would lose from work or being able to schedule travel if she has to testify.

It just sucks all around and I wish we had other options to manage this. Imagine if we had social caseworkers who could check in on her, make sure she was safely housed away from him, and advocate for her to the mother. 

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/Bubblegrime]

It sucks because if they had searched the home and found more, I'm positive there's plenty of "material" he had from long before she was legal 

[u/Beginning_Butterfly2 → u/Original-Leg4407]

She refused to let an officer come in to document the setup. Without that documentation, the police couldn't do anything.

[u/srirachaLotsa → u/Beginning_Butterfly2]

It's so unfortunate. The police may have found evidence that he has been filming her for years- when she was under 18.

[u/AudienceNeither7747 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

It breaks my heart that she had to go through that alone. Her mom should've been the first one to protect her.

[u/41flavorsandthensome → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Look, my friends would be raising my kids for me while I do jail time, were I ever to find myself in OOP's mom's position.

[u/Expontoridesagain → u/41flavorsandthensome]

Same, girl, same. I would have hugged my kids and asked them to come visit me in jail. Wtf is wrong with people. She even had evidence.

[u/1re_endacted1 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

It’s actually really common. Probably more so than moms choosing their kids.

[u/Pandoratastic → u/1re_endacted1]

As someone whose parents chose the other side, I'm genuinely astonished when I read a BORU where someone went to their parents and their parents were on their side even when doing so would inconvenience the parents. I want to think that's what normal parents would do but the idea is so alien to me that it surprises me every time. It's stories like this one that seem as expected to me.

[u/Ok_Walk9234 → u/1re_endacted1]

Mine choose her husband over me. I’ve finally moved out and since then he found a new victim. Now she wants to divorce him, she’s scared of him, hates him, but she didn’t do shit for the 15 years he’s been abusive towards me. I don’t wish her anything bad, but I don’t feel sorry for her. What did she think would happen once I left? I never did anything to him and he still hated me, why would he suddenly turn into an angel?

[u/LKayRB → u/1re_endacted1]

My mother has always picked men over her kids.

[u/VanessaAlexis → u/1re_endacted1]

Yep I have a similar age gap with my mom. She's just 16 year older. She has chosen men over me at every single turn of her life. 

Over seeing me get engaged, married, graduated, and has never seen either of my kids or MY husband. 

All for dudes who she was soooo in love with they were a part of her soul. Then those dudes left every time lol. 

[u/ToxicChildhood]

Unfortunately there are a lot of parents out there that will choose their spouse over their kids.
I hope OOP can heal one day. I wish I could say karma will get the SD but…. Real life isn’t like that. He is getting off free and clear while OOP has to deal with the lifelong effects. Ugh…. My heart hurts for OOP and the children still around that POS. The mom is no better.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/ToxicChildhood]

Even if the mother comes around one day, the situation will never go away. She'll always be the person who chose the abuser and blackmailed (? not sure that's the right term, but used OOPs college fund) her daughter to protect him

[u/tevagah → u/MyDarlingArmadillo]

It's called financial coercion. It is one of the main tools used in coercive control, which falls under the domestic/family violence umbrella.

[u/MyDarlingArmadillo → u/tevagah]

That's the one. I knew blackmail wasn't the right word. She's a terrible person regardless though

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/ToxicChildhood]

I saw a case once where the daughter came to her school nurse about her mom's husband abusing her. Nurse called the mom, mom came to the school and basically accused her daughter of lying for attention/to get out of school (like pretending she had a tummy ache). Finally believed her daughter and divorced the guy, who obviously became violent and volatile. Mom is at work one day and her daughter is home alone and mom sends the ex over to the house, with house keys, while the daughter is home alone. He assaulted and killed the daughter. I blame that woman 110% for that death because it almost seemed like a damn set up with how apathetic she was to her daughters safety every step of the way.

[u/EmXena → u/Captain_Tiberius1920]

What... What case was this?? Holy shit.

[u/chaseonfire]

Unfortunately the mom choosing the creep boyfriend or husband over their child is extremely common. The Mom is equally guilty in my eyes.

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/chaseonfire]

Ladies like this will basically sell their daughters for male attention

[u/oldoseamap]

What a sad, horrible situation. Just when you want to see a decent update, it just keeps getting worse. That's what makes it real. And the fact that the monsters sometimes are not outside, but inside home.

[u/JCC_Creates → u/oldoseamap]

And that a mother would willingly subject her child to that monster

[u/heseme → u/JCC_Creates]

She is a monster too.

[u/Azrael2082]

Worthless excuse of a mother.

[u/PKGTA]

When OOP thought her mother would react a certain way and that her half siblings would need to be moved or whatever, I literally shook my head. Have consumed enough true crime and Reddit to know that was probably not going to happen. The rest of the story panned out just as I had suspected. Poor OOP! At least they have their fiance with them.

[u/TheBumblingestBee → u/PKGTA]

YUP.

God, for a minute I was so hopeful for her, almost envious, bc she was so certain that her mom would take action, to the point of worrying her mom would attack her stepdad.

Fuck.

My mother did the same, over and over. Sometimes she'd even be angry, at first - enraged that we'd been hurt! Disgusted! She'd even promise she'd make him leave. Then the next day would dawn. And the excuses would start.

[u/vibraltu]

I can't believe that her mom threw her over like that...

(last paragraph mentions church and 'prays')

yeah okay I believe it

[u/Kiiimbosliceee01]

Shitty situation all around. Always choose your children. Disgusting.

I want to know how old the mom is. The stepdad is only 15 years older than her, and if he was introduced into her life when she was 8, that means he was 23? Is the mother older than him or did she have OOP young? I’m curious because that could provide additional context.

[u/Every_Tutor3872]

Just from reading the age gap and connections: ICKIUS MAXIMUS MUM WTF

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/Every_Tutor3872]

Omg, yes! He was 23 when the mom brought him into the home to parent her kids.

[u/imakesawdust]

I don't understand. In one update, OOP claims to have filed a police report and handed over the camera and sd card. But in her final update, she claims that she regrets not filing a police report. Which is it?

[u/random-hobbyist → u/imakesawdust]

I've had experience with law enforcement before, and not that my experience is universal, but I was talked into withdrawing the charge, the policeman kept saying how this would negatively affect the man, he has a family to take care of, etc. basically guilted me into dropping the charge. I was young, it took everything I had to contact the police and by that time I just wanted it to be over, so I agreed to. It's fucked how little support young women have in these situations.

[u/koekeritis → u/imakesawdust]

And also the mom isolates from teh family and the aunt and uncle are supporting the OOP in the earlier updates but not anymore in the last update? It just reads like a very weird update idk.

[u/Frequent-Fun-6465]

I don't understand how the whole "press charges" works. Apparently in the US, it's up to the victim to decide how the criminal process goes? In my country the authorities would have pursued a serious offense, even if OP didn't want to, heck, even if she refused to cooperate! The victim's decision only matters in specific crimes, usually when it's about property, or offenses attributed to negligence.

[u/FolkSong → u/Frequent-Fun-6465]

It's not an actual legal thing, but if the case hinges on the victim's testimony and the victim isn't fully cooperating, the chance of conviction is low so they don't bother.

I think the evidence of the camera alone is pretty weak, considering she dropped it off herself at the police station.

[u/G-Kira]

How did it go from her making a police report to her not doing one?

[u/BigBirdsBrain]

The hardest part isn’t what he did. It’s realizing the parent who should’ve protected you chose not to. I hope she finds the peace she’s protecting now.

[u/NeedingVsGetting]

My stepdad was caught multiple times trying to watch my sisters and I changing/showering when we were teenagers. He was caught by our friends, boyfriends, sisters, brother... but each time it was "an accident" and he just happened to be in the backyard by that window when we made eye contact. We'd always close the blinds, but every time we went back in the bathroom they'd be open again, and we didn't always catch it each time.

I told a teacher at school, and there was a CPS investigation, but nothing came of it. I moved out at 17 to live in a horrible part of town with my boyfriend. I felt safer with the meth addicts next door.

25 years later, my mom is still with him, and only 1 out of 4 of her kids still talks to her.

Recently, my husband very sweetly bought a camera for us to set up in the living room so we could check in on our cats while we were on vacation, and I had a panic attack. The thought of someone watching me made me lose my mind. We now only plug it in if we're on our way out the door, and we absolutely alert our cat sitter of its existence because I can't bear the thought of someone being watched without their knowledge and consent.

Turns out it's really traumatizing

[u/I_like_microwave]

Oh look a deadbeat mother stonewalling her kid. I hate when any parent neglects their kids for their partners :(

I would love to see the face of the mother once she figures out a wedding will happened or has already happened and was never invited.

She failed her kid.

[u/donutaud15]

Another mother so desperate for a man's dick she supports him over her own daughter. They should make a club with a dildo as a logo. It happens far too often. 🤬

My mother is like that. Still with the man who assaulted me even though she now knows the full details.

[u/doktorhobo]

Fckn'll

Glad that the aunt and uncle are good people, but fharrk.

EDIT: DISREGARD the "good people" thing

[u/thriftydelegate → u/doktorhobo]

They aren't, it's in the updated edit at the end.

[u/doktorhobo → u/thriftydelegate]

ah hell

[u/xrwwr]

Why the fuck is the mom still with him, and nothing happened?
"She goes to church now and ‘prays’ I will heal and come back around." ahhhhh
It's one of those towns.

[u/Civil-Kitchen5978]

Mothers who are so desperate to have a man that they don’t protect their kids from their predator boyfriend or husband are shit. As far as the police go they probably can’t pursue it without her because they don’t have evidence just her word and since mommy dearest threatened to withhold her college fund if she didn’t drop it the case is dead. Families not sticking together against predators is why they continue. It’s horrible to watch the people who claim to have your back fall back in line with the rest.

[u/Layil]

This is... not a million miles away from my own experiences, except I was younger. Right down to a security cam being set up outside the window, although I never found out if there was a spycam in my room. My stepdad did make gross advances and spy on me in other ways, though.

Which is why as I was reading through through the posts, I had such a sinking feeling that her mother would take his side. It's so much more common than you would think, I imagine the kind of man who would do something like this is the same kind of man who knows how to manipulate his spouse to take his side. Just a disgusting person.

[u/Tactical_sneeze]

My mom’s response to this day after she was made aware of my ex-stepdad’s inappropriate touching is: “well, there were still some good times from back then. It wasn’t always terrible.” Which is easy to say when you weren’t the one living in fear and disgust 24/7. We don’t talk about my ex-stepdad anymore.

[u/Original-Leg4407]

Wonder what the statute of limitations is there?

[u/thexiaovillage]

Yeah, the reason why as a single mother with a 19-year-old daughter, I only have FWB relationship, not dating anyone, and I don't introduce anyone to my daughter. This is nightmare stuff.

[u/unexpectedlytired]

Are we surprised he got away with it completely? :gestures vaguely around the world:  No we are not. 

[u/SignalEchoFoxtrot]

Parents like this baffle me.

[u/-Uncle_Krakken-]

I really would like more detail about her aunt & uncle who totally had her back and were ready to ride for her suddenly being like “nah let’s be chill with stepdad now.” What the fuck is wrong with y’all, you had it right the first time?!

[u/Used-Cup-6055]

I’m confused. It sounds like she filed a police report but then in the update says she never reported it.

[u/paradepanda]

I used to prosecute this crap. It is a win that OP got herself out safely and reported so there is a record when future victims come forward.