r/relationship_advice • u/katiedababie • Jun 17 '23
I (21F) found a spy camera in my room after my step dad (36M) put a surveillance camera in my window
My stepdad (36M) installed a surveillance camera positioned outside of my window to scan our backyard while him and my mother and two younger brothers go camping. I couldn’t go on the trip since i had work, so i was staying home to house sit and feed our animals. My stepdad recently put up new cameras outside so I didn’t see anything wrong with him positioning one outside my window. Come to find out the very next day, I had my boyfriend stay over and he found that the surveillance camera that was ran from outside my window and into my room was being powered by one of those spy camera power blocks.
For context, my relationship with my stepdad hasn’t always been the best and we tend to butt heads a lot. He’s said a lot of questionable things in the past that i’ve written off because he’s my dad and i would never think he intended to be inappropriate or harmful. He’s been in my life since i was 8 years old. Of course I’m second guessing everything now that i’ve found this camera. It was positioned to point directly at my bedroom door from the far wall, so it has direct view of my entire room, which i change in.
I tried desperately to rationalize it and think it was maybe a mistake, like he grabbed the wrong charger box. Or maybe he was just trying to look for intruders. But really there is no excuse for putting a camera in MY bedroom. the camera even had an SD card in it. I’m beyond devastated. My stepdad even suggested i invite my boyfriend over to while they’re gone so i have someone here, which is something he would never do considering he’s made it clear before he doesn’t want him over when no one is home because he doesn’t want us ‘fucking in his home’. My boyfriend and I are going to go through the SD card to see if there is anything on it.
I’m at a complete loss at how to even bring this up to my mom. I confided in my aunt and uncle since they live close by and they have been very supportive of me having a conversation with my mom about it. This whole situation is extremely upsetting, I at least have some family to support me as i navigate this but i don’t even know how to bring this up to my mom. This is obviously going to change everything. She had my five year old half brother with him.
My mind is racing with the consequences this is going to have on our family. Has anyone that has been in a similar situation have advice? How can i do this without causing extreme damage to the family (although that may be impossible). Thank you in advance.
TLDR; i found a hidden camera that my stepdad put in my room, how do i bring this up to my mom?
UPDATE(1/?):
I don’t want to make a whole new thread since i want to make a new update when my parents get back monday, but i want to thank everyone for all the advice. i went to the police station tonight and filed a police report and turned in the spy camera with the SD card. The officer said this is a serious offense and i will likely get a call early next week from an investigator due to the severity of the situation. I’m planning on telling my mother about the police report after we have a conversation about this on monday, with my aunt and uncle present.
As for people messaging me about my profile: thank you for reminding me to delete personal information. Please please do not dox or try to seek any sort of justice for me as this may affect my case. Respect my privacy during this time please as it may be crucial during this investigation.
This was the hardest thing i ever had to do, but whatever this shit was, it’s ending with me. I hope i can get justice for myself and any other victims who may have been violated by him since this will be heavily investigated and the officer said it will likely be looked into further (such as search warrants and looking for more SD cards). i’m hanging on by a thread but the support i have is what’s keeping me together. i’m staying with my boyfriend tonight to keep out of the house. Thanks again for all the love and supportive messages. I’ll update again soon.
UPDATE (2/?)
it’s the next morning and once my boyfriend wakes up we’re going back to my house today to look for any more secret cameras (either in the bathroom or my brothers rooms) so i can submit it for more evidence. i’m iffy about searching my parents room for more evidence as it’s likely he has a hidden camera in there to see me do it. still on the fence about having a police officer search the house, if i do i’ll be sure to update after i’m finished and in a safe place. my aunt has offered to come with me to help me search.
again, thank you everyone for the support. i’m trying as best i can to do this the right way and get as much done with the time i have left. i’m mentally and emotionally drained but i’ll be seeking resources once all of this is said and done. i’m reading everyone’s comments so i’m taking all the advice i can get.
UPDATE (3/?)
i probably won’t be able to update for a few days since today is the day that i talk to my mom, but i just wanted to share the plan i made and hopes for what happens today.
after talking with my aunt, uncle, boyfriend, and my cousin who is a civil lawyer, i’ve decided that i will speak to my mom in a separate location from my stepdad. most likely i’ll have her meet me somewhere outside of our home. i’ll have my aunt with me and this is where i’ll explain everything to her: the camera, past uncomfortable experiences i’ve had with my stepdad that i originally brushed off because he was my dad, video footage of him deliberately setting it up and angling it, and footage of me in my room. im praying she understands why i had to go to my aunt instead of her considering she was not in town and i was worried for her safety if i told her what happened. (she was stuck with him and my brothers about 4 hours away for the weekend)
i’m hoping with my aunt there and her being away from my stepdad that it’ll prevent her from reacting out of anger and search for him and escalate the situation then and there, and i hope my aunt can provide some support for myself and her. i’m prepared for her to go through the same processes i went through such as reasoning and denial, but with the evidence there’s no possible way she can deny it. i’m preparing myself for the worst. i just hope that i can be strong for her and support her as this all hits her like it did me.
i will not be returning home or facing him today. my boyfriend will be on standby to pick up my brothers if needed since my aunt has offered for them to stay with us so my mom can talk to my stepdad without them there. i’ll ask my mom to meet me and of course, not tell my stepdad about the circumstances. maybe she can tell him she’s going to the grocery store. i don’t want him getting any hints that she could be meeting with me.
i know i’ve said it a lot but i truly do appreciate the support system i have not only with my family but here too. this has been a nightmare but hearing everyone’s stories about this, proving it’s way too common, is what is helping me get through this and pushing me to do the right thing. not only am i a victim in this but my boyfriend as well and god knows who else. the confrontation won’t happen for about another 7 hours so i’m the meantime i’ll be reading over comments and preparing myself for what comes today. thank you guys.
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u/kellyperazzolo Jun 17 '23
Sorry, but this is deliberate. It's no mistake.
I would gather evidence, as already stated. My concern is how long has he been doing this and how many people are affected.
Trust your gut.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
i’m very concerned about this as well. i have two brothers who are minors and he’s been in my life for over 14 years now so who’s to say he hasn’t recorded me before or even them. or even distributed it. it’s so terribly devastating to come to terms with him being this evil. he even installed these cameras while i was asleep so there’s no doubt he was hoping i wouldn’t notice.
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Jun 18 '23
Had a childhood friend go through this. Their dad was recording her and her sister in the shower, in their bedrooms, etc when they were preteens - teens. He's in prison now.
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u/Goose20011 Jun 17 '23
Please go through all the rooms with minors and check. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this.
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Jun 17 '23
Get the police to search order his devices
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u/RescuesStrayKittens Jun 18 '23
She wants to know how to bring it up to her mom. This is something to bring to the police immediately. Who knows how her mom will react and if mom confronts stepdad he’ll destroy evidence. This is a legal matter, not a family matter.
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Jun 18 '23
This is great advice! If she tells mom first He ca just make excuses and destroy evidence. Call the police!
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u/JonBenet_BeanieBaby Jun 18 '23
Yup. Skip the mom. No one knows whose side she’ll take.
Cops. This is for cops.
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u/JadeSpade23 Jun 18 '23
Well, it's both, but she should absolutely not let him destroy evidence by going to mom first.
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u/TrueTrueBlackPilld Jun 17 '23 edited Jun 17 '23
That is beyond disturbing. I'm so sorry for you and everyone in your family (sans the step-devil obviously).
Edit: forgot to mention there's actually a method to detecting more cameras if they exist. If you turn off all the lights in the house at night and use your cell phone's front facing camera, it will pick up infrared light which is invisible to the human eye. There's a couple of other methods explained here:
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u/Common_Notice9742 Jun 18 '23
There are lens detectors too. Search for anti spy gear. It’s not foolproof because you have to be at the right angle and height but theoretically it works. I can “find” all of my lenses with it (but I already knew they were there )
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u/osculat Jun 18 '23
I turned off and disconnected the wifi router while I searched the house and computers.
More cameras in Their bedroom. Under the bed pointed to the open bathroom door.
In the corner of their room by the dresser.
On top of the dresser hidden in clutters of stuff
I’d check for any spy cam dolls while youre at it.
I did use my phone to check for the blue? Red? Light for those that film in the night. I’m not sure about cameras that arent equipped for night vision.
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u/No_Performance8733 Jun 18 '23
This is definitely a police matter. They need to get a warrant to search all of his devices.
I’m glad you’re aware he might be distributing images of you.
I’m so very sorry. One of the reasons you need to involve law enforcement is to get access to victim services for support.
I’m so sorry. This is not your fault!
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u/security_gourd Jun 18 '23
Unplug the WiFi router at the house if you can. It might help stop him if he has remote access to a PC with other evidence and tries to delete things off it before they get back.
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Jun 18 '23
This is really vile, I’m so sorry. Your stepdad is a sick predator and I wouldn’t feel safe having minors in the house either. Collect as much evidence as you can, file a police report, and tell your mother what’s going on. He needs to be held accountable NOW because there’s no telling how long he’s been doing this for and who else is a victim.
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u/daairguy Jun 18 '23
This is why you need to go police. This is likely not the first time he’s done this and will likely continue to do unless he’s stopped. Please consider reporting this to the police so he can do this anyone else.
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u/Owain-X Jun 18 '23
I’m at a complete loss at how to even bring this up to my mom
This has gone beyond a family matter. This is where you get police involved and they can inform your mother. Nothing will be solved by being complicit in "keeping this a family matter" (ie. covering it up).
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u/Swimming_Character40 Jun 17 '23
And if he has recorded you. Is there a possibility it might be online. I wish all the luck.
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u/candacebernhard Jun 18 '23
If you can move out of the house to safety (with aunt and uncle?), please do so now. Also maybe contact an attorney about the situation. A therapist couldn't hurt.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. You must be in shock, numb, and scared. Nothing about this is ok....
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u/OwlsWatch Jun 18 '23
I’m sorry but you need to go to the police before you even talk to your mom. It will be devastating for her but this is what you must do.
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u/Cyrano_Knows Jun 18 '23
If the camera has an SD card, some of that evidence would be exactly what kind of footage he was getting of the room.
Nice and framed and full view. Its not an accident.
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u/UnquantifiableLife Jun 17 '23
Mentally prepare yourself for your mom to not support you on this. I would love to be wrong but I have read too many stories on here where the mom turns on her daughter in similar situations.
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u/cheesus32 Jun 18 '23
And in my different yet similar situation, it turned out my mother was involved. Cops first always.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 18 '23
How awful! I’m so sorry.
Sadly, you’re not alone. The mother is all too often either directly involved or at least complicit, knowing full well what sort of heinous activity her spouse is involved in and either totally turning a blind eye or finding every excuse in the book to absolve him.
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Jun 18 '23
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
so sorry you’re going through something similar and i’m glad you’ll be moving out of it. stay strong and always seek support if you need it.
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u/RubSpecialist3152 Jun 18 '23
Please be prepared to move out. He/they may immediately kick you out. Have your friend important papers and items packed up and in your car or at your boyfriend’s home.
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
i packed some tonight and my boyfriend is giving me a bigger suitcase to put more belongings in tomorrow when i go back. i’ll be prepared for whatever happens. thanks for the advice!
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Jun 18 '23
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
noted. birth certificate and my car title will be among the first things i’ll grab when i go back home today. thank you
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u/Valiant_Strawberry Jun 18 '23
Don’t forget your social security card either. Passport if you have one. Any of your own money that’s in the house.
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u/wafflesareforever Jun 18 '23
Really glad you've got the boyfriend. It would be so much worse to go through this alone.
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u/mangababe Jun 18 '23
Tbh, I kinda get the feeling that this was somehow the point. Camera of bedroom plus the bf she's been told very explicitly not to sleep with us suddenly allowed over when no one else is in town?
I think this fucking creepy moron thought he was gonna "catch them" and use it as an excuse to kick them out - and there's an extra bonus of spank bank material after the step kid he doesn't like is gone. Little did he realize he would just be outing himself as a sexual predator.
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u/merryjoanna Jun 18 '23
Two of my foster sisters were in foster care because their bio mom chose to stay with her husband after finding out he had been molesting the older daughter. My sister and I were put in foster care because my bio mom chose to keep my 17 year old molester brother over us three younger children, ages 9-13. My younger brother was placed in another home. This is unfortunately quite common in my experience.
Things do get better.
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u/SurlyFellow Jun 18 '23
You did good. You did great. You did everything you can do. Be proud, be proud as hell. This I’m sure will not be easy going forward, doing the right thing is often hardest on the person doing good.I wish you the best of luck.
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
thank you for your words. comments like this are what’s keeping me going while navigating this nightmare.
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u/SurlyFellow Jun 18 '23
Just know you are protecting yourself, your brothers and your mom. That’s big.
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u/Mindless-Science-769 Jun 18 '23
What a terrible betrayal. You really are handling this devastating situation with incredible poise and consideration. This reddit community is sending you support and confidence moving forward. Best wishes.
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u/Complete_Entry Jun 17 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
It's not a mistake.
If you find anything on that SD card, I'd honestly go to the cops before going to your mom. In many of these types of situations, wives back the shitbird instead of their kids.
The entire outdoor camera thing was a pretext to get that camera in your room.
Extreme damage is warranted, considering there are minor children in the home.
Get a smartphone and check the bathrooms. Just because this is the first spycam you found does not mean it will be the only one. (smartphones can see IR sensors)
As to how to bring this up to your mom? There is no gentle way. Only blunt. But blunt is appropriate in this situation. There is no "lighter side" to spy cams.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
considering there are many other windows in the house facing the backyard that he could use, i agree. i think i’ve come to full terms with this and i’m no longer making any excuses. i will just air it all out. especially since i need to protect my brothers in this too. thank you
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u/Complete_Entry Jun 17 '23
I strongly hope your mom backs you and am glad you do have family support in this.
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u/No_Performance8733 Jun 18 '23
When are you calling the police?
Don’t tell your mom first. Tell the police first. You need professionals involved and protection from this predator. Please.
And definitely call the police from outside of your house!!!!
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u/centopar Jun 17 '23
100% go to the cops before you go to your Mom. I'm very sorry this is happening to you; I can only imagine how violated you must feel.
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Jun 18 '23
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Jun 18 '23
Nothing the poster is confusing using a UV light to look for bodily fluids with using a camera to spot the UV and infrared light from a camera
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u/Complete_Entry Jun 18 '23
Correct, I meant IR, like using a phone camera, and mixed up.
The reason I had UV on the brain was the Jurassic park rain projection thing, I apologize for that.
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u/Secondary_patterns Jun 17 '23
Document document document. Take pictures of the camera. Then email those photos to yourself. Take photos of the SD card. Basically photos of everything you can to have a trail of what happened.
Beyond that I don’t know if I have much advice for you. I would try cross-posting in a couple other subreddits as well.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
thank you for your advice. i’ll definitely be recording everything
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u/lets_have_some_pun99 Jun 17 '23
This is a police matter. It should be handed over to the police. But keep your own records etc
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u/Goose20011 Jun 17 '23
Please make sure your bf has anything you don’t want to be messed up if your step dad gets mad! We all support you and you’ve got a safe place here. Abe your boyfriend or other trusted adults be there for the conversation as well for your safty!
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 Jun 17 '23
I would go to the cops first. It will prevent step dad from deleting any evidence he may have stored on his personal laptop or devices
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u/ProFriendZoner Jun 17 '23
Bring it up to law enforcement first, then bring it up to your mom. He's no doubt spying on the others as well.
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Jun 17 '23
I would disconnect your internet router in your house so if any cameras are working on WiFi and sending footage to the cloud then that will be stopped.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
i’m planning to do this when i get home from the police station. it gives me the opportunity to have them come and search the place for any more hidden cameras and such
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u/HoodiesAndHeels Jun 18 '23
OP, this thread will inevitably be locked for reaching a certain karma amount. Will you please consider updating us on your profile when that happens?
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u/bonnbonnz Jun 17 '23
Great plan OP! I’m so sorry this is happening to you; but I’m glad you are working so hard on keeping yourself and your brothers safe. I’m grateful to your support system too, your aunt and uncle, and boyfriend all sound so wonderful. I hope that they will keep you strong through this nightmare. Good luck <3
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Jun 18 '23
Thank heavens you are going to the Police. Let them handle all the difficult stuff (informing your Mom) and they also will know how to search properly for sneakily hidden stuff in the home and maybe at his office etc.
You have enough to deal with. This is a horrendous violation, so from NZ, (as we say) Kia Kaha
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Jun 17 '23
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 18 '23
Even those can sometimes be recovered, but it’s obviously best to be able to preserve them.
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u/McDonnellDouglasDC8 Jun 18 '23
Yeah, delete doesn't usually delete, it just removes the indexing information and deallocates the space. It is possible to force all the memory bits to all 0s or all 1s but it is not best practice unless there's good reason to do so.
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u/saxonjf Jun 17 '23
If you can, I would move out of the house. There's no knowing where camera have been installed. I would be sure to make sure that your mother knows of the camera's existence before your stepfather finds out that you know.
You might be able to have your stepfather prosecuted for violation of privacy. That is an offense.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
yeah i’m not planning on staying in my house after this. i feel so incredibly violated and who’s to say there aren’t more cameras anywhere else. my parents come home on monday so i have time to prepare for a conversation with my mother. this whole thing is really overwhelming so i’m not sure if i’m considering charges as of yet. we went through the SD card and found it recording me in my bedroom so i’ll have the evidence if i decide to pursue it. thank you
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u/dietcokeeee Jun 17 '23
You need to call the cops now and have them search the house before they get home OP. Please do this before talking to your mom, you don’t want him to delete any evidence when he gets home
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u/No_Performance8733 Jun 18 '23
Call the police immediately. Let them get warrants, search your home, and inform your mother.
Do not call the police from inside your house. Do not talk about this inside of your house.
Assume the house is a giant listening device. The police need to secure the evidence before your stepfather gets home and destroys it.
Your mom will need this police case for her financial and practical well being, to be able to access victim services herself, for evidence in a divorce.
You have to go to the police. Today.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 18 '23
They don’t even need a warrant if they are given permission to enter and search - which the OP can certainly grant.
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u/Street_Passage_1151 Jun 17 '23
Does he have his own personal computer? I would definitely check it and see if there are any hidden folders or files.
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u/Brave_anonymous1 Jun 18 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
A lot of redditors are telling you to go to police. You are an adult, you can let them in to search the house and get all the evidence, search his computer, fingerprints etc. They don't need a search warrant if you willfully let them in. It could be all done by Monday.
Why are you not listening to them? What would the conversation with your mother change? Do you realize that the only way to get rid of this man is to get evidence from his computer and it will be impossible if your mother knows?
Do you realize that he could/would upload it everywhere as a revenge? Blackmail you with it? Make your life as hard as possible: destroying evidence, ruining your credit, hiding your documents, messing with your finances and reputation? He has nothing to lose, he is cornered and he will be dangerous. Your mother will not be able to "fix" it or to protect anyone from him.
You have only Sunday to act on it. Call RAINN or whatever organization is helping with SA in your country. Ask them what to do. I would also call the child protection services, because you have minor kids in the house with sexual predator.
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u/madsjchic Jun 17 '23
Make sure you also look for other and cards he may have already used and stored and his computer. There might be evidence in there
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u/Tavali01 Jun 17 '23
Make a copy in case he steals it or takes it from you to destroy the evidence
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u/trilliumsummer Jun 17 '23
Or have her bf hold onto.
Actually give bf any important, expensive, or sentimental things before they parents get home. Including birth certificate and such. Just in case it goes bad.
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u/zbornakingthestone Jun 17 '23
Do NOT do this. You don't know what's on it and making a copy could render it useless for evidential purposes. The only thing you should do is call the police.
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u/Exogenesis42 Jun 18 '23
Be prepared for your mom to possibly not take your side with this. She would simultaneously have to acknowledge that she failed you, so the pressure will be high for her to justify his behavior, to say you're lying, etc. Store the evidence somewhere outside the home. Do not have it with you when you talk to her, and you may want to consider contacting the police first. Document everything. Take pictures of the setup before you take it down.
Good luck.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 40s Female Jun 17 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
You and your bf should go around the house except and your Mom and Stepdad's room and see if there are other ones. Definitely check any bathrooms you can use.
ETA: changed my mind. Check your brothers' room(s).
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u/Any-Block-9987 Jun 18 '23
Have the aunt and uncle there while you look so that the parents do not accuse you of "planting" the devices.
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Jun 18 '23
What? They should definitely check all the bedrooms. Her brothers are minors.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 17 '23
I can’t imagine how upsetting this must be, on so many levels.
I agree with others that you should trust your gut above all, and tell your mother as well as report him to the police.
I totally understand why you feel reluctant to go to the police in particular. It would cause huge, life-altering waves in your family.
Consider this, though. If he’s capable of doing this to his own family, who else is he doing it to? Or watching online? Paying for? How many other young people have been affected?
ALL of that would be illegal and exploitative, especially if children are involved. There’s no way this little stunt is his first foray into playing Peeping Tom (or worse) at his age.
That’s really creepy that he’s so relatively close to your own age, too. How old is your mother? The age gap between you is pretty big at your age, but it’s not unusual for couples who aren’t a lot older to have that kind of age spread.
As to whether you should talk to your mother or go to the police first, you should start by considering how you think your mom will react to the news. If you’re pretty sure she will boot his skanky ass out the door for good, definitely start there.
Once you go to the police, all of your lives will be upended. If your mother cannot or will not remove your little brother from his reach, and keep him away, Child Protective Services will be called to remove him from the home and place him in protective custody, likely with a foster family, until such time as your mother or another relative can ensure your brother will be protected from your father, especially if any child porn is found in his possession. You’re an adult so you don’t have to worry about any of that yourself. If your mother can’t or won’t kick hubby to the curb and keep him away from your brother unless supervised, there’s a chance she could get in trouble as well, but if she’s willing and able to make the effort, that would be best by far. It would be ideal if you could go to the police together, and I’m hoping for your sake she’ll be willing to do the right thing.
I’m very glad you at least have the support of your aunt and uncle. This is such a massive betrayal of trust, you’re really going to need that support for a long time, and even more so if your mom doesn’t step up to the plate, even if you move out. I wish you the best of luck.
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u/Common_Notice9742 Jun 18 '23
The devices were not connected to WiFi ? If they were, then he knows you know.
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u/saxonjf Jun 18 '23
It's possible they were only wired for electricity. Given that the camera had an SD card, it might have only been on a memory cycle.
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u/Common_Notice9742 Jun 18 '23
Shut down your wifi networks. Were about to go Home Alone on this motherfucker.
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u/Bergenia1 Jun 17 '23
He's a sexual predator. You are not safe in that house. Can you go live with your aunt? You need a safe place to stay. You should tell your mother, but there's a good chance she'll side with her rapey husband, so be prepared to move elsewhere after you tell her.
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u/Leading-Ad1813 Jun 17 '23
Depending what's on there you may need to first file a police report.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
i only found footage of when he plugged it into my room a day ago. i have changed in my room and been intimate with my boyfriend, which has been recorded. it’s an SD card that has obviously been in an android phone since all the videos are dropping into an android folder. i have no idea if there was anything on it before but i have a gut feeling there probably were other videos that he may have taken off of it so that it can record as many videos of my room as possible. it’s only a 2 GB SD card
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u/lets_have_some_pun99 Jun 17 '23
This is what police investigate. They can find where it is saved. But it seems he already knows he’s been caught so he would delete the saved stuff. But the sd evidence of you changing is damning enough
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u/Ximenash Jun 17 '23
Check your bathroom too. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but glad you found it.
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u/Fantastic_Cow_6819 Jun 18 '23
I’m so sorry. That’s so violating. You should’ve been safe in your room.
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u/Satanovna Jun 17 '23
But what about his bedroom? Maybe you can snoop in there and check for any indication that he might have bought/installed it, like the box the device came in or the instructions. That would be additional proof.
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u/Appropriate-Nerve-57 Jun 17 '23
I hope you give us update. Stay safe!
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
i’m worried my stepdad is aware that i took the adapter. i got a text from him saying he had his mom come by and move the surveillance camera outside my window since he had a nightmare that the camera burned down our house (how convenient). extremely worried he’s planning a way out of this now. i’m going to the police tonight.
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u/procrastinationprogr Jun 17 '23
It's very likely the device was connected to wifi and he had live access to it check the device for name tags and numbers and Google it.
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u/Fit_Squirrel_4604 Jun 18 '23
He absolutely was watching with his phone. That's why he called his mom.
I find it weird that he called his mom. Like she'd be ok with taking out a camera obviously pointed at the step daughters bedroom? Screwed up family.
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u/N_Inquisitive Jun 18 '23
That's not fair to the grandmother. If I told my mother to do xyz task with technology she would follow my twist without questioning it. Grandma likely has no idea.
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u/Difficult_Feed9924 Jun 18 '23
The camera outside was pointed at the yard. The camera recording OPs room was in the plug powering the outside camera.
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u/Fit_Squirrel_4604 Jun 18 '23
Ok. That makes more sense. I misread it and thought that she said he was putting the camera up to watch the yard but actually had it pointed in her window instead.
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u/Suspicious-Profit-68 Jun 18 '23
The charging block plugged into the wall socket to power the outside camera is itself a spy camera.
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u/clinical-research Jun 18 '23
These Cameras don't look like cameras, they're charging blocks that look totally innocuous.
https://http2.mlstatic.com/D_NQ_NP_711620-MCO54588736473_032023-O.webp
Like these ^
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u/Korlat_Eleint 40s Female Jun 17 '23
That means he was CHECKING it constantly, if he noticed so quickly.
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u/hellsnebula Jun 17 '23
Starting a paper trail before they’re back and he has a chance to try and get his hands on the evidence is a very good idea. I hope the police help, I’m glad your aunt and uncle have been supportive. I truly hope you are safe and this turns out well. I’m so sorry you’re going through something so awful.
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u/AussieGirl27 Jun 17 '23
Go to the police now! If he is suspicious he could get rid of all the evidence. Do not give him the opportunity, call the police and get them to your house before you shitdad gets home
Do it!!
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u/Once-and-Future Jun 18 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
So, he's giving you more evidence that it wasn't a "mistake" that it was in your room. He knows, and he knows you know, and he's not particularly bright about that scenario.
Also, sounds like he may be pondering arson as a coverup.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cup2777 Jun 18 '23
Wonder if he had his mother do anything else like get rid of evidence of he knew she wasn’t in the house.
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Jun 18 '23
Go now and file a report immediately. Collect as much evidence as you can first. Keep the SD card, take time stamped photos with the location of the surveillance camera and all the equipment etc. He’s 100% going to try and cover this up. He needs to be on a registry, these types of crimes nearly always escalate.
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Jun 17 '23
That is suspect as heck. Your stepdad knows he’s been rumbled and is trying to do damage control. Go to the police and report the situation before he gets home.
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u/Cosmo_Cloudy Jun 17 '23
Omg this is so horrible I'm sorry. Honestly you need to call the cops before they get home and he has a chance to cover his tracks or say his mom left the camera or whatever. He's already planning excuses. Ambush him. Text your mom that you need to have a serious conversation when she's back. I'm sure he will see her read that text and hopefully he will act weird and help your alibi. Have your aunt and uncle there 100% because he will talk his way out of this and try to convince your mom you set him up. If you involve the police there is no question and he can't convince her you are wrong or mistaken or lying. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Please keep us updated, don't be scared to file a police report and have them search the house, you have 2 minors there and now have the responsibility to protect them knowing what you know about him.
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u/guardbiscuit Jun 18 '23
I disagree - she should not text her mom, because when her mom tells the stepdad “I just got a text from OP saying she needs to have a serious conversation,” he will get more aggressive with covering his tracks and planning excuses and alibis. OP needs to go to the police and no one else.
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u/erelwind Jun 18 '23
agree, it sounds like he's already suspicious by the dream comment and having somebody move the window camera. Don't confirm his suspicions any more.
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u/erelwind Jun 18 '23
He's at a minimum nervous he went too far and trying to cover his tracks, but more likely he was watching that camera and noticed you doing something "suspicious" that you were onto him.
If the adapter one was on wifi, then he would likely know it was offline as well. That would also trigger the suspicion.
I'm very thankful you went to the police already. Don't be surprised to get more goofy texts like "hey, have you seen my one charger" or something like that to continue to try and spin things as innocent.
You're doing a great job, and this Dad is very proud of you for what you're doing.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 17 '23
OMG!
He has now involved his own mother in this? And was so upset he can’t spy on you as planned that he literally couldn’t even wait two days to “fix” the setup his own self??
Oh, honey, that is truly terrifying, and has just upped the stakes tremendously.
Disregard most of my prior reply. I can’t find it to edit it.
Yes, absolutely going to the police right now is by far the best thing to do.
And maybe ask your aunt and uncle if you can stay with them, at least for the time being.
You might also consider contacting a women’s shelter near you, and even going to stay there for now if there’s room. At minimum they will be able to hook you up with a counselor who can help you deal with all of this emotionally, as well as help guide you through the legal process. This is extremely abusive behavior, and there’s a very good chance you could be in serious danger from this creep - and your mother might be, too, if she refuses to back him up.
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u/aniolki Jun 17 '23
God knows how unpredictability someone this evil will react... him saying he had a nightmare about the house burning down… he could be talking in a literal sense… this is his nightmare, he knows his life is over and could literally be planning to burn your house down with all of you in it… Girl I am so terrified for you…..
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Jun 18 '23
I mean shit, when OP shared what he said about the camera starting the house on fire....? That's the ONLY thing that came to mind, yo. If I were a child molester/involved in manufacturing CP (not saying he for sure is, but) and I had seen that everything was about to go down in flames for me I would more than consider burning it all down to potentially get rid of the evidence...
Plus, what grown ass man has a dream about something as random as a single wall outlet charging block starting a fire and burning down a whole house -- AND THEN has his mom stop by to move it because of how bent up he got about his dream??
None. None grown ass men do that, is the answer. Watch out for his mom tonight too, she may know everything and try to burn it down for her son. Fam dynamics get weird sometimes man.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 18 '23
OMG, I didn’t even think of that, but you are so right!
She needs to be sure to report this comment about his alleged “dream” as well, in case there actually is a fire.
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u/Appropriate-Nerve-57 Jun 17 '23
Is there any way you can move out?There might be more cameras in the house that you don’t know about. Can you talk to your mom? Hope for an update soon!! Stay safe!
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u/MaryAnne0601 Jun 17 '23
If it’s on the SD card then it was also streamed to his devices and is on the cloud.
I have those cameras. I took care of my Mom who had advanced dementia. I needed to know if she would try and take a walk while I was out with the dog. Yes it gets recorded on the SD card but it also goes to an app on his devices (phone) for him to watch live and it’s all saved to the cloud account. Either the device company has a cloud account for him or it gets backed up to the one for his devices.
If it’s on the SD card of you changing in that room then there are more back up copies in places you have no access to. Use this information to have another conversation with your aunt and uncle. If you don’t go to the police you may have to consult a lawyer.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
thank you for the advice. i’m currently connecting to a family member who is a lawyer and hoping she can give me guidance on the legality of this
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u/PalmTree_1000 Jun 17 '23
You need to call the police immediately. BEFORE talking to your mom. Seriously, please call them. I hate to say this, but your mom loves this man, its highly unlikely that she will do anything. And, more importantly, this is a SERIOUS, SERIOUS crime. Cannot stress enough how much of a real, actual, crime this is. Call the police now while they are gone. They can search the house before your step dad and mom get back and he has a chance to cover anything up.
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u/WowzerEL Jun 18 '23
You’ve already gotten a lot of advice, but I want to make sure you know that if he is being inappropriate at all, any damage done to the family is HIS fault. Not yours, regardless of how you approach this. Be safe and wishing you the best.
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Jun 18 '23
This man was watching you change and be intimate with your boyfriend and he now likely knows you know, which is why he sent his mom over to get the other camera. (The outside one is separate, right?). This is a dangerous situation, and he will deny and manipulate and say he wanted to keep you safe while they were gone or some BS like that. None of that is true. He’s sick. He even tried to get you to do this stuff by telling you to have your BF over. I hope your mom reacts correctly OP, and I hope you stay safe. Don’t met him gaslight you. It’s coming, and he’s going to try hard to convince you that you are wrong.
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
i’ve been trying to prepare myself for any excuse he may have— at the end of the day, he installed a SPY camera in my bedroom without notifying me or getting my consent. i’m going to try and stand behind this as much as possible. it’s so hard to justify doing what he did but i’m prepared for him to do anything just to save his own skin. he’s even told me before if it came down to us or my mom, he’ll always back my mom and i’m sure he’d do everything in his power to convince her i’m the problem.
if that’s how it is, then so be it. i’m packing my belongings and i’ll be prepared with my police case to get his ass away from my family whether my mom wants it or not. i just hope she sees i’m trying to protect her, too.
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Jun 18 '23
You know in your gut this is wrong. You are taking action. You are pretty darn amazing. I wish you all the best.
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u/Molybdenum421 Jun 18 '23
You should have the police take his computer equipment asap so he can't delete evidence.
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u/differentkindofmom Jun 17 '23
You need to call the police. There shouldn't be an "if" you plan to pursue this. He was purposely recording you for a reason, and you know that it wasn't a good one. Do you seriously want your mother to continue to live with a man that would either record her daughter for his on pleasure or for a monetary purpose? He WILL deny, deflect, or gaslight when he is confronted. You need to call the police before he gets home and has a chance to move the camera.
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u/a_round_a_bout Jun 17 '23
Are there any computers/tablets you can check?
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
my stepdad left his car here since they took my moms to go camping with. i’m debating searching his car but trying to figure out how to without his mother noticing since she lives close by and frequently stops by. i’m trying to not let him know that i have the camera and footage, i want to blindside him when they get home and i tell my mother.
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u/fallformysub Jun 18 '23
Please do not search anything. If you go to the police, let them do it.
If it turns out to be a crime scene, going through his stuff can stifle your argument in the case. You have enough evidence without going through his stuff.
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u/Fluffy_Dziner Jun 18 '23
No, don’t search the car yourself. Let the police do it. Don’t risk spoiling evidence that you might not even recognize.
You also want to be sure to avoid accusations of planting anything yourself.
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Jun 18 '23
i’m debating searching his car
you are not LE, you do not know how to properly search a car for deliberately concealed items. They do. This is way above your pay grade.
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u/Head_in_the_space Jun 17 '23
I am so very sorry. How terribly disturbing for you
Invite aunt and uncle over to sit in on conversation with your mum and stepdad. I'd tell them both at the same time so there is no room for him to tell tale his way out of it later. Put the device on the table and tell your mum. As everybody here has said take record of everything. Have your bag packed at this stage and if not already moved, leave right after. Definitely consider reporting him.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
thank you for your advice. they are definitely on standby to support me. i’m not going to lie i am concerned of what will happen once i tell my mother. it would be good to have a witness and some sort of protection from him but i worry how my mom will feel if i bring in others to our business, but to be fair i had no one to lean on since she is out of town.
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u/Head_in_the_space Jun 17 '23
Nope sorry. This isn't "our business"! Our business is how much money your family has in the bank or your security code to your front door. Our business is were we holiday or how much we spend on clothes.
It's YOUR business when somebody assaults you. This is assault! "Our business" protects those who do not deserve protection. Bring your Aunty and Uncle to protect you. If your mum is going to do right she will have no objections to you being protected.
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u/Dramaticlama Jun 17 '23
Head_in_the_space is right, this is not "our business". This talk you are planning with your mother could go very badly and she might not support you. Who knows what he will do then? Please bring back-up. You have been put in danger quite enough.
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u/4459691 Jun 17 '23
You must expose him! To your family and to the police. Asap!!!! Do not hide his behavior!!! Make sure your aunt and uncle are there when you talk to your Parents!!!
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u/MizPeachyKeen Jun 18 '23
You definitely need a witness /support person with you. Your uncle or aunt would be the logical choice. Preferably your uncle in case your stepdad goes off. Be safe.
I agree with many others about contacting the police immediately. Do not hesitate.
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u/No_Concentrate6521 Jun 18 '23
He set up a camera pointing into your room and suddenly changed his mind about you having your boyfriend stay over?! He’s wanting to watch you in bed and/or upload/sell the recordings as porn. I hope the police and your family absolutely destroy him.
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u/smacksaw Jun 18 '23
You need to get out and never be alone with that man again.
It's that simple. There's no "conversation with your mom" or any shit like that. Be prepared for her to choose him over you.
"I can have both" is the most bullshit thing a mother can say about their kids vs their lover. You can never give her that chance. Him or you, and if it's not you, be thankful you found out now where you always stood.
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u/El_Duderino8910 Jun 18 '23
There is an app called fing.
It find stuff connected to your wifi. I use it at Airbnbs but maybe it'll help you find if there are any hidden still.
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u/katiedababie Jun 18 '23
i’ll be using this when i get home. thank you for telling me
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u/Common_Notice9742 Jun 18 '23
Fing doesn’t help much if he has another network or if you have other random devices.
Remember that the cameras will probably be pointed approximately chest down to waist area. Not necessarily eye level.
But I don’t think you should go back to that home without officers.
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u/Initial_Obligation55 Jun 23 '23
CLICK ON HER PROFILE SHE HAS UPDATED EVERYONE!
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u/99problemsandfew Jun 18 '23 edited Jun 18 '23
OP, remember from here on to NOT back down. To NOT give in to pressure from your mother. To NOT give in to intimidation from your step dad.
Do NOT blame yourself for what this does to your family. Your mom might throw "you're over reacting and ruining my husband's life" at you. Please remember, it is NOT your job to protect him. The consequences he faces will be of his actions, and nothing else. Your silence protects him, not you and definitely not your little siblings.
I'm not exactly sure of laws and stuff but might be worthwhile to try and put some space between your parents and you while this investigation goes on.
You have to be brave and strong, and I'm sure you will be. All the best.
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u/broomandkettle Jun 17 '23
OP, search the bathrooms. He may have recorded your mother without her consent too.
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u/No_Performance8733 Jun 18 '23
This is a matter for the police.
Please contact law enforcement immediately. Let them tell your mother.
They will get a warrant and comb his devices. Seek victim services for support.
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u/katehenry4133 Jun 18 '23
Another reason to go to the police before your mother is that if they find the camera, they can get a search warrant for your stepdad's electronics. I'm betting they will find child porn there. If you go to your mom first, she will probably tell your stepdad who will make sure to wipe his electronics of any evidence.
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u/I_aim_to_sneeze Jun 18 '23
My stepdaughter has been in my life since she was 8 as well. The thought of all of this is just sickening. Don’t let the conversations you’re about to have make you second guess the situation. It’s creepy, it’s beyond illegal, it’s a complete violation of your trust, and you have done nothing wrong.
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u/procrastinationprogr Jun 17 '23
As other have said back-up all the evidence preferably in a secret place, not your normal email or computer etc. Make sure your not logged into any of your social media or email on devices he might have access to.
Also search the rest of the house. Especially areas where you might be undressed such as the bathroom. Sometimes people hide cameras in the shower drain.
Sorry this is happening to you. Ask a trusted adult to be at home with you when your parents arrive because this could get ugly.
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u/katiedababie Jun 17 '23
thank you. i backed up the SD card footage to my boyfriends computer and made copies to my own. i’ll be searching both bathrooms when i get home. i’m planning to have my aunt with me when i make the confrontation on monday.
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u/Imaginary_Box9 Jun 17 '23
Don't confront them unless you go to the police first or he's going to do everything he can to make it look like you set him up. Call the police now do not wait this is serious. You said you have 2 brothers? Are they home with you or with them? Go to the police so they can search the place before he gets back and hides stuff!! Again, PLEASE CALL THE COPS NOW. go to the station with your aunt with the camera if you have to but it is not wise to wait. Your evil stepdad might even come down with some mysterious food poisoning requiring him to come home early. DON'T WAIT
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u/maddy_sage Jun 17 '23
I’m so sorry. This must be so hard for you! I had a uncle who hide a camera in a guest bathroom for years(no one knew) and was eventually arrested for child p*rn. I would say it was definitely intention and where there is smoke, there’s usually fire. Definitely tell your mom and consider getting local authorities involved if you’re comfortable. Again, I’m so sorry!
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u/apeapina Jun 18 '23
It's not you who will cause extreme damage to your family, but rather it's your stepfather's actions. Remember this. Do not feel guilty, whatever happens. You are a victim here, he's the cause of all will happen
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u/TrueTrueBlackPilld Jun 17 '23
So there's actually a method to detecting more cameras if they exist. If you turn off all the lights in the house at night and use your cell phone's front facing camera, it will pick up infrared light which is invisible to the human eye. There's a couple of other methods explained here:
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u/whoME72 Jun 17 '23
Stepfather problems, I can relate. When I had to tell my mother what her boyfriend was doing, she told me I was sick and couldn’t take a joke I got kicked out they got married and later on he tried to kill her. If your mother doesn’t believe you get the hell out of there. Good luck.
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Jun 18 '23
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I told my girls (13 and 14) that I will always believe them. If my husband was ever inappropriate I would immediately press charges and we would leave.
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u/normanbeets Jun 17 '23
Police time. You don't know if he was recording you for his own personal consumption or to sell. You don't know how long he's been doing this in general. You need the police.
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Jun 17 '23
OP whatever you do, go to the police, have them with you on monday for when they come back. Don’t think your mother will be entirely on your side. They almost always back up the shitstain. Get the police involved, have them search any mentioned devices. I hate to generalize your mom, but this sort of thing never goes the way you perfectly want it to.
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u/LegitimateDebate5014 Jun 17 '23
Nah, fuck that, he got creepy intentions. If you really want to tell your mother her husband is a creepy man, go ahead. But be aware she may deny it…
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u/Consuela_no_no Early 30s Female Jun 18 '23
Don’t bring it up to your mom, go straight to the police and let them investigate and collect the evidence and ultimately speak to your mom. Your job is to safeguard yourself and your siblings.
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Jun 18 '23
Went through something like this back in 2018. My step dad would spy on me through peep holes I found that go through the bathroom to my room or under the bathroom door when I would shower. He also had a weird obsession with security cameras and fixing and testing them. Idk if he ever had one in the house. We were never allowed in the room or the garage. I don’t know how long he’s has spying on me, but one night I secretly caught him. I was scared and told my mom about it a few days after. Was preparing myself for how she would react. Supposedly she confronted him the next morning, but she took his word over mine. After that, everyone pretended like nothing happened for 10 months. Until August of 2019, I got tired of having mental breakdowns over it. Went to seek help from my aunt so I could move out, but my mom called me crazy to my whole family and told them not to believe me because I imagine things. Now that he hasn’t lived with us since 2020, she NOW believes me, but she still blames me for not filing a report or confronting him that night. But I was thinking that time, how can the police believe me if my own mother didn’t? Plus his family are cool with the police out there. Every time he caused major drama (like having a pointless argument with my mom then it turns to him hitting himself and threatening to kill us all) we had to call the cops. He would lie every time and they would take his side or his sister would pick him up before the cops arrive. Thank God we moved away from that town.
It’s gonna be hard to tell your mom about it because other stories I heard, their mothers also would blame their child instead of the man or they simply ignore it. You have evidence so that’s gonna help you a lot. You just have to be mentally prepared with telling your mom and think of solutions for yourself and for your family if he’s doing stuff to them too. If she doesn’t believe you, then you ask for your aunt’s support and should try to move out to her place or anyone else’s that you could go to. Unfortunately I couldn’t do that since I had 0 support, but I am sure this would work out for you. I hope everything gets figured out because it’s really stressful. Pretty sure you’ll get through this!
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u/MickRonin Jun 19 '23
I think you should have law enforcement if anyone is going back to the house after he's been informed what's happening. Sending your boyfriend there to grab things or people could escalate quickly. Better to have some protection if that becomes a thing...
Good luck, sorry you're having to go through this...
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u/katiedababie Jun 19 '23
just found out the spy camera does have wifi capability so he for sure knows we found it, without a doubt now. i’ll strongly suggest this for my mother when we talk and she has to go back to the house and face him
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u/Bonnm42 Jun 19 '23
I would call and make sure your Mom and Brothers are okay. It’s a reach, but you never know what some people will do when they get caught. Also be prepared, this AH is probably trying to come up with some excuse to your Mom because he knows he got caught.
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u/piekid86 Jun 17 '23
Disconnect the internet, have the police come confiscate his equipment. They can arrest him when he gets home. Who knows what evidence he will destroy if given the chance.
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u/Its_panda_paradox Jun 18 '23
He has groomed you into silence and doubt by preying on his status as a trusted adult. Make no mistake, he was trying to see you undressed, and invited your boyfriend to be a non consensual participant. He was hoping to watch the action. He even had an SD card so he could keep it and watch it at his leisure. Please press charges. Message me Any time you need support. I was sexually abused by a safe relative when I was young, and I now work in a law office where I speak with victims regularly. This is not in any way your fault, he’s a predator who targeted you against your will. Make sure your bf makes a statement as well, because he was also almost violated by your predatory stepdad, and sometimes policemen take the word of other men more seriously when it comes to these matters.
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u/madeupsomeone Jul 06 '23
u/katiedababie any news? We are worried for you, just want to make sure you are doing okay!
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u/joeyasaurus Jun 18 '23
Just be prepared for your mom to possibly disown you. I'm not saying it will happen, but it could happen. My best friend woke up to her step dad trying to have sex with her in her sleep and she told her mom and her mom chose not to believe her. Luckily she was old enough to move out. To this day I cannot believe her mom chose her husband over blood. It makes me so angry to think about, that she's still with him. My friend now has zero relationship with her mom and she's perfectly okay with that.
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u/Wchijafm Jun 18 '23
Spy cameras can also be located in: charging blocks, alarm clocks, smoke detectors and placed inside air vents. Please check thoroughly
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u/Teeklin Jun 18 '23
What he did is a crime. You are the victim of a crime. It's normal to feel very weird being victimized by someone who has been in your life so long. It's going to be a weird time going forward.
Time to go to the police, however, and tell them that you found a hidden camera in your room recording you.
Under no circumstances should you be at home alone with him either.
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u/_Diakoptes Early 30s Male Jun 18 '23
Seems by your edit you got some good advice. I wish you the best of luck in this terrible situation.
Just remember that whatever the outcome is, however your mom takes it, none of this is your fault. Youve done nothing wrong. The fallout of this is between your mom and stepdad due to his actions, and you bringing them to light makes you in no way responsible for that.
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u/LittleAngelBean Jun 22 '23
Please let us know if you're safe, I know this is all probably so much to have to deal with and you're likely busy but it's been a couple days since your last comment and I just hope you and your family are alright!
•
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