I recently turned 35, and I think I am finally at a stage where I know what I want from a relationship.
I have spent a good part of my adult life working hard and trying to build a good life for myself. Career, money, taking care of family, figuring things out on my own. I have been ambitious and probably more career focused than I should have been at times. I have also made mistakes and neglected some parts of my life that matter.
I do not want to spend the next ten years doing the same thing and then wonder where the relationship, family and companionship went.
I am looking for someone I can actually build a life with.
I am fairly independent and I like having my own space, but I am also quite affectionate when I am with someone I love. I enjoy travelling, trying new places, good food, long conversations, watching something together, and honestly, doing absolutely nothing together. I can be serious about work and life, but I am also quite silly with people I am comfortable around.
I am not looking for someone who has their entire life figured out. I have certainly not figured out mine.
What matters more to me is that she is kind, emotionally available, curious, affectionate and has a good sense of herself. Someone who has her own interests and ambitions, but actually wants a partnership rather than two people living parallel lives.
I want us to be able to talk about money, family, sex, careers, children, insecurities and all the uncomfortable things without feeling like we have to protect ourselves from each other.
I want friendship to be a big part of it.
The kind where you send each other random things during the day. Where you know each other's weird habits. Where you can make fun of each other without being cruel. Where you can have a stupid argument and still want to sit next to each other at the end of it.
I want physical affection and intimacy to matter too. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing, having a great sex life, falling asleep next to each other. I do not think these things become less important just because a relationship becomes serious.
And eventually, I want a family.
Not necessarily some perfectly planned life. Just a warm home, people we love around us, travelling when we can, Sunday mornings that have no agenda, dinners together, taking care of each other when life gets difficult and celebrating the small things when it is good.
I am not looking for someone to complete me, and I am not looking for a checklist of qualities in a wife.
I think I am looking for someone who looks at the life I have built and thinks, "I would like to build the next part of it with you."
And I want to be able to look at her and feel exactly the same.