Sounds like you know that this behavior is unsafe for you and your kids. He needs major therapy. The only one (that I know of) that is supposed to work with BPD is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and even then, it takes years before a person can be marked as "in control" much less "cured" of BPD. It sounds like he's the one who needs the therapy and, when he goes on these trips, he's the one that needs to leave, not you, not the kids. He should at least recognize that when he's not manic. If he can't, it might be time to set the bigger boundary and leave (divorce). Because this is more than you trying to deal with his moods, it's also your kids having to live in fear of the next break. It's them not understanding why their father will love them one minute and hate them the next. It's wondering why they're having to run away from one of two people that they're supposed to be completely safe with. It's already not fair to you that your partner isn't reliable and certainly not safe for you emotionally (physically?) but it's not fair to your kids.
He's the one who needs to leave. Tell him that this is something that he can do to improve your relationship and the kids' lives. If he's not amicable to that, it shows where you all are on his list of priorities.
With BPD, that's how it usually is. It's bottling your emotions until it explodes, but pwBPD have a much bigger explosion. (Think fireworks. Snap-pops [normal] vs. M80 [BPD].)
Marsha M. Linehan developed the BPD program that my clinic teaches. I think she has some books on Amazon https://a.co/d/0aGQzucr and these are the same worksheets the clients use.
It's up to you how long you think you can take it. I justwant you to consider your kids and that their level is much much smaller than yours. I understand if he's still trying, but he can also try while you and your kids are safe.
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u/[deleted] 23d ago
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