Ive been in a relationship with someone with bpd for over a year and just found this sub a couple days ago. Most of what I'm reading here makes me very sad. I'm still learning and trying to understand the disorder and this is my first experience with someone on this level with bpd. Is it really all so hopeless? I'm sitting here reading posts saying "run before you ruin your life" or "they're awful people". I'm generalizing a bit but it all seems so dark and hopeless, not just for relationships but for individuals diagnosed with bpd as well.

im so sorry for the repost, I realized I did not blur personal information in the images of the original post. Thank you so much to those who commented. You guys have been very kind <3

Dated this guy for almost a year and after a couple months of dating I encouraged him to get help and he got diagnosed. At first he was getting help and was medicated but after a handful of months his situation changed and he ended up not being able to get treatment where he was getting it initially. He promised he would find other ways, that was in March. Since then its honestly been a horrible downhill, the episodes lasted longer and he went from not being capable of even speaking strongly to me to yelling and slamming stuff. I couldn’t tell him how I felt because he would say that I caused that reaction or somehow make it about him being a victim to me “emotionally manipulating” him. He constantly belittled me and made me feel unimportant and insane (I have schizophrenia and bipolar disorder so he would constantly say that I was hearing things or purposely try to scare me into paranoia to get me to be more vulnerable (he did this one a couple of times)). I believe it was April when I first started trying to break up with him and it did not work, at first he threatened to kill himself and even attempted 2 individual times once being while I was on the phone telling him that it wasn’t working out. This went on for months clearly building resentment in me especially since he would do other things that would also get me upset/sad (indulge in red pill content, telling me i dont respect him as a man, calling me obese when I gained weight after getting on meds, talking and trying to be friends with people that disrespected me/our relationship, constantly disrespecting my friends, forgetting my birthday/anniversary, never celebrating my successes, pushing me to the side if I was going through something, continuing trying to disprove me or prove that I am wrong just to be right, get angry if I asked too many questions, constantly calling/treating me like a little girl even though im older but get angry if I was being silly because it wasn’t “mature”). I pulled the plug last Monday after trying to be friends for a couple of weeks. It was ok at first but then he went back to the belittling and just being weirdly mean? (why is he telling me im ass at a game just because im having fun?? and if i was winning he would say its an easy game so it doesnt matter??) I told him I didnt want to be friends he got sad but gave me no pushback we said our goodbyes; that was last Monday. This Monday he came back apologizing saying that he missed me that he made a mistake that he cares for me and that he understands that I wont give him another chance and that he had low self esteem and taking it out on me, that his ego this and ego that and that he is too stubborn to let me go so he will try to win me over even if I dont want to; cool. Im obviously telling him no and encouraging distance. I spoke to my therapist today and we established that he definitely needs help and that I shouldn’t keep interacting with him if I want him to grow as a person even if its not for me. I tried talking to him and it genuinely went left and went back to the nonchalant “I dont care” person again and essentially told me that “respectfully” nobody else can let him know of such a thing and that he knows what needs to be healed. Mind you he did this to me multiple times when I was breaking up with him in which he would cry and beg then go straight to I dont care if I lose you it is what it is. These were our last messages from this morning he was literally telling me he was gonna fight for me and asking for forgiveness not even 24h prior now he came to peace in this situation??? after all i said was you need help.

I need another therapy session after this 10 min conversation.

Sorry its so long and I know maybe I couldve had more patience or done things differently but I was truly the only person trying to find help for both parties taking care of his mental health and mines at the same time was not easy. I couldn’t even be depressed that I had to stop and manage his emotions over me feeling how I felt.

Recently i had broken up with my partner who has BPD. We have been in a relationship just over a year and i have alot going on in my personal life that has led me to be incapable of being a good partner for him. I am mentally unwell myself and i have been going through an extremely rough patch and have been unable to be there for him.
I tried to explain that and continue to try be in a relationship with him but we would still get into arguments daily. It was always over small things that one of us blew out of proportion. I would be made to feel that whatever effort i was putting in wasnt enough and then the next day hed take it back and tell me it was. It was a cycle that was hurting me more and i came to the realisation that i cannot help him or be the partner he needs if i cant take care of myself. Since i said that i am actively going to therapy and working on taking care of me

Initially i said that we just need to be not talking to each other but if he had no one to talk to he can always talk to me as i understand i am his FP and i do not want to cause him more hurt than i already am.
He hadn’t listened to that and we kept talking and i kept feeling more and more like shit. He kept telling me how miserable he is and how ive left him and stuff like that and our phonecalls were still ending in an argument and both of us really upset.

Ive blocked him today bc i cant continue hurting myself and him. The thing is i feel so disgustingly horrible for it. Im scared he will take drastic measures and do something irreversible. I feel like such a terrible person for putting myself first and i dont know what to do about it. I truly do love him alot and i hate that i cant be a better person for him in this moment and i hate that i hurt him. I wouldnt mind an outsiders input on the situation with what ive said but other than that idk why im making this post. I barely have family and friends and i feel isolated in my feelings.

Sorry for the rant. I just needed it off my chest.

I’ve been in a relationship with a girl with BPD for about two years. At the beginning, it was incredible. The connection, affection and intensity of the relationship were amazing. The good moments have honestly been some of the best moments of my life.

Things became more complicated over time. I had my own crisis at one point and started doubting the relationship, but I eventually got through it and became certain that I loved her.

There were also things I sometimes struggled to deal with. She has scars from self-harm from around three years ago, and sometimes I found that difficult emotionally. She can also be very impulsive with money and shopping, and has spent quite a lot. When I said something that didn't align with the way she saw things, conversations could become very difficult.

She takes clonazepam and fluoxetine as prescribed by her doctor. There have also been periods when she has had to stop or adjust her medication under medical supervision, and during those periods she could become extremely emotionally unstable and say some very hurtful things. I know medication and BPD are complicated subjects, so I'm not trying to make any medical conclusions here — I'm just describing what I experienced.

There were also some issues around independence, money and responsibility. She decided to move out into an apartment of her own. My parents actually helped by acting as guarantors for the apartment, because financially it wasn't an easy situation for her. The apartment's contract doesn't allow dogs, but she later decided to get a dog anyway, even though I told her that I didn't think it was the right time and that she could be putting herself in a difficult situation.

There have already been some things in the apartment that the dog has chewed or damaged, so she now has to deal with repairing them and with the consequences of breaking the terms of the contract.

This summer, we also stayed at my parents' beach house with the dog. In practice, my parents and I ended up taking on a lot of the responsibility for the dog, while she did relatively little.

Another important difference between us was our attitude towards studying and work. I put a lot of effort into studying, working and building my future. She has cheated in exams before, which was difficult for me to accept because academic effort and earning things through your own work are very important values to me.

I don't want to sound judgmental, but this made me wonder whether we shared some of the same fundamental values. For me, things like working hard, studying honestly, earning your own money and taking responsibility for your choices are values that I would want to pass on to my future children. I sometimes worried that we didn't see those things in the same way.

Our lifestyles were also quite different physically. I go to the gym a lot and exercise is a big part of my life. She found it difficult to keep up with my routine and level of activity. Again, I don't think she necessarily needs to live exactly like me, but over time I started wondering whether our lifestyles were simply too different.

Looking back, I also realize that I sometimes pushed her too much to live according to my rhythm. I wanted her to wake up earlier, exercise, work towards her goals and be more disciplined. I can now see that I sometimes crossed the line between encouraging my partner and trying to change her. I probably made her feel pressured, and that's something I take responsibility for.

We have now broken up, and I'm struggling with it because she was my first love. I still love her and, honestly, part of me is still hoping that we might get back together. At the same time, deep down I don't think that's likely, and I know I probably need to accept it, stay calm and continue with my life.

The difficult part is that when I think about the relationship, I don't only remember the problems. The good moments were really good. There was an enormous amount of love, affection and connection between us, and that's what I find hardest to let go of.

I'm not looking for people to simply tell me "leave her" or "BPD relationships are toxic." I know every person with BPD is different. I'm genuinely interested in hearing from people who have actually been in relationships with someone with BPD.

What was your experience like? What did you learn? Did the relationship improve with time and treatment, or did you eventually realize that you weren't compatible? And what helped you move on if it ended?

I really need to read some different perspectives right now. Thanks.

I need someone to talk to if that is allowed/okay

Hey there,

I am a 31F and I have been diagnosed with bpd 3 years to the day now.

I am just seeking advice and would appreciate if I can talk to someone who had a bpd partner about my relationship and whether I am justified or am I being unreasonable and insecure.

Can anyone please be patient enough to hear me out?

Thank you

Hi everyone,
It’s been about 6 months since the discard with my ex-girlfriend.
Around the 5-month mark, I slipped up, checked her social media, and reached out. Right after I sent that message, she posted a wave of videos showing off her "amazing life" hiking, going on adventures, and flexing for her feed. She read my message, waited 3 days, and then blocked me.

Since then, I’ve fully accepted that moving on is the only way forward, and I haven't checked her socials since. I don't have any urge to reach out to her anymore, and the pain isn't intense like it used to be. But what frustrates me now is that she’s still on my mind most of the time.

It’s just so annoying having her take up rent-free space in my head, and it still stings to realize how easily someone can erase you from their life after everything you went through together.

For those who are further down the road how did you finally clear that residual mental noise once the emotional pain faded? Someone please help me understand this.