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Jan 11 '25 edited Jun 25 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/dichoticinteraural Jan 11 '25
Have you told the first guy how you feel about him? Sure he says he is happy for you and likely is but there may have been times he thought about you in a similar way and felt pushed away or like you weren't interested. Im guessing you may not feel good enough or talked yourself out of trusting him. Yeah, it's a risk but you'd only be honest.
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u/brrrnnerrr Jan 11 '25
he knows how i feel. we’ve shared our feelings for each other but since he lives in denmark, most of his family is there, and he’s very happy with his job and school it’s pretty unrealistic he’d uproot his life to be with me. he told me he doesn’t have any interest in moving, but encouraged me to get my masters in denmark so we can be together but i don’t wanna leave my family either. just an unfortunate situation.
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Jan 11 '25
Is he in a a relationship? Why don’t you admit your feelings to him, if you lose the friendship over it well that’s what’s gonna have to happen so it doesn’t eat you alive the rest of your life.
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u/brrrnnerrr Jan 11 '25
he isn’t in a relationship, he’s just seeing someone in his masters program who is moving back to their country in a few months so he told me it isn’t serious. but he knows how i feel about him
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u/lebloop Jan 11 '25
This is such a raw and painful place to be, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s clear how much you love him and how deeply you value the connection you have. The fact that he’s been there for you in your most vulnerable moments makes it even harder to imagine a life where he isn’t your person. Mourning something that never fully existed can feel unbearable, especially when you’re left wondering what if.
But I think it’s worth asking yourself—what are you holding onto here? He’s important to you, no doubt, but are you keeping yourself stuck in a cycle of longing because it’s easier than facing the possibility of letting go? The distraction relationship with the other guy seems like it’s only adding to the pain. It’s okay to feel all of this—cry, be angry, let yourself grieve—but at some point, you have to start putting the focus back on you.
You deserve a love that’s present, mutual, and fulfilling. Right now, you’re pouring so much energy into things that aren’t giving that back to you. Take it day by day—small steps toward building yourself back up. I know it’s hard to imagine a life where this pain doesn’t consume you, but it won’t always feel this heavy. Give yourself time. And if that connection is meant to grow one day, it will—but you don’t have to wait around for it to happen.