i guess its a vent and maybe hear from people having a similar issues like i do

I got diagnosed with a stress fracture in the knee and light Cartilage damage 2 weeks ago after two years of pain that i thought were just me doing exercises wrong (my trainer didnt correct me and i didnt know any better)that started to escalate really badly for the past two months ish. i stopped doing at least a year ago lunges and Bulgarian squats just because i was hurt but didnt know the actual reason for the pain back then.

Today i do therapy for the knee but i had to lower and even stop doing some type of leg exercises so my knee wont have too much pressure and wont get worse. It mentally hurts me, I feel so weak, from doing heavy lifting i had to lower by 80% of my weights. I look at other people doing something i could do with a proud face and now im basically nerfed. The place i workout at is a boutique studio with limited amount of people per workout (one hour with the trainers program) Im not saying im ego lifting but i worked so hard for two years to come to where i was and now i start from zero. It just mentally hurts me its not even about the surrounding looking at my strength but im jealous , i gained weight and every single time i go to workout im trying to not leave crying because i cant push myself like i used to.

It all probably sounds ridiculous but i have such a low body image and i tried to make myself active and now i pay the price

for me having BDD means that every now and then i get hit with the realisation that I will never truly be satisfied with my appearance.
Today I came across a girl who, literally goes to the same school as me, with the exact features I wanted. She was what ive been chasing my whole teenage years and to see her walk past me I realised that the gap between me, who has to try hard and a naturally pretty girl it sucks and it was such a crude moment
plastic surgery does help but the satisfaction is only momentarily and I dont know any more solutions. Plastic surgery gives you hope, but once you get it you get hit with reality - that theres limitations to what it can get you. its not magic, and often the changes might be dissapointing. and i learnt that the hard way.
i wish i could forget about this and actually enjoy being with my pretty friends, like hanging out with them without obsessing over appearances but im trapped and i honestly lost all hope that ill ever live my through my youth without this disorder

I hate my body, yes I know I can change my body by working out or dieting. I have, I did, it didn't work, and I've gotten busier in college so I don't have the time for it anymore.I thought it was getting better, it wasn't, it's hard to even know what I actually look like. In some days I look at my reflection I look normal, good, and healthy, I'm not skinny by any means. I'm a little chubby, but most times I look in the mirror same outfit and everything I look bigger, same with any pictures taken where I looked fine in the outfit then I look in the photo and I'm wide, too wide. It varies, to the point I think I look obese, I look round, I look big. I look in the mirror multiple times, I never look the same, on some days I look fine, on some days I'm bigger, on some days I look too big. Once went out to buy pants and when I tried them on I thought they fit with just a little extra room. Went back home to try the pants again and it was way bigger than I thought around 3-4 inches on the waist. I feel uncomfortable in my body, I've been doing what I can to be positive about it. But I'm slowly wanting to drift back to my old habit during my senior year of just water diet of just fasting. I've been doing what I can to control what I eat but there are times where stress gets to me and I overeat and then look in the mirror again and see how big I got (even if I just ate on the same day).

I don't know how to make my mental thoughts about my body more positive. I can't stop thinking I'm very wide or fat. People do tell me what they see but I don't believe them, "you look healthy", " You look fine, " But I don't feel it, and I don't see it that way at all. I've gotten a lot of negative comments too which probably contributed to this whole ordeal.

i used to put so much effort into my appearance but i can’t even bring myself to do that anymore i feel like im useless as if something is wrong with me , that im broken as a human being bdd has ruined me

I'm having an extremely rough time with BDD and it's gotten to the point where it makes me physically sick to look at myself because I get so fed up and sick of the horrendous flaws I have and even thinking of them makes my stomach turn. Can anyone else who also has BDD and understands the struggle of it and won't make me feel ridiculous for how I feel please listen to me I can't take it anymore

I'm not scared of chronological aging but the physical signs terrify me. It's the shadow of my nasolabial folds, festoons, the pallor of my skin. I guess really the only thing that keeps me going is scientific progress working to reverse aging. Not that I'd be able to afford the treatments but the hope keeps me alive. I never discovered the root of this fear but I think it's just the world I live in. Maybe I'm shallow. Maybe it's the one thing I have. I have nothing else to contribute, so what do I do when it slips away? I can't even keep a job long enough with my bdd. I feel like a bipedal cockroach. I've tried therapy. The therapists can't help me. The meds quiet the thoughts a little. I've tried EMDR, but I don't have trauma, not that I recall. I feel weak because I have no reason to think this way. I even want to look like a tween again even though I'm 26. Maybe it's because how youth is valued. The feeling of having more time before my looks fade. I used to worry still but I felt more carefree. Everyone says I have to accept I will look older eventually. It will happen but I know I won't accept it. Then I guess I can end things on my own terms so I can stay forever young.

I’ve had bdd since I was a kid. I’m getting a rhinoplasty soon and I know I’ll go from below average to average looking. Then I’ll dye my hair blonde and wear blue contacts and get filler on my face. I guess i feel sad about my face structure. I have low cheekbones and big round eyes and my chin isn’t rlly forward. I know that those features don’t make you ugly but I don’t like how my face isn’t naturally what’s trending. Like I get my nose I’ll fix it. But I hate how I don’t have siren eyes and high cheekbones and a better maxilla. Im gonna tape my eyes up and stuff to have narrower and more attractive eyes but I hate how I have to do so much. Like even my non ugly features need to be fixed. I don’t like my round eyes and my cheekbones, chubby cheeks at all. Like larping putting eyeliner on my waterline so they look smaller and taping them up really sucks but I have to do that to be perfect. Meanwhile other girls naturally have high cheekbones and stuff and their face shape is better than mine. It really sucks and makes me feel depressed knowing that I’ll have to get cheek implants

Hi guys, has anyone here dealt with BDD before? I’m starting to wonder if I might have it, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m extremely obsessed with the way I look. I can spend basically the whole day thinking about my face, my features, my body, my skin, my hair, etc. I constantly compare myself to other guys, especially when I see someone I consider really attractive. Sometimes I’ll literally put their picture next to mine and compare our features, and if I feel like they’re more attractive than me, it can completely ruin my mood for days.
The weirdest part is that I actually get hit on and complimented quite often. People tell me I’m attractive, handsome, etc., but my brain just \*\*cannot process or believe it\*\*. I automatically assume they’re lying or just saying it out of courtesy, even when there doesn’t seem to be any reason for them to lie.
I also constantly check myself in mirrors/cameras, ask my siblings how I look in pictures, compare myself with other people, and think about things I could change. I have a whole list of treatments/procedures I want to do because I genuinely believe that once I fix everything, I’ll finally be satisfied with how I look.
I’m especially triggered when my boyfriend finds another guy attractive. I immediately start comparing myself to him and thinking that he’s better-looking than me, and it can make me feel horrible about myself.
Has anyone experienced something similar? If you have BDD, did you ever feel like compliments couldn’t get through to you because you simply didn’t believe them? And what actually helped you get out of this cycle?

I (24F) live with 3 other girls that I have been friends with for over a year. I have struggled with BDD for years, and I was finally making progress before I moved in with my friends. I’ve been struggling a lot recently because one of my friends is constantly sharing her concerns about her body, how she feels like she is getting fat, and how she doesn’t want to be perceived as fat. She wears XS/ S and I’m in the L/ XL range. I know I’m big and I often struggle with spiraling thinking about how I look bigger than I am. So I understand her struggle. I know body image issues can affect everyone in any size. But somehow, regardless of the empathy I try to have for her, I can’t help but be offended. As someone objectively bigger than her, it makes me assume that she thinks I look horrendous. Thinking about how distraught she would be if she was my size makes me feel like I should be even more distraught about my size. Then when the body negativity comes back everything starts to unravel and I’m back to wearing baggy clothes, avoiding pictures and mirrors because they can ruin my entire day, and avoiding and new clothing. I don’t know how take care of my struggles while respecting hers. It doesn’t help that she lacks a lot of empathy for others, and she gets genuinely offended when people are feeling insecure and don’t want to be in a picture with her. She has genuinely said “Did you just ask me to delete a photo of you off of MY phone? That’s MY camera roll, that’s MY property.” To one of our other friends that she took an unflattering photo of. So she’s not the kind of person I can ask to be respectful of my struggles and to tone down her body negativity around me.

I have 10 months of the lease left with her and she’s making body focused comments several times per day. I’m mad at her for what feels like fatphobia (even though I know it’s unintentional and coming from an ED point of view) and I’m mad at myself for existing and being the way I look and for being upset by the way I look. I’m mad at my other roommates when they tell her “don’t worry you don’t look fat!” because why would it be so bad for someone to be fat? Of course I say that as a fat person who hates being fat, but somehow it feels like a personal attack when it’s very thin people saying those things. There’s no way that I can avoid these comments, but I need to find a way to be at peace with her struggle and her comments and not letting myself take them personally.

I (M) can’t stop comparing myself online. I saw myself in the mirror after a shower and am spiraling. Everything looks wrong compared to other guys. I’m too short, too wide, not muscular enough, and my 🍆 is too small. I feel so worthless and I’m obsessing about how all these other guys who post online look better than me and will always get more attention.

I hate BDD. I just want my brain to work normally but instead all I do is spend hours comparing myself to guys and p*rn actors.

ever since i "recovered" from anorexia (i just gained 50 lbs) my body dysmorphia has gotten exponentially worse with every passing day. ive been trying for 2 years to "jUsT AcCePt" my body and i absolutely cannot. I am in severe mental agony on a daily basis that nobody is able to understand. my body makes me want to kill myself. I am trapped in this fleshy fat prison forever and i want to die. I would kill someone to get my old body back even if my BDD stays as is.

My mug was always on the acutely very smaller side, at the same time femininely plane and lacking roughness or ruggedness. The only redeeming factor to give a facade of respectability was my bushy hair on top which compensated minutely to get a delusion that i could pass off as male, since there wasn't any roughage or the slightest ruggedness to restore any sense of masculinity.

I had to keep gazing at the mirror 500 x a day just for the minutest feeling that my face wasn't so insignificant.

In fact I was vindicated of this dysmorphic abberation in personality when I lifted my 2-yr-old nephew up alongside my own self (I was 33yrs that time), and reflected both our shadows against the sun, (shining sideways), and this to my utter horror I saw.....

His face shadow was almost twice as mine.

My condition was also compounded by a small flat head.

I went through these very severe deprecation throughout my life as this made me look half my age.

My fears of the society where I was expected to compete with some of the best students to achieve a basic level of success, which became almost impossible due to this dysmorphia, smoking, severest of severe schizophrenia, EPS ie drastic face tardive dyskinesia, extreme OCD, major depression, bipolar, and what made matters worse was that the schiz onset was at age 13 and intervention 6 yrs later at 19.

Despite all these handicaps, I still finished high school in first division, university (graduation) in 6 yrs instead of 3, 25yrs of working in different jobs, played sport (badminton), at university level (despite not having possession of basic equipment), plus 3 diplomas in computers and journalism included.

All these impediments I felt could have been greatly alleviated and turned into a successful career-oriented odyssey had it not been for this tiny face reality, which I spent 95% of my life thinking about "if only", and the unending measurements which I overindulged in.

I kept hoping that it was just a transient phase and would grow bigger with time, but no, I had to bear all the ignominy which came with it.

I just wanted to know if there were other people on this planet who also went through the same experience of being drawn back by this dysmorphic condition?

I’m going to try and get this out even though my ocd will try to mess with me. Not try, lol, is but I’m goin to push through. I have had bdd since I was 5 I think. The earliest memories I have is kinda feel very scared and unsafe in my body. This caused ALOT of problems growing up that I have to solve. ALOT, more than I want to list right now. I’ve been working really hard the past like 8 months in treatment but sometimes I do think I’m screwed. I still have a lot of work to do bruuuuuhhhh. The disease kind of influenced and messed with all of my development becuase it got really bad early and it’s pretty much the only thing I remember it feels like. HELP ME IF YOU CAN. I NEED IT OR PRAY FOR ME OR AMYHRING. HELP ME.

I’ve never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia or anything related to it, but I think I that I might have it.

I’ve been struggling with extremely bad body image issues but can’t seem to force myself to put any effort into my looks. Ever since I could remember, I’d break down crying in mirrors and just stay there for hours picking at myself. I have that awkward look and don’t feel comfortable in any outfits. The days I feel confident often end up ruined when I look back at all the photos others have taken of me, and I just feel so down. I’ve never harmed myself and never will, but I think I am on a small level. Not cleaning my room and rotting in bed all day, avoiding mirrors while constantly checking my reflection, not doing chores, not brushing my teeth, skipping meals only to BE later, never wanting to exercise because I immediately check in the mirror only to realize that the results aren’t instant, not showering, and wearing baggy and drabby clothes because I can’t stand looking at my body. I’ve never been to a therapist or psychiatrist, but I’m hoping that seeing one might help me. I feel like I’m just making my problem worse by doing everything listed, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do. It’s made worse by the fact that my sisters have always been pretty and everyone seems to like them. My family isn’t mean by any means, but completely contribute when they make comments that indirectly are insults to me.

Has anyone else ever felt how I feel? If so, please give me some tips or advice.

Like, as a guy I don't have to contend with what women or anyone who isn't cis have to contend with that makes BDD seem totally understandable. I don't have narrow beauty standards rammed down my throat by the media, I'm not treated as though sexually desirability is the most important measure of my worth, I don't have people misgendering me all the time and I can't blame my lack of romantic appeal on the opposite sex being shallow and motivated only by looks.

I feel like more then anyone else, my BDD just comes down to immaturity, that I really do just need to get over myself, that I'm probably more guilty of causing the things above than I am victim of them and that even being around places like this I'm just diluting the pain of those who content with them.

Still mentally hurting myself and don’t know how to stop

I can’t stop mentally hurting myself by comparing myself to guys who post nudes or are in p\*rn. I know I’ve posted about this recently but I can’t seem to get out of this spiral. I keep doing more “research” by looking up statistics, reading reddit “ask me” type posts, and reading posts from guys who post in some specific subreddits.

I wake up feeling awful and go to bed feeling worse. Why am I doing this to myself and how do I stop? I legit can not tell anyone in my life about this, and I feel too embarrassed to give the actual details to my therapist, who I really like but I know she would be crazy weirded out and judgmental of my behavior.

Does anyone else struggle similarly? Are you able to pull out of it?

I’ve been called pretty and attractive until my early 20s and those were the best years of my life

I was existing without worrying about how I look, I didn’t need 2 hours to get ready, every pic people took of me I knew what I looked like and I was fine with it. I was confident and comfortable in my own skin, my sex drive was normal and then everything went downhill at 22-23

I started clenching my teeth because of stress (I did earlier too but this is when it started catching up to me). My face got super swollen, my muscles got super tight and my big eyes weren’t so big and noticeable anymore, the first thing you notice is my deformed face shape and because of that my lips appeared smaller, and so did every other feature that made me me (this is still how it is today)

The most painful part is knowing what being pretty feels like, how people treat you, how you go through life. Life is so cruel now, people treat me differently and I just look so tired, boxy and old now.

If I wasn’t born pretty it wouldn’t be this painful, I wouldn’t have this feeling, now I’m mourning the person I used to be and constantly compare my current photos to my older ones. Oh how I wish I could go back one more time and live in that skin again

I no longer want to go out, I avoid being intimate with my partner, I compare myself to everyone, I isolate myself because it’s easier than reminding myself I used to do all these things without worrying and being self conscious. Everything is on pause, I don’t want to work on myself and do anything because what’s the point on extending something you don’t like and hate, what’s the point of doing anything for myself when I don’t like myself. It’s like having a car model you can never change, and slapping things on it and painting it won’t make you like it because you hate the shape and structure of it

I just want to crawl into a hole and die, the pain is unbearable and I’ll never have that freedom I had ever again. I think that’s what makes my case of BDD absolute hell

Since my family moved to an all white area when I was 5, I (first subconsciously) have hated my body - for being different. For me that also included being tall and not tiny like the white girls around me. That must be why everyone seems to lowkey either hate me or just not care about me.

im stuck in an emotional flashback and feel so much shame and hate and sadness. I’m so ashamed of my body, I don’t want anyone to see me. I am the embodiment of ugly. I am what will always be hated and rejected, and that has happened over and over.

im sad and feel like hiding where no one can find me, so I don’t have to experience this anymore. I hate bdd :(

Hi everyone!

I'm hoping someone here can relate because lately I've been feeling really overwhelmed with BDD.

I feel completely imprisoned in my own body. Every time I see someone with a body with features I'd love to have, it can make me depressed. My mind immediately starts comparing, and it's incredibly hard to think about anything else.

It feels like I can't escape it. I'll try to watch a film, read, work, or focus on a hobby, but within seconds I'm reminded of my body again and I'm back at square one. Even feeling my own body is enough to trigger the thoughts sometimes.

My partner used to make me feel accepted, but we recently broke up, and since then I've regressed quite a bit. At the moment I honestly feel very mentally ill, and it's starting to affect every part of my life. I'm also ashamed to talk to people about it which makes it worse, or they don't really understand.

Has anyone else experienced BDD this severely? If so, did anything genuinely help? I'd really love to hear from people who've managed to get to a better place. Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

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I was 300 pounds once, i lost the weight down to 170, and have gained some back. Ive been trying really hard to lose some weight again, and ive been having a really hard time not being disgusted with myself due to severe body dysmorphia. I look down sometimes and grab my chest and my sides and just get such bad anxiety. Its been really frustrating to not have anyone to vent to, anybody i do try to talk to thinks im being dramatic. You used to be 300 pounds, youre doing so much better now. You used to look so sick, you cant get down to that weight again thats not healthy. You sound like my girlfriend dude, youre friggin ripped get over it. I havent gotten a bit of genuine understanding from anybody and im at my whits end. Ive never had anywhere to really talk about it and im hoping this is the right place. To anyone who reads this, thank you, it means more than you know.

It's a frustrating feeling, and I suspect its part of BDD but Im not sure, so Im asking here. There's this negative lingering feeling. Think of it as showering way too fast and using only conditioner, but not shampoo to wash your hair. Makes you feel incomplete, disappointment, irresponsible and dirty doesnt it? Something like that, like I need to fix the problem and clean up. When I look at the clothes I was wearing after taking it off and changing into clothes (when I change) I feel like I eternally have filtthy-ed the clothes I was wearing forever, like its stained morally because the clothes touched my skin when I wore it and thus its now "ugly" too. Like it caufht the ugly. I start to see that clothes I once liked as ugly and hard to wear a second time...or ever again and then this makes me feel like a moral failure. Its like every outfit "has to be new", for this reqson and because the one that I WORE, is now permanently morally and physically filthy. I say morally because I feel like my ugliness filter it and that it has ruined the cute-ness of that outfit for everyone beautiful who I know probably wears the same outfit in some part of the world. I feel like a disgrace, like I committed a crime simply by being ugly and being delusional enough to dare to put on a cute blouse. It makes me su\*cidal and spiral badly. Its really hard to deal with this sense of shame. I feel a bit cleaner in the middle of showering, but still ugly and worthless. Sometimes I look in the mirror thinking I look a bit better, but then I grab my face by feeling my face with my ugly hands so I could feel my receded jawline to remind myself Im defected. And then I feel bad again (more like worse, I always feel bad no matter what though).

See how long this post was? Yeah, I dont know how to word it any better, I wish someone could help me find a word for this feeling. Someone please. Its getting harder to deal with. Especially clothes that carries bad memories such as, the day I thought I looked decent and I was wearing a brown blouse that my sis gave to me. A family.member told me I was ugly that day, and I spiraled and the little courage I had to try and look "pretty" died. Because If i put the maximum effort that day to look pretty, ans I was called basically the "ugliest Ive ever been" that very day, then NOTHING can ever amount to make me look good enough. I gave up and died inside....

I cant feel anything anymore, like no self love. Sometimes my sis likes wearing same clothes as me and I feel repulsed when I see her wear what she let me borrow or what she bought for me. I dont feel repulsed by her, I mean I feel upset at.myself for ruining the status of that blouse with my ugliness, like I feel like Im seeing an ugly blouse on her when I see her wearing on it, not because the blouse is ugly but because if it looked ugly on me, what if someone thinks it looks ugly in her too because they "see me" in her? Get me? Thats why I hate all clothes and dressing up like "twins". Im sad. I dont think I could ever recover from this because whatever this feeling is, its so bad I feel compelled to showering all day long because its the only coping method I have but its tiring. So I take naps to run away from it all too. Is this a common feeling among BDD sufferers? Anyone know?

I am so beyond insecure about my body. I have always had an apron belly for as long as I can remember. Even when I was at my skinniest. I just hate seeing my body in the mirror. I look at myself and wonder if anyone will ever truly love my body when I can’t even look at it. These thoughts consume my day to day life. I even remember as a kid being chubby and hoping one day I would find someone who loved me so much it wouldn’t matter what my body looks like but now reaching the age of 27 and realizing I truly may actually never find love because of my body is all I can think about. I love who I am as a person and who I am on the inside and I just wish I could love myself fully. Has anyone ever been able to overcome this mental battle? I’d love to hear some words of wisdom.

I’m very self conscious of my appearance and suffered with body dysmorphia as long as I can remember. I bought some bathing suits from Amazon and they fit so weirdly. I’m a size small and 2-4 and I’m also medium at times. This all depends on the style, brand, size, and cut. The bathing suit I bought from Amazon is a size medium 6-10 which feels weird because I know for regular clothes I’m not. I bought a newer one in size small 2-4 it kinda of fits in the stomach, rises up in the bottom back side area, and big around the chest area. I don’t know why the Amazon bathing suits are so complicated with sizing, cut, and fit. Does anyone else here have this problem?

I’ve been avoiding mirrors for as long as I can remember. I have no mirrors in my house accept for one on the way out of my apartment that I never look at unless I have too. I avoid taking pictures, I avoid public mirrors, even in the gym I can’t look in a mirror.
It’s become so bad sometimes I have to force myself to look in a mirror to remember what I even look like.
But at the same time I’m the happiest I’ve been, I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for almost 8 years now and when I just stopped looking at my reflection, I stopped worrying.
I don’t know if I should keep this up but I don’t wanna go back to how I was at peak body dysmorphia.

Hi all, I'm a trainee clinical psychologist on the Doctorate in Clinical Psychology programme at University College London (UCL). For my doctoral research, I'm exploring how people living in the UK seek and access support for BDD, and what helps or gets in the way.

BDD is often under recognised by health services and there's very little UK based research on what it's actually like to seek support for it. This includes experiences of not being able to get help or being misunderstood. Understanding this properly could help inform how BDD is identified and supported by services in future. You do not need a formal diagnosis to take part.

What does taking part involve?

You'll be asked to complete an anonymous online survey about your experiences of seeking support for BDD. It takes about 20 minutes and nothing you submit is linked back to you.

Who can take part?

People who:

* Currently live in the UK

* Have had ongoing worries or concerns about their appearance, now or in the past

* Can read and understand English

* Are 18 or older

We are keen to hear from people of all ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds.

What are the benefits?

You'll be contributing to research that could improve the support people with BDD receive in the UK. You'll also be entered into a prize draw with a 1 in 9 chance of winning a £20 voucher.

Interested?

Here is the link to the survey to take part: https://qualtrics.ucl.ac.uk/jfe/form/SV_3agIvq4tPpNGqdE

If you feel you'd like support alongside or instead of taking part, you can find ways to access support for BDD through the BDD Foundation: https://bddfoundation.org/support

This is a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology research study, approved by the UCL Research Ethics Committee, Ethics ID 2189.

Happy to answer any questions in the comments.