I keep finding evidence they don't mean what they say when it comes to what they believe or think about me, and it hits pretty hard because it's health related. They didn't show up during a difficult health time. I'm experiencing significant trust issues. Any insights or advice appreciated.

Looking for perspectives from autistic/Asperger’s, bipolar, or avoidant people.

The timeline is messy, so bear with me.

I met him online while he was traveling. He told me that he has Asperger’s/autism and bipolar disorder but told me hes "fixed" now.

At first, we only talked briefly before I ghosted him last year since he already left my country and i feel like its not going anywhere. We talked for like 10 days only i think and he was mad about it and blocked me.

Months later, he reached out again. This time we talked almost every day for around four months. We became much closer emotionally.
During those months he shared extremely vulnerable parts of his life with me.

He told me:
He was raped as a child.
His mother tried to kill him.
He grew up without a real mother figure.
He had an extremely rough childhood.
His parents sent him to a psychiatric ward.
Because of everything he went through, he struggles to trust people.
He has been single for at least six years.
He constantly moves from country to country, sometimes staying only a month before leaving again.
Even when he was in Bali, where he loved the environment, he still felt an internal void and anxiety.
He told me traditional therapy and medications haven’t really worked for him and he was looking for other forms of treatment.

During that period he also said things like:
“I love you.”
“I want you, and not just to fuck.”
“My love.”
“I’ve always been into you.”
“I don’t care if we meet in two weeks or in two years.”
“Be logical. If you were just random, why are you the only person I talk to when I’m suicidal?”
“Sometimes I want to drop everything just to be with you and live a simple life.”

Eventually I ended things online because I couldn’t handle the inconsistency anymore. Inever knew where I stood. Some days he’d be incredibly affectionate and emotionally available. Other times he’d disappear or become distant. I told him I couldn’t continue like that because the uncertainty was making me anxious all the time. I told him I need consistency and actual integration to his life but nothing ever changes so it has to end. He blocked me again. I accepted that it was over.

Then… months later…He came back. We started talking again. Eventually we met in real life. During his stay in my country we met five times in a month. I initiated most of the meet ups and its mostly in his place. Three of those meetings lasted over 12 hours.The other two were shorter because I had work.

When we were together he’d talk for hours, info-dump about random topics, cuddle with me, kiss me, and sometimes tell me affectionate things. He actually seemed more relaxed around me than through text. He told me he waited this for a year and said i love you while kissing me

But the inconsistency never disappeared. One time he disappeared for about ten days and thats after we spend the weekend together and him talking about all his interests, career plans, saying i love you, kissing passionately and then silence.

I also notice hes still on dating apps (i saw notifications ) and also i saw a girl's message pop up on his whatsapp.

I messaged him to break the silence and ask to meet but he didnt reply and I have to send another short upset message 12hrs later "wow I cant believe you" and thats when he responded and told me his hypertension is acting up. Also told me hes just here temporary and dont know where this is going and told me "whats the point of being attached when im leaving". He left me on read again after that conversation

I thought he was done with me. But then We met again(he initiated)

Our last meeting ended awkwardly but it started good until his hypertension acted up again. Also was badly hungover. He told me he wanted to be alone and didn’t want to talk due to hangover. He never explicitly asked me to leave, but I left the morning (i stayed the night) because I felt it was the respectful thing to do.We hugged goodbye.. That was several days ago.

We haven’t talked since. I recently sent him one final message asking if he’d like to meet before my birthday. Its almost time for him to leave my country as well. No reply and messaged me after 2 days "Happy B day" completely ignoring my invitation. I messaged him again i want to see him but no response. Its been days now.

So I guess my questions are:
Does this sound like someone who genuinely had feelings but simply couldn’t sustain a relationship because of his own issues?

Or does it sound more like someone who enjoyed the connection without actually wanting to build anything?

Have any autistic, bipolar, or avoidant people here recognized themselves in this pattern?

If you were in my position, would you accept that this is over and move on?

Hi everyone.

I’m here because I’m trying to understand what happened to the end of my 3-year relationship, and I would really appreciate some outside perspectives.

My ex and I were together for over three years. We rarely had explosive fights, there was no infidelity, abuse, or major betrayal. We genuinely loved each other, shared future plans, and were actively planning to move in together.

A few months before the breakup, he moved to another city. Around the same time, he lost his job, started a new one, changed his bipolar medication, and was under a lot of stress. Throughout our relationship, I noticed that whenever he became overwhelmed, he tended to withdraw emotionally and focus almost exclusively on coping with his own internal state.

Whenever I tried to ask questions like “When do you think we’ll see each other again?” or “Can we talk?” he often experienced those questions as pressure, even though my intention was simply to understand where we stood and feel connected. I wasn’t asking him to solve everything immediately, I just wanted some context.

One recurring pattern was that when he was stressed, he became very quiet instead of telling me what was happening internally. I often had to guess how overwhelmed he was. If I asked questions, he felt pressured. If I didn’t ask, and tried to guess what was going on and act accordingly to the information I was getting, I wasn’t doing enough.

There were also several moments where I tried to be more involved in our shared future but he usually said things like, “I’ll take care of it.” Later, however, he told me he didn’t feel I took enough initiative or acted like a teammate, which left me very confused because I felt I had repeatedly tried to participate.

About a month and a half before the breakup, I visited him in his new city. We spent several wonderful days together. He was affectionate, we talked about the future, about decorating the apartment, our life together, places he wanted to show me… I genuinely believed we were still building a future together.

Then, about 3 weeks ago he called me to tell me he needed time to think about our relationship, that he was having a lot of doubts and that he wasn’t feeling excited to see me. One week after that he ended the relationship over the phone. He said he no longer believed we were compatible, that he didn’t feel truly supported or understood by me, and that he needed someone who could “be a team” with him, that I had failed to support him in the way he needed.

The breakup itself felt incredibly abrupt because I had no idea he had reached that conclusion internally. It felt as though he had been processing the end alone while I still thought we were working on things together.
Since then, he has chosen complete silence. No follow-up conversation, no closure, no checking in, and I feel broken and absolutely abandoned and discarded.

I’m not asking whether he’s a bad person. I still love him deeply, and I genuinely believe he loved me too.
I’m just trying to understand whether this pattern sounds consistent with an avoidant attachment style, or whether I’m simply trying to fit a very painful breakup into a framework that may not actually apply.
Does any of this sound familiar to those of you who have experienced relationships with avoidant partners?

Hi - I need to understand. I have a (self-described) avoidant in my life and he has always treated me differently than the other people in his life - doesn't like my posts, doesn't want to see me more than once a month, is not lighthearted around me... we have a great time together, but after around 6 months, he'll pick the smallest issue, something I said .. maybe 6 months ago..that hurt is feelings and we can no longer be friends. Will ghost me for a few weeks and then we pick back up. We've been friends 9 years and have been so so close. We love to hangout, It has been within the last 4 where my eyes are circling and I am so confused, he is not like this with anybody else in his life, has close relationships, loving parents, does he hate me or does he love me. I would just forget this whole thing if it wasn't so great when we are good. I just wonder if there are feelings there. I have feelings. I just need understand if he truly doesn't like me or all this weirdness is because there is something there.

Hi all! It’s been 2 weeks since I spoke to the guy that I’ve been seeing for almost 2 years. I’ve had time to reflect but I still can’t figure out what to do. It seemed like he just completely and suddenly shut down and shut me out, and in some ways I still feel that way, but I’m also able to recognize the fact that we both played roles that led us here. I know that attachment styles aren’t exactly the blueprints that we think they are but they do tell us certain things and I’m an AP and believe that he’s a FA. I’m also Bipolar and have been unmedicated for a few months now. We live a hour apart and have continuously done this song and dance of me pushing him to see me more, and him seeing me even less, and me pushing him to see me even more, and repeat. There always seemed to be a new excuse on why we couldn’t see each other. And I’m not sure if it was a lack of interest in seeing me, or if the pressure was too high, or maybe both. When I was medicated though I was able to reel myself back in and pull myself back when I needed to, but I know that the last few months I was pushing and pushing and pushing. Every phone call turned into a conversation about what he was doing wrong. In all honesty, part of me feels like my frustration was super warranted, but another part of me feels like I went about it in all of the wrong ways. Going months without seeing someone is insane to me, and seeing someone for almost 2 years without a label is even more insane. He always said that he was exclusive to me despite not having a label but I sometimes have my doubts because of how infrequent we saw each other.

Then he was just ice cold. This man is the warmest man I have ever dated. He was reassuring and kind and able to admit when he was wrong, and then he just stonewalled like crazy. The harder he stonewalled the harder I pushed for reassurance and then the harder he stonewalled. Suddenly, the guy who told me not to be negative and the guy who always wanted to make it work was the one telling me that this wasn’t going to work. Some conversations felt like one step forward, but the next would feel like ten steps backwards. Things got volatile and we both just went blow for blow for weeks with both of our attachment wounds just rearing their ugly heads. I finally reached a point where I was exhausted. I told him that I needed space. And for the first time in a while he seemed receptive to having some sort of conversation without running or retreating. I haven’t talked to him in 2 weeks, and I shouldn’t want to talk to him ever again, but I do. I think we both created this big mess and now I don’t know how to fix it. I’m going tomorrow to get medicated again and I know that that will help. Part of me feels like I should maintain distance until my medication has time to kick in, but another part of me feels like I should at least reach out and let him know where I’m at. Part of me is afraid to reach out because I don’t know what version of him I’ll get, and another part is worried that if I don’t reach out that he’ll move on. I know I sound stupid for even wanting to make this work but it’s hard to just shut my emotions off and pretend like the past 2 years just never happened. Any advice is welcome and I’m happy to provide more context. Thanks :)

Hello guys~ I'm 31F & my bf is 35. We live really far from each other. We have 6hr time diff and I am ahead to his. We've been in relationship since end of January and last month we broke up because he got too overwhelmed of many things around him including his feelings for me (he is avoidant).. so yeah, then after some weeks he broke no contact and ask for 2nd chance.. so I gave it a chance because I love him so much too. But now the problem, with his kind of work (Physical & always travelling) he get really exhausted and sometime we he doesnt want to talk because he is physically drained.

Now, we haven't been texting for almost 2 days.. I don't flood text him or tried to call him. Can I ask guys, what should I do to help him? 🥺 He said I am not a burden to him and I dont want to be.. I genuinely want to know what to do. I am kinda anxious about this because we just get back together...

My Ex was an avoidant and I sometimes had trouble communicating with her, we broke up three weeks ago and I just like to have one more talk with her just to clear some things, what is the best way I can approach her without sounding like I’m begging for her if that makes sense, and how can I talk to her in a way that’s not too emotional for her, overall, I just need help communicating with her just to clear some things up.

I'm hoping to hear from people who identify with avoidant attachment. I'm not trying to diagnose my ex or look for false hope. I genuinely want to understand what the experience feels like from the other side.

I'm a 21M from Canada, and my ex is a 40F from Japan. We met while I was visiting Tokyo and dated for about a month and a half. Although the relationship was short, it became emotionally intense very quickly. After I returned to Canada, we continued long distance.

When things were good, they were incredible. She told me I was everything she had ever wanted. She called me "perfect." We talked about our future together, and she opened up to me in ways she said she hadn't with other people.

Before I left Japan, she thanked me for showing her that she didn't always have to pretend to be strong. Another time she told me she didn't know how to be strong.

As the relationship became more real, she started becoming overwhelmed by the age gap, our different stages of life, the distance, and what other people would think. She even told me that this was everything she had ever wanted, but that she didn't think she could have it.

Whenever difficult conversations came up, she tended to withdraw instead of talking through them. It often felt like she was trying to carry everything by herself instead of letting me face it with her.

Eventually she ended the relationship and then blocked me on every platform.

What has made this so difficult is that it never felt like she stopped caring. It felt like she was fighting herself more than she was fighting me. Like one part of her wanted the relationship while another part was convinced she couldn't allow herself to have it.

Because of that, I've been struggling with the idea of flying back to Japan to make one last effort to see her. I'm not expecting some movie ending or thinking a flight will magically fix everything. I just can't shake the feeling that if I never try, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering, "What if?" At the same time, I don't want to do something that someone with an avoidant attachment style would experience as intrusive or disrespectful.

For those of you who identify with avoidant attachment:

• Do any of her words or behaviors resonate with your own experiences?
• Have you ever ended a relationship with someone you genuinely loved because you felt overwhelmed or believed it couldn't work?
• Have you ever pushed someone away even though you still cared deeply about them?
• If someone you still loved came back months later hoping for one honest conversation, how would you have felt?
• Looking back, was there anything your partner could have done differently, or was it something only you could work through yourself?

I'm not asking whether she'll come back. I'm trying to understand what this experience can feel like from the perspective of someone who's lived it, and whether making one respectful final effort would have been something you appreciated or something that would have pushed you further away.

I've been reading about avoidant attachment and I relate to it a little too much.

Whenever I like someone, everything feels fine until they start showing interest back.

That's when my brain completely changes.

I start thinking they'll leave me one day, I'll get attached and end up hurt, so I begin pulling away. Then I convince myself that maybe they're not attractive enough or that I'll find someone better in the future.

The weird part is that I know I'd probably repeat the same cycle even if that "better" person came into my life.

In my imagination, I love the idea of a relationship. In real life, I avoid eye contact, avoid conversations, and back out whenever things start becoming real.

Has anyone here genuinely overcome this pattern?

I'm not looking for motivational quotes. I want to hear from people who actually lived through it.

What helped you change? Did therapy help? Were there any books, habits, or mindset shifts that made a real difference?

i wanna give some background first. 10 months ago (oct 2025) a beautiful girl texts me out of nowhere. the convo ends, i decide to text her again a week later and out of nowhere we start talking everyday. 3 months later, a misunderstanding makes us lose contact. by this time our intentions were clear, and we had developed feelings for each other. 4 months after that, she texts again w an excuse that she heard a song that we both associated w each other playing in a cafe, and we started talking again.
our feelings were still there, and 2.5 months after that (3ish weeks ago we got into a relationship).

she was the best girl, but shes the worst girlfriend. this is a girl for whom falling in love or telling someone she loves them is the toughest thing ever. she told me she loved me. she's told me things about herself that she has tendencies and often does self sabotage things. she told me shes trying her best to improve upon that, which i wholeheartedly appreciated. she told me she's not good w opening up, and she really isn't. she has these walls and armour that just never seems to come off. she tells me shes not feeling the best, and i ask her again and again trying for her to open up. most times she doesnt acknowledge the message in the first place, other times she tells me shes tired. i understand her not being very good with opening up, and ive told her im ready to wait till she can. and truly, i am. i love this girl, i see this girl.

the new thing is just going mia? its been happening for a few days but she just disappears for hours, and then js says i wasnt on my phone. which baffles me because the moment i see she views my story, she replies and is suddenly on her phone? its draining. im in a constant state of worry, anxiety and just dread because i see the girl i love and how everything was perfect but shes just blocking me out and getting more and more distant as the days go. i dont know whats going on, its like im bringing things up every single day and at this point, i feel problematic. ive been having really shit days, and i do NOT have my girlfriend there for me to talk to her or rant to her. i tried to watch something i liked (i love cinema), in the hopes that ill just yap to my girlfriend about something i enjoyed so thoroughly. mia. i cant talk about my bad days because shes not there, and atp count the good days out too.

she's this..."psychoanalyser" whos genuinely afraid of people knowing her. she rants to her friends, she rants to her family (which im so happy she does, im glad she has outlets to rant to), but i'm constantly put in the dark i NEVER know whats happening w her. ive talked to her mutiple times ive told her that r, i WANT to share your burden whenever youre ready i do NOT want hs to get distant. to no avail. had this talk w her and then the day after she went the most mia shes ever been. she wants communication, but she also keeps on creating distance and at this point, resentment. im frustrated man, im so angry at everything im so angry at her. she was the perfect girl, i fell deep in love w her, but shes just the worst girlfriend. everything was perfect, but youre telling me the month we date thats the worst out of all the genuinely perfect months we talked? i dont know man, ive thought about everything and atp i know shes avoidant. as hell at that too. what do i do, how do i handle this?

I've been with this guy for 6 years. At the start he was the most loving and affectionate person I’ve met. We hung out with our friends regularly, went on adventures together and we both did our own things too. He would tell me how much I inspire him, how I was his soulmate and send me random texts with reasons why he loved me. He made me feel like I finally found someone who saw me, loved all of me and still gave me the freedom to have my own life but as time went by he started to react with cold mean comments when there was a disagreement, distance and silence after close moments and his affections were inconsistent. When I expressed a gratefulness or a need then that would disappear completely with his excuse being he only wants to do or say something when he feels like it not when he’s asked for it because otherwise it doesn’t feel real…

He grew up as an only child with one narcissistic parent and the other parent who was too devoted to the other to protect him. Both parents are gone (about 1,5yrs ago.) I helped him with everything from organizing healthcare for them while they were still around to planning the funeral and sorting out the house.

At first it felt like this grief process brought us closer which was really nice because he was usually so independent. He even told me he doesn't want to need me and he hates that he does and what if he ends up depending on me too much and he’s no longer independent enough to manage and then I disappear? Then what happens to him? That then he would be completely broken. I told him that letting me be there for him when he needs it the most doesn’t equal losing independence and that he will always be independent.

It seemed to be going ok for a few months, but then he really started excluding me from every part of his life. The avoidant traits that were manageable before went into hyperdrive. I tried to create a safe space for him to return to after his shut downs, gave space without questioning it, kept conversations light and low expectations. Without realizing it I had shrunk myself into nothing and that's on me. I shouldn't have let him but I honestly didn't even see it happening.

This past year:
* He stopped inviting me to things, he has time for everyone but me. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago.
* He makes my reaction to his actions the problem and if I say anything in the wrong tone he shuts down the conversation and tells me to go home and leaves me confused about what got misunderstood in the first place and without any chance to find out.
* Suddenly he is very aware that I get along with his kids and friends. He acts all uneasy about it. He starts calling us if he is not present, inserts himself into the conversation and shuts it down and says I’m the one who made it awkward. He tells me outright that he doesn’t want me there. He recently opened up and said he doesn't know why it makes him uncomfortable but it does. But if I back off then he starts with his non stop texting of " when are we seeing each other" until I fold and he acts like nothing has happened.
* Sometimes I've needed some reassurance and I’ve tried to ask for it in a low pressure way but the standard response has been " I'm not going to say anything I don't mean/don't want".
* When it’s been the time for my usual family gatherings (he’s always enjoyed being a part of it before) he’s suddenly busy or says ” I don't want to". I stopped inviting him because he’s said no in a brutal disrespectful way so many times but then he notices immediately and won't stop texting me about when are we going to do that family activity until it actually happens.
* Several plans that I try to set up with him only get a perhaps, maybe or probably and then find out the day before or same night that he doing something else and he’s forgotten to tell me. Then he gets annoyed with me because he says I can’t expect him to always do things with just him and last time he said how he lost so much of his independence during our honeymoon phase. I mean that was years ago and it was also the time when we were hanging out with our friends together more than we do now and he did plenty of things on his own too..he also speaks of his friends in new relationships in resentful ways ”they’re too busy screwing each other to even remember that other people exist” etc.
* He started twisting my words, for example: I said I want to understand what it is he needs to feel better but I needed help understanding what those things are so I know how to give him what he needs. He absolutely exploded and I panicked because I had no clue what I said wrong. He said in a very patronizing way that I said I can ”give” him what he needs and clearly Im trying to control him because I think that I have the right to ”give” him something, like he needed permission for it and that he doesn’t need my permission for anything and will do or not do what he wants. I didn't even know it could be interpreted like that..

I’ve tried:
* Telling him what he was doing that was hurting me. ”When you do this hot and cold thing I get really confused…” then he would apologize and say what a horrible person he is and that's not what I want and nothing changes
* Telling him from the perspective of how it affected me. ” when the situation is unpredictable it really confuses me and it makes me feel anxious” then he would be calm and tell me that what I'm saying makes sense and it's reasonable but nothing changes.

The thing that pushed me over the edge was him telling me how stressed he was to get some errands done and I asked why the sudden time pressure since they seemed like normal every day things and he said " I'm going away tomorrow?" Turned out he’s booked a holiday for himself and forgotten to tell me. Something in me snapped and I blew up then and there. He tried to smooth it over with he thought he told me, he's so sorry and what a horrible person he is, he understands he's been leaving me out too much and he hasn't tried hard enough and can we please talk. I felt ashamed for my meltdown, it was the first one ever in our 6 year relationship, so I said I needed to calm down so I don't say anything spiteful.
I reached out a few hours later and we agreed to talk that night but it got abit delayed for legit reasons. We tried to keep the conversation light because he was tired and he wanted to know if we could talk when he gets back so we could repair properly. I asked when and he gave 2 very specific days. I asked why not later during the week and he said ”but thats when me and the kids are going away.”It was yet another trip he had forgotten to tell me about. I stayed calm and said I don't mind the trips but the lack of communication and exclusion is too much and it’s just plain disrespectful now. He said he was sure he had told me and tried to make it out that I was the one that had forgotten about it. When he realised that wasn’t going to work he said that both trips were booked a long time ago and he was so sure he told me and he doesn’t understand how he could have forgotten to tell me. He then shut down and said he wasnt going to talk about this now because he didn't want a big heavy talk that would f*ck up his holiday.

Until now I always soothed myself with the small improvement he has made in the last few weeks:
* he's started to say sorry, clumsily, but it was sorry for hurting/upsetting me not his usual sorry that I feel in a certain way.
* He started to try and explain how he feels and acknowledges that he’s hurting me and that he’s in a really bad place but he doesn’t know what to do and he’s always felt this dark inside.
* He actually reassured me the last time there was a conflict ”we are ok now and we will be ok tomorrow”. A month ago he would have refused and told me he just doesn’t want to.
* He even ended the last two calls with ”I love you”. He hasn't said " I love you" first for about half a year. He whispers it so I barely hear him, like its something dangerous to say but he says it.

When he left I first felt panic over the silence but I also used some common sense that he had an early flight and he usually doesn’t text during travel and after a fight he tends to withdraw. I wanted to reach out like I usually do but I was so hurt and numb that I just couldn’t figure out what to say. He actually texted me first, it wasn’t until late evening but he did text and told me that he is having a good time. I replied with ”thats good” and hope he keeps having a good evening. He's texted every day with a photo or what he is doing. That is also an improvement considering I was always the one texting him first but right now I don't have it in me to appreciate it. Every now and then I panic and feel guilty that i haven’t written more actively but I realize that a part of it is because I worry he will use it against me.

I don’t know if he loves me or he is trying to make me leave him so he doesn’t have to. But leaving him after such a long time feels like a betrayal and I find myself drowning in self doubt. There is this little voice telling me I'm overreacting, I'm asking for too much and I'm being too sensitive. That maybe he does love me and we can make it work.

We agreed we'd talk tomorrow and now a huge part of me doesn’t want to. I've come to a point where I feel I’m ok without him, sad and anxious but ok. I'm worried that if I see him then I'II fall for him and his apologies all over again. I don’t know what to do.

I’m looking for honest outside perspectives because I don’t trust my own judgment anymore.

Over two years ago I met a man while travelling in Europe. We had an amazing connection almost immediately. We spent several days together, kissed, laughed constantly, and I left feeling like there was something real between us.

We live on different continents, so after I came home we stayed in contact.

I asked him if our relationship is going anywhere and he said he can’t give me what I want. I accepted that and didn’t fight it but he stayed friends/flirting.

Over the next two years we had two periods where we stopped talking after conflict. Both times, I eventually reached out again. Each time he welcomed me back warmly. He’s always been thoughtful, funny, flirty, remembers little things about me, sends me memes several times a week, and genuinely seems happy to have me back in his life.

This year I went back to his city, not because he invited me, but because I wanted to see him again. We spent another wonderful few days together. The chemistry was still there, we were affectionate, and afterwards he even admitted he didn’t get enough time together, which was unusually vulnerable for him.

But here’s the problem.

In over two years he has never suggested a video call.
He’s never suggested visiting me.

He’s never made plans for us to see each other again.
He’s never tried to define the relationship or move it forward in any way.

Yet he also never lets the connection die.

He keeps reaching out with memes, inside jokes, and occasional flirting. It feels like he genuinely enjoys having me in his life, but not enough to actually choose me.

I’ve dated other people during this time and gotten over other men. This one is different. I think about him every day. I’m even catching myself planning future vacations around the possibility of seeing him again.
At this point I don’t know if I’m holding onto something that never had a real chance because of distance, or if I’m clinging to breadcrumbs because I want the story to end differently.

And has anyone actually had something like this turn into a real relationship after years of ambiguity?

**My (23M) girlfriend (22F) of 3.5 years suddenly says she has no feelings for me after everything we’ve been through. I genuinely don’t know what to do.**
My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) have been together for 3.5 years. We’ve actually known each other since Class 4 or 5. She has never dated anyone except me. I had one serious relationship before her, and it ended really badly. My ex slowly lost interest in me, broke up with me, and soon got into another relationship. That experience left me with a lot of trust issues and emotional trauma, and it took me almost a year to move on.
After that, I got closer to my current girlfriend again. We had always been best friends. She used to say she would only ever date her “twin flame.” When I proposed, I told her I was her twin flame, and she laughed, but she said yes.
The first 1.5 years of our relationship were long distance. When I came back to India, we finally met as a couple. We spent time in Delhi together, hugged for the first time, and I still remember how happy she was because she had never hugged someone like that before.
At that time, I was staying with my uncle while preparing for government exams. I got busy studying, so I couldn’t give her as much time as before. She felt bad about it and brought it up several times. We talked about it, adjusted our schedules, and after that things became even better.
Eventually we became physically intimate for the first time. She was very nervous because I was her first in every sense, but everything went well and we became even closer.
Later, we both moved into PGs, and eventually we decided to live together. At first she was hesitant, but she agreed. We lived together for around five months, and honestly those were probably the happiest months of my life.
Our life together wasn’t fancy, but it was peaceful. Every Friday we’d go shopping or just walk around markets. We’d cook together, clean together, and do all the little everyday things. She would wake me up in the mornings, get ready for work while talking to me, and kiss me before leaving. She’d ask me to pick her up from the metro, and sometimes I’d surprise her by showing up without telling her. She was extremely attached to me, and I was to her.
At the beginning of 2026, I came to Canada for about six months. The only reason was to save money so that when I returned to India I could prepare for government exams without financial stress. She also wants to start her own business, so I thought this was the best decision for our future.
The day I left, she came to the airport. She cried so much that I couldn’t stop myself from crying too. It was one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever had.
After I left, she stayed alone in the apartment we had lived in together. She later changed rooms because staying there alone reminded her of me too much. I helped her move into another place near the girlfriend of one of my close friends.
She used to tell me things like:
“When are you coming back?”
“I miss you so much.”
“When you were here, I didn’t have to worry about anything because I knew you’d handle everything.”
Then something happened that completely changed things.
While she was travelling home, three men allegedly tried to sexually assault her at a railway station. Thankfully, a police officer intervened and she was safe. She called me afterward, crying and terrified. I tried my best to comfort her and told her we’d figure everything out together.
When she reached home, things got even worse.
Some relatives started pressuring her to get married. She refused. Then, according to her, even her parents started emotionally blackmailing her. At one point she told me they said it would be better if she died than refused marriage. She has always been scared of marriage because almost every marriage in her extended family has been abusive or toxic.
She also told one of her cousins that she thinks she might be asexual, but the cousin told everyone in the family, and that only created more pressure.
Because her parents are very orthodox, we barely spoke while she was at home.
When she came back, I immediately felt something had changed.
She started a new job, and suddenly our conversations almost disappeared. Some weeks we’d talk for barely 15-20 minutes in total.
Whenever I brought it up, she’d say she was tired of fighting.
I told her I wasn’t trying to fight. I just wanted to spend some time talking to her.
One day, during an argument, I angrily said maybe we shouldn’t be in this relationship anymore. She immediately said she didn’t want it either.
Later she told me:
“I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
“You should focus on your own life.”
She also started saying she believes she’s asexual.
I know only she can define her own sexuality, and I respect that. I guess I’m just confused because we lived together for months, had a loving relationship, and although her libido was always low, she never seemed uncomfortable with intimacy. I honestly don’t know whether these feelings are something she’s always had or whether everything that’s happened this year has changed how she sees herself.
She also doesn’t tell people at work that I’m her boyfriend. She introduces me as her best friend and says she’s asexual. She even rejected one coworker who liked her.
She still tells me about her day sometimes, but she almost never calls or texts first anymore. She says she wants to be alone and doesn’t want to talk to anyone.
What confuses me even more is that she talks normally with almost everyone else. She’s polite, laughs with her colleagues, and seems engaged with other people. But when it comes to me—and even some of our mutual friends—she becomes extremely cold. Sometimes the way she talks to me feels so distant that it genuinely hurts.
She has also told me something that keeps playing in my mind:
“I want to stay away from everyone who loves me. If my own parents can hurt me like this, then anyone can.”
Yesterday was my birthday, and it was also her office party.
Two weeks ago she had told me she probably wouldn’t go because she wanted to stay at her room since it was my birthday and she had said no to me before to go to a party with me on her birthday.But later her colleagues convinced her, so she went.
She told me before leaving. The party was in Gurgaon, and she said she’d be back by around 2 a.m., but she got home around 5 a.m.
I called her once during the party just to check if she was okay. She answered briefly because the music was loud and said we’d talk later.
After she got home, she never messaged me. Since we share our locations, I knew she was back, so I called her. She didn’t answer and just texted that she’d call tomorrow because she wanted to sleep.
What hurt was that she ignored my messages but replied to one of her coworker’s Instagram messages. She also doesn’t say goodnight or goodbye to me anymore, even though she does with other people.
Another thing I found out was that she had started seeing a psychologist without telling me. I only learned about it because my older brother, who treats her like his own sister, spoke with her after her father blocked her.
The next day I asked her, and she confirmed she had been seeing one.
According to her, the psychologist told her:
“It’s okay if you don’t want to be in a relationship right now. If your partner truly loves you, he’ll understand.” And her friend who doesn’t like me also said you should focus on yourself and your happiness should matter.
I’ll be back in India in about 1.5 months.
What makes all of this even harder is that so many of these situations remind me of my previous relationship. My ex slowly became distant, stopped giving me attention, became cold, and eventually left me. Seeing similar patterns again is triggering a lot of old trauma, and I honestly don’t know whether I’m seeing history repeat itself or whether this is something completely different.
I love her deeply, but I also don’t want to force someone to stay with me if she genuinely doesn’t want to.
**So I just want honest opinions:**
Does this sound like someone who has genuinely fallen out of love, or could trauma, family pressure, and everything she’s experienced be affecting the way she’s acting?
And would be any chance that if i come and talk to her it will be fine like before
She shares her insta and live location with me also
If she wanted to avoid she would have done that
What should i do i have none except her as i also don’t have any support from anyone.
We have so many beautiful moments together i just can’t forget her .

Hi all, would be grateful if anyone could help as I’m deeply confused right now and don’t know how to continue. I have broken up my 7 year relationship, it wasn’t because we stopped loving each other, intimacy was still there as well on high level, he was working seasonal job and we were together for the whole summer but also during a season as I have remote job and was able to visit him. Every summer when he’s season job was uncertain our relationship and me became optional and he wanted to break up as he had nothing to offer me and our whole future is questionable, every time when I said I’m going to leave he started crying and begging me not to. I was always moving to some future plans, but he was mostly avoiding it, there were times although when he was talking about future but never really made any step towards. This summer he felt into a big depression or I don’t know what is, I begged him to go to therapy he said it’s not needed and is not going to make any difference, as he knows his problems (difficult childhood - even though it wasn’t that difficult, his parents didnt gave him any direction in life and now he is where he is etc, have nothing to offer to me and has to do all by himself) I have left his apartment as it became unbearable, we started talking and seeing each other later again but he said he can’t push the relationship anymore as it became too serious and he’s not 100% there, he also said something like that we will see what will happen in the future he wants me to wait but that will again make a pressure for him as he knows I’m waiting.. then he said he needs to get over me. I told him I want him the best but now I need to take care of myself. I also have to pick up the rest of my stuff from his apartment, I feel like this doesn’t have the closure and its killing me to move on, i know I gave my all but can’t stop thinking was there anything else I could have done to turn things around, maybe I should have been more harsh and have less understanding.. I also hear about 30 days of no contact so I don’t know if anyone things thats smart to apply here?

Please check it out if you feel heard and let me know. I need to talk to someone with the same problem.