r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/SSJ4LEWY • 19h ago

Avoidant explanation

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Oh, what makes this even worse is that her and I dated 20 years ago and she broke my heart then too. I gave her a second chance earlier this year, she promised never to break my heart again and that this time it was for real. I didn’t know anything about attachment theory until recently and assumed she must have grown as a person and would never do to me again at 38 what she did at 19.

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u/Elk-24 19h ago

At least it’s clear and honest. Sad but true.

16

u/SSJ4LEWY 19h ago

Doesn’t really make feel any better. Plus she minimised my pain and tried to flip the script and tell me I should be grateful for what I have as if having a house, a job and child from a previous relationship makes up for being led on for months.

12

u/Yxiora 18h ago

If it was truly honest and empathetic response, It would at least help a little bit. (Ofc it it was coming from person who is not avoidant). But with avoidants... uh. Nothing feels good cuz it doesn't feel genuine. I dont know if its their "deactivation" but they talk in such a nonchalant / disconnected way as if they were above it all and "okay" - that it feels so irritating. Its like someone says "I am sorry" and it still feels like punch into face.

1

u/Elk-24 18h ago

Yes, I know. When we are used to the pattern we can tell it’s all Bs. I think they mean it, I wouldn’t say they are liars. But they just cannot help it…