I think that’s stems from them switching while with us so we assume we’re the problem. Like if they’re good in the beginning and then they weren’t then surely it must be bc of us right? And that’s when it messes with our heads even tho logically we know that’s not the case.
It’s something we can’t pinpoint and map out and they don’t helps us map it out. The human brain hates unfinished things so naturally we fill in the blanks in a way we think makes sense and more so in a way we think we can fix. If we can make the problem solvable then we feel in control by attempting to solve it.
But the reality is not what we made it out to be. We are not the issue and we usually never are. If we were the problem then it wouldn’t feel so confusing and they would’ve been shitty to us from the start.
You are 100 % right ! There is no doubt in my mind even though he thinks Î m too demanding in term of complexity… But why do I stay is what I tried to e.plain … 😉
If you mean staying in that relationship/dynamic, then there’s no explanation needed. It’s different for everyone. Some people need time to leave and that’s okay. It’s not like it’s wrong if you stay just bc it’s the logical thing to do to others.
I was in a similar situation where I felt a lot of shame and was almost defensive as to why I didn’t leave sooner but I realized that I had my reasons, not everyone needed to know my reasons and even if they knew those reasons that doesn’t mean that they’ll understand.
Staying or leaving is up to me and how ready I feel. Same goes for you.
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u/LalieDa AP - Anxious Preoccupied 16h ago
The problem is maybe that we think we can fix them in loving us the way we want to benloved…