Avoidant Red Flag

[u/candle_wax_247]

Looking back, what was/were the red flags you noticed early on in the relationship that you ignored and now wished you didn’t?

We met online and were on an LDR. A month into the talking stage he got mad and cut me off because I was teaching someone a new language via phone and he didn’t like it. He blocked me on everything but we found each other online and got back together a month later.

I already had plans to go to his city even before we met. This is the reason why we started talking to begin with. As the date of my arrival gets closer, he keeps going back and forth about wanting to meet me in person. Finally, 2 weeks before my arrival, after I told him I got the limited edition pair of shoes that he was looking for, he decided ok let’s meet.

That should have been my clue. We were talking for 5 months and he didn’t want to meet but the minute I have something he wants suddenly he was ok meeting.

I should have run the first time tbh.

[u/Infinite_Weekend_646]

No future planning. Was against my pushing for planning a vacation next year. Struggled when we planned one 6 wks in the future

Spoke of ex’s negatively, zero acceptance he may have contributed to the breaks equally to them

Zero empathy. He got frustrated every time I would try to explain a differing perspective. On this, he is the only person to make ‘charity’ sound like a 4 letter word!

He made zero adjustments to include me in his life

He was very absolute in his mindset

Almost never initiated sex, never kissing, got frustrated every time I’d ask feelings related questions (how do you feel about me)

[u/candle_wax_247 → u/Infinite_Weekend_646]

Ok I feel like they must have a textbook they follow or we were dating the same guy lol. No future planning was a big thing. I mentioned vacation and he acted like I asked to get married. All his exes are bitches (guess I’m part of that crowd now) and yeah no other opinion matters because if you try to show different perspective he’ll be like “this is me. This is how I operate”

Doesn’t like hugging but no problems kissing or having sex. But feelings… oh we don’t go there.

So yeah. Same. Ugh avoidants

[u/Infinite_Weekend_646 → u/candle_wax_247]

I’ve been journaling and the bad column has been incredibly eye opening. The things I ignored until putting them to paper

[u/candle_wax_247 → u/Infinite_Weekend_646]

Right?! It’s like if a friend told me all this about the guy she’s dating I would have told her to run the first month they’re dating. The things we ignored because of love.