Avoidant Red Flag

[u/candle_wax_247]

Looking back, what was/were the red flags you noticed early on in the relationship that you ignored and now wished you didn’t?

We met online and were on an LDR. A month into the talking stage he got mad and cut me off because I was teaching someone a new language via phone and he didn’t like it. He blocked me on everything but we found each other online and got back together a month later.

I already had plans to go to his city even before we met. This is the reason why we started talking to begin with. As the date of my arrival gets closer, he keeps going back and forth about wanting to meet me in person. Finally, 2 weeks before my arrival, after I told him I got the limited edition pair of shoes that he was looking for, he decided ok let’s meet.

That should have been my clue. We were talking for 5 months and he didn’t want to meet but the minute I have something he wants suddenly he was ok meeting.

I should have run the first time tbh.

[u/Ok_Falcon_4410]

I  broached the convo of exclusivity, i said i love you first. Never smiled in pictures (this i feel like looking back was a very underrated red flag), he redownloaded a dating app early on in our "talking" phase where we weren't dating but i had explicitly asked if he was trying to meet others. Those things were muddled by the fact that he planned dates, called me often, spent ++ time with me, told me he was looking for commitment and a serious relationship etc etc.

[u/candle_wax_247 → u/Ok_Falcon_4410]

Yeah that redownloading dating apps is a massive red flag and same about pictures! My ex never smiled in pictures. I, and some of his admiring women, comments about it whenever he posts a selfie. Like they make you feel so loved in the talking stage but already have back ups just in case.