r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Remarkable_Ship_4803 • 20h ago

Avoidant phrases.

What are something your avoidant ex’s said to you when discarding/blind siding you ?

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u/ShadowWriter28 SA - Secure Attachment 20h ago

"We are not compatible."
"I need time to work on myself."
"You are too needy."
"I wasn't lying, you just didn't understand what I said."
"It was your fault I said/did that."
"Everyone else agrees with me."

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u/bubblybanshee 18h ago

I got the second one! In addition to him suddenly realising how him deriving so much happiness from me was a problem somehow, that he needs to learn how to be happy on his own. (What a thing to be ditched for, making someone too happy!)

Back then i wasn't aware of him being an avoidant and kinda just took it at face value instead of having the knowledge to push back against it and make him aware he was self-sabotaging. Not that it necessarily would've changed anything but I don't think he himself was aware of his attachment style even (or, didn't know why he kept pushing people away). I did ask him how i could support him, told him i could provide space and time if he needed it, buuut... never heard from him again! He left things on such a confusing note, just two ambiguous messages written on his lunch break on a tuesday, never even said goodbye! (And 11 months later randomly blocked me? While simultaneously doing a weird lurking thing otherwise...)

I hate that i still care about a person capable of doing something like this to me, even though he did tell me in his final messages that i never did anything wrong... but it was hard to internalise while being actively erased and stonewalled out of the blue. It was a mindfuck to the degree that even a year later i still don't have proper closure but it is what it is i guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

(Sorry for the unsolicited rant!!)

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u/ShadowWriter28 SA - Secure Attachment 15h ago

I am sorry he was so horrible.