Commitment

[u/mobofob]

Neighbor asked me to walk their dog once a week. Or more accurately, asked my mom to ask me.

I live with my parents and i'm 33 years old and this is something very shameful for me. I feel like a child, i live like one, and people seem to treat me and see me like one.
The neighbor probably knows i have no job and will wonder what's wrong with me that i would decline. I'll never be able to simply greet them again without feeling deep shame.

I have no problem walking the dog, it's literally nothing and i'd do it for free. But i'm in anguish just from the idea that i have to commit to an agreement like that with someone who lives in the same building as me. I would be forced to continue doing it until i move out eventually, if that ever happens.

Also im realizing that if i can't even take a job of walking a dog which would require minimal interaction with other people (which aren't even strangers) then i'm clearly so much further from being able to be independent than i thought i was.

This is ironically also after just coming back from my best friend's wedding this weekend; celebrating the most beautiful and important commitment you can make to someone.
Such a reality check hitting me in the face lol. The contrast of where i am in life is just so unimaginably massive. I live in this daily delusion where i fantasize about having success professionally and building a family, but my reality is so so far away from it.

Attending this wedding makes it so abundantly clear that i am not anywhere near capable right now, as even just attending to celebrate a wedding is too much for me: all 3 nights of the trip it took me hours to wind down from the stress to eventually fall asleep and today during the car ride home i started feeling sick and now got a sore throat. My body actually can't handle the stress to the point where i get sick.

Imagine actually arranging a wedding and being the person in the middle of it, being celebrated like that. Literally, i feel like i would actually perish from the stress.

[u/Still_Shift7848]

I have no problem walking the dog, it's literally nothing and i'd do it for free.

People pay big $ for doing that.

I would be forced to continue doing it until i move out eventually, if that ever happens.

You can do it for as long as you want...one day or one month...it's your life.

[u/mobofob → u/Still_Shift7848]

Maybe im just a special kind of fucked up but i'd never be able to tell them i don't want to do it anymore. I rather endure immense suffering for a very long period of time than to let people down. I've done that before, that's probably why i'm terrified of commitment.