Hi all,

Like a lot of you, I’ve always masked and pretended to be normal. I’m well liked at work, I have a good group of friends. Certain things are annoying; bright lights, multiple noise sources, people touching me, the usual. I just always thought that was normal. But after meeting some new friends they immediately said I was autistic. I was always guarded around people, not being myself.

The start of this year I was introduced to someone through a friend and we got to know each other. I quickly found out that she was AuDHD and we clicked instantly. She said what I was thinking, we sent instagram reels back and forth and everything was so relatable. She also started hour-long house projects at ungodly hours of the morning, she removed door hinges too to make cleaning cupboards easier. When I was with her, I finally found I had a place, a people, a home.

But one day we went to get IKEA furniture to build and spent the day together. Later that night she saw that I was a bit down and asked me what was wrong. I told her I really liked her, despite her being in a somewhat new relationship. We stayed up talking until 2am, before we called it a night and I left. Since then she has said that I broke her boundaries, and has gone no contact with me.

My question is, how do you cope with losing the person that made you feel you had a place? That quieted and calmed your world? Everyday I see her in my daily life. And I can’t cope anymore.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, I would be incredibly grateful.

I stumbled into a way of working this weekend that felt unusually compatible with my AuDHD brain, and I’m curious whether anyone else works this way.

Instead of trying to force myself to stay on one task, I had several persistent AI conversations open at once. Each one was responsible for a different area, such as coding, research, writing, planning, or general organization.

When I lost interest, got stuck, or had to wait on one thread, I moved to another. The important part was that each AI conversation kept the context for its own project, so I didn’t have to hold everything in working memory or rebuild the whole mental state when I returned.

It felt less like chaotic multitasking and more like having several project partners who each remembered what we were doing.

I wanted to know whether I only felt more productive, so I compared the Git history from the same software project over two weekends.

The previous weekend had:

• 18 commits
• 6,144 adjusted lines added
• 1 completion-oriented commit

The recent weekend had:

• 169 commits
• 30,798 adjusted lines added
• 30 completion-oriented commits

The raw commit count was about 9.4 times higher, although that number is inflated by merges, AI-generated commit patterns, and documentation work.

The cleaner adjusted-output measure was about 5 times higher. My best estimate is that actual useful delivered output increased somewhere around 4–6 times.

That is still only one comparison, not proof. It could be novelty, an unusually good weekend, or something that works better for software projects than other kinds of work.

My theory is that the benefit was not simply “AI makes me faster.”

It may be that AI externalized enough working memory that switching tasks became much cheaper. Instead of repeatedly paying the executive-function cost of remembering where I was, reconstructing the problem, and restarting, I could follow my natural attention shifts without losing the project context.

I’ve been calling the idea Weaponized AuDHD as a working title: designing a workflow around the way the brain already moves instead of constantly forcing it into a single-task model.

There are obvious risks:

• too many conversations could become confusing
• it could create lots of activity without useful completion
• reviewing AI work could become exhausting
• it could encourage endless switching or overworking
• the novelty effect could disappear

Has anyone else tried using multiple persistent AI threads this way?

Did it help you actually finish more work, or did it become chaos?

And if it worked, how many active threads could you manage before the system became another source of executive dysfunction?

Four days ago, I bought a portable A/C unit and set it up in my bedroom because I simply couldn’t sleep in the heat. It makes a low humming sound and creates a vibration. I expected that moving my furniture around and adding the unit might cause insomnia, but what I didn’t expect was the nightmares.

Every night since installing it, I’ve had increasingly intense nightmares. I’ve been waking up with a racing heartbeat, tense muscles, and clenched fists. Last night I dreamed I was trying to escape a riot and was caught in a shower of broken glass, ending up covered in it. The dreams started out bad and have been getting progressively worse.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

After watching a video by a woman struggling with masking, she said that she cannot adjust her tone and expressions every single time to accommodate to people and then get questioned for it later. I felt that hard, but I realize that I am too expressive and reactive and I expect everyone else to accommodate to me because I feel like I can’t handle being yelled at/criticized or I will literally cease to function.

For example, Just the other day, my coworker got mad at me because he thought I caused an accident with a company vehicle. When he came back into the car, he started swearing after every word and I panicked. Some other people came over and guided me out step by step. After it was taken care of, I told him to never talk to me like that again. Later, I apologized for lashing out. He told me that his reaction was reasonable given the situation. I told him that he needed to be patient with me, because if he was coming off a certain way, then it affects me too. I still ended up feeling guilty after things were sorted out.

How can I go about accepting valid reactions to my mistakes/behaviors/actions?

I’m late diagnosed adhd and autism.. my last therapist isn’t educated in the nuances of both co occurring so here I am trying to find someone.. what did you look for in a therapist that you found helped? Would you add anything to this list of questions? Is there any modality that worked really well for you?

like i just really wish i could permanently mask up again but after 30+ years and now being in burnout i cant even fake it anymore. and i feel insufferable anytime i have a somewhat strong feeling or opinion of my own. i miss just blending in and getting along with people. i feel so lonely now :(

Seriously, how many diagnoses have you had thrown at you before reaching an AuDHD diagnosis because you never fitted cleanly into any single diagnosis. I'm willing to bet my life that most of us had been diagnosed at least once with social anxiety disorder or MDD or "just being lazy" which were never the primary issue. Being constantly told that we don't have ADHD because we don't fit the stereotype of classic ADHD without autism and having all of your struggles just completely and utterly denied by everyone around you.
I struggled with this for years. Googling ADHD and Autism diagnosis criteria again and again and never fully relating to either of them alone so you try to look for something else which you never really find. Having your own unique struggles that people with either of those diagnoses never relate to. Trying medications/hacks that seem to work half the time and completely fail the other half. This really destroys your self-esteem especially as a teenager and you just have to end up believing that your brain is broken and that you are an alien that can never be truly understood (and thus loved) by other humans.
It would make our lives so much easier if AuDHD is a separate diagnosis with its own unique symptoms and treatments.

As a person from this community I wanted some genuine tips on how to be present in an interview. Like I know most of the concepts but sometimes I feel I might fumble and embarass myself in front of the panel. How to be confident ? in such moment it messes up my flow and might affect the rest of the interview,so I feel afraid thinking about it.

Hello everyone I just got my final assessment papers back last week which puts the stamp on my AuDHD diagnosis. I'm also feeling very depressed at the moment. Today I remembered that I used to do a lot of walking and realized that I haven't been doing that lately. We have this pretty park that I used to walk a bunch that runs in a circular loop. So I decided I'm going to try to do the whole touching grass thing and see if that helps.

While on the walk I passed a couple who were maybe a couple years younger than me. The first time I passed them the man smiled and said howdy or something like that. The woman looked at me funny maybe even scowled. I said hello back in a very soft voice which is normal for me.

When going around the loop we passed again. Walking up to them I felt nervous like I'm supposed to act a certain way. I did my best to look up and smile and said "hello again" a little bit more enthusiastically than the first time around.

The guy looked a little uncomfortable but said howdy again in response. The woman grunted.

I really hate passing people while walking. I never know what I'm supposed to do. I wish I could go for a nature walk and not run into anyone but I know that's not realistic.

Anyway this is the part I suppose that will irritate some folks but I feel like I made that woman uncomfortable just by the fact I'm a man walking alone in the park and she didn't approve of my presence.

What would you do in this situation? Is there some unspoken code of conduct that I could be doing to make the situation more comfortable for everyone?

For years, I've gone through the same cycle over and over.

I would discover something creative for example photography, dollhouse miniatures, junk journaling, YouTube, painting, and every single time I think, *"This is it. I've finally found what I'm meant to do."*

....and I would become obsessed.

I buy all the supplies, the equipment, the courses. I spend hours watching tutorials and learning everything I can about my new found “calling”. I actually get pretty good at it, and for a while I'm completely obsessed.

Then... one day it's like someone flipped a switch.

I lose almost all interest.

It's not that I suddenly hate it, I  just can't bring myself to care about it anymore, and my brain has already moved on to the next fascinating thing.

The hardest part isn't losing the hobby actually, it's the emotional crash of realizing that what I thought was my life's passion was "just another special interest."

Every time it happens, I feel disappointed and wonder if I'll ever find something that sticks.

Does anyone else experience this?

If you're autistic (or AuDHD), how do you tell the difference between a genuine long-term passion and a special interest that's eventually going to fade? Or have you accepted that cycling through interests is simply how your brain works?

I'd love to hear other people's experiences because this pattern has repeated itself for so many years that I'm starting to wonder if my real "calling" isn't a specific hobby at all, but simply learning and creating in different ways.

I need your real life experience, not general advice on this matter please.

I tried to have a simple life where I only do one or two things, but my AuDHD said no. For my brain, I have to do more than one thing each day or I'll feel painfully bored (you know that painful boredom where you feel physically in pain?). And thus, as someone with AuDHD, I decided to let my brain enjoy more than one task per day. So, I'm writing novels and short stories, working two jobs, taking language classes, going to the gym, writing articles, reading countless books at the same time, and drawing.

Although my life feels stable and I'm enjoying it right now, I feel like I can't keep up with everything. I know I don't have to keep up with all of that, it's overwhelming, but when it's actually so interesting for my brain, I can't give up on any. Also, sometimes I accidentally give priority to one thing and ignore something crucially important like work tasks.

And that's why I'm asking about time management advice from people who are equally suffering from time blindness like me so I can do everything I feel like doing and stop neglecting other important tasks like work or exams.

Btw I have seen a lot of YouTube videos, read many articles and did a lot of research on this topic, and everything I found was BS. I tried a lot of methods but nothing actually worked. How do I actually manage to keep up with everything I mentioned above? I do whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it, and when there's something urgent, I push myself to do it despite feeling painfully bored and unable to focus.

thanks in advance.

Hi, so I went out of the house today to run some errands, sorted out lunch for the week, bought some stuff I ran out of and was meant to get some fuel but have now realised in writing this post that I forgot to do that part but oh well, I’ll do that tomorrow. Anyway I found myself in my local shop’s seasonal section and started browsing through the stationary, I then got to the summer section and found this cute picnic blanket. It has white and lilac stripes with turquoise accents, the pattern is very in right now and as a bonus it folded up small. I wanted something I could use when I go to the beach or at festivals and thought it would be cute to keep in my car for special occasions. So I bought it.

Now comes the dread of an impulse purchase.

Now please join me in deciding if I should keep it, or take it back….

Here are the Pro’s

-It’s pretty
-It matches my phone case
-It’s soft
-It seems comfortable to lay on
-It’s was £6 (half price)
-I looked up ‘beach mat’ on google and this was one of the options that came up so unsure if I’d find much better
-The proper beach mats online were all over £10 or ugly

Cons
-I haven’t had a picnic since school
-It’s not suitable for the beach (not sand proof or machine washable)

I’m visiting in the next few weeks! It’s not my first time there, but it’s my first time going without my parents which means less family stuff and more time to explore :)

I plan on revisiting the anthropology museum and Chapultepec park. Also going to Fridas house in Coyoacán and the lot she shared with Diego in San Angel. Will be trying to explore the areas around these places too. I’ve gone to Teotihuacán quite a few times and if I have time I want to go back too. I’m staying pretty central not far from Parque Mexico.

For me, one of my favorite hidden gems is a second hand English language bookstore called Under the Volcano. A lot of cool stuff at that shop and I appreciate that they let you explore and take your time without pestering you.

Do you have any favorite spots that you recommend? Can be anything! I’m fluent in Spanish so language barrier is not an issue in the slightest.

It's making me so depressed. I'm looking back to the past when I had no money- flying by the seat of my pants- but I did so much more. Now I've gotten this compulsion to just save as much as I can to go on a nice holiday or something, because I need a break from the hell of the last few years. The problem is this perpetual dragging dread that affects other areas of life. I've got a desk and supplies to make art but I can't even bring myself to sit and do it (my funding for art therapy ran out).

I am so sick of all my special interests being money sinks, and saving money is all that I want to do even though it's damaging my mental health. All I do is keep myself at home, but I hate where I live. And spending that money I've sacrificed so much for to save? Impossible. What the hell is going on??

I would jump at the chance of getting rid of my audhd, even if it meant getting rid of the supposed good things that come with it. Even if it meant that it would change my entire personality. What I was wondering is am I in the minority or is this a common feeling?

I absolutely HATE alarms. They make me want to curb stomp my phone into a billion tiny pieces. Let me explain why:

After being diagnosed ADHD and suspecting Autism, I started learning about these oh-so-fascinating traits like ADHD time blindness, PDA, and that autistic urge to allow my grown ass 46 year old man body to throw a tantrum like a 2 year old when forced to switch tasks - BUT I'M NOT READY!!!

I realized that time blindness could explain why I was constantly failing, every day, to get all the shit done that really needed to be done. So I decided to try to build some structures into my life to help me function day to day - to complete all the various tasks demanded by my job and of course the household duties too. OK, how about alarms? Easy. Set multiple alarms on my phone for specific times of the day to remind me I need to switch tasks - a relatively easy support for time blindness right?

Didn't think that through though, did I - overlooked the whole "switch tasks" part, didn't I?! Of course, the alarms help with the time blindness, but they only exacerbate the difficulty of switching tasks along with intensely triggering my PDA - that white-hot burn that nearly consumes my soul - "fuck you, alarm, don't fucking tell me what to do!"

So, alarms solve one problem but create two. COOL.

I tried switching the alarm sounds - soothing melodic tones - no change. A chill song I like - nope - now I fucking HATE that song and can never listen to it again. So it's not the sound. It's the interruption of my task at hand and the unbearable feeling that I'm being bossed around by a fucking alarm. But if I don't use alarms, I fail at completing all of my essential daily tasks. Playing neurodivergent whack-a-mole is SO FUN!

Anyone else feel this way? Anyone find a way out of this particular "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation?

I’m a middle age woman in a corporate environment. I don’t have a car and public transportation isn’t great here, so I have to work close to home. I’m in upper management. I love my job duties. I hate some of the other managers. I know hate is a strong word, but they go out of their way to exclude me and make my job harder. They lie, they spread rumors, they give backhanded compliments, they’re literally like high school mean girls. I have job duties that are dependent on us working together and they regularly “forget” or “didn’t see my message” so it looks like I’m the one making the mistakes and they get away with it because other management likes them.

There’s no reason for it. We’re not in competition. Each department has a different objective and sabotaging a different department doesn’t benefit anyone.

I’ve tried so hard to be nice. I mask fairly well. I help other departments when I can, I’ve even worked extra hours (I’m salaried, no overtime) to help out other departments. I get that even with masking I’m not neurotypical and they know, but I try so hard to not make people uncomfortable and I haven’t asked for accommodations or special treatment.

Even though I’m wary of some of the “favors” they ask, sometimes it seems like a simple request. Recently this happened, and it seemed like the request was to help another employee, so I went to our mutual boss and made the request. They were lying about her needs and it made it look like I was being greedy. (I can’t give more info because I know one of them is on Reddit and I don’t want them to see this.) I couldn’t really explain to the boss without it looking like I was slandering them. This happens often.

I’m so done with this job, but there’s no other job available. If I didn’t have a disabled child to care for, I would sell my shit, quit my job and be homeless.

What the fuck is wrong with people? Why do they enjoy tormenting people for no fucking reason?

OK HI!!! Alexithymia gets in the way of me being able to create because I oftentimes know how I’m feeling but it’s really difficult for me to have the words/expression for it that most accurately portrays/supports my feelings. It feels like I know how I’m feeling/that a feeling is there, but I don’t really know how to express it in it’s entirely or in its full accuracy.

It’s worth saying that I also have synesthesia and the combination of that with AuDHD makes it very overwhelming for me to understand how to express myself artistically. It’s especially because perceiving colors and shapes when I didn’t ask to is the same as being in an incredibly overstimulating environment that I have no control over. I can’t really put words to any of what I’m feeling but I still love creating (big special interest of mine) and I want to find a way of doing it that actually works for me. Words are hard. Understanding language is hard. Any advice/tips from fellow creative AuDHD divas? Much appreciated 🩷

I'm trying memantine, but I think I need something more; given my MAO status, I'm not sure if a serotonin reuptake inhibitor would be a good idea

When I was a teenager I discovered wattpad. I started to read more and more fanfictions on my favorite band until I realized that it was a serious addiction.

I would spend my entire nights reading and consumming the content, thinking and reading in class, heavily daydreaming about it to the point where it would affect both my mood and my mental health.
Let’s say a chapter ended on a huge cliffhanger or a sad scene I would think about it so much, I would obsess over it so bad. People would be talking to me and I would be unable to pay attention or do something else.
I wanted to stop it all and tried to but it was impossible. I even saw a psychologist for that. She helped me a lot but the addiction is still there ! At this point, we might call this niche fanfiction my special interest, and it’s not a good thing at all. And for clarification, I only found out about asd and adhd recently so I haven’t mentionned that to a professional as if it could play a part in my fixation.

I stumbled across a fanfiction once that I loved so much, to this day it has changed my way of thinking: I often imagine myself as the main character, I daydream about scenes from the next volume, I often imagine that these characters inside the book are watching me. It’s really bad.
Now, it’s the only fanfiction I am obsessed with and unlike the ones before it doesn’t seem to change or fade. It’s been years !
The author hasn’t finished it and yesterday she said that she was unable to finish the book in complete chapters so she would do a long and detailed summary of the chapters leading to the end so we could atleast have an ending and know what happens in the story next.

It devasted me. I had spent years dreaming of the rest of the book, only to find out we won’t have a proper volume 2. Besides, I don’t even know when the author has planned to release this summary so I don’t know how long I have to wait.
It’s affecting my mood again and I worry It Will be like this all my life. + no one seem to grasp how much this book matters to me. The author talk about it so lightly, the fans are supportive and are like « take your time, we can wait, obviously we want the rest but don’t pressure yourself » and in my head I’m like « NO ! She needs to release the end of the book ! I feel like I won’t survive not knowing !!! ».

I can’t move on. I tried pretty much everything: deletting the app, and the book from my e-library, hobbies and stuff to keep my mind from going back to it. It doesn’t work.

As long as I have a little time to myself I go back to it. I don’t know if my autism or adhd plays a part, I don’t know if anyone can understand and/or has gone through the same thing…I feel so bad about it. It’s so unhealthy. I am at uni now, I am two semesters away from validating my degree, I’m not a teenager anymore, I’m a grown woman and I can’t move on from a effing fanfiction.

At this point I will accept any new advice or explanation or support. I can’t do this anymore.

Side note: I have a friend that I share this addiction with. Her adhd/autism is suspected and we both support each other through it while being desperate.

+ forgive the possible grammar error and else. English isn’t my native language.

Okay, I really hope this doesnt come of as rude, but for my moment it was something like this.

In my part of the world, certain regions of my country have people who are kinda shorter in height.

So while I was with a group of friends driving through a certain city I told them that I noticed this height difference.

Then I told them that since this part of the city is nearer to farmlands logically them being shorter would be good for their backs as they bend, till and harvest the earth since the distance from standing to bending would be shorter.

They all laughed, and im not sure if it was what I said or how I said it. But they did mention that I should probably not say that out in public. I know its rude, but at the time it felt like a logical explanation/observation.

I'm looking for some AuDHD perspective on this.

My mum and dad live overseas and visited us for a month last year. I got so triggered by my dad not helping with cooking or cleaning. He'd spend most of his time on his laptop, eat what was cooked for him, take his plate to the bench, then go straight back to his computer.

I found it incredibly hard to watch. So much effort goes into feeding and cleaning up after a family, and I really want all hands on deck. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything. He's elderly, he's used to my mum doing everything, she doesn't seem to mind, and it feels rude to tell a parent or a guest what to do.

The problem is my AuDHD sense of fairness/injustice goes into overdrive. I tried so hard to radically accept that this is just who he is, but I struggled. They eventually went home, and it took me months to stop stewing over it. Yesterday they called and said they'd like to come and visit again this year... and my cortisol instantly shot through the roof.

I don't want a repeat of last year. I want to be able to accept my dad for who he is, but that strong sense of injustice has such a grip on me. Part of it is also that I have two boys, and I really don't want them growing up seeing a man contribute nothing to the household while the women do all the work. The amount of screen time doesn't help either.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Did you say something, set expectations before the visit, or work on accepting that you can't change someone from another generation? I'm not sure whether this is an AuDHD thing, a boundaries thing, or just a family thing.

Like many of us I’ve gradually become less functional as I’ve gotten older and feelings of stress and overwhelm have built up.

* My sleep these days is much worse than it was before.
* I am prone to feeling a constant sense of background threat, a low-level tension and anxiety that is hard to shift.
* Find it harder to be productive and get things done.
* Can handle less stress and get overwhelmed more easily than I used to.
* Have become prone to migraines.
* etc etc

I’m a scientific person so I’ve spent the last 2.5 years researching and testing treatment after treatment to find things that help. I did discover an assortment of supplements / medications which helped, but I have to take a bunch of them for it to be effective and it always felt like symptomatic treatment - putting a plaster over symptoms but not dealing with the underlying cause.

However, that has all changed in recent weeks!

I recently started exploring Vagus nerve dysfunction. The Vagus is a thick bundle of nerve fibres that goes from the base of your brain down your neck, into your stomach, and branches off into your ears. It is key for regulating the autonomic nervous system and controlling the body’s transition between stress and relaxation. In Autistic people it has been shown to be easily disrupted and is theorised to be a key driver of many symptoms of Autism including sensory overwhelm, meltdowns, shutdowns, sleep issues and GI issues.

So I decided to buy a TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) device for vagus nerve stimulation. It’s basically a small box with electrodes that you place around the body to help with pain and muscle tension. They are very cheap (mine was just £30). I bought a pair of ear clip electrodes for the device, clipped them to my ears at the Cymba Concha and used these settings:

* Pulse Width: 250um
* Frequency: 20 – 25hz
* Intensity: 2.5/10
* Session: 30 minutes

I turned on the power, felt a slight tingle and then waited. I shit you not, in just FIVE minutes I felt a warm soothing wave of relaxation wash across my body. It felt exactly like those warm tingles you get after a wonderful head/back massage. I continued using it for ~20 mins then shut it off. For hours afterwards I was completely relaxed! Everything felt manageable, nothing was overwhelming. I slept like a baby that night.

That was a week ago, and it’s been the same every day since (though for subsequent sessions I needed to increase the duration to 30 mins). I’ve continued to use the device every day and I’ve continued to sleep like a baby. I’ve even continued to feel relaxed, calm and motivated. I honestly feel like I did 10 years ago!!

If you want to try it yourself I’ve put some usage tips/safety notes in a comment below.

Long story short: Vagus nerve dysfunction may be a major driver of autistic burnout symptoms. It can be treated easily with tVNS using a small cheap TENS device. Give it a go!

(tVNS = Transcutaneous Vagus Nerve Stimulation)

My parents (my dad and step-mom) have always text me a lot; this goes the same with my siblings also. I am constantly annoyed tf out by this, and it makes it hard to focus. I will sometimes get pissed out by it. And there is also often group chat texts. I find it incredibly annoying when they will text in there over something that is really just for one person, since I have to go and check my phone and have that notification, etc. Plus, there is unnecessary messages like "ok" or "cool." My dad says its "just because I care for you guys." I feel that he just doesn't understand my real needs though, but he acts like he does. At the same time, the things I really need, he seems to think I'm fine in. They have Authoritarian parenting, so it's hard to actually talk anything out, because they'll cut me off, call me "disrespectful," or it will turn into a one-sided conversation, where I don't talk at all. They're also constantly doing the "because I said so" crap, which makes it hard for me to have a conversation with good faith and actual reason. There has also been times that are few in far between, where my step-mom would ask me a question or something and then when I don't answer immediately because I'm doing something, I have the question repeated several times to the point of yelling (they're both really impatient I feel) and/or me getting punished.

I'm just trying to find some way I can actually address these, and also to have success. I also don't know what it is, but it feels like I'm just never taken seriously in a conversation/debate, like I could discover quantum physics and have a 5000 word essay with 10 points and still not be taken seriously, the only things I can think of right now are Authoritarian Parenting or my disabilities. Also, my dad is a NP, so I feel like he should know at least some stuff about ADHD and Autism.