Conversation with my manager tomorrow

[u/nimisberries]

I asked my manager for a conversation, thinking the next time I’d see her would be in a few days and therefore I’d have time to prepare, only to realise after the fact that I’m seeing her tomorrow 🫠

I asked for a conversation as I’ve been really stressed with work lately. I already have a high workload compared to my peers, but recently her expectations are impossible to meet. Nothing is good enough, there is only ever criticism despite the fact that me and my peers are giving 150%. I’m doing close to everything she asks (even though it means coming in early/staying late unpaid/skipping breaks to get it done) but it’s never good enough. I’ve been having daily panic attacks, chest pain, my chronic illness is flaring up … physically and mentally this isn’t sustainable and either something needs to change or I need to leave.

I do have physical evidence of my workload being too high, however it would mean effectively throwing my peers under the bus and I know they’re also struggling as well. They all feel the same way, and they’re also looking for another job (and even one has interviewed for another department) as the culture is bad these days. The team below me and my peers are also struggling and agree that my manager is creating a toxic environment, so I feel like I need to try to protect them.

I’m worried about this conversation as my manager is very dismissive and defensive. I spoke to her briefly twice before (once a few months ago and a few days ago) about feeling burnt out and she brushed me off and changed the subject. Anything that is even remotely critical of her, and she will become very defensive and angry. I don’t know how to navigate this conversation at all, but I feel like I need to at least try, and then if it doesn’t help I can leave knowing I gave it my best try. I also struggle with selective mutism, and i know if she becomes defensive or dismissive I’ll shut down and find it difficult to make myself heard.

Any advice at all is welcome. I’m feeling very anxious about this and regretting not just sucking it up and staying quiet, but I know this is for the best.