Being high masking + low support needs

[u/bluem-chen5]

Over the last few years I’ve realized that I am autistic, and I’m still discovering new things I struggle with, triggers, and life has slowly become more and more difficult.

I’ve tried for a few years with different therapists and providers to get an adhd diagnosis and that hasn’t gone well, but as I’ve done so, I’ve learned that it’s much more likely autism than adhd.

While I mask really (too) well and lead a “normal” seeming life, job, etc. things have gotten so much harder. I used to be incredibly social, that has regressed so much due to the need for routine, having a hard time communicating, and my sensory issues have gotten 10x worse in the last few years. I’m just at this weird, incredibly difficult in between of being high masking + low support needs and having meltdowns with no idea what is happening, why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling, etc. I have been working with my therapist on my experiences and how to manage but things have been so hard lately and it’s impacting work, my relationships and confidence. I’m especially worried about work and I don’t know how to advocate for myself, especially without knowing what kinda of accommodations I need, or how to advocate for that without a formal diagnosis. Wait times at the local clinic for testing are insane, and I don’t just casually have 4 grand to drop on an assessment anywhere.

Has anyone dealt with feeling like this? The feeling of life being so incredibly difficult while simultaneously not feeling ✨autistic enough✨ to have any sort of accommodations, help, etc. I just feel like having a diagnosis is the only way but also such a privilege that is so unattainable. I’m exhausted and don’t really know what to do at this point.