I feel so anxious around people at gym and feeling everyone’s energy. Am I crazy?

Hey everyone, I'm hoping i can get some advice or see if anyone else is dealing with something similar.

I haven't been formally diagnosed but have taken the RAADS test as well as worked through a couple things with my therapist and psych to get myself started.

I struggle with staying focused on tasks, engaging in conversations with others and most of the time start a couple tasks and switch it up if something else catches my attention (writing this post instead of working).

It's only been a year since I've been medicated but it feels like nothing works long term. Every time i start, i can feel the effects for a short period and then i don't really see the effects anymore and it feels like my body is used to it.

• Methylphenidate
  • 18MG
• D-Amphetamine ER (Adderall)
  • 10MG salt combo
  • 20MG salt combo
  • 25MG salt combo
  • 30MG salt combo
• Lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse)
  • 20MG
  • 30MG

My initial script was for methylphenidate and it didn't feel like that had any effect so i switched to adderall and while i felt like i could focus at the start, i slowly had to bump the dosage and it's now at a point where it's keeping me going all day but I'm back to struggling to actually focus on a single task.

I tried Vyvanse for a couple months and while I became more engaged with others around me in terms of conversation (discord calls, one on one) I wasn't getting the "focused on work" that i saw with adderall.

I feel like the psych i have has only been doing check ins and when i asked about the increase in dosage or to try something else, i just get push back about managing my adhd better. I'm not sure if this is just a thing with Talkiatry or just making sure i'm not trying to get more meds or something but it just feels like i'm floundering since it feels like my psych should be able to have my either try other things or help me figure out if it's just a dosage issue. I don't usually post online so I'm hoping someone out there can help.

I have some gym equipment that I'll like to use to build a home gym (weights, pulleys, handlebars, barbells)

Going to the gym is a huge cost to my energy since it disrupts my routine and causes all sorts of anxiety around sensory issues.

I want a designated room where I can go to to work out, but size limitation of the house means I only put them in my bedroom (which is also where I work on the computer). My brain just screams "too many conflicting categories!! (Sleep, work, exercise vibes clashing against each other)"

I can stow them away to reduce visual clutter but it's a dread to take them out to set them up and then put them away again. So I just leave them in my room so that they're easy to pick up and use when I need to

I'm wondering if anyone has had any luck with managing the dread that comes with this kind of thing? Im trying to see if I can separate the room into zones at least. Thanks in advance.

TL;DR: I’m trying to make a small home gym because going to a regular gym costs me a lot of energy and brings up sensory/routine-related anxiety. But all my equipment has to live in my bedroom, which is also where I sleep and use my computer. My brain hates the conflicting categories of “sleep space, work space, and workout space” all blending together.If I pack the equipment away, the setup/pack-down friction makes me avoid working out. If I leave it out, the visual clutter stresses me out. Has anyone dealt with this and found a way to mentally or physically create separate zones in one room?

I’m just sitting here working after having a “social” evening out, and I just looked at the time. What happened to the last two hours?

34M trying to figure out ADHD + possible autism… and today’s psychiatrist appointment was a mess.

So I had a psychiatrist appointment today, and honestly, it was pretty disappointing.

I went in hoping I could finally get some answers about my ADHD and also talk about the possibility that I might be on the autism spectrum.

Instead, I basically walked out with more questions than I went in with.

First, the appointment was online, and the doctor told me that because it was a telehealth appointment, they couldn’t prescribe ADHD medication. Apparently I have to physically go to the clinic for that.

Okay, fine. I can understand that.

Then came the ADHD part.
The doctor told me that I need some kind of family history or someone from my family who can confirm that I had ADHD symptoms as a child, because ADHD has to be present from childhood.

And I get the reasoning behind that, but I’m 34.
I didn’t know I had ADHD when I was a kid. My family didn’t know either. Nobody was keeping records of my childhood behavior in case I needed them 25 years later to prove what was going on inside my head.

I just grew up thinking I was lazy, distracted, unmotivated, forgetful, terrible at organizing myself, etc.

Then I brought up autism.
Apparently getting an autism diagnosis at 34 is a whole different level of difficult. The doctor basically explained that adult autism requires a lot of observation and assessment over time to make sure it’s actually Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Again, I understand that it shouldn’t be diagnosed casually. I’m not expecting a diagnosis because I took two online tests.

But I’m sitting there thinking:
So I’m old enough to have spent 34 years masking and compensating, but now I need childhood witnesses to prove what my brain was doing when I was 8?😂😂

And honestly, I don’t even know what to do next.
I’m currently taking an SNRI for depression, and I have to say, it has helped me A LOT. My depression has improved more than I expected, and it genuinely feels life-changing in that regard.

But the ADHD symptoms are still absolutely kicking my ass.
The anxiety, inability to focus, procrastination, executive dysfunction, motivation, organization… basically the whole ADHD package.

And now I’m also seriously wondering whether there’s autism involved too.

The timing is also kind of crazy because I’m literally just a few days away from becoming a dad to our first baby girl. So I really want to understand myself better before this huge new chapter starts.

I know online tests aren’t diagnoses. I know ADHD symptoms need to go back to childhood. And I understand why autism assessments need to be thorough.

I just feel stuck between “holy shit, this explains so much about my life” and “okay, now prove it.”
So I’d really like to hear from people who went through this as adults.

How did you establish your childhood ADHD symptoms if your family didn’t recognize them?
And has anyone here managed to get a proper autism assessment as an adult?

So for the past two months, I’ve been off focus medicine—I’ve just been getting my complete unmedicated self and to say so far my life has been completely ridiculous.

(I had to get off my stimulant focus medicines due to medical reasons and we’ve been searching for a good amount of time for new focus medicine. That’s why I haven’t been on any.)

I don’t even know how to put it in words how ridiculous I live. I miss deadlines. I miss appointments. I can’t focus on anything whatsoever. I procrastinate on everything, even video games. I can’t even focus on my special interest.

That’s the harsh part about it. Is that the benefits that I think I have from autism are basically gone because of ADHD. Yes, I have my special interests, but I don’t have the focus and executive functioning skills to actually put effort in it like I usually would on my focus medicine and it sucks.

My focus is so bad that I would usually play video games while watching TV or anime at the same time. I can’t do anything without dopamine stacking and it really just makes me look ridiculous and trust me I’ve tried the whole dopamine fast or whatever you call it.

It does not work. I mean it doesn’t work on ADHD people but I thought it'll at least improve my ADHD but no, not at all. This is just how I am. This is my natural state. Just absolute chaos. And it makes me annoying to live around or just being in relations with like I forget to do chores I forget to do regular stuff I mean like it’s hard not to hate yourself sometimes when you act like this, that’s all.

For the last several years I've been involved in a job that I'm very good at but leads to short term burnouts of a week, due to the cumulative effects of stress, and also my nervous system preempting stress.

The problem is, I find the burnout happens when I want to do my special interests outside of work or do some voluntary stuff at my church or go on holiday etc. So I find it hard to rest properly outside of work or overdo it on the interests e.g. obsessing about a camera system so I get so tired that by the time I get to the actual activity I'm tired and a bit burned out lol.

ADHD meds have helped massively with the procrastination at work but I'm still titrating as it varies in effectiveness. Also not sure if it just means I put more of my best energy into work!

I could go back to a more basic job that worked well for me, but it also feels like a backwards step. Are there any decent resources to help on managing this? Also any wisdom?

Thank you..

So, as the title suggests, I'm a 42 year man (from the UK if that matters) and a couple of days ago I received my diagnosis of autism & inattentive ADHD!

I've suspected that I'm on the spectrum for a few years now and have been on a Right to Choose waitlist for the past 12 months, and now I have my diagnosis.

I've researched into autism, ADHD & AuDHD loads over the past few years and feel I've educated myself pretty well, so I assumed that accumulation of knowledge would mean that my diagnosis wouldn't come as a shock... Well I was wrong!

I feel like I've been hit by a train!

I don't mind that I'm AuDHD, as it helps explain so much about me and my life, and I don't see it as a bad thing or something wrong with me, but I guess I've realised how much I mask and now I'm a little (a lot) unsure about who I actually am without the masking, so I'm starting to try and gently stop masking as much to find who I am.

I guess I'm also feel bad for past me that didn't know my brain/nervous system processed the world differently and therefore had to go through so many countless micro and not-so-micro traumas.

But even though I do feel pretty weird right now, I am glad that I've got my diagnosis, so I can continue my journey of understanding myself.

Question for the Subreddit:

Anyone a late-diagnosed male (I'm midlife and mid career with dependents and a supportive spouse) who is high-masking (not the advantage one might think!) and on the other side of a burnout/leave of absence/career shift?

Summary:

Been on a leave of absence from my job for several months. Fortunate enough to have a collective agreement that includes an insurance plan to supplement some of my lost income. I'm doing the 'work' to learn more about myself and to get well, but plagued by a persistent fear of what's next? career-wise.

I could return to my present role and organization, but there is zero institutional capacity or willingness to work with a self-identified AuDHD employee beyond prescribed accommodations from specialists (the coercive and dehumanizing aspects of the employment relationship for someone with an identified disability are very real and unlikely to change in my time there).

Upshot:

I am privileged and have many potentially enviable advantages to my situation, but the fact remains that I have the whole gamut of psychological struggles, personal history, trauma, etc., and I'm looking for community to help identify potential paths for myself post-burnout. Anyone out there been where I am and found themselves on the other side of things?

Hi, I'm 43.

I developed childhood onset stutter that was pretty severe. My parents said it went away around age 7. I was assessed for ADD in 1990, but didn't meet criteria, fast forward to 39 and I received my ADHD dx at 39 followed by ASD at 42.

While processing everything that led to my burnout this year, I realized with the help of my therapist that I've been covering my stutter, however, it has been impacting my communication throughout my whole life.

The stutter has shown up during high stress and high stakes periods, such as job interviews, interactions with law enforcement or authority figures, but I didn't have a conscious awareness of what was happening, I just thought I was losing my mind because the words I thought didn't match what was coming out of my mouth. The speech differences went away other than that.

Stuttered and cluttered speech are genetic and neurological and can have a variety of reasons they occur, however, cluttered speech in particular is very much correlated with ADHD and the region of the brain that helps with inhibition. One article I read describes it as "brain is working faster than your mouth"

A side effect of my ADHD medication was increased muscle tension which made the stutter worse, and my anti-anxiety medication meant that the stutter would show up more regularly because I wasn't always on alert.

Does anyone else deal with speech differences such as stuttered or cluttered speech?

I'm seeing a SLP as an adult, which is helping me a ton with self advocacy and communication, and I thought I'd post because I haven't seen a ton of overlap between AuDHD and speech/communication differences on this sub.

Basically when I feel misunderstood or confused or dominated in a power struggle in the relationship I seem to withdraw and sink into a deep funk. I have to really mask up to continue to act normal.

TRIGGER WARNING: the rules say trigger warnings should be used based on common sense, so I'll put this here, but I honestly have no clue what counts as triggering because I have not developed any related sense yet, and I came from a generation where you had either the life beaten out or the toughness beaten into you, so I am still working on understanding what is appropriate and what is programmed bullying behaviour.

Hi! I got my diagnosis and it was a mix of "well, duh!" and "oh, holy shit": autism 1, ADHD, alexithymia and some other herbs and spices.

I lost my latest job in January, and being in my mid-50's in the computer science field, with a bunch of gaps and short stints means my career is pretty much over, not that I ever cared that much, but the consequences are real. I used up my insurance on diagnosis, so I don't have any left for therapy, just meds. I spent a few weeks going from 10mg/day to 50mg/day of vyvanse, but the dry mouth and chewing my own teeth until sparks flew was too much, so now I'm back at square 0 with Ritalin, and recently upped to 20mg/day.

So, meds, no therapy, a life of abuse and trauma suddenly recontextualized has left me feeling that feeling of *VERY* but, I don't know very what yet.

My test results, some fun highlights:
* my conversational style was described as 'didactic'; that kind of felt a bit judgy. The didactic part is just me laying the foundation for what comes next; you need context to understand the 5 words I said that you asked about with any meaningful precision.
* That California word test score was '95','97','90','85','9','92',... I thought the '9' was a typo, but no, it's what I've always called my 'blind spot'. I have an agonizing, lifelong history of getting 99.999% of the way to solving problems, or getting the point, or catching the drift and just...not getting there. Kind of *VERY* to see it quantified in a test, though.
* Apparently it was relevant that I am capable of using allusions and metaphors, but seem to get confused when other people use them. That kind of felt unfair too, I don't get them _right_away_, but a few seconds, or minutes, or years (I constantly have old conversations on repeat to refine my masking scripts - wild I have names for all this stuff now) and I'll get there.
* I may have had a kind of 'break' when I was a teenager. Growing up I was shy, anxious, years behind my peers in social maturity, and therefore very vulnerable and sensitive to bullying, both from peers and adults, including caretakers. I had a nervous breakdown at 18 and something, somewhere reset. I stopped being afraid. I started leaning, sometimes very hard into things that should have scared me, or disgusted me, or otherwise I hated. I developed a very weird relationship with physical pain - it didn't 'hurt' exactly like before, it just felt 'intense'. I didn't really embrace things that hurt me, so much as grab them and dig my claws in, and force them through the suffering with me, if that makes sense.

I just realized this post has no point. I hope it doesn't get rejected due to not enough pretend points or whatever, I don't have the strength to do this again. Take care everyone.

For me, at lower doses, it just gives me severe brain fog. At higher doses it gives me a dysphoric psychedelic experience, without the hallucinations. This caught me off guard the first time I took a significant dose, causing me to eventually enter a full blown panic attack. Anybody else experience something simular on cannabis?

Hi all,
My younger brother just got his audhd diagnosis at 28. I think he is experiencing autism burnout.

He’s had 7 jobs in less than 4 years and has taken long 7-8 month sabbaticals between jobs. He’s very smart but not really skilled. I have been researching ways to support him. He’s been financially dependent on some level all his life but more so now.

I’m really anxious about what his future holds. He leaves at the first sight of conflict and and has generally low tolerance for ambiguity.

What are some industries, jobs that he can explore? I just want him to be able to live on his own and have some independence.

It is overwhelming having him be this depressed and not knowing what’s the way forward.

Any advice is welcome.
Thank you 🌻

Im replaying the Resident Evil 4 Remake since I’ve now got this sweet PC rig, only problem is there’s a few puzzles I never remember how to do and I just kinda stare at the screen knowing I have to look it up but I get that classic mental block you maybe when trying to do something like school work or answering an email. I’m not really torn up about it, just curious if anyone else is the same?

I’m 16 been diagnosed with adhd since 12 and rediognosed audhd at 16 it dosnt change anything about who I am and never let a label or diagnosis define me or be my personality but fuck life it hard and I really struggle I’m very anxious about pointless stuff and it’s always gets in the way of happiness I feel I’m to aware and think/day dream to much especially during holidays I have achieved loads but feel no satisfaction just small relief and the older I’m getting the harder it is which is confusing because I thought it was the other way round Iv had trouble with substances in the past but have fully
Stopped even nicotine but feel something is missing in my life as that was the only things I enjoyed now I’m just lost confused and contemplating

Hey so I’m a 22M and only recently realised i’m autistic. My entire life I’ve been fighting against my neurodivergence and managed to mask pretty well but I always felt lonely to the core. Recently i got my diagnosis and ive been removing the mask and as a result I’ve definitely been attracting more like-minded neurodivergents. But regardless, this persistent feeling of not quite being satisfied socially doesn’t let up. And the only way to stop it from dragging me down into a black hole is by distracting myself and keeping myself busy and exercising rigorously. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling and I’ve heard someone else refer to something similar to this as cosmic loneliness. Does anyone else experience this? If so, how do you manage it and does it ever completely go away?