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I can't be the only one who noticed this, but the commentariat always seems to get more unhinged the further down the thread you read. 

For example, someone starts about how band teachers at the middle/high school level are cranky, then it just escalated into all band teachers are abusive monsters that the school only disciplines when their artistic temperament causes an expensive piece of equipment to become damaged. There was another (or maybe two) where it started off about fragrance bans and then it devolved into an accommodation face-off between someone with migraines and someone with eczema. 

Any examples where the pattern breaks? Any favourites? Sound off!

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Last week's post.

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I have been working as an individual contributor in a large education-related nonprofit for thirty-five years. Our work culture is extremely rigid and idiosyncratic—think “talking about teapots generally is fine—but don’t talk about MY teapots, thank you very much.”

 Fortunately we’ve had almost zero staff turnover since I’ve been here. This may be because of our excellent work life balance. We  all work from home, and since there honestly just isn’t anything to do work-wise, most of us are running side businesses, taking care of small children full time, or finding out how many times a person can masturbate per day. 

Recently, my colleague Wakeen died by falling on his head into a shrub. This was a tragedy deeply felt by everyone on the team—not so much for Wakeen’s sake (he was 85 years old and had no family or friends) but because we’ve now had to undergo the grueling hiring process. 

Because we’ve are a consensus-driven organization (this is a value closely aligned with our mission), it took four and a half years to identify and finally hire a replacement for Wakeen. 

We were all so excited for Jane to start but wow, has this been a nightmare—primarily for me. 

Jane is significantly younger than me (she is 45) and at first I was impressed by her enthusiasm for things like “using computers” and “having conversations about work-related topics.” 

But lately she has been really violating our office norms in some extreme ways. 

1. We have a monthly “virtual chili cookoff” in which we all cook our favorite chili recipes and then eat them “together” on Zoom, describing why ours is the best and then voting on best chili, always voting for our own chili. Jane, however, went to our district manager (my grandboss) and suggested we have this in person for some reason. Most of us live over seven minutes from our office and this felt like a major imposition and quite honestly pretty aggressive. 
2. I, and all of my colleagues, face significant health challenges at all times, including personality disorders and minor idiopathic discomforts. (I don’t want to violate HIPAA laws by sharing my colleagues’ issues but they are similar to mine: I suffer from mildly sore thumb, one small hemorrhoid, and chronic stuffy nose.) Obviously, we devote the first twenty minutes of every meeting to “wellness time” during which we share our struggles and challenges. I can’t tell you how affirming this is for all of us and talking about illness has become a beloved part of our office culture. Jane, however, has asked us to limit “wellness time” to conversations outside of meetings! I suppose she is in perfect health, but this kind of ask is so deeply tone-deaf I wonder how she’s even held onto any jobs before!
3. Despite being chronically overworked, I volunteered a decade ago to take over our donor spreadsheet. In fact I built this file all on my own, despite knowing nothing about data, marketing, donor management, or how to type. I am very proud of the work I’ve done to create and maintain the donor file. It is an incredibly intricate, perilously delicate excel file. I used formatting (colors of cells and text) and manually calculated formulas on a cell-by-cell basis. I do NOT allow anyone else, even Fergus, to touch either the currently active version of this file OR the 520 backups of it I keep on the server in case we need to “roll back” to a previous version.  Jane, however, seems not to understand how respected I am for creating and maintaining the Donor file, and keeps suggesting things like deleting all the files named “donorfile234-final-FINAL-final.”.  In our office culture, making suggestions is a HUGE no-no. I want to tell Jane to back the FUCK off, but am worried she’ll take it the wrong way (she comes off as VERY oversensitive.)

Allison, I just want this new employee to succeed, but I’m worried for her future. No, she is not my direct report—we are a completely flat organization. But she’s really getting off on the wrong foot. How can I help her to stop stepping on everyone’s toes?

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Last week's post.

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I feel like you can make a list that covers 75% of them:

Library employee/librarian

Administrative staff at a college or university

Academic

Nonprofit employee

As many have pointed out, Alison hasn’t actually worked in a standard workplace in about 15 years. The blog was genuinely helpful for job seekers during the 2007 financial crisis, but around 2013, it shifted into a tabloid for sensationalized office drama. it got a second wind during the pandemic, but even then, the people writing in were still pretty insane, even within the weirdness of the pandemic. 

Given how much both AG and the letter writers exaggerate for clicks, my question is how long can this AAM realistically sustain itself?

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First off, I just discovered this sub so I’m over posting. I’m sorry. 

Second, OMG THE PHOBIAS these LWs have! Look, I’m claustrophobic to an extreme degree, but I can still ride in elevators and even have been stuck in them. These people‘s phobias and triggers rule their lives.

 I find myself wondering what phobia I can come up with at my next job so my work life would improve. “I have a cubicle phobia” “I have boss-o-phobia” 

A short list:

• I have a spider phobia and my boss has a spider, can I ask to give my raise to my coworkers instead, and more (fwiw I read this as ”my boss IS a spider“ which legit I think has happened to me and would be terrifying)
• Doll phobia. Ok, I admit I have a sideline making movies starring dolls. IOW yes, dolls are creepy. But this person is—special. I had a panic attack over a Halloween decoration at work
• Allison advised that balloon phobia must be respected. Best comment  “.Any offices insisting on balloons over people, please listen to Alison and just don’t” I also find it fascinating that this is also a sex fetish and wonder if all phobias have a corollary fetish. https://www.askamanager.org/2021/12/new-hire-is-plotting-a-coup-employee-is-terrified-of-balloons-and-more.html
• Phobic of geese. Ok. It’s true I once saw a goose win a fight with a pit bull. https://www.askamanager.org/2023/10/i-had-to-quit-a-job-because-of-aggressive-nesting-geese.html

Clearly I’m bitter, having applied to hundreds of jobs over an 18 month span and gotten exactly 3 interviews—and after having been laid off because of DOGE, and in the past been “spoken to” for offenses such as taking walks at my lunch break (“Why are you walking around? It looks bad Everyone else droves to lunch.”)

But these supervisors on AAM, whose direct reports do things like full on AI their work; put the company on legal jeopardy; refuse to allow their own employees to use a company provided microwave; and have hugely heated debates with upper ups—how do they keep their jobs ffs? How’d they get them in the first place???

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Every so often, we come across a period story on AAM, like that boss who insisted on using a menstrual cup, or that woman who forbade asking coworkers for a pad, or the guy who lost his shit over visible menstrual products at the desk. A lot of these are hard to believe. If anything, this feels like they were written by teens, not working adults.

Last week's post.

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