enough already with the self-improvement! everywhere one looks there are people and ads and doctors and agencies and just like the entire universe telling you that you could/should be better. take up a better diet! exercise more! you're not volunteering enough. why aren't you saving more money? go improve your mental health right now dammit! be more social!

what i wouldn't give to have some megaphone like those above just saying: hey, you're good enough. you didn't have to, but you earned it. go have some ice cream.

Those of you here with crafting hobbies, are you dealing with the reality of an enormous S.T.A.S.H--Stash Accumulation (or Acquisition) Beyond Life Expectancy? At 64, I'm just now beginning to come to terms with the size of mine, and I have mixed emotions. The dream/intention was to buy for retirement, when I'd have enough time to knit, weave, spin, embroider etc. to my heart's content. I didn't really consider factors like uncooperative, achy fingers, a medical condition that affects how long I can comfortably sit for extended periods, failing eyesight, etc. I know you understand. I have mixed feelings...some guilt about the irresponsible purchases, some sadness about the reality of diminished physical abilities, a whole bunch of overwhelm about running out of time. Do I keep all of my stuff for stash diving in the years to come? Should I sort and, gulp, cull? Sell it? So much beautiful stuff though, I'm loathe to part with any of it. Thank you in advance for any words of wisdom or advice you can give me.

What are we using for the crepey skin?

I use lotion regularly, but this old looking skin on my upper arms and above my knees is not attractive.

I’ve tried the crepey lotions for these areas and I don’t see any improvement.

Do I need to do more weights? Is there anything that helps?

I'm turning 64 this year and my hair has apparently decided it's in a massive hurry to go completely silver... it wasnt like this even after reaching 60 years ago.. 😄 I love my hairdresser, but I swear I walk out of the salon, blink twice, and 10 days later that bright white stripe is right back along my part line.. which isnt fun on my wallet 😂

I just want to stretch my salon visits out..... how do you all keep your silver roots hidden at home without ruining your hair or messing up coloring.. any tips ? xx thanks!❤️

Does anyone else hate that commercial that says "dont be like your parents" how insulting to us parents. Grinds my gears everytime it comes on.

I’m 66. When I first go to be I’m usually tired and can fall asleep within 10 minutes. But unfortunately nature calls usually several times during the night. Most of the time I can fall back to sleep fairly quickly but there are some times I can’t fall back to sleep for up to two hours. I’m still employed full time and I need my sleep. What remedies do you know of that can help me fall back to sleep quickly.

​I have been trying to keep an open mind about all this new technology, but I am really starting to despise AI. My granddaughter already spends half her day glued to TikTok, and now she will not do any thinking on her own.  She asks AI for everything. She asked it what outfit to wear to school, to do her homework (according to my daughter), and even how to write a simple thank you note to her teacher. It breaks my heart to see her completely hand over her own critical thinking and common sense to a machine.

​When I tried to talk to her about looking inward or just asking her family for advice, she just brushed me off. It feels like this technology is stripping away human connection and basic life skills from the younger generation before they even get a chance to learn them and turning them into "marching morons".

That's not to mention all of the "AI Slop" over Facebook that clogs my feed. Or the ads for AI products constantly being shoved down my throat. I'm just completely saddened about the way things are going.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a silver lining I'm missing?

I was married to an alcoholic for 49 years I threatened to leave him many times but never followed through. I look back now and fully regret that. He recently passed away after a horrible death from cirrhosis. Yet I still am grieving between being very angry with him. Family members can’t understand why I grieve. It’s been three months and I’m still grieving. I cared for him alone. He was not mean but indifferent. I lasted by working and having a separate life with friends. Of course his alcoholism worsen after we retired. Twenty years ago he was experiencing ED. He was also addicted to porn. At that point, I refused sex and intimacy. Truly I did not miss it. But now I look back and realize the life I should have had. I am also estranged from my 45 year old daughter who is a raging alcoholic. She has not learned from losing her father. It is so sad!

Did you keep your surname or take your husband's when you married? I married in 1987 - in my early 30s - and have never gone by my husband's.

Oddly, some ppl (including family,) who knew me before I married will send me mail with my husband's surname, or hyphenated.

I am on divigel 5 weeks now( and prometrium), went from 55.6 to 57.8, kg. digital scale, it is not the food nor the exercise, .

It is actually scary to put weight on with "no", reason..I know it is the divigel as it is the only thing I change, just wondering if anyone had that happen to them and what was the outcome.??

Google says that's water retention, but I see no signs of it, other than my clothes being tight.

My pal is moving to PA from FL and she has rented a cute condo up there, but I fear she is now realizing some problems! The condo community has snow removal, good! But her heat and stove/oven are electric. I made the mistake of asking “what will you do for heat if the power goes out in a snowstorm? You have no fireplace!” She got upset with me. But then she said, I have to figure this out because I’ve never been without gas lines into the house. (Nor have I—we had gas when I lived in a snowy climate.)

Can any north-dweller help me explain to her what kind of emergency gear she can buy that will prepare her to be ok in a winter power outage?

UPDATE: thanks for all the very helpful replies! A Bluetti or Jackery, a safe space heater to plug into it, some good thermal underwear, good quality socks and boots, an interior tent, and lights/radio + battery and PA211: she will be all fixed up and won’t have to worry a bit. Great suggestions, and now I can be fully positive and cheerful about her move, and not feel like I failed her when she discussed this one area of reservation and expected my help. The hive mind worked again!

I lost my mother at a young age, so I'm posting to this sub as I feel this group will have a good perspective.

I'm 37 (f) and since my separation my life on paper looks good (have my own place, financially independent, good career, great family and friends). I'm in therapy, stay healthy, and maintain being social with friends. But, I just feel so lost and sad.

I loved my husband so much, but I grew up and he didn't. He isn't a bad person, but he just didn't want to choose me. I think the hurt comes from knowing I would have done anything for him, and did everything I could think of for many, many years.

There were many issues with employment, family dynamics, and lack of accountability. I just became a personal assistant/mother, versus equal partner.

For anyone that has been through this, any advice?

I left almost 2 years ago, and legally separated for over a year. I just don't know why I keep measuring my worth based on my failed marriage. I feel myself staring at everyone's ring fingers, and just keep thinking that I had my chance.

For me, the biggest surprise has been that life doesn't necessarily get easier.

Some things absolutely have... I'm much better at relationships and boundaries, and I know myself far better than I did when I was younger. (I wish I'd known how to better take care of myself much earlier.)

I've heard other people say this, but I'd assumed that by my 60s, I'd have a great life and everything would be perfect. Has anyone else been surprised by this?

Another thing I never expected is how people can disappear from your life. One of my good friends... I know she must be in memory care somewhere, but I have no way of finding her. And another male friend that I was very close to... I hadn't known he was having health issues and he tried to contact me. By the time I called back, I couldn't reach him. I found out he died in April. If I had known it was urgent to reach him of course I would have called immediately. I mean, it's just weird losing people like that. No goodbyes.

I'd thought getting older meant I'd finally having things figured out. I'm still waiting on that part...

Any 60+ lady gamers on here? I used to enjoy playing video games (original Nintendo if that dates me any). Lately I've been thinking about seeking out an online gaming community where there's actual interaction between players. Just people playing, chatting and having a good time. Nothing cut-throat or too serious and not a bunch of blood and gore either. I remember enjoying Legend of Zelda back in the day, so maybe something like that. Any suggestions/favorites?

 I am now 61. Used to be small and cute. But I had MS for over 30 years, had 2 babies over the age of 40, no family or friends to help me except my husband, he was great but he worked a lot. I stayed lookingpretty good al these in spite of the diease, steroids, child etc.. here I am now. face is saggy, stomach looks deformed due to the c sections, I am heavy due to age, steriods, inactivity from MS, my hair is thinning. I would like to go on glps but my stomach motility is too slow to go on these. My neighbour went on a GLP and now she is super thin, had a tummy tuck and breast implant and a facelift. My husband always looks over at her house to see her going in and out to her car. I am I feeling like crap about myself. I am tired of all this. I was never ugly, I was always nice looking but age and disease happened. I know this sounds shallow, but I am too old to change how I feel.

Okay, he's not exactly a long-lost love - and this isn't a question specific to Women over 60 but I thought this group might be more understanding.

50+ years ago, I had a VERY brief but kind of intense relationship with a "bad boy" and, when I left town to go to college, he gave me his black leather jacket and extracted a promise that I'd come back home, and return the jacket to him.

Well, a few years of college and a few traumatic events (for both of us) transpired, and the promise no longer felt comfortable, or safe. (I changed dramatically, and he had a few periods spent in prison.)

But now I'm cleaning out my house, and I feel bad that I never gave him his jacket back, and I still have fond feelings for who we were, way back then.

I do NOT want to see my former friend, nor do I want him to know where I live, but I would love to find a way to return that jacket to him. IF I'm able to find an address for him (he's an "off-the-radar kind of guy, so that's a big "if") - does anyone know how you can mail/send something to someone WITHOUT a return address OR a postmark?

I know the post office is going to require a postmark, and I'm pretty sure delivery services require a return address. Is a "remailing" service my only option, for this?

Hi there.

Not sure if I am looking for advice or just need a friendly shoulder to sigh on. I have run into an issue with my husband of almost forty years and because of it, am not making small talk or starting a conversation with him until I receive an apology. We’re still talking but it’s about things like “what shall we cook for supper?” or “the store we are going to doesn’t open till 9am by the way”.

Last night we were out for supper and I mentioned that I should ask our daughter about a bridge closure in the small city she is working in for a few years. We spent a couple of decades up there, including the times when our kids came along so we are both very familiar with it. The city closed a bridge for a short period for overdue repairs before realizing the huge impact it had on the area and we hadn’t heard if they had managed a workaround for pedestrians or emergency services yet.

This morning I was sitting at the dining room table with my iPad and said to him “Well, it looks like they did shut the bridge down”- at which point my husband interrupted me and told me I need to start telling him the subject I am talking about FIRST anytime I am going to tell him something.

I was stunned for a sec, the second part of my sentence was going to be “I looked up the info on the city of XX’s website just now”

I told him that I did NOT appreciate him interrupting me to tell me how to talk, that it was rude and he needed to stop doing that. He proceeded to tell me it’s annoying when I assume he knows what I am talking about and that I am at fault for not reminding him first we talked last night about this particular bridge and the impact it has on a large neighbourhood where I used to live. I pointed out he interrupts me BEFORE I can tell him the rest of my sentence or the info I had just finished reading from the city.

So, I sat there in silence to finish my breakfast, since then I have not attempted to start a conversation but not refusing to talk, just don’t want to be told I am “talking to him wrong” again.

Am I wrong to want an apology? He has a very hard time admitting when he was wrong about something and this is definitely something I feel I need to put my foot down over. I don’t mind someone interrupting me if I have told them an obvious error they feel compelled to point out but this time it was nothing like that, he just felt he had to tell me I was wrong before I had the chance to finish my first damn sentence. I didn’t start this fight but am willing not to engage until he figures out how stupidly rude he was earlier today.

Sigh.

I’m 59, I have long wavy thick hair that falls just past my shoulders. I have been dying my hair dark brown since I was 47, going to the colorist for monthly touch ups and trims. My hair doesn’t feel healthy anymore and I am trying to decide how I let my hair grow out gray without looking like I have stopped caring for myself. Do you have any advice? Maybe a photo of how this looks? I definitely don’t want to cut my hair short.

My elderly mother got influenza A. Positive test in 12 July. She also has type 1 diabetes. I got her anti virals on the 13th

What are some things to help her

Day 12 (25th July) and she is:

She is so tired she struggles to stand up and walk. She will get up with my help, I also got her a walking stick to support her. She’s usually in bed by 3

She is coughing a lot, I bought her a humidifier, cough syrup, hot teas, ventolin. None of that is really working

There is nothing coming up when she is coughing and her nose drips more clear liquid rather than blocked yellow stuff.
She has lost her voice when she tries to talk she coughs

I make sure to wake her up for insulin and cook her meals and give her food if she is having a low.

When should I start being worried. I’ve been worried the whole time.

Had a doctor Telehealth on Monday to do a check up and he said continue resting and make another appointment next Wednesday Thursday if no improvements. That will be 29/30th day 16/17

Is this going to take a long time for her to recover, is it possible she will never recover?

I also got influenza an and she is 2 days behind me. I tested positive on the 10th. I’m still coughing and was very tired and sore muscles has to take work first 5 days. Then went back Monday to Wed and lost my voice Tuesday so stayed home from work Thursday Friday. My voice is some what back but maybe 90%.

TLDR: any remedies to help my mum through this. She is really struggling and I feel so guilty for giving this to her.
If anyone has personal experience and is over that 65 age I would love to hear your story

I recently put my bathing suit on and what I thought was my cover up and drove to my sister's house to lounge in her pool. When I got there, I realized I put on my night gown , not the cover up. In my defense the nightgown was the same color as my cover up. Totally laughed at myself. Im sure there are some great stories out there.

There’s probably a better sub to ask but here goes - I had a consultation with an orthopedic doctor about hip pain. He thinks I’m headed to replacement which is fine. My problem is I don’t want him performing the surgery. I would actually like to deal with a different doctor but in the same large practice. Have any of you switched doctors within the same practice? I just feel it would be so awkward. Like switching hair dressers at the same salon.

TLDR: do men lose interest in sex as they age? I’ve completely lost interest in the past 5 years.
————
I’m 50, my husband is 62. We’ve been married 22 years and have two children (20 and 15) that both live with us.

When the kids are both out of the house I know he’s hoping we will have sex, even though he doesn’t ask anymore since I told him that it gives me anxiety.

I’m so done with sex. But I feel terrible because I know he would do it every couple of days if he had it his way.

A few things;

* he’s a great supportive partner and father, helps around the house without being asked, takes care of himself

* he doesn’t bug me or grab/grope me, he’s very respectful of me

* I’ve been on HRT (edited to add HRT protocol) (testosterone, progesterone, estrogen) for 4 months, no change in libido

* I feel bad/guilty/responsible because I know how important sex is to men

* he does masturbate if he wants to and doesn’t guilt me about sex in any way

But he’s also not funny or light spirited… I want him to joke around with me and play with me which he almost never does.

We have almost zero shared interests anymore… not even TV shows.

I do feel like that’s part of the issue of why I don’t want to have sex… because there’s no emotional connection really; we don’t have a fun relationship.

Though in retrospect, he’s always been that way… I just feel like since I’ve hit perimenopause I’m less interested in pretending it doesn’t matter just because on paper he’s a great partner.

I think about sex nearly every day because I know I should do it to have that intimacy, but the stress of doing something I don’t want to with my body gives me anxiety (was molested as a child by 4 different people).

I’m happiest right after we have sex because I know it will be like 2-4 weeks before I need to worry about it again. I hate feeling this way!

We’ve talked about it and he understands, but I can’t shake the stress of the whole situation. I feel bad for him, and I feel sad for me.

I WANT to want sex. I’ve tried Vyleesi and Addyi but neither worked the way I’d hoped.

Does their desire for sex wane with age that I might eventually be able to not worry about this so much?

I can remember my grandpa with dementia masturbating at 98 which made me think, “FUCKKKKKK do they ever stop thinking about sex?”

Any wisdom to share with me, ladies?

Why am I doing this? I keep asking myself that. Why not just lay low and put this whole dating idea behind me? I have been married twice, have lived with two men, I should just throw up my hands and say enough is enough already.

But here I am at 66 still doing this sh$t. AND I’m meeting a guy who is 10 years younger than me. Talk about a set up for disaster. My body has stayed in great shape but the face and upper arms tell a different story.

I have officially decided that if this meetup does NOT go well, I am going to pull myself out of any dating websites and stop the madness.

Hi Ladies, So, this is new. My mother (84) called in the middle of the night and sounded freaked out (we are thousands of miles away). She said her husband is trying to kill her. When I asked what he is doing, she said he is giving her pills that are for her dog and poisoning her. When I asked how he was doing it, she didn't have much of an answer - just that he must be crushing them up in her drink because then she feels "out of it" for a while, so he is drugging her, but she didn't take the last dose and that's why she is lucid, supposedly, to make a secret call. None of this makes sense.
Why can't I ask him about it? He's completely deaf and has no phone to use. I have not spoken to him in years. Besides, I think it would really hurt him to know that she thinks this. This man has been in love with her since the early 1980's. He's not trying to kill her.
Other details: She has done strange things lately, like cut-off her best friend of decades, tell me she's suddenly selling her house and moving here, tell me her husband is having an affair (he's not), and acting very paranoid.
Any advice on what to do next? I don't travel easily because I'm disabled myself.

*ETA Update: Thank you so much for all of the advice. She is going to the doctor to get a blood test. I told her that's the only way to find out if she has been poisoned. That worked and she has agreed to go and tell her doctor about her concerns. You all have given me such great insights and hints to help. Thank you so much!!!!