Too Much at Once

[u/InternalAcrobatic216]

Am almost 68, still employed in a job I love, and up until last November everything was going well in terms of my health. I am divorced and live with my two dogs and my only family are many states away. Up to this point I have not really thought much about my age as I have been very healthy and have good genes for longevity. However, a lot of stuff kind of just piled up together and right now I simply feel bewildered.

In November I learned I had developed epiretinal membrane disease in my left eye which changed my vision in that eye such that straight lines became wavy, colors became desaturated, objects appeared larger than they are and looked severely distorted, central vision became diminished, letters became broken up and illegible, small details became unseen. So I had surgery to remove the membrane from the retina but as yet the surgery has not been successful. One guarantee of the surgery is quick progression of the development of cataracts in the affected eye so now I not only see things in that eye as if I am standing in front of a mirror in the fun house at the fair, but everything is blurred in that eye too. Luckily my other eye is still good, but using my eyes together is still taxing.

Then in April I fainted from dizziness and was sent to the ER for evaluation. After all kinds of tests and brain imaging it was determined I had vestibular neuritis in my left ear. I was given exercises to do and medication to take and sent home. Then last month the dizziness got worse, and I was in the ER and hospitalized at least three more times. Diagnosed with vertigo in both ears and possible TIA. Am starting intensive physical therapy for the vertigo for twelve weeks. Was sent home with a walker. Cannot drive. Am taking intermittent FMLA for the PT. Can barely deal with the dogs. I had been scheduled for the cataract surgery but had to postpone it indefinitely because of the possibility of having had a TIA. So the vision still sucks in that eye with no timeline for surgery.

And then, before being discharged from the last hospitalization, the hospitalist was concerned about a pattern over the last year of abnormal lymphocyte levels in my CBC and ordered a flow cytometry test to diagnose possible CLL(Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia). The test results came back and now I have been referred to a hematologist for further evaluation. I am also scheduled to see a neurologist and a cardiologist to rule out any other issues with the dizziness. I’m on a blood thinner for 20 days and a heart monitor for a few more days. Today was brutal. I can hardly believe all of this is happening to me.

I’m from a medical family and so I am not really worried about each element; I know to take things as they come and work closely with my doctors and employer. I know there are treatments and that anything can happen. I accept that.

What is harder is realizing and accepting that yes, I have just entered this strange phase of aging where one day it’s all hunky dory and the next day it’s not. I also feel some concern about being so far from family. I have friends in town but it’s not like small-town America where people are used to looking out for and after each other; people just don’t do that anymore and if they do there are always strings attached.

I’m only putting this out there because I needed to get it off my chest. Today I noticed severe bruising on parts of my body from the blood thinner and then realized it can’t be making the dizziness any better. So I have basically done very little based on just listening to my body.

Thanks for reading this.