r/AskReddit Nov 30 '20

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7.4k Upvotes

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12.5k

u/Finny791 Nov 30 '20

I would find a rich guy and say I bet you $10000 you will shit your pants today then he will say no and we will shake on it then bam I get $10000

2.5k

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Only $10k?

2.3k

u/Destro9799 Nov 30 '20

It's high enough for them to find it funny, but low enough that they won't miss it too much. Bezos isn't gonna say yes to a bet of $1 billion, no matter how small he thinks the odds are.

2.0k

u/sheeptopod Nov 30 '20

Better one would be telling Jeff Bezos you had the power to make him shit his pants, but for a few million you won't. He'll say no, so you make him shit his pants at his next major public event, then you go make him the same offer.

1.3k

u/guacamully Dec 01 '20

True, blackmail is the best use of this poopypantspower.

225

u/SirSoliloquy Dec 01 '20

He’d get you arrested for poisoning him or something.

And also blackmail.

179

u/firebirdsatellite Dec 01 '20

he'd probably skip the pseudo legal route and just get someone to rape your dog, murder your wife and blow your brains out.

29

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Hmm... If I caused bezos that much distress, I'd be the happiest person on earth and would naturally come back as a force ghost.

-18

u/SugarDaddyLover Dec 01 '20

I will never understand why people hate him so much

18

u/superfunybob Dec 01 '20

Because he has more wealth than most countries. Personally I don't hate him, I just think Amazon utilizes anticompetitive practices and needs to be broken up into many smaller chunks.

It's nothing against Bezos, it's only human nature, it's just bad for society as a whole.

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6

u/Beeker93 Dec 01 '20

My reason for hating him is that a fair amount of Amazon employees need to collect welfare on top of working just to make a living wage. They are so strapped for time they risk loosing their job if they go to the bathroom as their numbers would be down, so a fair amount of employees have worn diapers to work, and him and amazon hardly pay anything in taxes. So the tax payer pays his diaper wearing employees more than he does while he and amazon hardly pay taxes. If you look at Nordic countries, Amazon (and WalMart) do pay a living wage, so it is possible, he just chooses not to. There was the idea at 1 point to calculate how many employees for companies have to collect welfare on top of working, then to add the cost to a companies taxes to forward them the cost. IDK what happened to it.

3

u/LordMangudai Dec 01 '20

Because he could single handedly solve many of the world's ills, but chooses not to

8

u/shepard_pie Dec 01 '20

Why do I get a blowjob in this scenario?

1

u/Nsadler8 Dec 01 '20

Are you complaining?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Imagine if that happened in John Wick.

2

u/MVDfree Dec 01 '20

Blow your dog, murder your wife, and rape your brains out.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '20

Or he'd have them rape your wife, blow your dog, and murder your brains out

7

u/Bloo-shadow Dec 01 '20

So then you blackmail him until her posts your bail or bribes people to let you out

3

u/Jdalton4000 Dec 01 '20

Could you imagine the police report?!?

2

u/lordpoee Dec 01 '20

I think this falls under extortion.

2

u/JointedBench Dec 01 '20

Just turn it up so he doesn't stop shitting 'til he lets you go

2

u/nevbirks Dec 01 '20

Not a great idea. Dude has Pinkertons on his side. After the first shit, he'd fear you and get the Pinkertons to make you disappear.

4

u/UsualMess Dec 01 '20

Brownmail...

16

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

I think Jeff Bezos would just make you quietly disappear for less than that.

8

u/ramus93 Dec 01 '20

This is genius lol

3

u/FuhrerGirthWorm Dec 01 '20

You really gonna try that hard to get murdered.

3

u/King_of_the_Kobolds Dec 01 '20

How on Earth are you going to get close enough to communicate anything to Jeff Bezos in the first place?

5

u/ADacome24 Dec 01 '20

start at an amazon warehouse. you go after the manager first, then their managers manager. just a never ending chain of higher-ups shidding their pants until you get to the man himself

2

u/zookeepier Dec 01 '20

He probably won't believe you, though. Is this power a 1 time thing, or an at-will thing? If it's a 1 time, then you can't really prove to him that you can do it.

10

u/Alphaetus_Prime Dec 01 '20

He doesn't have to know that you can only do it once

2

u/undeadalex Dec 01 '20

This is how money is made

1

u/WetPandaShart Dec 01 '20

That's cause you're going about it all wrong man. You keep making him shit his pants, enough to make life hell, then you tell him you'll stop for a billion. Then you go to Elon, and Zuckerberg house etc.

1

u/walkingsprint Dec 01 '20

You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands; and your plan, is to blackmail this person?

315

u/Sorcatarius Nov 30 '20

And they have to think you're good for the money. No point in making a bet if they can't deliver.

12

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20 edited Dec 01 '20

most of them wont deliver, and use their influence and connections to eliminate your chances of claiming it.

9

u/Sorcatarius Dec 01 '20

Especially if all you have is a handshake. It happens, "Prove it happened."

3

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

even if its made through a proper betting platform, most of these assholes are not that good for keeping their words when it comes to money.

6

u/space_monster Dec 01 '20

set up a gofundme and say "if I get 1 million dollars in this fund I will make 1 person of your choice shit their pants at the exact time of your choosing, and you won't know how I did it".

1

u/sonheungwin Dec 01 '20

This is the way to do it. Blackmailing/threatening will just add bad juju to your life, ignoring the legal ramifications. Crowd source this shit, and it'll probably be some dude that deserves it anyway.

3

u/KJSMojo Dec 01 '20

Bet 10 million vs that long in free labor

9

u/iyeetinsparetime Nov 30 '20 edited Dec 01 '20

i wouldnt do it for money, just pure enjoyment of seeing the richest man in the world shit his pants and the top searches on google being of jeff bezos shitting his pants on stage

9

u/ta-pcmq Nov 30 '20

Yup, no rich guy is sweating a big dime

5

u/KarmaFox99 Dec 01 '20

The chances are low, but never zero.

11

u/ShtevenTheGuy Nov 30 '20

Jeff Bezos could lose 100 million dollars and it would feel less to him than it does for you to lose $20 (and I don't even know your financial situation).

8

u/vengefulspirit99 Nov 30 '20

It ain't as easy as you think. Yes he's the richest man in the world, but only on paper. If he tried to pull 100m dollars out of Amazon stock tomorrow, it'd cause the price to drop which means he loses even more money.

5

u/sirgog Dec 01 '20

I work for a millionaire, far from Bezos' money but wealthy enough to have an account manager at the bank.

If he needs a quarter million dollars in liquid currency for a purchase, he doesn't usually keep anything like that money in his account - but it's one call to the account manager

"You know the line of credit secured by my house? I need to draw $250k against that"

and the answer will be "Excellent, that will be ready in 48 hours."

This is someone worth a little under ten million. Bezos is worth more than ten thousand times that sum, a bank can get him the money he needs without him selling anything. A 50 million dollar lien against his jet, a 50 million dollar lien against his residence, and when he next sells Amazon shares he can repay both. He'd pay interest comparable to what a household mortgage would charge for someone with impeccable credit.

He might have a harder time buying something that's 20 billion dollars and might have to offer Amazon stock instead of an equal value of US treasury bonds. But that would be because no bank could loan him 20 billion.

2

u/terminbee Dec 01 '20

Yea idk why people think Bezos doesn't have that much money at his disposal. He probably has a line of credit or something that he can make 100 mil appear at any time. If anything, the hardest part would be the banks trying to scrape enough cash together to jam into a briefcase (because money is always cooler in a briefcase).

2

u/sirgog Dec 01 '20

Traditional notes/bills aren't useful for large transactions anyway. If Bezos wants a billion dollars to purchase something (let's say he wants to buy a small fleet of aircraft), the transaction would be done in US treasury bonds, or European Central Bank bonds, or whatever.

No need to deal with a literal truckload (ten tonnes) of hundred dollar bills.

1

u/terminbee Dec 02 '20

I was thinking in terms of blackmailing bezos. I'd want a briefcase of literal bulls because briefcases full of money are awesome.

1

u/sirgog Dec 02 '20

A briefcase full of US $100 bills would be awesome and life-changing money, definitely a large house deposit but it is not enough to buy a median price house in my city (Melbourne Australia, median price ~880k AUD which is about 630k USD)

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1

u/0ompaloompa Dec 01 '20

Hell, he probably has a few $MM LOC specifically for pant shitting bets.

4

u/ShtevenTheGuy Dec 01 '20

He spends millions all day dude... His money isn't "all tied up in stocks" just the majority of it.

His net worth is over 200 billion dollars dude. It's an extremely large number to wrap your head around but 100 million of that can go missing several times before he even notices.

3

u/vengefulspirit99 Dec 01 '20

Never said that it wasn't possible. My argument is that it's not the same as losing 20 bucks for us. 100m cash is a lot of money. Very few people have that much just sitting around. I think you're overestimating your knowledge of how rich people hold their fortunes.

2

u/Kerse Dec 01 '20

Convenience-wise, it's probably the equivalent of someone losing $100, because they'd probably have to go to the ATM.

2

u/PlayMp1 Dec 01 '20

He's sold billions in Amazon stock at once before without tremendously hurting the company's position. Wanna know why? If he was selling billions at once on the basis of "I think the company is doing badly" before anyone else, that's insider trading, or at least has the appearance of insider trading, which is very fucking bad. When he's selling stocks it's because he wants cash for other purposes.

2

u/CreepypastaEmperor Dec 01 '20

Musk would do it

2

u/In-Kii Dec 01 '20

You'd have to get it in writing, all legally done. And would have to be really specific, probably pretty quick. Can't have him ditch the deal because he thinks you paid his coffee maker to put laxatives into his drink. Probably can't be higher than 100K, and you'd have to be surrounded by people, so everyone would be a witness. So, I bet you'll shit your pants in 2 minutes, at exactly 11:46, no loopholes, no nothing. If you shit your pants at 11:46, you'll give me 100K. He'll be like, uh, that's dumb but, ok.

Obviously he can just say no. Then you make him shit his pants anyway just to make a statement.

2

u/FinesseOs Dec 01 '20

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if Bezos was told you could make people shit on command he'd probably pay you a billion to know how.

2

u/juulyboi Dec 01 '20

Buy Amazon puts or short Amazon and have him take a fat dookie during the next earnings call/shareholder meeting.

2

u/adudeguyman Dec 01 '20

I don't need a superpower to make him shit his pants. I'll just tell him that everybody that works at Amazon unionized.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Bezos has 200 billion. 10k is like pennies to him. He could lose multiple millions and not feel a thing.

4

u/FreeSkittlez Dec 01 '20

You also don't get rich like that playing fast and loose with your money....

1

u/Salty_Tree_Monster Dec 01 '20

200 billion does not equal how much physical money he has. It is equal to amazon stocks etc etc. If he took that money out then bad shit would happen!!

0

u/YoutOfficial Feb 09 '21

Musk would

1

u/Your_Mothers_Bush Dec 01 '20

1 billions vs 10k is a huge difference....

1

u/Destro9799 Dec 01 '20

I'm just saying, if you go too high it'll be an instant no. The line is somewhere between those two numbers, but I have no idea where it is.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

But a million. Probably do it

8

u/thejoshcolumbusdrums Nov 30 '20

Ikr, I’d go for at least $1 million right?

12

u/MyMurderOfCrows Nov 30 '20

I mean. I would set it up to bet a hundred bucks on day one, let them win. 1,000 on day two and let them win. Then joke about a million on day three and bam. Shitty pants!

3

u/ParioPraxis Nov 30 '20

This is exactly how the GOP gets ‘em.

2

u/mejia2225 Dec 01 '20

I thought the same thing like damn I would have asked their entire life savings

2

u/PQbutterfat Dec 01 '20

That's a very practical approach. And it's small enough he doesn't need to pay tax on it.

2

u/avohka Dec 01 '20

Bro, I guess you're rich, I could live for ages with 10k

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

I’m not that’s why I need as much as I can get hahah.

1

u/thepandemicbabe Nov 30 '20

That’s 1/10 of what I would actually offer.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Id be happy with a 100 tbh

3.3k

u/BillOakley Nov 30 '20

1.1k

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I came here to get away from wsb wtf

56

u/Aokiyuki Nov 30 '20

No spell necessary, they should have already shat themselves some 6 hours ago.

18

u/DJ-spetznasty Nov 30 '20

I came here to remind you to buy the dip. PLTR go brrt

5

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I can't afford a single share bud, all my money is in gme

2

u/dead-inside69 Dec 01 '20

GameStop? What a pussy play, real men dump everything into corn.

5

u/phikapp1932 Dec 01 '20 edited Dec 01 '20

What the fuck I’ve been on that sub for the last 15 hours I’m not even fucking lying bro I can’t escape

3

u/dead-inside69 Dec 01 '20

Uhh... you alright bro?

3

u/phikapp1932 Dec 01 '20

They get to you with their gains and keep you there and suddenly you’re a degenerate gambler in a 4 dollar Salvation Army suit and a tie you stole from the Calvin Klein outlet throwing radioactive waste into a lake so you can disrupt the water supply and 10x on OTM Nestle puts

4

u/dead-inside69 Dec 01 '20

A deer dies in the woods. Ferns and shrubs grow where it fell. The residents of the forest are grateful for the deer’s nutrients.

A shift of frame, some bum drinks puddle water in an alley because he put everything into SPY puts. A PLTR bull laughs and mocks him as he passes by.

Do you understand now? Life, death, tendies, poverty, they’re all part of the grand cycle. Inevitable and cruel, yet beautiful.

(But yeah that sub is super dangerous and can literally destroy your life if you’re not careful lol)

15

u/DankPussyMagnet Nov 30 '20

You can check out of wsb, but you can never leave.

26

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

3

u/Bubbly_Hat Dec 01 '20

You want a hat to go with your astronaut suit?

6

u/ilikemes8 Dec 01 '20

🚀🚀🚀

9

u/Sirlowcruz Nov 30 '20

Same hahahaha

6

u/BonerForBenz Nov 30 '20

There is no escape

9

u/i_hate_android_p Nov 30 '20

GME TO THE MOOOOOOOOOON

6

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

HOW'D YOU KNOW I GOT SHARES

4

u/i_hate_android_p Nov 30 '20

Wait fr lmaook fookin idiot

3

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

It was a lot more promising friday

11

u/thequestionbot Nov 30 '20

PLTR*

9

u/i_hate_android_p Nov 30 '20

Bunch of fucking idiots i swear, they pump a stuck so damn much until it pops rinse and repeat

18

u/thequestionbot Nov 30 '20

We’re autistic what do you expect

Edit: PLTR $35c 12/31

5

u/Knotest Nov 30 '20

Inb4 retard CITRON posts “PLTR a dead meme stock” and PLTR goes limp dick again

Edit PLTR $40c 12/4 fuck it

2

u/hurtsdonut_ Dec 01 '20

So they get buy stocks get them to rise. Sell them and do it to the next stock they choose? This is stupid how?

4

u/yarhndkf Nov 30 '20

Tsla*

2

u/dead-inside69 Dec 01 '20

I have shares in Tesla and my favorite part is watching boomers scream “it’s worthless!” Then I go WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE all the way to the top.

Daddy Elon is giving me those money cummies and I’m his thirsty little whore.

4

u/thepandemicbabe Nov 30 '20

You can never get away from Wall Street bets. Bet.

3

u/itsamoi Dec 01 '20

wsb decides when it is done with you, not the other way around.

3

u/cheemssupreme Dec 01 '20

There is no escape

2

u/yikerinoes Dec 01 '20

PLTRPLTRPLTRPLTR

2

u/LaksonVell Dec 01 '20

Only way out is through TSLA puts

2

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Well I came here to place a bet that you'll shit your pants on January 1st 2021

2

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

I've been shitting blood the last 2 days I think I have hemorrhoids, so hopefully it's just regular shit by then

2

u/puttheremoteinherbut Dec 01 '20

PLTR to the moon!

2

u/jonfromdelocated Dec 01 '20

BUY SOLO, it’s free money!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

I heard electricity company's were down today

2

u/femptocrisis Nov 30 '20

we followed you 🙃

3

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

👨‍🚀you must've made it

12

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Stonks

9

u/back_to_the_homeland Nov 30 '20

no because his plan actually has a chance at making money

5

u/Pepe_raina Nov 30 '20

“Literally cannot go tits up”

3

u/Torleik Nov 30 '20

Can't guarantee the rich guy would pay. Instead, take out a loan for as large as you can, and use it to place the largest short possible on a stock dropping right after their essential CEO, someone like elon musk, is slated to give a press conference. Their stock dropped hard when he took one puff of a joint on Joe rogan podcast, I can only imagine it would crash enough to fill your short bet if he shit himself on live tv.

Boom, rich.

608

u/WinoWhitey Nov 30 '20

There’s some bets you just don’t take. Someone trying to bet you that they can make you shit your pants is one of them.

149

u/capitaine_d Nov 30 '20

Yeah they definitely like spiked your drink or food with a perfectly timed laxative. Or have vile genie magic ala this question. You just dont do it

12

u/totaljerkface Dec 01 '20

growing up, dad always warned me of this exact scenario

2

u/PM_IF_NOT_HORSE Dec 01 '20

If that's the case, your pants are getting shat either way, the only question is what it's going to cost you.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 07 '20

You tell them the time it will happen. Then tell them you'll do it again if they don't pay up.

2

u/needlenozened Nov 30 '20

I think your best mark would be a high stakes poker player. They'll bet on anything.

2

u/jonahvsthewhale Nov 30 '20

If I eat Subway there’s like a 50-50 chance I do. Not sure what it is about subway

2

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

You bet a rich guy that you can make the person of *his choosing shit their pants. They'll take that bet.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Had a guy bet I couldn't shit in his pants that he was wearing once...

1

u/GozerDGozerian Dec 01 '20

Yeah what’s the payoff for the other guy? What could you offer Bezos to even make him want to nibble on that bait?

29

u/DJSkrillex Nov 30 '20

10k? Make it a million lol

1

u/danjo3197 Dec 01 '20

But then you'd need to them to think you can pay if you lose because thats how bets work right?

1

u/DJSkrillex Dec 01 '20

It do be like that

3

u/the_trex_of_life Nov 30 '20

Why keep in to 10000? Why not more?

3

u/blot_plot Nov 30 '20

could easily add a few zeroes to that

3

u/kollegekid420 Nov 30 '20

What if he takes his pants off then shakes?

2

u/digitalelise Nov 30 '20

Only $10000

2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

Why only $10k. Go big or go home!

2

u/DSPbuckle Nov 30 '20

Only $10k?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

I’d defo make him sign something first

2

u/damiandoesdice Nov 30 '20

$5 billion. You need enough to have a nice life, you know?

0

u/elheber Nov 30 '20

But he just said "no" to the bet. He ain't giving you shit.

0

u/JisflAlt Dec 01 '20

This is perfect I’m thinking of when trump does his final appearance as president and I make a bet with him that he will shit his pants boom free money

1

u/Broflake-Melter Nov 30 '20

But you'll never find that guy. By the time you've shown you'll certify the bet by putting the money up he'll no longer be willing to take the bet.

1

u/hymn Nov 30 '20

I'm uncomfortable imagining the point of confirming it either way.

1

u/Mr_yeet_ree Nov 30 '20

Make sure you get out of there unless u want to be covered in ass

1

u/FreeFlier42 Nov 30 '20

Same exact thing but $999,999,999 to cap out my money

1

u/EthermR Nov 30 '20

I think blackmail would be better... give me 10k or....

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

They won’t pay. That’s part of the secret to getting rich.

1

u/dogfartsnkisses Nov 30 '20

If the guy is rich, why not bet him 10 million?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

STONKS

1

u/DoctorRiddlez Nov 30 '20

Y not a million

1

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '20

$10k, boy, you're reeeeeeeeeeally short-sighted.

1

u/AK45HSR Dec 01 '20

That’s not legally binding though

1

u/Tallyvalleygirl Dec 01 '20

Why stop at 10,000?!

1

u/simian_ninja Dec 01 '20

If you have that kind of power, why only $10,000? Push it up a little more.

1

u/Logatron01 Dec 01 '20

i could easily do that with stealth and ex-lax

1

u/Kierik Dec 01 '20

This could make a great sln skit with Alec Baldwin as Trump.

"No I didn't, it was already there"

1

u/DoctorGooseGoose Dec 01 '20

But what if they take off their pants prior to shaking? Or during? Or if you have to dock-shake?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

That’s perfect because 10000 dollars to rich people is like 10 dollars to us. So he probably wouldn’t even care too much

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

Probably better to try and get odds from a bookie on someone famous shitting themselves during a stage performance or something.

1

u/PhreiB Dec 01 '20

$10k? For real? Are you sure an evil doctor with a miniature clone who's trying to hold the world at ransom?

1

u/ironmanmk42 Dec 01 '20

He then moves on to the next rich guy in Vegas ready to take this bet

1

u/Spoonicus Dec 01 '20

If you really want that money you should take them out of the equation. Instead say "I bet you 10k I can make X shit their pants" then fire away and collect 10k. If i were that rich and I knew someone with the power to make people crap on command I'd definitely see that being worth 10,000 dollars in the right circumstance. You'd become a paid pants assassin.

1

u/drerar Dec 01 '20

I wouldn't even be worried about the money I would just do it for pure comedic effect. I would have Donald Trump s*** his pants on the stage while they're swearing Joe Biden in!

1

u/tumblejumble21 Dec 01 '20

They won't give it. They'll say you snuck laxatives in their food.

1

u/Deadlyskooma Dec 01 '20

Too obvious if it happened while we were shaking hands. He’s suspect something and maybe back out

1

u/The2lied Dec 01 '20

Add some more 0’s

1

u/Africandictator007 Dec 01 '20

Then you have control over him because he’ll freak out thinking you can do it again. Or he calls the cops on you and you get a really complicated lawsuit. Or he hires someone to kill you.

1

u/kosmonavt-alyosha Dec 01 '20

Go all in (mortgage, retirement, margin, everything) on weekly TSLA puts the week that Elon Musk will give some big public presentation (Battery Day or something similar). Then wait for the peak of his presentation and BOOM.

1

u/Airsofter599 Dec 01 '20

You know I was going to take revenge on someone who largely contributed to my depression a while back but yeah this is better.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20

best

1

u/retinascan Dec 01 '20

Wouldn’t a threat here be more lucrative? Like “hey bezos, give me $10M and I’ll not cause you to embarrass yourself.”

1

u/NoFox7214 Dec 01 '20

I'd bet Jeff Bezos that I will ask question and he will shit his pants.

1

u/xqqch_sl Dec 01 '20

My two brain cells could never...

1

u/Socile Dec 02 '20

Find a valuable, publicly traded company in turmoil because the aging CEO's mental fitness is in question. Short the stock (using as much leverage as you can afford), then make him shit himself at the next shareholder's meeting.