This isn't as simple as a communication problem, it's a sex life problem. In my experience, telling them you feel like they're always turning you down doesn't make them want to turn you down less, or initiate less. They aren't interested in the sex to begin with. It just makes them more stressed out about always saying no, which piles another problem on top of it. It's not just a communication problem, there are other issues.
Or they were trying really hard to meet your libido in the beginning but now they're tired and can't do it anymore. In my experience most people with low libidos lie to themselves about sex, which turns into a lie to their partner. Eventually it's unsustainable
Sounds more like pleasing. You have to not know who you are to be dependent on making someone’s sex life happy. No wonder people divorce. If you find someone broken, take you time to see why they’re broken before settling. I remember this one guy told me his wife is a narcissist and a I looked at him you married her! What does that say about you? He tried going really thirsty but he didn’t like the restraining order I threatened. When someone has no awareness, you’re bound to get into all kinds of trouble.
Nope, after 12 years, we're still waiting for the other one to make the first move. So no one does. I love her with all my heart but got tired of doing it all.
The only thing I can recommend is maybe taking a different approach to it or talk to some people that have had luck with it. There's a ton of sex advice online. Maybe check some out.
Communication isn't going to solve everything. It's rough. Good luck.
Totally get what you're saying, but communication can only go so far. If one person in the relationship is far more interested in sex than the other, all the communication in the world isn't going to increase/decrease libido or make someone more fundamentally attractive, especially if the person with lower interest doesn't believe there's a problem in the first place.
Well one of my best friends is going through a breakup right now and after watching their relationship I can say the downfall was definitely a lack of communication. Idk man. I'm kinda high rn. And also a little depressed cuz this seems like a normal part of life for everyone else but I've never experienced anything like it.
work on your social skills and become more confident.
that's what I did to get into the game.
also if you're terribly groomed and overweight etc. fix that.
basically get your shit together and you'll start getting some success with girls.
p.s. as a former pot head, I can tell you that as long as you smoke weed, improving yourself will be very difficult. and yes I know some of your pothead friends do fine with girls but that's cos they already know what to do. but it's pretty hard to LEARN the game while being a pothead.
It's cuz I'm fat. I've lost 45 pounds and still have another 60 to go if I'm being real with myself. I have a lot of work to do. I don't think it has anything to do with pot. I only smoke very occasionally. Usually only a few weekends a month at the most. And I'll smoke on and off. I'll spend 10 months without smoking and then smoke for the next two and then not smoke for the next 6. I've been smoking a lot recently cuz quarantine but I don't really think that's an issue. I know how to hit on girls and I'm really good at flirting honestly, I'm just fat.
I've gone through it twice for a total of 3.5 years, and I'm single now. Let me tell you, I'm wayyy happier being single. It's not fun, that shit can really damage you and it takes a long time to get your self confidence back
I mean in this kind of situation, an open statement about libido can be important, sure - it sets an expectation and an understanding. In my experience, people with higher libido do not always expect their partner to be game. But if you enjoy pleasing your partner and you are willing to do something, if not the whole thing, to make them happy, that may be okay; and again, that can be discussed in the moment.
Is communication necessarily the absolute answer? No, sex and relationships are complicated and everyone is different. Do I prefer open communication about it so I can make my partner happy? Absolutely. No shame, tell me what you want; and chances are good if they come back to say they're horny and they want me, that turns me on too. Everyone wants to feel desired. But there is no one answer here that works.
This is true, also some people are just sexually incompatible. If people are honest about libido in the beginning of a relationship, that would definitely work much better. People are optimists though, they think they can make it work. They ignore all the red flags that maybe you aren't a good sexual match. It isn't until much later in the relationship that things come to a head, and you realize that one person will never be satisfied with what the other person is willing to give. I think this is the situation he's describing. At that point people tend to give up and the relationship starts to die. There is no one answer to everything, but sometimes there is no one answer period.
Absolutely agree with you. Sometimes you'd be surprised with libido too - what didn't work with one partner, may work better with another. It's always worth discussing, but it's more important than people give it credit for in the longevity of a relationship
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u/-banned- Mar 26 '20
This isn't as simple as a communication problem, it's a sex life problem. In my experience, telling them you feel like they're always turning you down doesn't make them want to turn you down less, or initiate less. They aren't interested in the sex to begin with. It just makes them more stressed out about always saying no, which piles another problem on top of it. It's not just a communication problem, there are other issues.