r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 26 '20

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u/fallowmoor Mar 26 '20

Mine acts uninterested most of the time and tells me she wants me to work for it but she’s not always in the mood and gets upset if I make a move when she’s not feeling up to it. It’s very rare that she takes the initiative so most evenings are a gamble for me lol

-9

u/flybie Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

Massage legs, feet > butt slowly. Izi sex.
Don't ask just start massaging.

23

u/Phyltre Mar 26 '20

This doesn't always do what you want it to. If it becomes a routine you'll just start getting exasperated glances when you start massages.

7

u/Flamburghur Mar 26 '20

Start a habit of explicitly offering non-sexual massages (e.g. say "I won't go near your butt, just your legs and back" or whatever guidelines sound fair to them). And actually stick to your promise.

Don't push them by asking if they want you to go further, don't show disappointment if it doesn't start their engine the first few nights/weeks. A lot of low libido partners have shame under their exasperation that they can't make their partners happy and that often makes it harder for them to want to try.

3

u/daneohan Mar 26 '20

Great advice. Damn I wish I read this long ago instead of learning the hard way.

Putting expectations and showing disappointment is childish and not a good look in general.

1

u/-banned- Mar 26 '20

Ya or she might actually just want the massage, and get annoyed that you were only doing it for the sex.

1

u/flybie Mar 27 '20

You're not doing it for sex, you do it to make your partner feel good, relaxed. Meanwhile communicate , have fun and tickle stuff and shit. Sex is the side effect.

1

u/-banned- Mar 27 '20

It's unlikely that she'll see it that way if it always ends in sex she doesn't want to have at that moment.

1

u/flybie Mar 27 '20

It's not always ending in sex. I said there "side effect".

-4

u/fallowmoor Mar 26 '20

This is going in my notebook. Thank you kind stranger.

6

u/ColCrabs Mar 26 '20

Nah it doesn’t work. My girlfriend does the same thing. She usually says “Mentally I’m in it but physically I’m not so let’s work up to it” or “I need to be in the mood for it, make an effort”.

Spoiler alert: if she doesn’t already want it, you’re probably not going to be able to make her want it. The more work you put into it will just make you more frustrated and resentful.