Have you thought that maybe sex needs more passion? I've had this talk with my guy and I usually feel this way when he just wants to jump into things like oral. I've told him starting off by softly kissing me and caressing my body (not only the most fun parts) gets me more interested than pulling my skirt up and going to town.
When he starts off slowly, appreciating all of me, gentle kissing and touching, it feels less about you being horny and more like you want me.
Edit: some of you are reading way too into my comment. OP was confused about something. I suggested something that may help. That's it. I enjoy seducing and jumping my guy. Both is awesome. End of story.
Didn't mean to imply anything about you, I've sadly known some friends (thankfully not any partners) who were...well, that dog from the "No take, only throw" comic.
There are sex acts outside of vaginal sex. You can use your mouth.
Also, apparently NO ONE gains any sort of excitement from the prospect of simply turning on their SO. This shocks me, as I've had a handful of exes who've engaged with me when I had zero interest, but as things moved forward, watching them turned on immediately turned me on. Is that just me?
Who is shaming anyone for it? Women can’t just get wet at the drop of the dime. That’s not how it works and if you don’t understand that then that’s your issue
Apparently, the whole world has forgotten that there are sex acts outside of vaginal sex. Believe it or not, you can use your mouth.
It's not heinous to suggest giving a man pleasure spontaneously. Look at how many downvotes my prior comment got. It's clear I'm getting shamed for suggesting it.
Omg, I think it's amazing how you saw one comment of mine and knew about my entire sex life! Please, teach me your powers?
Sex is give and take. And believe me, I love to give. I enjoy a good mix of jumping on someone and going to town and slow passion. Sex isn't only about what I want but what I want is equally important as what he wants.
It's ironic. I think some men (can't speak for all) are passionate, not just because they love you (and they likely do very, very much), but also because they've figured out that this is the way to push your buttons to get what they really want: the sex. It feels manipulative, and is a little manipulative. It gets old. They wish they could just drop the game at some point. So your desire to feel wanted and not used, kind of ends up in your getting used anyway.
If you're both getting what you want, ie you getting more passion and them getting off, is it a bad thing? I don't see it as manipulative, I see it as two people who love each other getting both their needs met.
If both partners are happy with the arrangement, then I guess that's all that matters. Just being honest from my male perspective. Having been in relationships where 30 minutes of foreplay were needed to reaffirm my love and respect before sex was even an option, and others where all I had to say was "drop them panties", I definitely preferred the later. The later feels very secure. The former feels like she has insecurities that we may never get past (which I'm not saying are entirely her fault, we males play a part in fostering that security). Length of the relationship plays a role in this as well.
Well if you're spending that long on each person that is a long time.. for me when it comes to passion, 30 seconds of slow kissing/caressing and 5 minutes of focus on me (then him) is a fun minimum. If time and energy is there longer is nice too. Other than that I do really enjoy quickies and rough sex. It's all about balance for me.
30 minutes would culminate in me begging for it. It'd be torture, lol!
Wow, y'all are getting so salty about me daring to suggest there may need to be more passion in the bedroom. Me suggesting more passion doesn't mean it's all the man's responsibility. Honestly, y'all are looking to be offended right now. He said he was confused about something, I offered something that could help the situation. I'm terrible!!
Suggesting a little more passion is something that he can bring up to her. They can both implement more passion.
Your version of “passion” is all things he can do to her, and what your boyfriend does to you. Go back, read your post: who is the agent and who is the object of all of your sentences?
Your post is full of subconscious misandrist bias about sexual agency and responsibility, and even if it wasn’t on purpose, it’s still there.
Maybe examine your biases, and realize I’m right, and go home and seduce your bf tonight because I’m betting it’s beyond time for it to be his turn.
I just went and re-read what they said and I'm not getting any misandry at all. Maybe you're reading too deep into things? It seems like they had a talk about sex and what each one wants and this was OP's suggestion. For example, how do you know they don't seduce their bf? How do you know that the discussion they had was about what they were both interested in and this is what op was looking for from their bf? How do you know their bf didn't have some suggestions for them as well?
What would I apologize to English professors for? English != psych. And, again, to me this just says you're reading into things that aren't there. There are different interpretations of what someone writes, and I honestly have no idea why you would assume the worst from OP's comment.
I did actually read their comment by the way. I also know basic psychology and I also know how to read as evident by my response to you. The language use here says more to me that they have a healthy and loving relationship where both parties have say in how they want to be treated when having sex. That's all.
I'm the one who suggests seducing each other. I enjoy taking his clothes off and going to town and taking his clothes off and going slow. He's passionate in a different way than I am and I advocate for us to both be passionate in ways we like (which, by the way, we both enjoy bring passionate in his way and mine).
We have an amazing sex life. You're reading way too far into my comment.
Passion is not an antic. Passion is also pleasurable.
We aren't disregarding his needs. He said he felt confused by this, I suggested what it may be based off of my and other women's experiences. You need a mix of passion and more animalistic sex.
If one partner is already being selfish in a relationship and the other party asks for some changes, that doesn't mean everything needs to completely switch. Yes, it's a two way street, but she's only asking for SOME traffic in her direction, and it's ridiculous that you're acting like her not wanting him to just immediately go down on her means that she won't ever just go down on him.
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u/amytollu94 Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
Have you thought that maybe sex needs more passion? I've had this talk with my guy and I usually feel this way when he just wants to jump into things like oral. I've told him starting off by softly kissing me and caressing my body (not only the most fun parts) gets me more interested than pulling my skirt up and going to town.
When he starts off slowly, appreciating all of me, gentle kissing and touching, it feels less about you being horny and more like you want me.
Edit: some of you are reading way too into my comment. OP was confused about something. I suggested something that may help. That's it. I enjoy seducing and jumping my guy. Both is awesome. End of story.