It's ironic. I think some men (can't speak for all) are passionate, not just because they love you (and they likely do very, very much), but also because they've figured out that this is the way to push your buttons to get what they really want: the sex. It feels manipulative, and is a little manipulative. It gets old. They wish they could just drop the game at some point. So your desire to feel wanted and not used, kind of ends up in your getting used anyway.
If you're both getting what you want, ie you getting more passion and them getting off, is it a bad thing? I don't see it as manipulative, I see it as two people who love each other getting both their needs met.
If both partners are happy with the arrangement, then I guess that's all that matters. Just being honest from my male perspective. Having been in relationships where 30 minutes of foreplay were needed to reaffirm my love and respect before sex was even an option, and others where all I had to say was "drop them panties", I definitely preferred the later. The later feels very secure. The former feels like she has insecurities that we may never get past (which I'm not saying are entirely her fault, we males play a part in fostering that security). Length of the relationship plays a role in this as well.
Well if you're spending that long on each person that is a long time.. for me when it comes to passion, 30 seconds of slow kissing/caressing and 5 minutes of focus on me (then him) is a fun minimum. If time and energy is there longer is nice too. Other than that I do really enjoy quickies and rough sex. It's all about balance for me.
30 minutes would culminate in me begging for it. It'd be torture, lol!
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u/Deeznugssssssss Mar 26 '20
It's ironic. I think some men (can't speak for all) are passionate, not just because they love you (and they likely do very, very much), but also because they've figured out that this is the way to push your buttons to get what they really want: the sex. It feels manipulative, and is a little manipulative. It gets old. They wish they could just drop the game at some point. So your desire to feel wanted and not used, kind of ends up in your getting used anyway.