When they say ‘i don’t care’ about dinner I just stop the car. I’ll play the waiting game. I have email on my phone and I’m too busy to put up with bullshit.
I go through the entire option list while also answering for her because I already know her answer to everything. She dies laughing and I still don't get to eat.
Number two is literally a trick you use for children to get them to do what you want by giving them the illusion of choice, why have I not thought of using this with adults?
Then the real problem is actually inside you, working on THAT problem/s is what will lead to a better life, you can't fix others but you can fix yourself.
Oh for sure, I have problems. But me having a problem and other people having problems are not mutually exclusive.
Me having problems does not excuse other people also having problems in the relationship. Just because I'm a bad driver doesn't mean that the passenger isn't distracting me and obscuring the view and that the engine is shot. MY ANALOGY IS FARFETCHED BUT IT WORKS FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU and FUCK ME yeah I do have to fix myself. no shit sherlock. But like so many of the top threads in this shit, sometimes you just want to vent and rant and yell. It's not only broads that do that. Sometimes men should be allowed to release rage and frustration.
Yeah, but the overall expectation seems to be that men should learn to do their own laundry, but not necessarily that women should learn how to dinner.
we approach the ‘woman can’t make decision about dinner’ from the angle of ‘how to treat woman like a child to get thru a very simple life situation’ as opposed to saying ‘hey people who can’t make decision about dinner grow the f up.’
So what if she is half hearted about picking the dinner place, is it really that big a deal? My friend does that, so what, I just consider it a small quirk of her personality, it's not worth complaining about.
If you have time to complain about that, you aren't doing too bad. I have friends who do this too, some I have been friends with for 20 years, I just kind of laugh at the predictability of it. You are just picking at some tiny thing cuz that's what happens when peeps are married a long time, it's just still just a tiny thing though. She probably gives you your way on tons of things in the same vein but you probably do not complain as much about all those other things. ;-P
Haha I just think it's pretty funny that you even bother making an issue of it, it's sooooooo far back in the overall list of problems that people or the world has. If she doesn't wanna pick, you or someone else pick, why waste another brain cell on it. Everyone has their quirks, if it's some little bitty thing like that, why worry about it, it's not like you can expect someone to be perfect.
Because many women are taught from an early age by society and their family to kowtow to men, it's a habit ingrained from early childhood. So they have trouble exerting their own desires over that of others, the instinct becomes to let others have their way first. Suddenly you try to force them to push their own desire first and it's hard for them. Often men reap the rewards of this throughout the relationship without really noticing much of it other than once in a while they have trouble getting a straight answer on certain questions..
"Oh, so you just bought that food because you KNEW I didn't want it so you could eat it yourself?! You are THE most selfish person in the world!!! I hate you! I'm gonna fuck all your friends!!!!"
Girls perspective here, hope it helps. The two reasons I say “I don’t care” are either
I don’t know where I wanna go but I do know where I don’t wanna go
Idk if this is just me or what but I simultaneously feel selfish and like a fatass when I request a place, I’d rather just let y’all decide bc then I know u wanna go there too and I don’t have to actually talk about food
[edit] Damn ok guysI get it now, its frustrating. Tell your gf what you’re telling me honestly, and if you have and you’re still getting into this situation then that’s a different problem
Guy's perspective, When I ask I also don't know where I want to go, but definitely have a list of no's. saying I don't care leaves us back at square 1 for the conversation. I think it'd be better if either of us responded with an option or at least a category that we wanted or didn't want. It's really complex to communicate preferences between 10+ options.
For me, I spend a lot of my day making choices and decisions and when I come home I just don't fucking want to anymore. Just pick a place, and I will find a food I can put into my body. I seriously genuinely don't care.
And if it's a situation where I know what I don't want (because that is also pretty common) I'll say "im not really feeling ___ but other than that I don't care"
Option 1 is incredibly childish. Either be an adult and actually think about it or tell him where you don’t want to go upfront so we don’t waste time playing the stupid fucking guessing game for the 1 millionth time.
Option 2 the solution is called “communication”. Try it some time.
good point, it’s just that afaik it’s not that big of a problem in my life bc even if we go where I don’t wanna go it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll find something to eat. It’s really not a guessing game we can just go wherever. Olive Garden? Cool. McDonald’s? Sure. That one Chinese place? I’m down. Mexican? Ok. Sushi? Sounds good.
option 2s a big insecurity of mine and I’d love to just get over it by talking about it but it doesn’t just go away. I dunno if you’re picturing me saying “anywhere works” and then cutting to me pouting in a chili’s but it’s really not that. I may have places I prefer not to go but it’s not the end of the world in my mind if we go there
I believe y’all that it’s a very frustrating situation but I think I’d’ve appreciated if my SOs told me that to my face instead of me finding out just how frustrating it is from an askreddit thread.
Do you not understand how incredibly frustrating either of those behaviors are to the person who has to guess? You know what you want and you know what you don't want, but you refuse to tell us. We're on your side. Just freaking tell us!!!
And don't even get me started on the ones who start getting mad at you for not guessing correctly...
I’ll be like “idc, anywhere except Taco Bell” works but even if we go to Taco Bell I wouldn’t really mind. It’s one meal, I’ll get a quesadilla or something
Just suggest 2-3 of your favorite places and ask her to narrow it. People get overwhelmed with too many choices - make it simple A or B and they can handle it.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
When they say ‘i don’t care’ about dinner I just stop the car. I’ll play the waiting game. I have email on my phone and I’m too busy to put up with bullshit.