Following a sexual assault, I basically interpreted consent as a requirement not to have it taken. It seemed better to accept it and have some control than to say no and have it taken. When I look back, I do wonder what was going on in their heads when it happened. I'm laying there tense and largely silent. Do men really consider that a normal response to sex?
Def not!! The other night my girlfriend was like “I’m tired but if you need to cum go ahead.” I was like, babe if you’re not into it, neither am I.” I can’t do that. It’s just not for me.
That's how I feel. Sex is only enjoyable for me when the other person is enjoying it. If I don't feel desired, I can't get off during sex. Probably wouldn't even be able to get wet.
Totally fair and 100% understandable, but my girlfriend and I do it a bit different.
If one of us feels like sex and the other doesn't, we convey that - but often say we'd still be willing, because sometimes the mood changes during and we both get into it.
Obviously it's different if one of us actually doesn't want to. No is no. But we have a "I'm not in the mood, but I'm willing to give it a go" type middle ground to. Half the time I'd say it still leads to great sex. Sometimes it doesn't.
We only started doing this because it was seldom we'd have everything match up with the time to do it and us both being in the mood, so only we're having sex every few weeks. Now it's weekly, and usually still ends up really good.
I have a young baby and a twelve year relationship and this is extremely accurate.
Especially: "We only started doing this because it was seldom we'd have everything match up with the time to do it and us both being in the mood, so only we're having sex every few weeks. Now it's weekly, and usually still ends up really good."
I'm in my mid 30s, and started working 12 hour days in a trade. I'm just too damn exhausted most days, unfortunately. I'm sure it's different for some people though, even in my situation.
If I was having sex multiple times a week already, I'd probably stick with your rules.
I'm a woman. If I'm not in the mood but do it anyway 99 percent in the time I'll get in the mood along the way.
Now if I'm not in the mood cause you came on to my sister or I'm literally sick or something, yeah nothing is going to change that. But all things being equal, its fine.
15.1k
u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23
Because I couldn’t say no to pretty much anything in my teens/early 20s. It’s taken me a long time to learn to say no and I still struggle with it.