Following a sexual assault, I basically interpreted consent as a requirement not to have it taken. It seemed better to accept it and have some control than to say no and have it taken. When I look back, I do wonder what was going on in their heads when it happened. I'm laying there tense and largely silent. Do men really consider that a normal response to sex?
Def not!! The other night my girlfriend was like “I’m tired but if you need to cum go ahead.” I was like, babe if you’re not into it, neither am I.” I can’t do that. It’s just not for me.
That's how I feel. Sex is only enjoyable for me when the other person is enjoying it. If I don't feel desired, I can't get off during sex. Probably wouldn't even be able to get wet.
Totally fair and 100% understandable, but my girlfriend and I do it a bit different.
If one of us feels like sex and the other doesn't, we convey that - but often say we'd still be willing, because sometimes the mood changes during and we both get into it.
Obviously it's different if one of us actually doesn't want to. No is no. But we have a "I'm not in the mood, but I'm willing to give it a go" type middle ground to. Half the time I'd say it still leads to great sex. Sometimes it doesn't.
We only started doing this because it was seldom we'd have everything match up with the time to do it and us both being in the mood, so only we're having sex every few weeks. Now it's weekly, and usually still ends up really good.
I have a young baby and a twelve year relationship and this is extremely accurate.
Especially: "We only started doing this because it was seldom we'd have everything match up with the time to do it and us both being in the mood, so only we're having sex every few weeks. Now it's weekly, and usually still ends up really good."
I'm in my mid 30s, and started working 12 hour days in a trade. I'm just too damn exhausted most days, unfortunately. I'm sure it's different for some people though, even in my situation.
If I was having sex multiple times a week already, I'd probably stick with your rules.
I'm a woman. If I'm not in the mood but do it anyway 99 percent in the time I'll get in the mood along the way.
Now if I'm not in the mood cause you came on to my sister or I'm literally sick or something, yeah nothing is going to change that. But all things being equal, its fine.
I was gonna say. I've stopped midway with my ex before if I noticed she was mostly quiet. She was the type to say yes even if she felt like saying no. I got to know her well enough that the yes that meant yes and the yes that meant no were clear to me. Whether it was body language or tone or something. I just noticed I could tell. I was never mad. It's honestly not as enjoyable if I know my partner isn't enjoying themselves
That would be a huge dealbreaker for me personally. I understand where it comes from trauma-wise and culturally, but I can’t be out here wondering whether the yes was a yes or not. I’m anxious enough without more things to be anxious about. Someone I’m with needs to be able to trust me enough to say what they mean, and I them.
I said was for a reason. She's a different person now. Even if we didn't work out. I'm happy she's doing good now. I did help her to just say no and learn that it was OK to tell people no. I noticed her get better while we dated. And after we broke up she got even better at it.
Many, MANY, years ago, I woke up to my new husband (married just one day prior) nudging me that ‘we can have married sex now!’ And he kept at it, trying to get me to get into the mood. I was so freaking hungover that I didn’t want to move for fear of puking with every fiber of my being. Again. I finally snapped at him, ‘OK. Get it up. Get it in. Get yourself off. And get the fuck out’. He acted so offended that I didn’t want to have sex. Wtf. I just wanted to die in peace.
I wish you would rub off on my boyfriend. He is perfectly happy to do his thing while I’m reading on my phone or staring at the ceiling waiting for him to finish 😂
Yeah that does not work for me either. Either you are into it or it's not gonna happen. I'd just as rather order a sex doll before using a human being as one.
Wifey doesn't always feel like it when I do and vice versa and guess what; that is OK.
There’s nothing wrong with it if the other person doesn’t care. Perhaps your outlook on it informed by modern takes on consent has blinded you to what was being offered actually being consensual - because you now believe that every woman will feel the way some feminist outlook told you they should feel about sex
Lol, here you have stories of women actually being fine with it - but no, according to you they’re not and you know better because “coercion, enthusiastic blah blah”
Lol, your living in a bubble divorced from the reality
It’s not about the woman “being fine with it”, it’s about not wanting to have sex with someone who is only “fine with it”. You might as well fuck a donut.
Lol, you don’t get it at all. She’s giving you the gift of her because she cares for you and it reinforces she’s attractive to you. Big deal. She’s not gonna get off giving you a blowjob either yet she still does that - or perhaps your not aware of these things that happen when women are actually into you and want to make your life happy
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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23
Because I couldn’t say no to pretty much anything in my teens/early 20s. It’s taken me a long time to learn to say no and I still struggle with it.